I am not sure if this has anything to do with the massive migraine episode I had over the past couple of days, but I woke up from 24 hours of intermittent sleep a changed woman.

Like, you know, *snaps fingers* this.

Maybe the 101 things that eluded me for the past couple of days with the migraine interfering with my cognition (which unfortunately, ewwwwwwww… includes a shower. I can never judge an European for missing a shower again) just came flooding into my mind once it got into gear this morning when I woke up, or that the migraine had altered some of my brain cells that brought upon this change.

Like the title suggests, I am quitting bags.

I would like to think I am a woman of few vices.

Like, say, an almost non-existent sex life, which I can almost fool myself into thinking that I am a virgin without involving any self-denial, until Minibean’s tantrums and sharp wits kinda reminded me that hormones once ran rampant in me.

Perhaps that reminder kinda kills off any trace of it, ha.

Never done drugs (I think…. unless you include times like sniffing in the air in Amsterdam which made me floatingly gigglish), and would insist on keeping it that way because as much as a weak-willed person as I am, I would always like to be in control of myself than allowing something else does the job for me… cos I will get morbidly fearful of getting reliant on things/people/substance…

Can’t do alcohol.

It’s a fucking gene-deficiency! The defective allele of ALDH2  and I think when most people have like 1 mutated copy of it, and I suspect (and ahem, this is after an “intellectual” talk with an intelligent friend of mine in microbiology field) I have 2 mutated copies of it, which explains why I not only black out from alcohol, but my alcohol tolerance is practically crap.

You think I enjoy seeing everyone high and happy when I am the only party-pooper remaining sober and can’t find a valid excuse/muster enough courage/be drunk enough to have beer-goggles to snog a hot guy at the corner of a party?

Tsk!

Neither can my body deal with effects of coffee. Loser alert.

Not a fan of shoes. Love my flats and boots and all things comfortable (which explains the lack of glamour).

So yes.

My vices.

Bags. To be fair, I don’t really have that many, I insist!

Travel. To be fair, I only travel once a year, honest!

Books. I find physical books irresistible.

Occasional fags. No excuses for this, except that they remind me of people. And moments of peace.

An unhealthy state of perpetual dreaminess.

Over-indulgence in decadent food (especially past midnight) which proves to the downfall of a soon-to-be 31-year-old body with slowed metabolism.

Fine, not so few vices afterall.

I am just awfully glad that on this recent Europe trip, there was no urge of lugging a nice bag home. I enjoy shopping for my friends and sashaying down the streets with boxy paper bags on my shoulders, but just don’t really seem to be having that unexplained phenomenon of “I GOTTA HAVE THAT SOME DAY….” when I see a 2.55.

Age not only kills of my mojo for man, and apparently bags too.

I woke up today feeling a need to de-clutter, and the depleting bank account since I got back from Europe doesn’t sit well with me.

I am seriously contemplating of ridding off the 1374 items sitting around the house and not contributing to the neatness of the household. It’s about time I kick them out and get some sort of rent back to contribute to something more.. well, meaningful.

Like, say, Minibean’s educational funds?

Or fine, even to my own should I want to like, you know, dabble in Italian or something. Totally random, watched La Vita e Bella last evening and in between tears (great, great movie), felt the urge to pick up my Italian again so if ever someone tells me “Sei bellissima donna“, I will actually remember that I had learnt that rather than quip a bimbotic “translation, please!”.

Of course, I did learn that when I was 24, but then as time passes, the possibility of someone saying that to you dips in the graph and you probably feel no need to remember when you are over the big three-zero.

Still, just in case.

And of course, coincidentally,  a letter from Hertz came in the mail today and I find myself frustratingly seeking help from google translate, because it is a letter in Italian.

Maybe, it was a ticket from speeding in Florence… CHE CAZZO FAI!!!

I think the rules of the universe state that I should be picking up Italian again soon.

Which reminded me of an episode in Florence where I tried to use my pathetic Italian with a shopkeeper, which eventually led to him speaking to me in Italian, which surprisingly I could catch him asking if I was from Japan, and I replied, “io non sono giapponese, io sono cinese.”

And then he went on to illustrate how he had been to China.. which eventually I didn’t catch much of it and I had to tell him the cold hard truth that I didn’t speak Italian at all.

BUT… I had a 5 minutes conversation in Italian, I deserve a medal for that, methinks.

So yes, I am quitting some of my vices, which makes me feel like emptying my closet of clothes, books and bags so that I could start saving up for the bigger things in life.

And yes, that includes cutting down on the travelling, which I am sure will be the hardest to say no to, because what I learn and see on each trip, never fails to remind me how little do I really know. It’s always a humbling experience.

Which makes me want to do more for my parents and bring Minibean to more places.

So maybe I should really start acting on it and dig out all the things I have been hoarding and get rid of them once and for all and put the moolah into better use.

I mean, I hardly use them (poor bags), wear them (dressing up is a chore!), or read them (I only read my books once… but I can never bear to part with them!)… so the emotional attachment HAS TO GO.

Okay, baby steps, maybe. I shall start with stop buying them. Then when the time is right, I shall slowly wean off them and sell them away.

For now, I guess killing the lust for them is a good direction to start with. So, I deserve a pat on the back.

On a sidenote, the 2.55 is really kind classy and irresistible, don’t you agree……..? Maybe just one bag to replace them all…?

I am not sure if it will ever happen, but I do not really have much people to blame (‘cept for myself, obviously, ha!).

Is it ever possible, that someone, just someone, will start to take me seriously?

In less than 4 hours, I will be making my way to the airport but I have yet to get started on the packing, and don’t ask me why I am here writing instead of packing.

My pre-trip jitters and stress are unparalleled for any other trips I have done, even when the past 3 – 4 months I have been travelling just solely for work. Of course, having a teeny weeny bit of fear for flying doesn’t help much there.

Yes, I will be returning to Europe yet again, and re-visiting some of the places I had already been to, and exploring new grounds. The difference is, the whole family will be with me this time round.

HOW. FREAKING. SCARY. IS. THAT?!

I even had a proposal/itinerary typed out much to the amusement of my colleagues.

I know plenty of you might not understand why I am this panicky, to the point that I had had nightmares of missing the train, missing the flight… even bad weathers, which explains why I have been pretty tired from the lack of sleep recently = looking absolutely chui is not good news for camwhoring during the trip.

WHY I NEVER DREAM OF BUMPING INTO SOME HOT ENGLISH MEN WHO WILL SWEEP ME OFF MY FEET AH?!

Then, just before the trip, I dream of the endless work waiting for me when I come back because my boss declared that he will be a slave driver to me when I come back.

I got so bored in the dream I woke up, and failed to get back to sleep. Want to cry or not you tell me.

So today is the day.

Tomorrow, we will arrive in London on New Year’s Eve, and we will be joined by some friends for reunion dinner in Leicester Square.

Minibean had planned her own itinerary and been speaking the Queen’s English, which I have absolutely no idea where she picked it up from.

I have something in mind for the itinerary, which was something that came up after discussing with my parents, and even I feel a little rushed and tiring looking at it, YET they are telling me they wanna add in some more places, like, uhm, just a couple of hours back.

And that was AFTER they realised there will not be any tour guide, and I think the horror registered on my face when my dad asked if the guide who will be bringing us around will meet us there, and has the guide finished co-ordinating everything.

Nope. Nada. No guide. Just me, papa.

And I have no idea how and what to pack, honestly.

London for Lunar New Year – expecting temperatures to be 5 – 10, which falls in my favourite range.

Rome has awesome weather ranging from 5 – 15, which would be good for the family.

Then the horror starts with Florence, when it gets to minus 4, which is quite a relief cos temperature was going to -11 in Florence in recent days and are getting foggy.

We will then be done with Italy, which is a place I love and I remember the day I was in Rome some years back and I thought to myself I will want to bring my family back here cos it is just way too beautiful. I thought to myself maybe when Minibean turns 5 and above. I remember how that moment of thoughts was etched firmly in mind cos I was just so awed by its beauty that I missed home a great deal then.

We will then arrive in Austria, Salzburg. Dammit. It is forecasted to be -9 on the date we are arriving.

Coincidentally, we are arriving in Mozart’s hometown the very day of his birthday.

Vienna beckons right after. We end this leg in Budapest, before heading back to London for a few more days.

I will be solo after they return to Singapore earlier, and still have yet to decide what to do during the spare days I have in London.

To show how impossibly stress  I am, I even thought of printing out notes so that I can give Minibean an educational trip (slave driver alert), ahem, well, you know, can be a by the way thing, right?

By the time I am back, it will be 8 February. Wow. I really manage to avoid the whole Lunar New Year like I said I would like to do so.

The logistics have been a nightmare, but then again, just right before the trip, I finally found the positivity in me to overcome the pressure I put on myself, and breathe a little easier.

Bye everyone, will try to update along the way!

Ambitiously, I set out to overachieve over the weekend.

The only few things I had seen success are:

1. screwing my body clock beyond repair, and with sheer spitefulness,  it decides to take revenge on my metabolism rate by slowing it to almost a halt. Pfft.
2. I finally finish with the hotels booking for the trip (fuck, yeah!) though I should have booked EVERYTHING by the time Monday greets me. Damn. Oh hi Monday, you’re fucking early. Oh well, at least the hotel part is settled… now, uhm.. the transfer in between and other miscellaneous bookings. There’s always coming weekend. Oh wait. I would be in Phuket. Nevermind there’s always the next. But oh fuck, that’s the weekend I will be leaving.
3. I played mahjong to curb the gambler’s itch. Achievement unlocked. And I won. Grand total of 25 buckeroos. There’s no negative to this positive, so I am happy.
4. Karaoke with Jo (yes, I finally met up with her!) and Jean. I got lost in Joo Chiat and Katong area for 45 minutes, Jo got on a direct bus that wasn’t as direct as she assumed it was, Jean was awesomely sweet to go get dinner for us, and thus though we were supposed to meet at 7pm, and that I only reached at 7.45pm, I was still the earliest.
5. Verbal diarrhea-ing on this god-forsaken place. Twice. I should get a medal for battling laziness and the lure of my sexy, seductive duvet. *smirks proudly and pats self on back* The only but is.. one of the posts should be here more than 2 years ago, but but but.. better late than never right?!
6. This is a feat I should be most proud of. Which explains why I am here at 4am in the morning, writing my 2nd post in less than 12 hours. I finished half a loaf of bread. In less than 10 minutes just a moment ago. I had to stop myself before I go on to finish the next piece… I am now carbo-filled and guilt-filled at the same time, because if you refer to 1), my metabolism rate is asleep and that means I am on my way to self-destruction and am screwed beyond redemption. *WAILLLLLLLLLLLLS*

Well I am supposed to be stretching now to alleviate the guilt but I am convincing myself that typing this post is more fulfilling than actual working out… so here I am.

