Archive for the ‘The vast out there’ Category

Europe Jan 2012: Pre-trip Jitters

In less than 4 hours, I will be making my way to the airport but I have yet to get started on the packing, and don’t ask me why I am here writing instead of packing.

My pre-trip jitters and stress are unparalleled for any other trips I have done, even when the past 3 – 4 months I have been travelling just solely for work. Of course, having a teeny weeny bit of fear for flying doesn’t help much there.

Yes, I will be returning to Europe yet again, and re-visiting some of the places I had already been to, and exploring new grounds. The difference is, the whole family will be with me this time round.

HOW. FREAKING. SCARY. IS. THAT?!

I even had a proposal/itinerary typed out much to the amusement of my colleagues.

I know plenty of you might not understand why I am this panicky, to the point that I had had nightmares of missing the train, missing the flight… even bad weathers, which explains why I have been pretty tired from the lack of sleep recently = looking absolutely chui is not good news for camwhoring during the trip.

WHY I NEVER DREAM OF BUMPING INTO SOME HOT ENGLISH MEN WHO WILL SWEEP ME OFF MY FEET AH?!

Then, just before the trip, I dream of the endless work waiting for me when I come back because my boss declared that he will be a slave driver to me when I come back.

I got so bored in the dream I woke up, and failed to get back to sleep. Want to cry or not you tell me.

So today is the day.

Tomorrow, we will arrive in London on New Year’s Eve, and we will be joined by some friends for reunion dinner in Leicester Square.

Minibean had planned her own itinerary and been speaking the Queen’s English, which I have absolutely no idea where she picked it up from.

I have something in mind for the itinerary, which was something that came up after discussing with my parents, and even I feel a little rushed and tiring looking at it, YET they are telling me they wanna add in some more places, like, uhm, just a couple of hours back.

And that was AFTER they realised there will not be any tour guide, and I think the horror registered on my face when my dad asked if the guide who will be bringing us around will meet us there, and has the guide finished co-ordinating everything.

Nope. Nada. No guide. Just me, papa.

And I have no idea how and what to pack, honestly.

London for Lunar New Year – expecting temperatures to be 5 – 10, which falls in my favourite range.

Rome has awesome weather ranging from 5 – 15, which would be good for the family.

Then the horror starts with Florence, when it gets to minus 4, which is quite a relief cos temperature was going to -11 in Florence in recent days and are getting foggy.

We will then be done with Italy, which is a place I love and I remember the day I was in Rome some years back and I thought to myself I will want to bring my family back here cos it is just way too beautiful. I thought to myself maybe when Minibean turns 5 and above. I remember how that moment of thoughts was etched firmly in mind cos I was just so awed by its beauty that I missed home a great deal then.

We will then arrive in Austria, Salzburg. Dammit. It is forecasted to be -9 on the date we are arriving.

Coincidentally, we are arriving in Mozart’s hometown the very day of his birthday.

Vienna beckons right after. We end this leg in Budapest, before heading back to London for a few more days.

I will be solo after they return to Singapore earlier, and still have yet to decide what to do during the spare days I have in London.

To show how impossibly stress  I am, I even thought of printing out notes so that I can give Minibean an educational trip (slave driver alert), ahem, well, you know, can be a by the way thing, right?

By the time I am back, it will be 8 February. Wow. I really manage to avoid the whole Lunar New Year like I said I would like to do so.

The logistics have been a nightmare, but then again, just right before the trip, I finally found the positivity in me to overcome the pressure I put on myself, and breathe a little easier.

Bye everyone, will try to update along the way! :)

Wherever I end up, meet me there.

 

Ambitiously, I set out to overachieve over the weekend.

The only few things I had seen success are:

  1. screwing my body clock beyond repair, and with sheer spitefulness,  it decides to take revenge on my metabolism rate by slowing it to almost a halt. Pfft.
  2. I finally finish with the hotels booking for the trip (fuck, yeah!) though I should have booked EVERYTHING by the time Monday greets me. Damn. Oh hi Monday, you’re fucking early. Oh well, at least the hotel part is settled… now, uhm.. the transfer in between and other miscellaneous bookings. There’s always coming weekend. Oh wait. I would be in Phuket. Nevermind there’s always the next. But oh fuck, that’s the weekend I will be leaving.
  3. I played mahjong to curb the gambler’s itch. Achievement unlocked. And I won. Grand total of 25 buckeroos. There’s no negative to this positive, so I am happy.
  4. Karaoke with Jo (yes, I finally met up with her!) and Jean. I got lost in Joo Chiat and Katong area for 45 minutes, Jo got on a direct bus that wasn’t as direct as she assumed it was, Jean was awesomely sweet to go get dinner for us, and thus though we were supposed to meet at 7pm, and that I only reached at 7.45pm, I was still the earliest.
  5. Verbal diarrhea-ing on this god-forsaken place. Twice. I should get a medal for battling laziness and the lure of my sexy, seductive duvet. *smirks proudly and pats self on back* The only but is.. one of the posts should be here more than 2 years ago, but but but.. better late than never right?!
  6. This is a feat I should be most proud of. Which explains why I am here at 4am in the morning, writing my 2nd post in less than 12 hours. I finished half a loaf of bread. In less than 10 minutes just a moment ago. I had to stop myself before I go on to finish the next piece… I am now carbo-filled and guilt-filled at the same time, because if you refer to 1), my metabolism rate is asleep and that means I am on my way to self-destruction and am screwed beyond redemption. *WAILLLLLLLLLLLLS*

Well I am supposed to be stretching now to alleviate the guilt but I am convincing myself that typing this post is more fulfilling than actual working out… so here I am.

Now, compare it to the list I WAS supposed to achieve:

1) Finish all my planning for my upcoming trip with the family. I even wrote a proposal, printed out all the necessary information and did up an excel budgeting sheet. Thus far, I only finished with the hotel planning… well at least that means I have my route ready and a confirmation of the places I am bringing them! *Self consolation*

2) Start shopping for stuff for parents + Minibean + myself to deal with potential snow…. there’s always another 2 weeks for that…. But we need to start to pack, because the intense travelling between places would mean there would be plenty of transfers and we need to travel light. BUT HOW TO TRAVEL LIGHT IN WINTER YOU TELL ME?! Fine.. will try.

3) Finish with my work proposal. I brought the folder back, and it lays faithfully on the floor since Friday evening.

4) Finish reading The White Tiger. It is busy keeping my work folder company over the weekend, snuggling right next to it on the floor, cruelly neglected by me too.

5) Sleep well and tune my body clock back to normal. 2 words: Hur hur hur.

6) Play mahjong.

7) Hold my own concert. Karaoke made up for it.

8) Sttttrreeeeetttcccchhhhhh and exercise. Verdict? Ha. Ha. Ha.

***

Thursday saw a frustrated me after Manchester United performed rubbish-ly. It was the moment I believe the title hopes were snipped off cos you just couldn’t feel anyone has his heart in it to win it.

The irony of it was when this pleasant not to mention impeccably-timed surprise was the first thing I saw when I reached office on Thursday.

My Christmas present from Cheyenne who just returned from her holidays in London. She had asked me what I wanted on her previous trip and I had said a scarf from Old Trafford. Thank you babe! :D

I used to own one when I was 15, given to me by my then relief Mathematics teacher which I had given away in Moscow in 2008.

AND THEN THEY GO ON DISAPPOINTING ME LIKE THAT! MOCKERY!

But, thankfully they bucked up and kicked the Blues’ asses today so I am praying hard for a turn in the tide in our favour for the rest of the league season.

Am glad to start gaining the momentum at work since holiday season is technically over, but then seeing that the company trip to Phuket is just days away and the Europe trip is less than 2 weeks ago… I am quite sure it is gonna be quite disruptive.

DOESN’T MATTER. Seizing the moment and not leave room for regrets is more important than anything else. Not to mention how important this family trip is for me this time round, so I know it is a good call on my part. Money can be slowly earned.

I finally went for a long over-due massage on Thursday, and it was one which didn’t make me moan and cry for help, so I know it is still lacking in the oomph factor that I am looking for. I wonder where did my male Thai masseuse go. Life hasn’t been the same since that shop in Far East closed down.