Now, compare it to the list I WAS supposed to achieve:

1) Finish all my planning for my upcoming trip with the family. I even wrote a proposal, printed out all the necessary information and did up an excel budgeting sheet. Thus far, I only finished with the hotel planning… well at least that means I have my route ready and a confirmation of the places I am bringing them! *Self consolation*

2) Start shopping for stuff for parents + Minibean + myself to deal with potential snow…. there’s always another 2 weeks for that…. But we need to start to pack, because the intense travelling between places would mean there would be plenty of transfers and we need to travel light. BUT HOW TO TRAVEL LIGHT IN WINTER YOU TELL ME?! Fine.. will try.

3) Finish with my work proposal. I brought the folder back, and it lays faithfully on the floor since Friday evening.

4) Finish reading The White Tiger. It is busy keeping my work folder company over the weekend, snuggling right next to it on the floor, cruelly neglected by me too.

5) Sleep well and tune my body clock back to normal. 2 words: Hur hur hur.

6) Play mahjong.

7) Hold my own concert. Karaoke made up for it.

Sttttrreeeeetttcccchhhhhh and exercise. Verdict? Ha. Ha. Ha.

***

Thursday saw a frustrated me after Manchester United performed rubbish-ly. It was the moment I believe the title hopes were snipped off cos you just couldn’t feel anyone has his heart in it to win it.

The irony of it was when this pleasant not to mention impeccably-timed surprise was the first thing I saw when I reached office on Thursday.

My Christmas present from Cheyenne who just returned from her holidays in London. She had asked me what I wanted on her previous trip and I had said a scarf from Old Trafford. Thank you babe!

I used to own one when I was 15, given to me by my then relief Mathematics teacher which I had given away in Moscow in 2008.

AND THEN THEY GO ON DISAPPOINTING ME LIKE THAT! MOCKERY!

But, thankfully they bucked up and kicked the Blues’ asses today so I am praying hard for a turn in the tide in our favour for the rest of the league season.

Am glad to start gaining the momentum at work since holiday season is technically over, but then seeing that the company trip to Phuket is just days away and the Europe trip is less than 2 weeks ago… I am quite sure it is gonna be quite disruptive.

DOESN’T MATTER. Seizing the moment and not leave room for regrets is more important than anything else. Not to mention how important this family trip is for me this time round, so I know it is a good call on my part. Money can be slowly earned.

I finally went for a long over-due massage on Thursday, and it was one which didn’t make me moan and cry for help, so I know it is still lacking in the oomph factor that I am looking for. I wonder where did my male Thai masseuse go. Life hasn’t been the same since that shop in Far East closed down.

For the past couple of months I had been dealing with my jetlag, there wasn’t a day I slept like the way I slept on Thursday night.

I fell asleep at hours human beings are supposed to be sleeping, and I slept through soundly for 12 hours! I can’t verbalise bliss so I ain’t even gonna try.

***

Friday came and it started with storytelling to Minibean…. when Minibeanism struck yet again.

“Mummy, we are going to London right? We are going to Rome Italy also right? Are we going to China, Kenya and New York also?“

What the…. of course not!

“Then can we go Kenya, New York and China together?” What she meant was, can we fly to London and then go to Rome, and then continue on the journey to China, Kenya and New York.

Seriously my dear, look at me. Look at my face. Closely. WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE TO YOU?!

Just like tonight, I joked to her that she’s gonna sleep on the street, the horror on her face was evident as she shrilled in pure dramatic fashion, “BUT I LIKE HOTEL! I DON’T WANT TO SLEEP ON THE STREETS!”

I asked if she was going to pay for the hotel and she went, “Nooo, you will pay for it, Mummy, you choose a nice hotel okay?”

Spoilt brat alert. Tsk.

That was the day a brave friend of mine, to protect her identity, I shall code name her.. well, JeyNerd, brought her giant steel balls to Auckland and of course it would mean she had went on with a bang.

I think I feel responsible for encouraging craziness in my friends. Which explains my decision to take the plunge as well for my upcoming London trip. For all of you out there who think we are crazy, it’s okay, because -delusional- we have giant steel balls and you have none.

I felt a sense of relief when I finally finish my budgeting for one of my proposals (a new territory for me, thus the jitters consumed me!). Gave my boss a lift before returning home to spend time with Minibean, who as usual, would be the death of me.

I was sneaking a bar of mini-magnum ice-cream into my room when she noticed it, and I gave her a raised brow as she was nearing it, and immediately, she turned cocky and boasted, “Hmph, neh neh neh boo boo *sticks tongues out and hands next to cheeks* I already had ice cream just now, Gong gong already given it to me. HA. HA.”

Yes, she does a perfect HA. HA. And she stood there defiantly and gave me a cheeky defiant look.

I smacked her bum and in mocked anger threatened to scold my dad and tell him not to give her ice-cream next time.

This was when she gave a smirk and even more cocky look, in a confident and victorious tone, “NOOOO! Gong gong will give me EVERYTHING I WANT. HA.HA.”

PULLS. HAIR. OUT.

After she went to sleep, I dozed off early as well though I had set the candles up, and prepared myself for a night of television and reading.

I woke half an hour later to find myself a tad too drowsy to do serious reading and decided to do research for the trip and book the hotel.

You won’t believe that I ended up spending 6 hours online to book 5 hotels, and eventually, I only managed to book 2.

Reason being I am incredibly picky when it comes to hotels and they have to fulfill the below criteria. After reading you will know why it takes me 6 hours to find something close to what I am looking for. Keep the sniggering to yourself:

• Preferably SGD120 and below. And yes, I know Europe tends to be a little more expensive but then I am on a tight budget!
• Rates to include breakfasts, only because my parents are traveling or else normally I don’t really care cos I won’t wake up in time for breakfasts anyway. Heh.
• Free wifi, not limited to just the lobby, but in the room. I am willing to make do with free cable internet.
• Rooms that offer kids below 12 to stay for free with an extra bed. Rare, but I am willing to make do with rooms that do not charge for kids who stay in the same room sharing the same bed. Most hotels charge 30 – 80 euros per addition pax, which would make the hotels way beyond my SGD120 budget.
• Accessibility is important as well. Must be near train station if we are travelling by train. Must be near tourists centre if we are driving. And must have free/lower parking rates.
• Must be of a certain standard set down by myself. Rooms must be cosy and presentable. Modern, chic and sleek take precedence over old-style hotels woodiness. If it’s B&B, it must be less than SGD 80.
• Must have 2 rooms available.
• I will also look out for hotels with views.
• Those destinations I am unsure of must offer flexibility of cancelling options. Those I am certain to travel to I am willing to lock down with those no refund deals if I like the hotels enough.

So what happens if the above is impossible to find?

Well, of course I will source till the last hotel to make sure none fulfill all of the above before I start to narrow down the short-listed ones.

I am willing to compromise no breakfasts, which means I can explore local cafes with the family, and normally breakfasts are charged more than 15 Euros per person, and that would mean more savings if we eat elsewhere.

I am proud to announce all the hotels I had booked in various cities offer free wifi. HALLELUJAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

In fact I had one hotel that costs me S$140 for 2 double rooms, I am happy like a birdie!

The only hotel that exceeded my budget was the reason why I stayed up for 2 nights to look for better bargains and wanted it to be 4 stars and a view. Of course to top it off with all of the above, it was almost possible, I could almost get a suite but the problem is… most of the hotels only had one room with a view to spare but I needed 2.

Eventually I doubled my budget just for this one city, though I found few that fit my budget… I refused to settle for anything less.

When I travelled to Europe in Aug/Sep last year, the hotels we stayed in Amsterdam, Schwangau, Nuremberg and Prague were all below S$120 and they turned out awesome and unexpectedly nice and decent. Except that I forgot to look out for the fact that Schwangau’s B&B was with shared bathroom.

Okay, from the above you probably can see how age has made me an absolute auntie.

***

I saw daylight when I finally tore myself away from the monitor on Saturday morning. I only woke almost at 5pm.

You tell me, how to be nice to my body clock?!

Went off to meet Jo and Jean for karaoke session and we stood in the chilly, heavier-than-usual breeze at the junction of the roads for a dreamy chat before we went off.

I thank God for friends who don’t judge and don’t look on to me like a freak when I do things on a whim.

Rushed off to Lee’s place for mahjong with Robin, and I was educated on “distance from Thailand to Singapore”. Often when they are playing, they would ask if any of us is “near” to calling it a game. So sometimes when you have really shitty hand, you can say you are probably… in America or something.

I honestly thought I had a quite a while to go but apparently I need to sync my relativity to theirs HAHAHAHA.

I didn’t get home till it was 9plus in the morning and I was still energetic and awake!

I might well be on US timing than UK timing these days. I might as well leave it for another 2 weeks and I will be super well-adjusted when I return to London.

Nevermind.

I got all my hotels booked today but am re-evaluating some of my more pricey options to see if I can find better deals.

When I saw Dad in the evening looking tired, I was a lil concern and he told me he played mahjong till 5am yesterday and lost $1000+.

Which wasn’t the point. The point was, when they asked him to play again early this noon, instead of resting, he went to play.

He stopped when he won back what he lost, and then went to win somemore moolah.

I don’t know what to say, ahem, but except that I believe I am not a gambler, but perhaps I was born one. It’s in my genes. I cannot help it.