For the past couple of months I had been dealing with my jetlag, there wasn’t a day I slept like the way I slept on Thursday night.

I fell asleep at hours human beings are supposed to be sleeping, and I slept through soundly for 12 hours! I can’t verbalise bliss so I ain’t even gonna try.

***

Friday came and it started with storytelling to Minibean…. when Minibeanism struck yet again.

Mummy, we are going to London right? We are going to Rome Italy also right? Are we going to China, Kenya and New York also?

What the…. of course not!

Then can we go Kenya, New York and China together?” What she meant was, can we fly to London and then go to Rome, and then continue on the journey to China, Kenya and New York.

Seriously my dear, look at me. Look at my face. Closely. WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE TO YOU?!

Just like tonight, I joked to her that she’s gonna sleep on the street, the horror on her face was evident as she shrilled in pure dramatic fashion, “BUT I LIKE HOTEL! I DON’T WANT TO SLEEP ON THE STREETS!

I asked if she was going to pay for the hotel and she went, “Nooo, you will pay for it, Mummy, you choose a nice hotel okay?

Spoilt brat alert. Tsk.

That was the day a brave friend of mine, to protect her identity, I shall code name her.. well, JeyNerd, brought her giant steel balls to Auckland and of course it would mean she had went on with a bang.

I think I feel responsible for encouraging craziness in my friends. Which explains my decision to take the plunge as well for my upcoming London trip. For all of you out there who think we are crazy, it’s okay, because -delusional- we have giant steel balls and you have none.

I felt a sense of relief when I finally finish my budgeting for one of my proposals (a new territory for me, thus the jitters consumed me!). Gave my boss a lift before returning home to spend time with Minibean, who as usual, would be the death of me.

I was sneaking a bar of mini-magnum ice-cream into my room when she noticed it, and I gave her a raised brow as she was nearing it, and immediately, she turned cocky and boasted, “Hmph, neh neh neh boo boo *sticks tongues out and hands next to cheeks* I already had ice cream just now, Gong gong already given it to me. HA. HA.

Yes, she does a perfect HA. HA. And she stood there defiantly and gave me a cheeky defiant look.

I smacked her bum and in mocked anger threatened to scold my dad and tell him not to give her ice-cream next time.

This was when she gave a smirk and even more cocky look, in a confident and victorious tone, “NOOOO! Gong gong will give me EVERYTHING I WANT. HA.HA.

PULLS. HAIR. OUT.

After she went to sleep, I dozed off early as well though I had set the candles up, and prepared myself for a night of television and reading.

I woke half an hour later to find myself a tad too drowsy to do serious reading and decided to do research for the trip and book the hotel.

You won’t believe that I ended up spending 6 hours online to book 5 hotels, and eventually, I only managed to book 2.

Reason being I am incredibly picky when it comes to hotels and they have to fulfill the below criteria. After reading you will know why it takes me 6 hours to find something close to what I am looking for. Keep the sniggering to yourself:

  • Preferably SGD120 and below. And yes, I know Europe tends to be a little more expensive but then I am on a tight budget!
  • Rates to include breakfasts, only because my parents are traveling or else normally I don’t really care cos I won’t wake up in time for breakfasts anyway. Heh.
  • Free wifi, not limited to just the lobby, but in the room. I am willing to make do with free cable internet.
  • Rooms that offer kids below 12 to stay for free with an extra bed. Rare, but I am willing to make do with rooms that do not charge for kids who stay in the same room sharing the same bed. Most hotels charge 30 – 80 euros per addition pax, which would make the hotels way beyond my SGD120 budget.
  • Accessibility is important as well. Must be near train station if we are travelling by train. Must be near tourists centre if we are driving. And must have free/lower parking rates.
  • Must be of a certain standard set down by myself. Rooms must be cosy and presentable. Modern, chic and sleek take precedence over old-style hotels woodiness. If it’s B&B, it must be less than SGD 80.
  • Must have 2 rooms available.
  • I will also look out for hotels with views.
  • Those destinations I am unsure of must offer flexibility of cancelling options. Those I am certain to travel to I am willing to lock down with those no refund deals if I like the hotels enough.

So what happens if the above is impossible to find?

Well, of course I will source till the last hotel to make sure none fulfill all of the above before I start to narrow down the short-listed ones.

I am willing to compromise no breakfasts, which means I can explore local cafes with the family, and normally breakfasts are charged more than 15 Euros per person, and that would mean more savings if we eat elsewhere.

I am proud to announce all the hotels I had booked in various cities offer free wifi. HALLELUJAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

In fact I had one hotel that costs me S$140 for 2 double rooms, I am happy like a birdie!

The only hotel that exceeded my budget was the reason why I stayed up for 2 nights to look for better bargains and wanted it to be 4 stars and a view. Of course to top it off with all of the above, it was almost possible, I could almost get a suite but the problem is… most of the hotels only had one room with a view to spare but I needed 2.

Eventually I doubled my budget just for this one city, though I found few that fit my budget… I refused to settle for anything less.

When I travelled to Europe in Aug/Sep last year, the hotels we stayed in Amsterdam, Schwangau, Nuremberg and Prague were all below S$120 and they turned out awesome and unexpectedly nice and decent. Except that I forgot to look out for the fact that Schwangau’s B&B was with shared bathroom.

Okay, from the above you probably can see how age has made me an absolute auntie.

***

I saw daylight when I finally tore myself away from the monitor on Saturday morning. I only woke almost at 5pm.

You tell me, how to be nice to my body clock?!

Went off to meet Jo and Jean for karaoke session and we stood in the chilly, heavier-than-usual breeze at the junction of the roads for a dreamy chat before we went off.

I thank God for friends who don’t judge and don’t look on to me like a freak when I do things on a whim.

Rushed off to Lee’s place for mahjong with Robin, and I was educated on “distance from Thailand to Singapore”. Often when they are playing, they would ask if any of us is “near” to calling it a game. So sometimes when you have really shitty hand, you can say you are probably… in America or something.

I honestly thought I had a quite a while to go but apparently I need to sync my relativity to theirs HAHAHAHA.

I didn’t get home till it was 9plus in the morning and I was still energetic and awake!

I might well be on US timing than UK timing these days. I might as well leave it for another 2 weeks and I will be super well-adjusted when I return to London.

Nevermind.

I got all my hotels booked today but am re-evaluating some of my more pricey options to see if I can find better deals.

When I saw Dad in the evening looking tired, I was a lil concern and he told me he played mahjong till 5am yesterday and lost $1000+.

Which wasn’t the point. The point was, when they asked him to play again early this noon, instead of resting, he went to play.

He stopped when he won back what he lost, and then went to win somemore moolah.

I don’t know what to say, ahem, but except that I believe I am not a gambler, but perhaps I was born one. It’s in my genes. I cannot help it.

I feel a tinge of sadness knowing I will be going to Phuket and missing out on mahjong this week. I think I might be able to squeeze in one on Friday before I fly off on a Saturday night the following week. But fret not, I have arranged for a session in London with some sweet underaged young boys, and I told Robin and Lee to wait for my glorious mahjong-deprived return.

Just when I thought I would be prepped for a long day of work tomorrow, I am now still awake, with half a loaf of bread undigested in me.

Let the countdown begin.

5 more hours before Minibean goes off to her first day in school.

4 more days to Phuket, woohooooooooooooooooo!

12 more days before I will finally get to show Minibean London – the place that I hold closely to my heart.

And maybe, she and my parents might just be able to see snow, which I believe will make their trip a memorable one…

Christmas 2011: the days after

I don’t even know how to start to explain the rage of emotions that had overwhelmed me in the past couple of days, which kinda accounts for why this post has remained a draft for a longest time.

I can’t remember the last time I am this stress. Okay, fine, work stress, but this is a different kind of stress.

Couple of weeks back, those closest to me are aware of my desperate need to get away, yes again, but there is always a good reason to be away.

I needed to get away. For myself. On my own.

In fact, I had a booking made for my air-ticket, but was pretty hesitant as finances are usually couple of sizes too small after December.