I feel a tinge of sadness knowing I will be going to Phuket and missing out on mahjong this week. I think I might be able to squeeze in one on Friday before I fly off on a Saturday night the following week. But fret not, I have arranged for a session in London with some sweet underaged young boys, and I told Robin and Lee to wait for my glorious mahjong-deprived return.

Just when I thought I would be prepped for a long day of work tomorrow, I am now still awake, with half a loaf of bread undigested in me.

Let the countdown begin.

5 more hours before Minibean goes off to her first day in school.

4 more days to Phuket, woohooooooooooooooooo!

12 more days before I will finally get to show Minibean London – the place that I hold closely to my heart.

And maybe, she and my parents might just be able to see snow, which I believe will make their trip a memorable one…

And revisiting a past that never made its way here seems inappropriate. But then it is just a number (like age is… yeah, right!), and I didn’t find out about it beforehand or I would get some nude shots taken professionally and beg sponsors for lavish giveaways to celebrate this occasion… not.

I found this in my drafts and realised I had put this post right under a thick coat of dust for more than 2 years.

You can’t get more procrastinator than this.

The rush of feelings hit you real hard when you realise how many things, and people had changed in that 2 years, myself included.

The hesitance of mine to post it up because some of the relationships had passed, friendship hadn’t survived but yet some new ones were forged along the way and some strengthen over time.

It could be painful reminder actually, because one thing about pictures, they do things to me. They freeze the moments for me. Not just a pictorial moment, but it will trigger the exact emotions I went through at that very moment, and evoke every bit of the sentiments you were going through during that phase of your life.

Just like what some songs do to me.

That is the reason why I enjoy taking pictures (okay, self camwhore shots not included!), because moments pass us too fast, too furious, and there are some things I don’t want to forget, and some painful reminders I shouldn’t allow myself to forget.

I used to shun pictures of ex-boyfriends (in prints, those days), nowadays I try to see how much I can dig up and my efforts can make an archeologist proud.

There is something selfishly/sadomasochisticly gratifying when you can look at some of those stuff and smile and instead of cringing in disgust (with a tinge of shame or pain), because you realise you have grown.

Yes, despite some of the painful parts, you came through it and bear no ill feelings, and you recognise it as a growing phase, and that you will not make the same mistakes as before, and you found the ultimate closure of indifference.

And boy, how much have we all grown since then.

***

Yes, some of the drafts I have found are surfacing, laughs.

Some, I figured, are there because of sheer laziness, some, are there because I was afraid of being judged, because there are some things people just like to sneer at.

I contemplated with completing them and insert them into the Jan 2010 archives but then I think it brought forth new feelings and decided to write them as I feel about them right now..

***

It’s fast isn’t it? The long holiday season with expanded weekends is soon to be over with a fresh week starting on a brand, new year.

2009 is officially history, people!

Caryn and I at Newton Circus Hawker Centre. One of my favourite girls. I remember when this picture was taken, we were still a little unfamiliar with each other, but then there was a time when we started talking much, much more, and she’s like the sweetest thing possible and I wish her nothing but the best..

And yes, that was me with my pre-poling days arms.

Our dinner before going over to Swissotel for countdown. I haggled with the Newton hawker stall uncle and joked that since it’s New Year’s Eve he should give us a discount. He did. And he gave us free rice. And since then, everytime I return to Newton, I will make sure I look for him.

It was a mad rush to Swissotel because there were absolutely no parking slots and I remember we were almost half-jogging our ways so we didn’t miss the countdown.

I was wearing stilettos boots that evening. Not funny.

Isn’t it funny how you probably don’t remember details like these until you see the pictures and memories come flooding back again?

I remember saying I wouldn’t want my new year’s eve dinner any other way.

Our first meeting with the pretty Meifong. And now, she is well-taken care of by Robin whom I played mahjong with last night. HAHAHA

The crazy ass people out on the streets after the countdown, I was just thankful I wasn’t part of it, and the idea actually scares me to be in a swarm of people. 2 years later, safely tucked inside my duvet for the countdown of 2012, I wonder if I am already way beyond my youth.

Yah as you now realise it is just lumps and lumps of pictures….

Still feel strange to just post pictures with no commentary…

Fireworks! Wheeeeeeeeee!

Quite proud of my camera to capture it so prettily.

***

Christmas Eve with carol singing with Eddie, Caryn, Andy and Evelyn joining us in 2009.

HAHAHA Minibean’s mushroom pom pom hair.

Christmas is different with friends… and I really enjoyed it.

Minibean playing tug-o-war with Cookie.

The Christmas fare I would LOVE to have.

The loads of presents under the Christmas tree.

What was more awesome was Ian brought back my Victoria Secrets loots for me.. and now, he has graduated from NYU already. Gosh. Time really passes by swiftly.

In my archive was this picture that shows one of the top that came (with my favourite Balenciaga bag which suffered a great deal in its lifetime after being coloured by Minibean with a lipstick! Thankfully my favourite colour is red and not god forbid, cream or something):

And then it was presents-opening time!

Such speakers are amazing!

All the stars glued to my very sticky legs.

My loot for 2009.

Yes, she always gets THAT many gifts!

Her very expensive swimsuit.

See who is the happiest? A change of clothes cos she had some… pee pee accident!

And I changed because I was trying on my VS loots haha.

This was a gift from a male to a male.. ahem. It says something about loving you forever or something like this. There’s nothing wrong to it, but it is something wrong when it’s Andy and Eddie in question!

Me and Caryn!

Apt gift to a compulsive gambler!

Christmas day came and it was a cookout session at James’.

The chefs shopping for the feast.

My nose wouldn’t stop leaking!!

Sexy huh. Stuffing a tampon up my nose.

I just sit around or else I would infect everyone with my gems and achoos.

Nose and eyes already swollen and the toilet roll dropped a few dress sizes.

My pressies from Cheyenne!

I love the mascara cos it vibrates HAHAHA.

View from James’ place.

The great chef at work!

Now you see them.

Now you don’t!

***

Guess who was trying to snatch the thrill of ripping the wrapping apart from me?

A gift from my then-boss. I think its an awesome gift

With my fear for all things cream, this is something I have yet to utilise after 2 years..

I am allergic to nickel, which means anything less than gold or platinum wouldn’t make the cut (cough, snob, cough). Very thankful to have a pair of earrings that solve the problem for me!

Very cuteeeeeeee… but gifts like this make me have no idea what to do with them, but feel bad about regifting! So it sits prettily in a box to be.. admired.

In 2009 Christmas, love was translated as above. To me, the book White Tiger was a farewell cum Christmas gift from Dawn, and it was really, really heartwarming. I hadn’t gotten down to reading the book, and it is now sitting on my bedroom floor because I had wanted to read it over the weekend.. yes, this weekend in 2012!

***

My last day in Microsoft. With December drawing to a close, I saw the conclusion of my stint with Microsoft and it coincided with the Christmas party celebration since I had leave to clear.

This was what I received when I joined them, and I kept it till the very last day…

Some of the most amazing people in ways I can never…. well, let’s just say my gratefulness is not something I can ever verbalise or express the way I would like to to them…

Sitting next to this man is a major distraction. Hahaha.

My boss who gave me an opportunity and is the funniest and most driven man around.

And this man, is someone very special who acted some sort of my mentor, though he was never technically my boss. But he was someone who made me learn the most in Microsoft, and thank you Ian.

She’s now a fabulous mummy herself!

Without her, my life in MS would be so miserable because she mothers everyone and is such a joy to have around. Everyone in MS is as fabulous as it comes.

***

Suddenly realise how revisiting the past isn’t as easy as I expected it to be.. and it isn’t as meaningless as it is. Kinda reflective. But of course.. to most, it is just another post with out-dated pictures…

To me, it was a part of my life which came, and gone.

The only way I was in involved in the above picture – the photographer.

Despite the 101 things that would potentially raise a hundred brows, I can safely assure you that whatever we do in the pole studio is all clean fun and nothing criminal is going on.

In our bids to increase our flexibility, we had sought Lavinia’s advice on how to stretch which Jean helpfully suggested for me to try this stretch cos I was complaining how painful the frog stretch was, and Jean was probably trying to show me how I have no grounds to be yelping out loud when doing the frog stretch at all.

Not only the positioning reminded me of the very time I pushed Minibean out of my vijayjay some 5 years ago, but the pain was so excruciating that it was nothing like I had experienced before, besides childbirth of course.

I ended up have to do my labour breathing techniques, squealing and moaning, as I grabbed for a pole and using the other free hand punching the floor with my fist. It was too painful to even to mutter a curse word.

The last time I did any of the above? In the labour ward. ‘Nuff said.

The super adorable Lijia, who is one of the more flexible ones and has absolutely no fear of pain (I assume) was sabotaged by me to be the next, I was half suspecting she might enjoy it…. but she proved to me -sniggers- she’s human like you and I.

It is no wonder that I woke up with plenty of aches this morning and could barely move. PAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! Especially when Minibean jumped onto my back cheekily and the pain made me instinctively wanna push her away but she might fall to the floor and injured herself rigghhtt if I do, and I might be accused of child abuse and she will remind me of how I would go to jail, so I didn’t.

One of Minibean’s gems today (besides sneakily telling my mum that we are going on a holiday, when it was agreed between my dad and I that we are not going to tell her until a closer date, bao tor kia!) was when she snuck up on me while I was working, “Mummy, can you download and play Paradise City so I can listen while you work?“

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

She still remembers I played the song during one bedtime (yes, I am such a baaaaaaadddd mum, what kind of mother plays Paradise City as a lullaby?!) though the memory eluded me for a moment and she said in an English accent (really where did you get that?), “You don’t remember?“

She then reminded me it was during one of those nights when I tried to appease her by making up a children story on my own, about a band of cats chasing their dreams, which we named, “The Cat Story“. Probably says how creative the story is with its creative title. Hurhur.

Okay, back to pole.

Feels awfully good for me to get back to the momentum when I made the decision to head to the studio (the other option is a long overdue massage!), and been a while since I last share the polegress but hopefully that will be one of the things that will get going on this space too.

One of the greatest things that happened to me is to pick up pole fitness, and the great bunch of people I met. Everyone is encouraging, super down-t0-earth, incredibly sporting and I went to the studio receiving Christmas gifts and lotsa snacks.. and most importantly, plenty of comfort. I cannot even begin to explain how fabulous this group of girls are.

Christmas gift from Joyce! Gorgeous!

Now.. all I need is that breakthrough I got to have.

Though this is supposed to be a super quick one BUTTTTTTTTTTT since I am in the mood for it (yay to spontaneity and getting one of the old memories reinstated here haha), I should just write about a memorable Acro Wedding, which is one of the sweetest weddings I ever attended and of course, one of the most fun ones as well.

Acro wedding = when one of the pole chicks in the studio is snapped up by one of the few lucky chaps who managed to snag a pole chick home!

The wedding we attended on the 22nd October was especially special because it was the wedding of one of my favourite babes (also arguably the coolest) and our resident vet – V-Lynn’s.

Driving to the wedding at Shangri-La, where the carpark was under construction and I made 1001 turns before finally getting to the serviced apartment side to park.

Jean and some of the girls just reached as well!

Joyce!

Before the banquet started, a quick trip to the washroom for camwhore moments, and I joked we better not go near Bedok Reservoir (with all the bodies found there) or people might get spooked or think we are gonna do something silly.

Marla, Jean and I Two of the ladies I am really thankful for… for being understanding cos I am not someone easy to be understood hahahaha.

The best instructor and encouraging friend one could have. Thank you, Eunice.

The super-hiao and glamourous Gwen and I!

The utterly gorgeous bride and I!

V-Lynn looked towards me when the food was served as the rock version of Canon in D came on because she had mentioned how it sounded cliche to play Canon in D but how much she liked it and I joked how she should run in with the rock version playing, but apparently she had never heard it before!

She even asked if any of the pole girls would like to perform for her, and to me, that says plenty because many of us would find it hard to account to the elders because the stigma is something lots of them refuse to let go.

Because of that, we get to see graceful, touching dances put up by Eunice and Marla

And it was a touching moment when V-Lynn dedicated “You don’t have to let go” to her mum through a beautiful, tear-inducing pole dance routine.

And it was a beautiful, beautiful night.

I think it means a lot to us pole fitness freaks that the difficulty of the sport and the efforts most of us put in are appreciated, understanding it could be an artistic expression, instead of putting the spotlight on the perceived sleaze factor associated with pole dancing.

Some of us girls did a small part in doing the intro to Marla’s dance, thus I didn’t have my phone with me to take any pictures!

More camwhore moments!

Me and Joyce!

The Acro team with the bride’s uber cool parents and hubby.

The real crazy fun begun after everyone left the ballroom and some of the Acro girls left early, leaving the “westerners” behind.

Beautiful lines.

I am not sure when it all started when the groom’s brothers insisted the girls to drink and the girls gamely showed what a true sport they are.

Karen’s boyfriend William had to stick it through with us, and though he was sitting one side quietly and drinking when asked to, we took advantage of the situation and insisted he do a handstand for us.

MANNNNNNNNNNNNN HOR?!

Split on the chair, in jeans!

The girlfriend’s turn, Karen’s split in heels. HOT!

Marla’s turn to shine!

I have no idea when the madness ensued, but all of us decided to get down and dirty onto the floor, bride included!

I was wearing a bodycon short dress, I don’t think anyone else had it as difficult as me with a bunch of guys (with their wives by the way) looking on. And yes, we stole the flowers from the banquet tables!

We brought the unglam-ness onto the stage with the bride trying to protect my modesty:

And us trying to look pretty:

The funniest moment came when we decided to do a bridge:

And the groom’s friend thought it would be real funny as we held it for the camera to burrow through the tunnel formed (he’s underneath V Lynn) which totally caught us unaware.

They made the groom do it and I was bumped off cos he wasn’t commando crawling but doggie crawled through and bounced me off course and I fell on him.

And with some of the girls already tipsy it was super hilarious and even I was the sober one felt a little high from it all.

It was a memorable night

Sophie, Karen, Eunice, Lydia, VLynn, Marla and I! The gorgeous bride climbed onto the VVIP table which seats 20! The perfect solution for fitting all the important family in so no one would feel left out especially after hearing some friends complaining about seating arrangements on wedding days.

The lovely couple who were such fantastic sport.
All of us climbed on and it was the only time throughout the entire madness that the banquet staff came over to stop us. We took the birds decor as props!

And one more of us looking a little less than sane:

By the time this post is up, V Lynn is already back from her honeymoon, and such joy the girls bring, which makes me really grateful for them, and here’s wishing V Lynn lotsa bliss and a marriage filled with love, acceptance and joy.

Okay, as usual, today is supposed to be planning day and all the itineraries are making me seeking some sort of distraction, back to work I go!

Tsk, am supposed to get into the momentum of writing and as much as I am trying but really ah, what’s the point ah? My life soooo boring what is there to write about really?!

Happy 71st birthday, my dearest Papa.

Yes. See, I am making my darnest effort to get into the spirits of writing again and pumping some life into this forgotten space.

Let’s see how long this phase will last before something important; say, the launch of a new game or when the US television season returns, come along and bring with them my compulsive obsessiveness.

So how’s new year been going? A random thought came to mind today when I was having that depressive thought about growing older, and then I made a stubborn, sulkish promise to myself that in the year 2012… I am refusing to grow up.

Hmphf, yes, I don’t care. I just don’t want to. If it sounds disgusting to you, imagine me saying that when I am 40 and you’d feel better already.

Anyway, HAPPY NEW YEAR! There’s really not much point to the above except that all the blarblarblar I read these couple of days everywhere and everyone sounded mad positive and repetitive that I started questioning myself.. WHY I SO OLD STILL SO LOSER ONE?!!

So the thoughts ding-donged here and there, then I self-consoled myself that nevermind, who cares right? Who wants to grow up seriously?!

Don’t judge me. If you are, WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! You probably have some growing up to do too. Hurhur.

Ok. Onto mushy stuff.

Eventful is probably the way to sum up the relationship between my dad and I in the past year, where we actually had our first cold war since late 1990s, which is like OMG! ALMOST HALF MY LIFETIME AGO. Less than half, but still… it IS a lot, unlike those who are still in school whose half a life-time ago was AFTER this space’s existence.

Anyway.

A part of me know absolutely well that as morbid as it sounds, time is running out. Even if he has 20 or 30 years ahead of him, time is never enough especially when you see how age catches up with everyone around us.

Of course there is always uncertainty in life which the last year had taught me much, that I have to constantly remind myself (I do find it a challenge most of the time) to -prep yourself for the cliche- treasure every single moment I have with my parents, and Minibean too.

No massive fan fare this year, as my parents headed out in the evening for a function with Minibean (it’s midnight and they are not back, my parents are indeed much more happening than I am!), and the little moment as I sat by the dining table talking to my dad, sharing loud whispers (his hearing is not optimal these days) of gossips about my mum was probably the major highlight for me.

Dad sat around to relate his travelling experiences, of the various mountains he had scaled. Dad is an established traveller, and he spoke of Canada, and how he enjoyed Vancouver the most because of this skii mountain that offered the most fantastic view. I supposed it was Whistler he was speaking of animatedly.

I secretly seething that he didn’t bring me along. My apologies Minibean, now I know why you always so sad when I didn’t bring you on my trips. BUT now being Minibean’s mum, I can SOOOOO totally understand why Dad didn’t bring me.

We were chatting when Minibean showed him a clip on the iPhone, playing a Christmas animation with a Bollywood-ised version of Jingle Bells (watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5i6JPIfDoWU) one of them clips that will make you go “NOOOOOOOOO SWITCH IT OFFFFFFFF!” because you know how it is gonna cling to you like a psychotic ex-girlfriend and plague you in your dreams.

I have no idea why Minibean is so fixated over the clip and the song, and she loves to giggle with her hand over her mouth (Why so shy?? Why so embarrassed?!) and would try to dance to it.

Side track a lil, I am bewildered why in the clip, they point middle finger one?!

Why so rude one?! Tsk tsk.

There was this particular moment when my eyes went moist when he laughed together with her like a kid, and he lifted his arms and flapped them in the air just like the minions/humpty dumpties/creatures are doing.

There and then, it became my favourite song.

What the freaks are they anyway?!

Okay, back to THAT moment. I saw the faces of both grandfather and granddaughter as they skipped heavily together, danced clumsily, laughed unreservedly as they looked at each other while I looked on, wondering why didn’t we have more of such moments and I wanted to freeze-frame that moment (in my memory, I already did).

Isn’t it amazingly beautiful how when people get older, they actually laugh unbridledly, without guardedness, without agendas, claiming back their birth rights of innocence?

It was more of such precious moments I want to see.

I am glad to say that the past 2 years has seen an improved relationship between my parents and I and though not significantly, there was definitely an increase of quality time spent with them.

I wouldn’t say everything is perfect, but in retrospect, things are certainly better than it was in the past.

I passed him a Gucci keychain as a gift and in some ways I think it is awfully insincere, so let’s hope shopping in Europe is gonna be fruitful enough for us to find something, though I do have something in mind…

Dad and I had decided to keep the trip a hush hush from my mum cos she tends to over-react even with the good things. We spoke discreetly, chuckling as we shared secrets round the dining table as I tried to suss out what are the places he would like to see, how heavy an itinerary he would like to take.

It was pretty hilarious as we were sitting by the table, and he explained why he was still home at 2pm in the afternoon. He played mahjong till4am early this morning, and he joked he won enough to cover the trip and gave me a child-like victorious grin.

I confessed sheepishly that I had just reached home from a night of mahjong playing. What did they say about genes again? Yes, I drove home from Marine Parade (where wouldn’t I go for mahjong, seriously?!) at 2 freaking in the afternoon after heading over to Lee’s place last night.

Ladies and gentlemen, for all the back-breaking efforts, I won a grand total of $14.

Nothing awesome, but a tiny win to set the new year plus plenty of good company was something really precious to me. I think last night was one of the nicest sessions because I thought what we spoke about were really heart-felt and I know they are people who actually understand, do not judge and most importantly, do not share things about for sake of gossiping.