Holding it off proved to be a pretty wise move, because I woke up on Christmas day being notified a promotion was on, and it was an incredible, incredible steal for the price I am paying, so I had no reason to hold myself back.

I needed to get away, for myself.

I can’t even begin to describe how fearful I am of the Lunar New Year buzz, and I am not sure if I still any bare ounce of energy in me to deal with the obligatory visiting and answering patronising questions patronisingly.

Seriously, I dread it enough to want to get away. But the dilemma stays that it is a tradition I wouldn’t want Minibean to miss, especially seeing how she enjoys every bit of Chinese New Year, down to the last crumbs of the pineapple tarts, so staying at home and making her a sacrifice of my anti-socialness is simply unfair.

I know I have been travelling a fair bit this year, but if there is one thing I didn’t get to do, is to travel on my own, solely, independently.

A part of me is aware that if I don’t take the chance to get away on my own over Chinese New Year, it will probably take a long while before I get to do so.

And so, started my dodgy escapism plans, and all were going on pretty smoothly, I mean Minibean will be following her both sets of grans around for visiting while I will be away…… and I was even about to book a solo ticket and single room to Barcelona from London (yes, yes, I am super not creative with my destination, since I am just back from London from a month ago, and was in London in September too, but I have friends and things to do there!) before a phone call changes everything.

Okay. I am not sure how to elaborate this without getting teary, but I am gonna try my darnest best. Don’t roll your eyes at me, you know I am a wuss like that.

I was in the office after the Christmas weekend, when Dad called, asking if Minibean was with me. It was early in the evening, and knowing Dad, he doesn’t really return home this early unless he wants to spend time with Minibean, or that he is tired, which is pretty often these days with age catching up on him.

I told him I am at work, and I asked if he is staying in as his voice was evidently laced with fatigue.

He answered his knee was giving him problems and he can’t really walk, and he will be home earlier these days to rest more cos it makes him really tired, which is… really rare.

The phone call bugged me very, very much.

For much of Tuesday evening, I was just depressed by the thought of how age is catching up on him, I mean, I think of it pretty often and had often put my emotional thoughts out in the open in this space in the past… but I just can’t help but think how an energetic man who used to be on top of everything, and the one everyone relies on, have to deal with the dent to pride age has dealt with him.

It is like there are people who are stubborn to do everything by themselves, and then there comes a point they have to concede they are not capable anymore… how painful is that?

I had a bad night on Tuesday and the sleep quality wasn’t good.

4 days after Christmas

I managed to give myself a small break today after spending two whole days doing research online, trying to loop everything together, which proves to be a mega, mega challenge.

It would have been easier if this was just work, and I could just say, “this is not possible, that is not practical…” BUT this is bigger than anything I had planned, so MAKING IT POSSIBLE is a must.

I went to town via public today, and surprisingly, my cab fare didn’t kill me.

I walked down Orchard Road after some self-pampering, and stopped by Takashimaya to pick up a Jewellery Musical Box for Minibean.

I think the brilliance of my genes scares me sometimes.

When she saw the paperbag when we were having dinner at Marina Square with her dad and paternal grandparents, she instinctively asked, “Mummy, what did you buy? Do you have a surprise for me? Let me guess.. is it a musical jewellery box?

Now I know why the men I even been with always feel I am a dampener cos I have this ability to spoil my own surprises, however elaborated, so yeah, it is quite hard to surprise me sometimes.

So karma bites me in the ass, and though I didn’t go through hoops to plan some elaborated surprises for her, but I can now totally feel how no fun it was to have a surprise dampened, much worse one that goes through lotsa details planning.

I blame it on the fact that I haven’t dated really smart men who can pull off a brilliant heist. KIDDING! KIDDING! But, have you seen Brat Pitt and George Clooney in the Ocean series…? You know what I mean. Drop-dead-gorgeously-hot is a pre-requisite to distract intelligent people like me to fool us.

Anyway.

As I was saying. Minibean.

There was no point asking her how did she know, because she will just say matter-of-factly while doing her usual stuff, and reply with a shrug, Minibeanism #1: “Because I am intelligent, I use my brains to think. I am smart, right?

Yes, she ALWAYS says that.

Minibean been looking longingly at those musical boxes because of the ballerina, and today the paternal grans suggested that she should be picking up some sports because with all the scholarships and blarblarblar with the emphasis on sports.. it would do her good.

That’s not the point.

The point is, Minibean got really excited, and said that she wanna be a Ballerina-footballer (?! I am trying to imagine Eric Cantona doing ballet) when she grows up.

I am 50% proud. Because, woooohooooooooooooooo my baby wanna be a footballer, is she cool or is she cool?

Sidetrack a lil, couple of weeks back, after Zachary’s birthday party on the 18th December, I nearly disowned her.

In fact I was in a state of hysteria that I whatapped some friends who agreed with my decision.

We were having dinner in Chili’s when it was showing American Football. She knows it is not the usual football, but when she saw some of the jerseys in darker shades of blue, she said, “Mummy, you know, sometimes those who wear blue, are Chelsea.

YOU TELL ME HOW TO BE NOT PROUD OF HER?! Next time I will ask her to explain off-side rules to you all, okay?

I wonder if she knows what she is talking about, so I asked, “So what about Chelsea?

They are… magnificent!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TRAITOR! DISOWNNNNNNNNN (LiverpoolJanet the  and ArsenalCheyenne both at this point said the same thing!)!

I gave her a death stare and she immediately gave a grin and shifty eyes, Minibeanism #2: “BUT THEY ARE SO EMBARRASSING RIGHT, MUMMY? Manchester United is the best!

Passable save.

Anyway.

Halfway through dinner, she came over and whispered in my ears, and before I know it, I was listening to a subtle warning from the princess of wits herself.

Minibeanism #3: “Mummy, today I was listening to the news right? There is this little boy, he very poor thing, his Papa and Mama beat him, then his arm drop off (I assume the boy’s arm was broken), then they went to jail cos they beat him. So you cannot smack me wait you go jail also!”

I very scared she gonna call the police next time I smack her hand. ROOOOAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

***

3 days after Christmas

I woke up feeling really queasy and the onset of tummyache.

Uh-oh. No good. Plus the restless sleep I had after talking to my dad the day before, I wasn’t in that good a shape and stayed home.

Dad came home early again, and he was home by late noon, and was surprised to see me.

Did I mention that he has a newfound obsession? My iPad. Birzzle. After my mum was hooked on it, the iPad has claimed its latest fan.

To the point that when he walked into his room, first thing he asked was…. “iPad where huh?”

Did I mention that when he returned from China some weeks ago, after Minibean had returned from Israel and had her 5th birthday party (he was away), he said happy birthday to her, gave her a hug, and first thing he said to her was, “Where you put the iPad? Bring to Gong gong okay?

So much love.

After I handed him the iPad, it was almost instinctive of me to ask if he would be free over Lunar New Year…

I told him of the brilliant air ticket prices and asked if he would want to bring mum and Minibean to join me in London.

I thought how selfish it was of me to want to be away alone.. and how I hadn’t travelled with my parents in the past… 13 years.

We had spoken about going on a holiday together for the past couple of years, but he had always been busy and there never seemed to be a good time for him to getaway.

I was surprised when he said he would try to move things around and make it for the trip, and asked me to go ahead and book the tickets for them.

He told me about how he went to every corner of London when I was studying there, and his trip to Edinburg with my mum, where they brought my Grandma, and I have not even been to Scotland, which is actually on my agenda this time round if I were to travel on my own!

He then said he had never been to other parts of Europe… and he said something that hit home. “Okay, let’s go… now I can’t walk a lot and my energy is not there, if I don’t go now, I don’t know if I can next time or not.

He made it sounded so casual, and though he spoke exactly what is on my mind, but it was superbly painful to hear it from him.

I held back my tears and happily replied that I will go ahead and make arrangements and thus started my these 2 days of intensive research and left little time for writing down my thoughts, cos it is quite emotional for me to do so.

Dad was keen on seeing a few places, and originally put aside a week, when I mentioned over dinner that it will be too short to see much he asked me to extend it longer so he can see more, because he is getting old and he wanna do it while he still can.

You have no idea how heart breaking it was.

I told him the intensive itinerary might not be good, and I have this worry in me as well, but he is adamant to going with an intensive itinerary and he will want it that way.. and I realise we both have this unspoken understanding that this will probably be the last adventurous trip for him before he takes a slower pace for something less tiring.

Thus, started my planning. I never had quite planned much for my travels, but with 2 elderly and a vivacious child, everything has to be immaculate.

I try to fit as much as I can show them, because though we might still have the chance, I wanna make every trip counts. We have never taken much pictures together, and I wanna freeze the memories as much as I can this time round.

I figured out when my sense of wander and spontaneity comes from, and this might just be the most meaningful trip I ever planned.

I asked him if the weather is too cold, and when he realised it will be almost zero, he is as happy as I am. Now, that explains.

Still.. I have still experiencing bottlenecks when trying to fit in the places and taking some factors into considerations but I tell myself that this will be the first trip of many to come, one that starts teaching us to seize the moment because there is never a good time, and thus, make every moment counts.

I remember 3 years ago in Rome, I stood in the streets of Italy, and as I took it all in, I said, “One day, I wanna bring Minibean and my parents here.

And that scene kept replaying in my head. I am determined to make it happen.

I pray. And I pray a lot, that this will be the most fulfilling trip for all of us, and everything will go smoothly.

This year, some friction happened between me and my dad. I was angry. Very angry. But with some health scares along the way, I don’t want to waste time being angry, I wanna spend more time loving him.

***

2 days after Christmas

Superbly happy when I was woken up by the postman who delivered my Christmas present.

Just in time for the Lunar New Year trip!

I certainly hope this is an awesome investment, and it means I have to head out of the country more often to not let money go to waste *warped theory alert*

Went to visit Eddy and Kelly’s newborn son, Noel, and I one-sidedly feel extremely bonded with him. He is such and amazing cutie!

There is something about cuddling newborns that make me feel extremely, utterly maternal to the point that I wanted to abduct Noel home. This boy will be so loved. Next time remember I was the emcee at your parents’ wedding okay?

A late dinner with Janet was on the agenda to wrap up a brilliant evening. We can’t wait to meet up with Jo. 2 seemingly factual statements but…… so cryptic. Hurhur.

***

1 day after Christmas

I slept the rainy day away.

Just what I needed.

***

Christmas day

I finally got round to watching Twilight, and it was quite goooooooooood what! *unabashedly bimbotic*

All of us woke up late on Christmas Day after a late Christmas eve party and a night of waking up to check on Minibean who had a bout of gastric flu which she eventually passed on to everyone.

She woke up in the middle of the night screaming of tummyache, and I was afraid she might throw up in her sleep, or start developing a fever or some sorts.

So. Sleep deprived.

Of course, such discomfort does not stop her from ruling the world.

We went out for Christmas Tea party!

Here is she decking out her new dress, a Christmas present she gotten a day before!

I bet you can’t see that she hadn’t been eating for 2 days.
On the bicycle she gotten from me for her 5th birthday.
Still a little girl at heart, with her Camel, Sarah, which she gotten from her trip to Jerusalem.
Haven’t posted pictures for a long time.. so expect quite a fair bit today!
And her wearing her Christmas present from me.. an angel pendant with a star. Symbolising that I will always pray she will be looked after by the angels, and there will always be hope.

I remember Wendy and Qiuting said I should put tape on her left eye. After looking at this picture, I feel like doing it NOW!
My daughter very cute huh?
Time has passed so fast… she’s already 5. And once the year crosses over, she will be considered as a 6 year-old. *wipes proudmama’s tears*

Which makes me wonder what other wonderful retorts she will come up with to make my hair grey faster than it should.

Still, she will always be my baby, and seeing her holding her baby pillow preciously brings some sort of comfort to me.

She was unusually shy when she arrived at the party and insisted to be carried. She knew very well she was unwell and her lack of appetite also steered her clear of all the Christmas goodies, which makes me feel a little bad indulging in all things sinful in front of her.

A little gift from her uncle cheered her up.

My Christmas wish for her…. is that she will STOP cutting her own hair off when her grans are not looking. It might not be my place to ask, but why does she have access to scissors huh?!

Christmas Eve

Mad rush with last minute Christmas shopping, and thank God for places like IMM which saves me from the dreadful rain and Christmas shopping crowd in town.

Dad and Mum drove almost 10 hours to get back from Genting with all the bad weather and massive jams.

Minibean was throwing up non-stop and they had to bring her to the docs as well.

She felt a little warm, and had little appetite.

So she had to miss most of these:

Chocolates and tea!

and these:

So yes, the porridge is for her. But it didn’t take long before she had the runs and right after washing her up, she threw up all her dinner. :(

Since she joined us right after crossing the custom, we didn’t manage to dress her up and she wasn’t quite in the mood to be dressed up either.

Minibean writing Christmas cards:


She loves Christmas tree. I am sure she doesn’t remember that when she was born in 2006, there was a Christmas tree already standing in my living room, which had been there for 4 years. Hurhurhur.

One of her with Mummy!

My babe with an attitude:

Well uhm…

Okay! Camwhore time, very long never post so many narcissistic shots already hahaha!

Was supposed to join some girlies for Christmas party, but Minibean wasn’t feeling quite well so I stayed put.

The amount of Christmas presents under the tree:

Out of these, I saw this:

The present is from a beautiful English girl called Ophelia…  it’s every mum’s worst nightmare cos you can only think of the sugar high and the chaos it brings.

And of all the presents, this much belongs to Minibean:

I can’t even begin to say how blessed she is. She is very, very loved. I think of the past 5 years of Christmas with her in my life, and how each one is amazingly special because of her, I still can’t quite grasp how she has changed my life that much, beyond what I could have ever imagined.

When midnight drew near…

And she started to unwrap her presents before midnight! I have to say that she enjoys unwrapping presents more than appreciating the presents. Tsk. I will have to start the nagging about appreciating and valuing your stuff….. but it’s Christmas, I am keeping the Mummy in me at bay.

And then there were my presents, which I honestly didn’t expect much this year, cos I just ain’t feeling much of the Christmas vibes:

Her trying on her Christmas dress and looking gorgeous!

And not this is not hers, but MINE!

Which of course she isn’t quite happy, laughs. The story behind is.. how I had always wanted Play Doh but my mum didn’t have the money to buy for me when I was younger.

Dutifully, I waited till Christmas to give Minibean a kiss and hug, and also to unwrap all the presents!

Present I got from Jenn and Ling:

Giggles. I think they think I cute, but have a wild side to me or something. Or so the gift says. Thank you babes! Love them!

LOVE THE SKIRT! I wanted to wear it together with Minibean’s new dress one day when we head out together. Thank you babes!

From Ian, I love practical stuff, and after the spring cleaning recently, I have finally decided to sort my makeup stuff out and utilise them. So something to add to the collection!

I love this:

I am a fan of Loccitane products! And in this exquisite little box of perk me ups!

I was in the office and my boss and a fellow colleague gotten us Crabtree and Evelyn hand creams which I love and now I have so many hand cream and I am super happy cos I recently started on using hand cream and find them super amazing!

A Banana Republic maxi dress which is so comfortable and pretty. I think this year everyone kinda know my style very well, laughs. I think that’s the most heartening thing, it doesn’t really matter what the gift is, but the fact that people care enough to take note?

An interesting cardigan which is perfect for workdays!

A top from H&M and Massimo Dutti!

And a gift that made me rather speechless from everyone who chipped in… cos it was really unexpected, and it was just because Jiali and I were talking about the travel wallet I had with me (which was a gift from Jiali which I carried with me whenever I travel) at Covent Garden during my recent trip to London.

I do feel a tad guilty… well cos.. it was unexpected and it was something I felt I didn’t quite deserve since this year I am quite broke and didn’t put in as much thoughts into everyone’s gifts.


But it is really, really lovely and pretty. The exact kind of wallet that I like. Like I said, it’s always when people take note of small things that really matter.

So yeah, thank you all.

When I finally got home, it was almost 2am, and I was surprised to see the lights still on in Dad’s room. I shooed Minibean into the room to wish my Dad, and when we opened the door, there he was furiously Birzzling on the iPad, which makes me wonder if I should get him one for his 71st birthday next week. HAHAHA.