And in 2012, I show that I still have IT. It = the stamina for marathon mahjong session. Honestly, I thought it ended a tad too early. HAHAHA.

***

New Year’s Eve was quiet and reflective, and it came before I was even aware of. When I went to the kitchen to find some guilt-induced junk food to chomp on, I checked the clock to realise it was actually *gasp* 12.10am.

I remember going to Dad’s room to wish him Happy New Year, and the very first thing he asked me was where was the iPad and if I could charge it for him.

I stayed up the entire night drawing up my itinerary and I am thankful after struggling for couple of nights, things are beginning to take place. All air-tickets are booked, and I have 3 different itineraries since not all of us are flying back on the same day, and everything has to be meticulously planned.

Some of the bookings are done. I have to say how amazing it is to fly to London by Emirates and returning from Vienna costs only S$950, inclusive of taxes!! All our tickets worked out to be less than S$1000 per pax. And air ticket to Rome from London, inclusive of charges for excess baggage, costs about S$80 per pax.

  HAPPY LIKE DON’T KNOW WHAT! I KNOW RIGHT, I AM SO AUNTIE HUH! The hotel accommodation in London is costing me about 20 quids per night works out to be less than S$50? Don’t you just love Winter deals?

So yes, surfing for deals require energy and time, thus my New Year’s Eve, was spent doing so in the day, dinner with family in the evening, and then back home doing the darn proposal while trying to get away from the darn iPad’s Birzzle Pandora game.

By the time I got some sleep after ushering the new year, daybreak beckoned.

Not quality sleep, but good enough for me to continue staring at the monitor doing my researches.

Went to pick Minibean from her grans after they brought her to church, and I made a spontaneous decision to bring her to Johor to pick my mum up, and off to Jaybee we went!

The car ride was harmonious and filled with non-aggressive banters with mum, which only lasted till the time she got home and we argued yet again, but since it is the new year, I will just not talk about it, cos by the time I saw her this morning, all’s well, so *shrugs* I guess that’s the way it is.

Now, it’s about time for me to return to my itinerary planning and accommodation booking. I had a planning crisis cos I had booked the tickets and THEN realise I am a tad apprehensive visiting one of the places I had originally planned – because the weather is are-you-freaking-kidding-me-minus-ten-degrees.

Once the itinerary is firmed up, perhaps I will share the details to my next adventure. A massive adventure for the meaning it holds.

I hope your new year has been much more happening than mine! Happy 2012 everyone!

I am glad that before 2011 ends, I action-ed on bringing the family together, and not planning to procrastinate it till the new year comes. I managed to do my spring cleaning even before the new year comes. I am not waiting till next December before bringing my family together for a trip, which means I am not sleeping much to make a trip happening in 3 weeks’ time.

I was thinking to myself just the other day about my most memorable moments in 2011, and there were just too many to name. Prague with the Crescent girls. London with Bedok North. Perth with NYJC. Shanghai with Temasek Polytechnic was an amazingly fun one to break me in to China for the very first time. Driving on the autobahn in Germany. Minibean going to kindergarten. The flight to Berlin from London. Sparring of wits between Minibean and I. My 30th. Dad’s 70th. Paris with Jiali and was pickpocketed. I performed on a stage. Overcoming stage fright. Though plenty of room for improvement, I insist. Got out of comfort zone and did a webisodes of Olay Project. Reacquainted with old friends and picking new ones along the way. And I mustered my courage to say what I feel instead of settling and going with the flow.

Many small things, but all very cryptic. HAHAHA.

I think 2012 as just as a crossing to yet another day, though I am a year older, but I think the next scary point will only come when I turn 40, since having a big 3 in the equation was just a matter of getting used to.

I think I can’t ask for a better end where I am away from the crowd, nursing a bad appetite (no risk of getting fat) and remnants of a stomach flu bug (or maybe just indigestion), doing some house chores, watching the free channels on cable, spending some time with Minibean, and just chilling.

I am glad to top all these, I found the spontaneity through Jiali when we strolled to Acro Polates studio to realise no one was in, and as we walked aimlessly along the streets (since we both weren’t driving!), we just made a decision to go KTV. No need for discussion. Just “Wanna sing KTV?” “Okay, let’s go.“. Like earlier this year, “Let’s go Paris” “Okay, set!”.

So 6 hours. 2 of us. I chose plenty of songs I normally wouldn’t sing in front of my friends. Think Beyonce, Christina Aguilera and the likes of chinese singers with massive lung capacity. I think it says comfort level.

We scare a staff at Kbox because we were standing up on the bench, and he stumbled a few steps back when he looked into the room. The look on his face? Priceless!

It was an incredibly sweet evening. We had Char Kuey Tiao and Kuey Zup. We had 2 desserts at Ah Chiew. The conversation we had of family in Ah Chiew was particularly memorable.

We made plans to have Lunar New Year’s Eve dinner together though I think the crowd I might bring along will scare her, HAHAHA.

Our private concert and reminiscing the songs of our era.

In fact, I am thankful for 2011. No one year is perfect, but I can say that, hey 2011, you are better than 2010. And for 2010, I could look back and see how fucking awesome it was compared to 2009. But this year, is a year of liberation.

This is the time of the year where resolutions come in.

All I can say for the year ending 2011 as we usher in the year 2012, FUCK RESOLUTIONS.

Really. If you can start on something today, why put it off next year?

More of often than not, what you set for the next year will become meaningless by the time the following year comes, or that it becomes utterly demoralising when you realise it is one of those you can’t attain, and you get silently annoyed with how you disappointed yourself.

I don’t remember setting resolutions for 2011, but just to be sure, I just checked my archives and fortunately it backed up what I just said, or it would be pretty embarrassing if I actually did set resolutions for myself and I don’t even freaking remember what they are.

I think it will be more practical for me to make a to-do list, or set a goal. Or if I am lazier, I will just pray/wish/dream/will for them to somewhat magically happen.

I think for me, what I have learnt in 2011 is, if doing something right now can make you happy or people around you happy, there is no reason to put it off, grow a pair of giant, steel balls (yes Janet and Jo, I’m looking at you both), because that is what a lot of people say they would like to do, myself included, but lack serious pair to do so.

A lot of times, when push comes to shove, we know how impossibly difficult it truly is. Especially when fear and apprehension of failure creeps up on us.

So yes, I still have minor hang-ups on certain things that I wish I had done, but didn’t get down to doing it. With time passing and moments that slipped by us.. I still hope I will be able to do that some day. When? I am not even sure. Will it make a difference? Probably not, but the what-ifs that bug me, will mean that I need to do it for myself to find the absolute closure.

I am determined to make 2012 better than 2011, because I know I probably am the deciding factor of making that happen, and pray for good things to come my way, so that whatever pleasant surprises 2012 bring, they will remain that fuzzy bonuses of memories that will be etched in words one year from now.

Have a great start to 2012 everyone, and for whatever 2012 brings, there will certainly be bad days. Don’t let the bad days rule 2012, I hope you love abundantly and make a difference to yourselves, and the people around you.

2012, I am actually looking forward to you. For the first time in my life, I am actually not dreading a new year, 2012 seems positive already, laughs.

I don’t even know how to start to explain the rage of emotions that had overwhelmed me in the past couple of days, which kinda accounts for why this post has remained a draft for a longest time.

I can’t remember the last time I am this stress. Okay, fine, work stress, but this is a different kind of stress.

Couple of weeks back, those closest to me are aware of my desperate need to get away, yes again, but there is always a good reason to be away.

I needed to get away. For myself. On my own.

In fact, I had a booking made for my air-ticket, but was pretty hesitant as finances are usually couple of sizes too small after December.

Holding it off proved to be a pretty wise move, because I woke up on Christmas day being notified a promotion was on, and it was an incredible, incredible steal for the price I am paying, so I had no reason to hold myself back.

I needed to get away, for myself.

I can’t even begin to describe how fearful I am of the Lunar New Year buzz, and I am not sure if I still any bare ounce of energy in me to deal with the obligatory visiting and answering patronising questions patronisingly.

Seriously, I dread it enough to want to get away. But the dilemma stays that it is a tradition I wouldn’t want Minibean to miss, especially seeing how she enjoys every bit of Chinese New Year, down to the last crumbs of the pineapple tarts, so staying at home and making her a sacrifice of my anti-socialness is simply unfair.

I know I have been travelling a fair bit this year, but if there is one thing I didn’t get to do, is to travel on my own, solely, independently.

A part of me is aware that if I don’t take the chance to get away on my own over Chinese New Year, it will probably take a long while before I get to do so.

And so, started my dodgy escapism plans, and all were going on pretty smoothly, I mean Minibean will be following her both sets of grans around for visiting while I will be away…… and I was even about to book a solo ticket and single room to Barcelona from London (yes, yes, I am super not creative with my destination, since I am just back from London from a month ago, and was in London in September too, but I have friends and things to do there!) before a phone call changes everything.

Okay. I am not sure how to elaborate this without getting teary, but I am gonna try my darnest best. Don’t roll your eyes at me, you know I am a wuss like that.

I was in the office after the Christmas weekend, when Dad called, asking if Minibean was with me. It was early in the evening, and knowing Dad, he doesn’t really return home this early unless he wants to spend time with Minibean, or that he is tired, which is pretty often these days with age catching up on him.

I told him I am at work, and I asked if he is staying in as his voice was evidently laced with fatigue.

He answered his knee was giving him problems and he can’t really walk, and he will be home earlier these days to rest more cos it makes him really tired, which is… really rare.

The phone call bugged me very, very much.

For much of Tuesday evening, I was just depressed by the thought of how age is catching up on him, I mean, I think of it pretty often and had often put my emotional thoughts out in the open in this space in the past… but I just can’t help but think how an energetic man who used to be on top of everything, and the one everyone relies on, have to deal with the dent to pride age has dealt with him.

It is like there are people who are stubborn to do everything by themselves, and then there comes a point they have to concede they are not capable anymore… how painful is that?

I had a bad night on Tuesday and the sleep quality wasn’t good.

4 days after Christmas

I managed to give myself a small break today after spending two whole days doing research online, trying to loop everything together, which proves to be a mega, mega challenge.