Guess Dad’s first words to us?

“Wah, you all back so early today huh?”

How long have you been playing Dad?!

He looked at the clock before realising it was freaking 2am!

Minibean and Dad spent some bonding time together, and to me, that’s the most precious part of Christmas to me, even though there wasn’t any party, any buzz, the simplicity of it all, the beauty of it was beyond any gift could ever give.

Though it’s late, but I wish everyone’s Christmas is special in its own way. Filled with love, happiness, blessings and everything you wish for. Love, from both of us!

Of course what is Christmas without some kind of spoiler from Minibeanism #4 just we were prepping for bedtime after reading her a bedtime story.

Mumbling to self, “I think I am getting old… I can’t seem to remember where I put my stuff…

She said matter-of-factly in that old-soul tone of hers, “No, it is just that you are not very smart right now.

*Speechless*

Seriously?!

I seriously have no idea to laugh or cry cos it shows she is agreeing that 30 is nowhere near old, or her subtle dig.

Did I mention that since her return from Genting, she has picked up an English accent from nowhere?!

I shudder at the thought that she might pick up some dry, crisp humour along the way.

Fret not baby, in less than a month’s time, you will be able to hone all those skills of yours.

When I travelled for work some time back, Minibean cried at the airport when sending me off. When I got back, I was told that she asked why is it that I never brought her to London or overseas with me, and she was crying when she asked “Is it because I naughty so Mummy doesn’t want to bring me?”

I swear I nearly burst out crying upon hearing this.

When she got back from Israel in the first week of December, it was one of those days when I was bringing her out for activities, and as I was driving, I asked her where did she want to go that weekend.

She pondered hard, and said “Mummy, you bring me to London this weekend?

…………… Nice try.

But you know what, I bet she is now having the last laugh cos her birthday/Christmas wish is coming true.

Not the same river

You may wonder, ‘How can I leave it all behind if I am just coming back to it? How can I make a new beginning if I simply return to the old?’ The answer lies in the return. You will not come back to the ‘same old thing.’ What you return to has changed because you have changed. Your perceptions will be altered. You will not incorporate into the same body, status, or world you left behind. The river has been flowing while you were gone. Now it does not look like the same river. – Steven Foster

The answer lies in the return. I did not come back the same old Ting (okay, that was pretty lame but still……..).

Especially so with my latest episode of escapades, though whatever hit me, was definitely sneakily unexpected, and at this very moment, I still try hard to make sense of it all.

It is just a shame that in the past couple of years, I had let the definitive moments slip by without giving them much thoughts or fanfare, and on hindsight, how they became a personal loss.

If you don’t already know, I do have a sadistic tendency to pause the memory button ever so often, to revisit fragments of my past, regardless of the joy or pain they brought.

Pain is good, it can bring joy when you realise that you are still alive, and how faraway the pain is. You press down hard on the cut as if to check if it was real, cos you hardly feel it anymore. Unaware to self, you rub on the scar ceremoniously to wake the demons, almost adoringly, and the undeniable victorious thrill when you realise what you thought could kill you feels no more than a needle prick these days.

It doesn’t linger. It doesn’t stain.

Joy of the past.. sometimes brings more pain. It creates the bubble of hope, a dreamland of possibilities, adding the frills to the reality, spurring on expectations of what-could-have-beens, and brewing a buzz of induced high. Like a drug.

You grow reliant on it, until it wears off and what’s left before your eyes is just the reality because don’t we already know with expectations come one hellava bitch of disappointments.

When is the high wearing off? I don’t know, but it feels like I can go on with this buzz for a while, and riding on its wave is all I wanna do right now.

I don’t remember feeling this way for a few years already. I am as glad as I am fearful to be able to feel this way again.

Just because, I was shown the world.

Gosh.  CAN SOMEONE THROW THE ALARM CLOCK IN MY FACE ALREADY?! That will definitely be some kind of merciful release for me…

… and the people around me.

***

Exploring the world out there is a very personal experience, regardless how massive a group you are travelling with. Ahem, trust me, I have been travelling with massive groups these days so I know what I am talking about, though the irony remains cos if you know me, you would know my preferred travelling size is Oh-En-Yee, unless you are cool, or hot, preferably both, and paying for my trip.

Everyone sees something different, learns something different, feels something different. There’s just too much out there for us to digest what we experienced and fit the pieces into the puzzle voids of our lives, and with each of us having different missing pieces, what we are looking for is understandably different. Unless of course we are talking about THAT Chanel 2.55… well that’s another story altogether!

I revisited some places in the past 2 years (not to mention my yearly pilgrimage to London), and had the blessing to visit some new ones which floored me with their absolute beauty.

Everytime I get to a new place, I always tell myself I NEED to, and I WANT to be back again. But then, hello? I don’t print money, and am too old to be shagging Justin Bieber (though the thought really kills my libido for good, and that says a lot since I am supposedly in my sexual prime at T-H-I-R-T-Y. Which scientist did the study by the way? I would like to make a complaint…) and claim to have a lovechild by him.

And there are simply too many new places to see.

I haven’t been to a place I hadn’t enjoyed myself in the past couple of years, because I think at the end of it, it is always up to us to find something different to spice up the trip. I am thankful I didn’t have to do much of that because the places I go, though sometimes half-heartedly and reluctantly, I ended up being pleasantly surprised.

I wish to jot down all the highlights like I used to, but with the overwhelming accumulation, it seems unlikely I would ever get started.

The moments this space had missed. Snippets is a good start, perhaps.

January 2010

The Royal Caribbean cruise to Kuala Lumpur, Langkawi and Phuket.

Langkawi, with Minibean.

We didn’t get to go off the cruise when it was docking at Kuala Lumpur cos we slept through it.

Phuket. Phuket was different for me this time as I had counted down to 2009 at Phuket over a diving trip, and land activities beckoned this time round.

The hilarious episode (and a subplot of an awfully painful incident I witnessed) at the ATV centre. Not to mention how I silent (read: not silenced, though I very much wanted to) 3 men with my, well, dare I say, superb marksmanship.

The amazing sunset I want Minibean to never forget as we cruised on the sea.

How she wailed and bawled cos she had no faith in me. Pfft.

The amazing people I had already written about on the cruise. Gosh, it was a year ago when I wrote briefly about the experience, and almost 2 from the cruise.

Minibean still has an impeccable memory to the elements of the cruise, and kiddos these days are fortunate that they have digital refreshers to keep their memories air-tight.

***

May 2010

Batam, Indonesia

A short, overnight trip to Batam to celebrate Edy’s birthday marked my virgin trip to Batam. There was nothing much about the trip to shout about, though it was the first time I travelled overseas to celebrate a friend’s birthday!

Of course, the disbelief on everyone’s face when they realised I had never been to Batam at the grand, old age of twenty-nine.

***

29 July – 1 August 2010

Sri Lanka

I cannot even begin to tell you how fabulous this place is, a truly hidden gem that is slowly gaining pace for tourism after recovering resiliently after being brutally battered by the tsunami in 2004, and concluding its civil war after 26 long years in May 2009.

There is so much more of Sri Lanka to explore, to see, and the magnificent beaches I have heard of but didn’t venture to. The folklores. The quiet beauty of it all.

Few know that majority of Sri Lankans are buddhists and the population has one of the highest literacy index in the world and majority of them speak English.

This exotic destination is shaped like a pearl, though I insist it looks like a teardrop. The people are amazing, the service staff were the sweetest thing. It is moment like this I realise how much of the trip has faded off in my memory as I try my darnest to recall everything. I remember the excitement I had when I returned, I remember raving the country to friends.. but over what?

Age is catching up on me.

Truly a shame.

***

8 – 18 November 2010

London, United Kingdom

A rainy day where the gale wind broke a couple of brollies. A sombre day at Westminster Abbey as it was Armistice Day.

This trip, we had company. This trip I was bought a lapdance. Yes, a hot young lady gyrated her nakedness before me and kissed my chest. Yes, it was a private dance. And she was incredibly hot, to the point the boys protested that I had chosen the most beautiful girl on the floor.

She was in a scarlet dress. Maybe that was what caught my eyes.

But hey, I bet I could work the pole better than most of the girls in Stringfellows.

And then, there was Jiali who had left for London for her studies.

And then the trip to Bicester and Oxfordshire.

The commuting to Canary Wharf.

Love Never Dies.

I flew alone and I love it.

***

I didn’t think I would travel much in 2011 since my savings were pretty much depleted after my sabbatical from the corporate world, though I was very fortunate to have a friend who offered me a chance to manage some projects for him.

Then, in March, the only likelihood for me to travel, was to Batam again.

30th – 31st March 2011

The company was awesome and we had combat time in the scorching afternoon sun.

But nothing beats the top of the world feeling I had.

So what if it was only Batam?

I jetski-ed for the first time. I went on a banana boat for the first time. And I parasailed for the first time.

Awesome.

And those air gun pellets? They hurt like a bitch.

***

3rd – 8th June 2011

Perth, Australia

The place didn’t charm me as much as the stories I heard, the people I met did.

It was highlighted by the 2 Keiths. My driver, and a farmer who showed us around.

I want to share the story someday, and I know I have to.

I probably didn’t realise how much it was a changing point for me, as the trip came pretty unexpected, and the commitment to it came just days before the trip.

Before I knew it, I was on my first trip to Perth, and though the city is a little too subdued for my liking, the chance for me to stretch together with the dance students in WAPAA, and to be away from the heat and humidity, I was only too thankful.

I remember the moment when the 2 teachers and I got teary-eyed because of the story shared by Keith the farmer.

I remember the students and their fabulous dance-off which made me wish I was young again, and one of them, Elizabeth, one of the nicest girls possible, went on to appear on television and Minibean became a fan of hers.

I met teachers who make me believe in the education system again. I met teachers who touched me greatly. I met teachers who made me feel the passion to want to teach again.

But seriously, which education system in the world would accommodate a non-conformist like me?

Certainly not here.

***

24 August – 6 September 2011

London, United Kingdom

British Museum.

Singapore Airlines reminded me that my air miles were expiring in September, and I had enough to fly to London.

What was I waiting for?!

Not much planning, and tickets were booked. Spontaneity yet again.

Wicked. Wizard of Oz.

Since I was starting my new work, I decided to take a holiday, well in case I don’t get to go holiday (duh, not every chance to head out of town is a holiday okay?) much in the future.

Days before I flew off, I decided to be adventurous, and thus an impromptu itinerary took form, and before I knew it…

Amsterdam, Netherlands beckoned, biatches!

I did go to a coffeeshop, but I was a good girl.

It was early morning when I left Amsterdam, and took a sleepy train ride into Cologne, Germany.

This is where the real adventure begins because I did not check out Cologne at all. I headed straight for the airport to pick up the rented car, and we took on the autobahn.

For the uninitiated, for most stretch of autobahns in Germany, there is no fucking speed limit!

Hallelujah!!

Dare I say that I met the best drivers in Germany? They were beyond awesome. And you would think driving fast = dangerous. Nah-uh. They are probably the safest drivers I ever encountered.

You guys haven’t seen how Sri Lankans drive. *shudders at thought*

Drove to Heidelberg.

And downwards to south-west Bavaria, to Schwangau, Germany.

Real-life fairytale castle!

Though the actual highlight for me wasn’t this Neuschwanstein Castle, but the quaint village it was tucked away in.

The horror when your GPS greeted you with “Welcome to Austria” when it was all dark. I decided not to cheat to say that I have been to Austria too despite I was on its land when we lost our way, since I only flirted with its border.

The majestic alps framing the picturesque town… way too much awesomeness for me to even begin to write about.

Baby steps, baby steps.

Nuremberg. I actually really, really liked Nuremberg. It was probably the one most short-changed in the ra-ra factor department, but the short time I was there, I saw that it has lotsa gems waiting to be discovered, and it left a deep impression in me with its character.

Drove to Dresden for the train ride into one of the most beautiful cities in the world.

Didn’t see much in Dresden either, though what I saw of it on the train, on the car-ride, it was my loss that I didn’t get acquainted with it.

I want to say that Germany surprised me. I didn’t think much of Germany as a travel destination before but I can’t even begin to say how hard I fell for Germany during this trip.

The rich and dark history it carried with it… the gorgeous men it bred.

Goodbye Germany. I didn’t know how soon we would meet again.

One of the reasons why I had stepped into Germany was because I really wanted to see Prague, Czech Republic and it was the dots that I needed to connect to find myself there.

Prague was unusually hot and I felt myself toasted under the sun despite being 20 degrees (yes, I am a summer-snob, I don’t like to travel in summer), which gave rise to this utter discomfort, and I would say Prague failed to work its charm on me on our first date. It was beautiful but it felt a bit one-dimensional to me.

But I was really glad I went there because some answers, you can only find out for yourself whilst you are there.

It concluded the impulsive trip out of London, and it was where I flew back to London via EasyJet.

It took only a couple of days in London before I moved on to Paris, France via EuroStar with Brian and Jiali.

The Louvre. If only the Abercrombie and Fitch men lined up outside Singapore’s branch (I hear grand opening is in a couple of hours’ time, no wonder I am still awake!) are capable of the pose of Dying Slave.

3rd trip to Paris but it was more than 10 years since my last trip and I like Paris more than I did in the past.

It was great company though I would have liked to have more time at the Louvre.

Fall definitely agrees with Paris. The colours that clothed Paris were stunning.

I left Europe reluctantly, not sure when would be the next time I see its glory.

***

11th – 16th October 2011

Hangzhou/Shanghai, China

My first ever trip to China.

Boy, what a trip it was.

The walk down Nanjing Road on the last night in Shanghai, looking on to the mesmerising lights telling the story of China’s amazing progression.

I promised Yi Ying (the girl in the yellow sweater) I will write about her coloured socks.

It was with a bunch of crazy (I say that in the nicest possible way!) youths, and I was made to feel like a 16 year-old all over again.

I ate. And I ate. And I ate.

China felt so intimate to me. I felt right at home, and it was as though I knew it at the back of my hand, and to be there to meet her finally, was an experience I can’t even begin to put into words.

Put it simply, I love China. Quirks and all. Because it is a place where you truly see a lot. Overwhelmingly so. And sometimes you don’t need to see too much of dolled-up reality, because witnessing the survival of the fittest/meanest in its rawest form is just… life-changing I suppose.

With its rich history, folklore, myths and beautiful landscape, what they say is right, everyone needs to go to China to see it for themselves.

It’s not everyone’s cuppa tea, but I await for the day I will return to it again.

***

17th November – 29th November 2011

London, United Kingdom

The colors. I fell in love even if I was by myself.

Certainly didn’t expect that fate would bring me back to London so soon, barely 2 months into my last trip.

So yes, hello there Europe, you have lured me back again.

This trip was very much working till you are almost losing your mind, and then you check the calendar to realise you would be flying off within next couple of days, and then on the day itself, you just had to pack and leave for the airport as if you are just going to the nearby shopping mall 5 minutes away from your house.

This was one of the trip I felt most reluctant to go, but perhaps is the most important trip of all, because I had really needed the break to get away.

With Minibean going away to Israel, it seemed like the right time for me to be away as well.

Wicked. Billy Elliot. A bunch of students with lotsa heart and made me cry with the little gestures…

The nights I bunked over with Jiali and she took such good care of me that I felt like I was the luckiest person on earth.

As the group concluded, I found myself on a flight to Berlin, Germany on my own. Was really excited because a new city awaits, and I didn’t even give much thought of how I was going to navigate my way to the hotel when both my phones were running out of juice.

Amazingly, I survived the fact that Berlin airport had no train station. I took a bus to a train station which was deserted and nothing like I had seen in other parts of Germany.

With 2 pieces of luggage, no less, totalling to 35kg, perhaps (don’t judge! It’s winter!).

The lift at the train station wasn’t working.

But I managed to get to the hotel, woohoooooo, mightily proud.

Met another group, and thereby started my next adventure………..

Hell ya, I was back in Prague, Czech Republic.


I can’t believe how a change in the weather could result in such a drastic shift in perspective. I agree with what others are saying.