It would have been easier if this was just work, and I could just say, “this is not possible, that is not practical…” BUT this is bigger than anything I had planned, so MAKING IT POSSIBLE is a must.

I went to town via public today, and surprisingly, my cab fare didn’t kill me.

I walked down Orchard Road after some self-pampering, and stopped by Takashimaya to pick up a Jewellery Musical Box for Minibean.

I think the brilliance of my genes scares me sometimes.

When she saw the paperbag when we were having dinner at Marina Square with her dad and paternal grandparents, she instinctively asked, “Mummy, what did you buy? Do you have a surprise for me? Let me guess.. is it a musical jewellery box?”

Now I know why the men I even been with always feel I am a dampener cos I have this ability to spoil my own surprises, however elaborated, so yeah, it is quite hard to surprise me sometimes.

So karma bites me in the ass, and though I didn’t go through hoops to plan some elaborated surprises for her, but I can now totally feel how no fun it was to have a surprise dampened, much worse one that goes through lotsa details planning.

I blame it on the fact that I haven’t dated really smart men who can pull off a brilliant heist. KIDDING! KIDDING! But, have you seen Brat Pitt and George Clooney in the Ocean series…? You know what I mean. Drop-dead-gorgeously-hot is a pre-requisite to distract intelligent people like me to fool us.

Anyway.

As I was saying. Minibean.

There was no point asking her how did she know, because she will just say matter-of-factly while doing her usual stuff, and reply with a shrug, Minibeanism #1: “Because I am intelligent, I use my brains to think. I am smart, right?”

Yes, she ALWAYS says that.

Minibean been looking longingly at those musical boxes because of the ballerina, and today the paternal grans suggested that she should be picking up some sports because with all the scholarships and blarblarblar with the emphasis on sports.. it would do her good.

That’s not the point.

The point is, Minibean got really excited, and said that she wanna be a Ballerina-footballer (?! I am trying to imagine Eric Cantona doing ballet) when she grows up.

I am 50% proud. Because, woooohooooooooooooooo my baby wanna be a footballer, is she cool or is she cool?

Sidetrack a lil, couple of weeks back, after Zachary’s birthday party on the 18th December, I nearly disowned her.

In fact I was in a state of hysteria that I whatapped some friends who agreed with my decision.

We were having dinner in Chili’s when it was showing American Football. She knows it is not the usual football, but when she saw some of the jerseys in darker shades of blue, she said, “Mummy, you know, sometimes those who wear blue, are Chelsea.”

YOU TELL ME HOW TO BE NOT PROUD OF HER?! Next time I will ask her to explain off-side rules to you all, okay?

I wonder if she knows what she is talking about, so I asked, “So what about Chelsea?”

“They are… magnificent!”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TRAITOR! DISOWNNNNNNNNN (LiverpoolJanet the  and ArsenalCheyenne both at this point said the same thing!)!

I gave her a death stare and she immediately gave a grin and shifty eyes, Minibeanism #2: “BUT THEY ARE SO EMBARRASSING RIGHT, MUMMY? Manchester United is the best!”

Passable save.

Anyway.

Halfway through dinner, she came over and whispered in my ears, and before I know it, I was listening to a subtle warning from the princess of wits herself.

Minibeanism #3: “Mummy, today I was listening to the news right? There is this little boy, he very poor thing, his Papa and Mama beat him, then his arm drop off (I assume the boy’s arm was broken), then they went to jail cos they beat him. So you cannot smack me wait you go jail also!”

I very scared she gonna call the police next time I smack her hand. ROOOOAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

***

3 days after Christmas

I woke up feeling really queasy and the onset of tummyache.

Uh-oh. No good. Plus the restless sleep I had after talking to my dad the day before, I wasn’t in that good a shape and stayed home.

Dad came home early again, and he was home by late noon, and was surprised to see me.

Did I mention that he has a newfound obsession? My iPad. Birzzle. After my mum was hooked on it, the iPad has claimed its latest fan.

To the point that when he walked into his room, first thing he asked was…. “iPad where huh?”

Did I mention that when he returned from China some weeks ago, after Minibean had returned from Israel and had her 5th birthday party (he was away), he said happy birthday to her, gave her a hug, and first thing he said to her was, “Where you put the iPad? Bring to Gong gong okay?”

So much love.

After I handed him the iPad, it was almost instinctive of me to ask if he would be free over Lunar New Year…

I told him of the brilliant air ticket prices and asked if he would want to bring mum and Minibean to join me in London.

I thought how selfish it was of me to want to be away alone.. and how I hadn’t travelled with my parents in the past… 13 years.

We had spoken about going on a holiday together for the past couple of years, but he had always been busy and there never seemed to be a good time for him to getaway.

I was surprised when he said he would try to move things around and make it for the trip, and asked me to go ahead and book the tickets for them.

He told me about how he went to every corner of London when I was studying there, and his trip to Edinburg with my mum, where they brought my Grandma, and I have not even been to Scotland, which is actually on my agenda this time round if I were to travel on my own!

He then said he had never been to other parts of Europe… and he said something that hit home. “Okay, let’s go… now I can’t walk a lot and my energy is not there, if I don’t go now, I don’t know if I can next time or not.”

He made it sounded so casual, and though he spoke exactly what is on my mind, but it was superbly painful to hear it from him.

I held back my tears and happily replied that I will go ahead and make arrangements and thus started my these 2 days of intensive research and left little time for writing down my thoughts, cos it is quite emotional for me to do so.

Dad was keen on seeing a few places, and originally put aside a week, when I mentioned over dinner that it will be too short to see much he asked me to extend it longer so he can see more, because he is getting old and he wanna do it while he still can.

You have no idea how heart breaking it was.

I told him the intensive itinerary might not be good, and I have this worry in me as well, but he is adamant to going with an intensive itinerary and he will want it that way.. and I realise we both have this unspoken understanding that this will probably be the last adventurous trip for him before he takes a slower pace for something less tiring.

Thus, started my planning. I never had quite planned much for my travels, but with 2 elderly and a vivacious child, everything has to be immaculate.

I try to fit as much as I can show them, because though we might still have the chance, I wanna make every trip counts. We have never taken much pictures together, and I wanna freeze the memories as much as I can this time round.

I figured out when my sense of wander and spontaneity comes from, and this might just be the most meaningful trip I ever planned.

I asked him if the weather is too cold, and when he realised it will be almost zero, he is as happy as I am. Now, that explains.

Still.. I have still experiencing bottlenecks when trying to fit in the places and taking some factors into considerations but I tell myself that this will be the first trip of many to come, one that starts teaching us to seize the moment because there is never a good time, and thus, make every moment counts.

I remember 3 years ago in Rome, I stood in the streets of Italy, and as I took it all in, I said, “One day, I wanna bring Minibean and my parents here.”

And that scene kept replaying in my head. I am determined to make it happen.

I pray. And I pray a lot, that this will be the most fulfilling trip for all of us, and everything will go smoothly.

This year, some friction happened between me and my dad. I was angry. Very angry. But with some health scares along the way, I don’t want to waste time being angry, I wanna spend more time loving him.

***

2 days after Christmas

Superbly happy when I was woken up by the postman who delivered my Christmas present.

Just in time for the Lunar New Year trip!

I certainly hope this is an awesome investment, and it means I have to head out of the country more often to not let money go to waste *warped theory alert*

Went to visit Eddy and Kelly’s newborn son, Noel, and I one-sidedly feel extremely bonded with him. He is such and amazing cutie!

There is something about cuddling newborns that make me feel extremely, utterly maternal to the point that I wanted to abduct Noel home. This boy will be so loved. Next time remember I was the emcee at your parents’ wedding okay?

A late dinner with Janet was on the agenda to wrap up a brilliant evening. We can’t wait to meet up with Jo. 2 seemingly factual statements but…… so cryptic. Hurhur.

***

1 day after Christmas

I slept the rainy day away.

Just what I needed.

***

Christmas day

I finally got round to watching Twilight, and it was quite goooooooooood what! *unabashedly bimbotic*

All of us woke up late on Christmas Day after a late Christmas eve party and a night of waking up to check on Minibean who had a bout of gastric flu which she eventually passed on to everyone.

She woke up in the middle of the night screaming of tummyache, and I was afraid she might throw up in her sleep, or start developing a fever or some sorts.

So. Sleep deprived.

Of course, such discomfort does not stop her from ruling the world.

We went out for Christmas Tea party!

Here is she decking out her new dress, a Christmas present she gotten a day before!

I bet you can’t see that she hadn’t been eating for 2 days.
On the bicycle she gotten from me for her 5th birthday.
Still a little girl at heart, with her Camel, Sarah, which she gotten from her trip to Jerusalem.
Haven’t posted pictures for a long time.. so expect quite a fair bit today!
And her wearing her Christmas present from me.. an angel pendant with a star. Symbolising that I will always pray she will be looked after by the angels, and there will always be hope.

I remember Wendy and Qiuting said I should put tape on her left eye. After looking at this picture, I feel like doing it NOW!
My daughter very cute huh?
Time has passed so fast… she’s already 5. And once the year crosses over, she will be considered as a 6 year-old. *wipes proudmama’s tears*

Which makes me wonder what other wonderful retorts she will come up with to make my hair grey faster than it should.

Still, she will always be my baby, and seeing her holding her baby pillow preciously brings some sort of comfort to me.

She was unusually shy when she arrived at the party and insisted to be carried. She knew very well she was unwell and her lack of appetite also steered her clear of all the Christmas goodies, which makes me feel a little bad indulging in all things sinful in front of her.

A little gift from her uncle cheered her up.

My Christmas wish for her…. is that she will STOP cutting her own hair off when her grans are not looking. It might not be my place to ask, but why does she have access to scissors huh?!

Christmas Eve

Mad rush with last minute Christmas shopping, and thank God for places like IMM which saves me from the dreadful rain and Christmas shopping crowd in town.

Dad and Mum drove almost 10 hours to get back from Genting with all the bad weather and massive jams.

Minibean was throwing up non-stop and they had to bring her to the docs as well.

She felt a little warm, and had little appetite.

So she had to miss most of these:

Chocolates and tea!

and these:

So yes, the porridge is for her. But it didn’t take long before she had the runs and right after washing her up, she threw up all her dinner.

Since she joined us right after crossing the custom, we didn’t manage to dress her up and she wasn’t quite in the mood to be dressed up either.

Minibean writing Christmas cards:

She loves Christmas tree. I am sure she doesn’t remember that when she was born in 2006, there was a Christmas tree already standing in my living room, which had been there for 4 years. Hurhurhur.

One of her with Mummy!

My babe with an attitude:

Well uhm…

Okay! Camwhore time, very long never post so many narcissistic shots already hahaha!

Was supposed to join some girlies for Christmas party, but Minibean wasn’t feeling quite well so I stayed put.

The amount of Christmas presents under the tree:

Out of these, I saw this:

The present is from a beautiful English girl called Ophelia…  it’s every mum’s worst nightmare cos you can only think of the sugar high and the chaos it brings.

And of all the presents, this much belongs to Minibean:

I can’t even begin to say how blessed she is. She is very, very loved. I think of the past 5 years of Christmas with her in my life, and how each one is amazingly special because of her, I still can’t quite grasp how she has changed my life that much, beyond what I could have ever imagined.

When midnight drew near…

And she started to unwrap her presents before midnight! I have to say that she enjoys unwrapping presents more than appreciating the presents. Tsk. I will have to start the nagging about appreciating and valuing your stuff….. but it’s Christmas, I am keeping the Mummy in me at bay.

And then there were my presents, which I honestly didn’t expect much this year, cos I just ain’t feeling much of the Christmas vibes:

Her trying on her Christmas dress and looking gorgeous!

And not this is not hers, but MINE!

Which of course she isn’t quite happy, laughs. The story behind is.. how I had always wanted Play Doh but my mum didn’t have the money to buy for me when I was younger.

Dutifully, I waited till Christmas to give Minibean a kiss and hug, and also to unwrap all the presents!

Present I got from Jenn and Ling:

Giggles. I think they think I cute, but have a wild side to me or something. Or so the gift says. Thank you babes! Love them!

LOVE THE SKIRT! I wanted to wear it together with Minibean’s new dress one day when we head out together. Thank you babes!

From Ian, I love practical stuff, and after the spring cleaning recently, I have finally decided to sort my makeup stuff out and utilise them. So something to add to the collection!

I love this:

I am a fan of Loccitane products! And in this exquisite little box of perk me ups!

I was in the office and my boss and a fellow colleague gotten us Crabtree and Evelyn hand creams which I love and now I have so many hand cream and I am super happy cos I recently started on using hand cream and find them super amazing!

A Banana Republic maxi dress which is so comfortable and pretty. I think this year everyone kinda know my style very well, laughs. I think that’s the most heartening thing, it doesn’t really matter what the gift is, but the fact that people care enough to take note?

An interesting cardigan which is perfect for workdays!

A top from H&M and Massimo Dutti!

And a gift that made me rather speechless from everyone who chipped in… cos it was really unexpected, and it was just because Jiali and I were talking about the travel wallet I had with me (which was a gift from Jiali which I carried with me whenever I travel) at Covent Garden during my recent trip to London.

I do feel a tad guilty… well cos.. it was unexpected and it was something I felt I didn’t quite deserve since this year I am quite broke and didn’t put in as much thoughts into everyone’s gifts.

But it is really, really lovely and pretty. The exact kind of wallet that I like. Like I said, it’s always when people take note of small things that really matter.

So yeah, thank you all.

When I finally got home, it was almost 2am, and I was surprised to see the lights still on in Dad’s room. I shooed Minibean into the room to wish my Dad, and when we opened the door, there he was furiously Birzzling on the iPad, which makes me wonder if I should get him one for his 71st birthday next week. HAHAHA.

Guess Dad’s first words to us?

“Wah, you all back so early today huh?”

How long have you been playing Dad?!

He looked at the clock before realising it was freaking 2am!

Minibean and Dad spent some bonding time together, and to me, that’s the most precious part of Christmas to me, even though there wasn’t any party, any buzz, the simplicity of it all, the beauty of it was beyond any gift could ever give.

Though it’s late, but I wish everyone’s Christmas is special in its own way. Filled with love, happiness, blessings and everything you wish for. Love, from both of us!

Of course what is Christmas without some kind of spoiler from Minibeanism #4 just we were prepping for bedtime after reading her a bedtime story.

Mumbling to self, “I think I am getting old… I can’t seem to remember where I put my stuff…”

She said matter-of-factly in that old-soul tone of hers, “No, it is just that you are not very smart right now.”

*Speechless*

Seriously?!

I seriously have no idea to laugh or cry cos it shows she is agreeing that 30 is nowhere near old, or her subtle dig.

Did I mention that since her return from Genting, she has picked up an English accent from nowhere?!

I shudder at the thought that she might pick up some dry, crisp humour along the way.

Fret not baby, in less than a month’s time, you will be able to hone all those skills of yours.

When I travelled for work some time back, Minibean cried at the airport when sending me off. When I got back, I was told that she asked why is it that I never brought her to London or overseas with me, and she was crying when she asked “Is it because I naughty so Mummy doesn’t want to bring me?”

I swear I nearly burst out crying upon hearing this.

When she got back from Israel in the first week of December, it was one of those days when I was bringing her out for activities, and as I was driving, I asked her where did she want to go that weekend.

She pondered hard, and said “Mummy, you bring me to London this weekend?”

…………… Nice try.

But you know what, I bet she is now having the last laugh cos her birthday/Christmas wish is coming true.

Love the chills December brings. I love it cold and cosy.

I adore quiet solitude like this, and somehow, I manage to find my peace this Christmas during negligible, private moments like this.

***

I am not sure when I have started to dread my favourite holiday, and maybe it is a sign of eroded youth when the buzz and crowds become something to be fearful of.

When shopping for gifts becomes an impossible tasks because everyone seems to be lacking only the more extravagant stuff, and little things I come across might just not be practical enough.

Resolutions have also became redundant because living for the moment should be the way to go.

But I am thankful, as the buzz wears off with majority of the people are resting for the work day ahead with the conclusion of boxing day, I have the liberty of time to jot down the peace I have found over this Christmas.

Merry Christmas everyone, however late this may be, I wish everyone plenty of peace, joy, happiness, blessings and good health.

And yes, from both of us, the precious mite turned 5 earlier this month, and with each baby phase outgrown (including night pee-time; with the exception of her baby-pillow phase), I have to concede that hereonforth, a milestone is crossed and she will be in primary school in a year’s time.

Cons of being a year-end baby, where she will always be a year short-changed when it comes to such.

She’s a young lady now

***

How was your Christmas? The rainy season got me hiding at home most of the time, feeling absolutely contended with a good read, and mentally-tortured myself with some drama marathon, the past week was rewarding in its little way, and I am thankful for it.

Countdown to Christmas: 4 days

It was a simple start to the day, lunch with newfound friend before her New York trip, and trying to scoot around Ion for some last minute Christmas shopping.

Disappointing. Nothing caught my eyes and the crowd was too much for me to bear.

Some drama ensued at home, with the little one showing me how challenging motherhood certainly is. Well, that is after she had shown my mum in contrast what an angel I was as compared to her. Hurhurhur.

I wanted to return to office, but decided that a “good talk” has topped the priority of the day and made a detour home.

Minibean was well-prepared with her art of distraction, and plenty of creative excuses, and it exasperated me BIG TIME.

I started to question myself if I had failed terribly as a mum, and the constant naggings (yes, I set out to be a cool mum but I have my limits too, ahem) were well, just.. uncool to her.

In an attempt to get her way, she had lied to my mum to say someone had said something to her to ask her to disobey my mum. With the life-long tension between my mum and I, that was perhaps not the wisest thing to do, but yes, she is a child, so she probably didn’t really think about that.

So I tried to clear the air with mum, and I questioned Minibean, who insisted she was telling the truth. Minibean has been telling small lies this year in a bid to get her way, often things like telling my mum I had allowed her to eat the ice-cream or that my dad had granted permission to her to chocolates… so I know from her tone she was lying, but I can’t be unfair to her and call her bluff right?

I told her I will verify with everyone and when I did, I call my mum back. Minibean answered the phone everytime, and whenever she heard my voice, she hung up.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes. It shows how afraid she is of me. But it also shows how clever is she. It also shows the audacity she has. Tsk, I am not sure to laugh or cry.

She was called into the room and then I just asked her why did she lie. “I don’t remember” and “I am tired, I don’t want to talk” with the I-don’t-give-a-damn rolled-eyes and tone were the constant answers she gave me.

Or, running to my mum and give me defiant what-can-you-do-to-me-cos-popo-protecting me victorious look.

Yes. My 5 year-old precious baby is giving me teenage problems prematurely!!!

So I disowned her.

Okay, fine, not literally, but yah, this shows how baaaaaaaaaaaaaaad a mother I truly am. *guilt-ridden*

I asked her if she knows what she did wrong. She knew. This lecture took place once too many times, so this time, I just felt really bad cos I know it affected my mum quite a bit, but at the same time, I am wondering if our reluctance to shower her with lavish extravagance has made her feel that we don’t love her as much as we should.

I told her if she would prefer to be elsewhere, because we don’t buy her everything she wants (she shouldn’t be spoilt, I insist.) and our constant discipline to teach her is too much for her cos she can get away with everything elsewhere, then feel free, leave.

Mummy loves you every much, but I really don’t know what to do if you are unhappy here. If you want, go. Is Mummy too fierce? Is Mummy telling you the right way to behave too much for you? Is Mummy the boring one? Is Mummy not letting you eat chocolate when you are sick making you buey song?

Honestly, I don’t want to be the bad cop alllllllll the time, but disciplining her and teaching her is my responsibility, isn’t it? If she misbehaves, someone has to tell her she is wrong, and when I point it out, what use is there if there is always someone saying “She is just a child..” and she KNOWS she can get away with it?

I didn’t scold her in this session, I just merely spoke to her, told her about consequences, and then I asked her questions and I ended up crying, because I really don’t know what to do if she really doesn’t care.