Prague belongs to stories of make-belief. Of fairytales. I saw Prague in the day, in the night, before sunset… and most beautifully, before sunrise.

The alone time I had to myself was therapeutic. Of course the fattening snacks helped a great deal. The cold was sobering, but did little to snap me out of the dreamy state as I pranced around the vicinity on my own, shedding behind an old me.

There was a new-found belief, and how invigorating it was.

It could be just sugar-high since I had accidentally bought a bottle of concentrate thinking it was orange juice and the first mouthful was well, soul-awakening.

I had wanted to write, but realised many functions were locked on my work station, so bummer there.

I swear there was something about the sub-zero air that made me dream again.

I had a dream one night after stuffing myself with too much snacks and with the phone in bed while whatsapping Janet halfway, which I refused to wake from.

But hello? I was working, so lazing under the duvet was definitely out of the question.

You know one of those dreams which feel so real and if it is one of those sleep-in days, you would will yourself to sleep on just to continue the dream?

Could it be the television? I am one of those who would get disturbed sleep with the television on and I remember falling asleep with the television on before I woke to switch it off.

Unlikely. But look, here I am trying to find justification for that dream I had cos it felt too real, and feeling all silly with all the morbid fascination I have for it.

When I did wake, I held on to the details dearly, refusing to let go, and thought how nice it would be should I one day write it down as a chapter to a book.

A chapter that takes place on page 77 (if one day I do remember to write about it, then it shall all become relevant).

About a stranger in my dream, it shall be.

Alas, like all dreams, details will start to become sketchy.. a lil faded and faces become a blur.

***

Someday, I will flesh out the above one by one.

I thought I would take 30 minutes for this post, but apparently, I didn’t manage to catch the end of it before sunrise.

Maybe I am indeed getting too old for this.

If just the snippets had taken me 4 hours (bloody hell, it’s 7.30am now!)…. who knows what the river would become by the time I finally start on them?

Now if you would excuse me, I shall go hit the sacks, and maybe I might just dream one of those dreams again.

It feels good, to be back here, on this space.

Prague, the last night.

I remember the last time I had this feeling was the last night I had in Shanghai.

I also remember the reluctance I had everytime the night before departing for a trip, and the dread of packing, the unknown, and bogged by the worries of not able to keep up with the expectations of the group.

Somehow, everytime I leave the country, I will meet amazing people who show me beautiful things about the world which will ease those worries away, and leave me feeling this very sentiment I have at this very moment.

I don’t want to go home.

I just wanna stay here and soak up the gorgeous sites, the rich history, the fascinating culture and endless possibilities of adventure.

Today will be my last night in Prague, and honestly, I haven’t got the chance to revisit some places that I would like to do so, or to walk down the scenic places on my own to do some quiet reflections.

The dread of packing is actually making me a tad teary. I am not sure why, perhaps I do know why, but am too stubborn to admit.

I feel this incredible heaviness within me knowing that these 2 weeks of adventure is coming to an end… because over this period of time, I think I found a part of myself I had lost, and longed to retrieve.

Both groups of students I led had showed me so much love that it is hard for me to bid farewell, and it is a humbling experience to see how kids of their age could show me there’s so much things out there I ought to learn.

And the teachers I met on the trip.

The late night chats. The uncontrollable laughters when we had done and said things that students should never hear about. The sheer passion of these people… I am just honored to get acquainted with some of them that I can’t even begin to word my thoughts on this space.

The hugs.

I can’t even describe the sadness I have within me at this moment. I was speaking with some of these amazingly intelligent young ladies about life, and sharing about the cliche of not to leave regrets in your life by filling it up with “what ifs” and suddenly, the ‘what ifs” are eating me up at this moment, and it is pretty sad to realise what a wimp I have become.

But in the past 2 weeks, I have been myself more than I have in the past couple of years back home.

And of course, reality is waiting for me back home, and it is just sad that life’s fleeting moments are becoming much more appealing options to my dreaded reality.

I somewhat wish I am educator again. I really do. But I do realise it is a system that probably doesn’t have room for me to be myself simply cos I don’t fit in.

Sometimes, passion just ain’t enough.

I don’t wanna go home.

London to Berlin to Prague

I didn’t realise when packing an hour before leaving for the airport is normal, especially when I am packing for subzero climate, and realised how the bag is filled with stuff I wear just any other day.

I know I probably will need a scarf but after losing tons of them along the way in the past couple of years, I am just keeping my fingers crossed and hope for the best. Well, there’s always a legit reason to shop at H&M to prep me for the appalling weather in Berlin and Prague.

As usual, I have my pre-flight jitters, and the unbearable feeling of parting sorrows, but somehow a part of me can’t wait to get on with this trip, knowing that I will have some time to be by myself in Prague, and meeting some of my favouritest people in London.

I am indeed lucky that I am revisiting some of the most beautiful places and can catch up with what I missed 2 months ago, and then I sure am looking forward to finally visit Berlin, and getting the damn Germany chopchop on my passport!

A little apprehensive, and a little fearful, yet a little hopeful, and a lil.. dare I say, gleeful to be away.

Minibean will be away in 3 days’ time, and by the time I am back, she would still be away, and only be back on her 5th birthday.

Gee… it has been that long. I shall stop the track of my thoughts here or it might go on longer than it should.

I am praying for a safe journey for her, and one that will be fruitful, just I hope mine will be.

The little one even wrote love notes and lovely cards for me to bring with me this time round. I am so gonna miss her terribly.

Mummy loves you a lot, and the thought of being away from you again, is actually a tad more painful than any other time. I love you a lot, a lot, and I will start sending those postcards, after I didn’t manage to find any in Shanghai.

On the bright side, we will have so much time to ourselves in December, and when she is going into K2… and then the horror of registering her for primary 1 begins….

Till I get internet access. Lots of love to everyone!

Anticipating the anticipated

It was only when I touched down did I realise how much I didn’t want to come back.

The stark reality stared me back in my face, and I wish I could do a U-turn and take another flight to fly somewhere.

Anywhere.

I was too drained to find anything within me, I must have had fallen asleep while listening to A Drop in the Ocean, a song I gotten acquainted with cos someone let me listen to it in Shanghai when I had a bad day, and left me in a world of my own.

I have never quite listened to songs on my phone, but somehow this trip has changed that equation, and well, that’s another story altogether.

The trip was one to be remembered for all the brilliant spontaneous people, the extreme loads of shopping the students did which I did none, aplenty of cultural shock, the rude and nice Chinese men we met, minimal amount of sleep, I was on an eating spree almost everyday cos the guide fed me well and that someone made me cry (knn!) on the bus (murphy’s law says that right at the moment you cry, the teacher would turn to you to ask for a picture together).

I surprised myself how much I enjoyed China. I think it was the history part that charmed me aplenty. They can make do with more handsome men though. China grew on me, and I can’t wait to find out what Beijing gotta offer though I am not going to Beijing anytime soon.

How can I be a people person and such an anti-social person who is afraid of crowd and shy around people at the same time? I contradict myself all the time, but the self-questioning was an all time high this time round, and then on came the iPhone music player, and I wish I was invisible so I could be left alone to deal with all these emotions.

I think I only remember how to be a clown, and forgot how to be myself when I get nervous around crowds.. then again, we put on personas to project the strength we lack, especially when we are working. Then when the real persona slips out, it takes others by surprise and set them panic.

I came home to things I don’t want to deal with. Well, a phone call that came in when I was in Shanghai already prepped me for it, but still, when the humid air greeted me in Singapore, I was glad to see Minibean (and seeing my twitter and facebook load.. though there’s weibo but then no data plan!) but there was so much dread in me that I was wondering when was the next flight I could afford to fly myself out to somewhere.

Anywhere.

It seems like an era had passed when I finally reached home in all the delirium. This is how it feels like when adrenalin wears off, and you can’t find yourself speaking. I don’t feel like speaking, I don’t feel like talking, but just wanna channel all thoughts via social media (can you imagine how tortured I was in Shanghai?!).

I wanted to write a 2-liner, but I end up writing about nothing for very long.

I came home to realise I don’t quite have a home.