Yes. I cried in front of her. Despite how I am such a mushy marshmellow on this space of mine, the number of times I had broken down in front of her in these 5 years could be counted on one hand so it is bloody rare okay!

And it was the first time I cried in front of her, because of her.

She broke my heart when she started crying when she saw me crying at the corner of my bed.

“Mummy, you are not angry? You are just very sad?”

She ran towards me (yes, she is also a little drama queen there, gosh, the genes) and threw her arms around me and hugged me really tight. I was exasperated and tired so I didn’t hug her back (told you I am a bad mum), but I did tell her I love her very much and I will always love her, but I am just very sad cos I don’t know what to do.

She then tried to kiss my tears away as she cried and kept saying sorry and she loves me.

I FEEL SUPERBLY BAD LAH. HOW NOT TO FEEL BAD YOU TELL ME?!

Okay, so that was the abrupt end to the tiny episode andthenwecuddleandmanjaeachother.

Surprisingly, I actually feel that there is a change in her, and I of course, feel bad and feel a need to remedy my meanness.

***

Countdown to Christmas: 3 days

This was the day when Minibean and my parents left for Genting, and I was left home alone.

It was pouring and the weather directed me to stay in bed, and go no where. Which is an absolute wise choice, cos I heard of the “ponding” in town and I was not about to kill my car.

What better way to celebrate the solitude with an obscene dose of mental-torment and plentiful of mindfucking?

I remember couple of months back, I was watching something on youtube/tudou, and someone asked me with a look of sheer contempt, “Why are you watching Taiwanese drama?!“.

I replied hesistantly, “Uhm, it is not Taiwanese drama….”

“Then where is it from? It’s in mandarin right?”

I bowed my head really low and in almost a whisper, “It is uhm.. well, China Chinese drama…”

The look of absolute disgust registered of his face was priceless.

2 months ago, I watched my childhood idol Nicky Wu:

I felt an incredible sense of shame that I received such judgment for watching cheenah drama that I didn’t dare to mention it to other friends from then on.

Then….. 3 days before Christmas, I saw another cheenah drama starring my childhood (okay, not so childhood, but I always find that he is SOOO my type, and is absolutely hot in my opinion in my teenage years) crush, Hawick Lau from Hong Kong.

The one on the left in front, not on the the right, ok.

He used to be so boyish, but now he is just.. HOT. Anyway, I started watching the show, and I sat through all 28 episodes of it in one go, fast-forwarding the scenes without him, obviously.

My goodness, both shows are out to inflict mental trauma, I swear. After watching both shows, I have disturbing dreams because both shows are just out to mindfuck people beyond belief and then make you want to smash your screens or scream out all the frustrations.

WHY LIKE THATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?!

Worst, the male leads make me super dreamy, and I realise I like men with power who want to dominate me HAHAHAHA. And I switch my taste from early-twenties boys to men around 40. Ahem.

Poison very deep, I tell you.

H.e.a.r.t.b.r.e.a.k.i.n.g.

I swear off chinese drama from now on, because it will kill me with the grief it brings. It either will burst a vessel in my frail heart, or short-circuit a nerve in my fragile mind. Nah-uh, no good.

Thinking of the storylines for both shows still make me wanna tear my hair out in utter exasperation. Grr…..

I was saying on twitter that to torture my worst enemy, I should just tie him to a chair and make him sit through Bubujingxin to the end and immediately air Qianshanmuxue and see the mental trauma he is going through.

But because I love many of you out there, I also have to reinstate how good both shows are, especially with brilliant acting from Nicky Wu and Hawick Lau (I am NOT bias), so please catch them so that no one will throw me looks of disgust and I will feel somewhat “normal”.

You all… don’t judge me…. right?

***

Countdown to Christmas: 2 days

Yet another day of rain and gloom, just like the way I love it.

Headed to the airport in the early morning and was surprised by the smooth traffic but the heat gave rise to a massive migraine that was mightily stubborn.

GIVE ME MY COLD WINTERRRRRRRRR!

Took a nap and woke up to a rainy evening.

A rude shock awaits…………

Okie. Couple of weeks back, on 12th December, my dad thought it was a good idea for Minibean to be a pet owner.

I do not understand what made him think so, but before I know it, I saw these 2 canaries in my living room one day when I returned from work, and since then, the living room was home to them and the cage that housed them.

I saw the birds when I returned from the airport. I saw that they had food and water, so I didn’t even open the cage, and I went to sleep my migraine away.

I woke up in the evening, got changed and was ready to head out for my dinner appointment, but decided to grab a drink in the kitchen.

A chilly evening and I could hear the rain.

Suddenly a chirp called out to me, and I looked towards the window, and right before me, was a pretty birdie staring at me and calling out to me.

Wait a minute.. it’s blue.. it’s green.

FUCK. It looks like those in the living room.

I went to the living room and checked the cage.

It was freaking empty!!!!

I put down my stuff and went back to the kitchen and saw one of the birds still perched prettily by the window sill.

I tried to chat it up (yes, it’s a strange image), baby-talked it and coaxed it to come in.

I tried to reach out for it when I saw that it wasn’t quite moving and IT TOOK FLIGHT.

I was thinking to myself that they must have made their ways out of the cage by themselves whilst I was napping, and should be out for quite some time already, so were they staying around to taunt me?!?!?!?!??!?!?!

I switched on the lights and decided to wait for them to come back. I even called out, “It’s raining out there, you might get sick… hellooooooooooo? *whistles*“.

I am beginning to sound real crazy, ain’t I?

Sounds silly on hindsight, but I did wait.

When they didn’t, I left a light on in case they decided to fly back and couldn’t see their ways in the house. Duh.

Well, it has been like, 3 days. I doubt they are ever coming back.

Good job. You just have to do it when I was the only one alone at home. Just as I expected, my mum insisted it must be me who opened the cage and didn’t dare to admit to it.

Tsk.

I went on to meet Jenn and Ling of Passion Chiffonier for dinner at Dempsey, and I was understandably upset and sounded reeeeeeeeeaalllllllllllyyy strange when I tried to explain to them I was held up by a pair of runaway birds.

To the point I spitefully announced that they were probably gonna be captured and cooked.

It was a sheer coincidence that fowl was on the menu for the night, and the below conversation took place between me and the waiter, which on hindsight, sounded kinda wrong.

Me: How big is the bird?

Him: Well, it is big enough, you can handle it.

Me: You sure it isn’t small? I am quite hungry, I don’t like it small.

The bird turned out to be really disappointing and small.

Me: Uhm, that’s it? This is quite.. er, small.. it is not uh, big enough.

Him: You have to put it in your mouth and try it.

Me: *mumbles to self* what? Is it going to grow bigger or something in my mouth?

I have to thank Jenn and Ling for not like ending the dinner early with a weirdo as companion.

It was actually the first time I sit down with them after all this time. And they didn’t judge me for my Nicky Wu and Hawick Lau china dramas birdcatching uncool obsessions.

Yet another strange episode awaits me in the dark after dinner as I walked back to my car in the dark carpark behind block 6 and 7.

Right next to my lot, on the side of the driver seat, parked a car with engine still running.

My immediate instinct was, “DID I BLOODY FORGET TO SWITCH OFF MY CAR ENGINE?!” since it is a very me-thing for me to do before I realised it wasn’t my car. Phew.

Then I saw the moving bodies in the car.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SERIOUSLY?!

This isn’t like Mount Faber, or deserted car parks near beaches, but Dempsey carpark at 10pm in the evening.

And it was directly next to the side I have to get into the car?!

I was so embarrassed that I decided to stand around for 10 minutes, struggling between the following options:

1) walk up to my car, peer into their cars purposefully and make sure they see me, before giving them a smile to remember me by

2) open my car door wide and smack it right into their car. Not because I am mean, but I am really wondering if they would sit up, put on their clothes and get off the car to reason with me. Giggles.

3) Climb in through my passenger seat. A Prius can get away without anyone hearing it. It is even quieter than Minibean’s snores.

4) Honk. And see them panic and scramble.

Well, I was nice. I am mostly nice anyway. Ahem.

I walked towards my car with my head bowed, quickly opened the door (though at this point I was thinking there was a couple shagging just inches away from me and blushing from that fact… when did I become such a prude? HAHAHA, in the past I would have looked into it!), jumped in and drove off immediately, almost like I was the one caught in action.

***

The migraine bugged me so much that I didn’t get to enjoy one last night of solitude filled with comforting activities (like sitting through yet another drama-marathon, or reading one of those mind-fucking books with ending making you wanna smash your iPad/tear the pages up).

I think it is almost unfair to say how much I enjoy being alone, cos I can’t say that without plenty of guilt especially with Minibean in my life.

I am thankful for the bit of time I can spare to meet up with people who don’t look at me funny when I tell them make-belief fairytales or  hopelessly loserish stories or hear me coo over cheenah drama. Basically, just being an overall loser. HAHAHA.

I am eternally grateful.

This is supposed to be a post with Christmas Eve and Christmas pictures, but I didn’t expect to write this much… so that would be in another post I supposed.

Christmas went by much more smoothly and bearable than I thought it would be. In fact, part of me actually enjoyed it because there wasn’t any expectations. But I had wished it had meant more to me.

After staying in on boxing day, waking up to the rainy weather only at 4.30pm (after a string of horrible, horrible dreams), stuffing myself with junk food (because Minibean was down with gastric flu and had infected other with it, I am afraid it would be my turn soon and must indulge before I need to abstain from junk food!!) what more can I ask for?

Of course when you don’t expect anything more… it could only get better.

Better, it did get.

When West Brom gave me an unexpected Christmas present to wrap an amazing week up, when they became the first team not to concede any goals to Manchester City and held them to a draw. How awesome were they?!

Of course, Manchester United hardworkingly steered themselves to a 5 goals victory over Wigan also means that we now are of equal points as Manchester City at top of the table, and the massive goal difference then is now narrowed to only 5.

We need to work harder there.

Just totally random. I think I have more respect for clubs like Liverpool and Arsenal, than clubs like Manchester City and Chelsea. And it is not just because I naturally sway towards anything and everything scarlet.

But oh well, you know what I mean.