I miss the familiarity, but a relative has moved in, and I can’t walk ar0und in the nude when there is no one anymore. Hurhur.

Then, I saw the mess which I had no energy to clean up, and went into my long list of to-dos. Which includes sorting the luggage, which I always do when I touch down, but then a good sleep with my baby pillow triumphed all.

Boss then said longer hours are waiting ahead.

I wanted to walk out of the door with my luggage.. and just flee like I always do. But, I have nowhere to go.

I am not called an escapist for nothing.

I woke up at 7am, my call time for the past week, when I have allowance of couple of hours more sleep and couldn’t get back to sleep.

I have another long day of operations, story telling, and catching up. Then I have commitment I would rather not go so I can catch up with work, and also because I have no more energy within me to keep up with all the play-acting.

I think I have put on this persona for so long that when I quieten down, I may actually come across as rude.

Totally random. I realise my fear for flying is highlighted and magnified when I don’t get to see what’s happening outside the window.

My uneasiness was evident enough for the gorgeous air stewardess to ask me if I was okay when I stepped off the plane cos she noticed how uneasy I felt when taking off and landing.

I am THAT uncool.

Okie. My guide in Shanghai just told me that a student left a Blackberry behind in Shanghai… they all huh! That’s why we do earlier check-outs and what room checks are for, but they were the ones who woke up late and thus the room check was done only after we left.. thankfully, we could probably send it back with the male teacher who had deviated his flight.

Thankfully the hotel quite honest, very awesome right?

Anyway, I am not sure why I am even writing so much redundant stuff. First day return and the calls are coming in already, thankfully I am awake.

And here’s to my longer hours already.

*BIG SAD GRUMPY FACE*

Now if you would excuse me, I need to go lose that chinese accent I had brought back with me.

Got too many

I haven’t had any rest since I got back till now.

Got back home, unpacked, did chores and laundry, fetched Minibean, headed back to airport to fetch SBB, open pressies with Minibean.. rushed back home to rest.

Woke up the next day and went back to airport to fetch my parents, spent the day with Minibean, V Lynn’s surprise Hen’s Party at Ku De Ta and bumped into an old friend!

I didn’t go Casino at all! Not when I was overseas, nor when I was at MBS, such a good girl I am, deserve a good pat on shoulder you know?!

Spent Sunday doing handicraft and reading stories to Minibean, her last day of holiday ya know? Though she tried to smoke us that her holidays is “September, October, November and December.

Nice try, darling.

She should be very happy. Her paternal grans went to UK and returned 3 weeks ago. Then we returned. Then my parents returned from China. I think her pressies can buy me a trip to London again, or maybe further.

Before I knew it, Minibean’s school reopens. I am back at work. And then back at pole studio tonight.

*DEEP BREATH OUT*

GOT MORE TIRING OR NOT?!

Sustaining on adrenalin.. so actually quite shiok, like everything breezes by and can be done like that *snaps fingers*. Which explains the way I type sounds like I am thinking and speaking very fast, which by the way, yes I am at the moment, so you probably have to fast forward your reading speed to get a feel of what I am feeling now.

I didn’t have the time to even resize the pictures, because I thought I didn’t take much, but my computer disagree with me. My hard disk also disagrees with me. I think got 10GB, but I blame it on the fact that I used my DSLR predominantly, so it’s not like I took like 10, 000 x 1MB pictures or something.

Cos I counted, it was maybe only 2, 000 or something.

Saw something that made me cringe badly, so I ain’t gonna share. Shall you see it, you shall see it.

*Burrows somewhere and hide* And yes, my Scarlett got 2 Ts. Heh.

Managed to upload a fraction of the pictures of the trip on Facebook, and for the rest.. I xin you yu er li bu zu (translates: got the heart but not the energy!).

So I doubt they would make their ways here anytime soon.

Don’t say already, last year’s London trip also haven’t posted. Nor Perth trip. So must wait very long.

So a couple of glimpses of what I was up to.

Shopping at Bicester on Day 4 of trip. Damage was considerably lesser than ever, but still, I was adamant about not spending, but I did succumb. Damn you Prada, why did you have to open a store there now?!

Natural History Museum.. I cannot believe this is my first trip there. I am like the dinosaur. But it is the cast of my favourite dino behind me.

Natural History Museum. Made me all excited. Day 2.

Day 5 of trip.. we ended up in Amsterdam!

A friend asked, “So you go Amsterdam ah? You got go Holland or not?” Why am I still friend to him ah?!

Looks super emo I know, sitting by the window of the hotel room in Amsterdam after a day out in the pouring rain. I enjoyed the peace and simplicity of this trip, which explains why I didn’t venture out too often during night time, often opting for a quiet night in of reading, and just finding out more about the cities I was in.

Hopefully I get to write more. I think it is always hard to catch up with a trip on this space, cos too much thoughts, too much reflections.

And of course, too many pictures.

Camwhore! What to do!

Oh, did I mention I nearly got pickpocketed when I was traveling? And the first thing I wanted to do? Hold my camera up to take a picture of the perp. Tsk.

Says plenty, doesn’t it?

Snippets of London

Day 1 had an unexpected surprise for me.

I have flown to London countless times, but what greeted me was a sky of pretty blue, and the sun (OH MY, SUN!) was out to greet, and I don’t remember ever touching down at the airport seeing such a magnificent sight.

And, the temperature dipped a little, so it was chilled to a temperature I would have preferred (anything above 20 will warrant a sneer from me).

But the sun makes London looked so vibrant, and pretty, like a side of personality I didn’t quite see.

A clear view of River Thames 15  minutes before touching down…

Fabulous skies welcomed me. Almost can’t believe this is London… made me skip my way down the plane, and all the way out of the airport. beams*

As I walked out for dinner in the evening, the sky was a hue of bright pink, the colour was much more intense than I could capture. It’s a beautiful start when I landed yesterday.. and hopefully will keep up like this for the days to come!

I am still in my frumpy PJs and wondering where to go next.. loving the feeling of doing totally random things and see where they take me.

How vast is out there?

A question I have no answer to..

Been busy with new work and all, and it has exposed me to a world I never knew in-depth of. Keeping my fingers crossed that this will bring upon good things to come.

Been extremely busy, and many things have slipped my mind, thus a need to catch up with everything before I am embarking on a break.

SUPER EXCITED ABOUT THIS BREAK, I TELL YOU!

It seems like an almost impossible feat, but somehow with the “commitments” of all the bookings, I pray my darnest that everything will go on smoothly (and safely for that matter), cos even if I am tired and wanna back out also cannot, laughs.

I HAVE NOT EVEN STARTED PACKING!

Because I cannot think of what I wanna pack.

Come to think of it… it is quite a short holiday compared to a lot of the long breaks people around me take, but I didn’t realise that it will be the longest trip I ever took, even though it is a mere 2 weeks’ time.

Revisiting my comfort zone, meet up with people who mean much to me, exploring new territories and new horizons in a way I never imagined.. and this is what spontaneity can bring you.

Everything planned is impromptu, in fact I am still not confirmed with some of the bookings, so let’s see where that will lead me.

Tsk tsk.

At this moment, I seem to be doing more planning for others, than for myself.

Not exactly conventional, but the elements I had hoped to pack in are nothing short of mind-blowing.

Or at least if the pictures are real portrayal of what I think they are…. if not I will come back grumpy and a perpetual grouch.

Now I am also fretting of what am I gonna wear. Tsk. But I am on a tight budget, so shopping overseas is out of the equation, though I am known to always come up with formulas to keep myself in denial.

Also have to express ample gratitude to someone who helped me plan my wardrobe, so I get to try different stuff this time round!

I will miss Minibean lots lots lots.. don’t start guilt-fill me how I am not bringing her… I hope to take super lots of pictures this time round, so I hope I get enough rest so I don’t look super chui.

I don’t know about you.. I always get excited doing the planning and trying to think up of something different for my trips, but then when the date draws near, I always get a little lazy and apprehensive, like it is almost a dread to get out of my comfort zone.

It does sound ironic for someone with a severe case of wanderlust.

MUST. psyche. myself. up.

Decadence. Comfort. Fairytale. Thrills and frills, hereeeee I commmeeeeeeee!