Performed Welcome to Burlesque on the pole with Ming and Gwen last Saturday at Orchard Central. My first public performance which didn’t go as well as I had wanted it to be.

It’s day 6 of this horror bout of flu and it doesn’t seem to be yielding to any of my desperate efforts to get better.

I always say the most feared part of having a full-blown flu, is that I cannot taste any of my food, and it makes life almost meaningless to go on. Coming a close second, is the wastage of napkins that meet their horrible ends embracing my greeeeeen goooooo. Eeeks. Okay wait, I think make that third, cos I think I really don’t like the idea of having crusty nose and whenever I clean it, it’s like giving my nostrils a wax.

I barely am conscious or awake these days, even if my medications do not cause drowsiness I will still doze off, like how I ended up falling asleep on the bench right outside Suntec Tower 2, because the fever returned with a killer migraine and I couldn’t walk to pole studio for last night’s lesson.

And I dozed off and fell asleep on the bench for an hour!!!! How super glam is that?

I need to get back on my feet without feeling like I am gonna collapse, so that at least the house chores can be done, the pole can be warmed, high tea meet ups can be fulfilled, and basically, my routines can go on, and I can write more on this space.

I am not sure if it’s the virus or it’s the medication, I tend to feel as if my brain can’t think or even string a sentence properly, I want to be like a proper, functioning, normal human being without sounding like a bimbo every time I speak.

AND WHY IS MY FACE SWOLLEN?! WHY I CAN’T OPEN MY JAW? For a moment I thought I might be having mumbs, though it could just be my lymph nodes being REALLY swollen and painful.

You know how some girls look super kawaii with puffy cheeks with their doe-eyes? Devastatingly, I am not one of them, and it doesn’t help when only my left cheek is swollen, so my face is more crooked than it already it. Hahaha.

So. Just a note for myself for what’s to come, so that this space does not start to only contain commercialised posts that have little to do with my life except to add a little glamour, but it will start to have what it was set out to be, to contain snippets of the way I live, with or without everyone’s approval.

In my blogdebt… Sri Lanka, Batam, London, Perth, oh gee, even the Royal Caribbean cruise I have yet to write about… Acro Polates 3rd anniversary, Cozycot performance, the many good food places I discovered, and the many Minibean moments.

I am waiting for summer to be over.

Now, let me go and nurse my flu and write some commercial stuff first before I get down to it.

I know, I know. It’s so unfair to say that since I returned from Perth barely a week ago.

Perth trip turned out to be pretty awesome despite the hiccups, and I can’t complain much cos I got to experience the trip without splurging a dime since it was for work.

The weather there is soooooo lovely! I love winters and to wrap myself up like a “bazhang” (dumpling) makes me feel like some cuddly koala.

Personally I am not that much of Australia fan though this is my 2nd trip to the country… but sometimes it is about the activities (which I must say are pretty different and awesome!) and people that make it attractive and memorable, and the stories of the people I met from random conversations, certainly made me feel sad to be leaving on the last day.

I hope I get to share them on this humble space soon.

I remember wanting to tear when I thought about leaving…. even though I was beginning to get bored by how the days will come to standstill when it is past 5 in the afternoon.

Got to know a bunch of wonderful people, and felt plenty of joy around them most of the time, and I learn plenty about other people, and most of all, myself too during this trip.

I realise I do like to be traveling on my own, and the time I got to spend some time with myself was pretty awesome.

It was good to be away from all the hoo-ha, and after leaving this space barren, I think it is time for everyone to move on and pick up the pace I slowed to almost a standstill.

After whatever had happened, I realised in an attempt to avoid people being all cynical of what was being written.. or to be doubted for whatever reasons, is to wean off the traffic till dust has settled.

I am glad my friend is back safely, and I thank everyone who is genuinely concerned for her well being.

I still maintain my stand with whatever had happened, and I thank for all the understanding from my friend, her friends, and even her family members, and I think the only apology I owe, are the colleagues of the pair who I had unintentionally drawn into the episode.

Till this point, if some lady wanna shamelessly proclaim her innocence yet still seen intimate with him at his place, being seen by the people who know them, then I think itself speaks volume and I don’t have to be the one who has to prove that you can’t teach old dogs new tricks.

I don’t know how things are going to evolve from here, but I wish everyone all the best.

And I still need my next holiday. I lamented on the last day I was in Perth, in my hotel room thinking how nice it is to be on my own.

There might be arrangements for yet another work related one at end of the year, but I hope I can bear with it till then… or the accumulated miles point can bring me somewhere further again before then.

So much of the world to see. So little time, so little moolah.

Batam not counted, by the way.

I wanted to hold my tongue and write about something cheery and all, then some mo ming qi miao emails came my way.

I so should have trusted my instinct and realise the fake niceness in the emails sent my way to request for me to take down certain details, are indeed, uhm, well, fake.

The funniest part of those hypocrisy behind the niceness after getting their way, is either more slamming, or it gives ground to the fact that I should have remove the facebook link of Desmond L, or that it leads to the homepage of certain agency in some other forum, because in the email that was sent to me, someone said “since you edited my comments like I asked you too, means you could have just taken down the others what.”

You be nasty in one, then humble in another, then nasty in another and jump your guns before finding out the truth or clearing the air and then.. tadang, throws accusations my way and then try to justify that a favour I’ve done for you just because.

And that applies to you little group there at the corner as well. Hurhur.

Now you understand why I said I never edit comments, and I should have never ever changed my post, nor edited the comments, because there’s always a catch 22.

This is how it is going to be.

Where have I been?

Busy.

It has been probably 3 weeks since my return, but I cannot think of any substantial pause for me to enjoy a breather since then.

There probably is, but then this bout of flu had made any space I manage to get for its agenda to torment me further.

So I stay drugged most of the time, that gave rise to funny dreams.. like the one I had last night which involved me doing the dirty with (a few) young boys I doubt I have met before.

Or those that are filled with evil, monsters and ugly zombies, that invaded my dreams after every episode of The Walking Dead. Thing is, I am not one of those who often get such bad dreams, since most of my dreams are just.. of many different men (yes, in my sleep, I am this hopeless romantic who personifies a shy, shy slut). So imagine my horror (yah, what a lame pun) when I start getting disturbing dreams after every episode of The Walking Dead.

Speaking of which, the finale is just next week, and it will be a long wait till October next year before it will make a return. Somehow I hope it will wrap up nicely in its 6-episode debut, because only then I have no fear of it spiralling to a dud like Lost did.

Anyway, I received a nice phone call to inform me that I have been chosen to go on the Royal Caribbean cruise tomorrow, which would mean I have 10% chance of winning the trip onto Liberty of the Seas.

However, weighing commitment of me promising to help out this project, and the possibility of me probably losing my panties in the casino (and seeing how strong the others are, and we all know when it comes to popularity contest, I probably won’t stand a chance, laughs), I have to decline this chance (unless they don’t mind me writing about it without going on the cruise this time round haha), and probably kick myself for a long, long time.

Nonetheless, the people chosen to be onboard Royal Caribbean are surprisingly many of the people I was rooting for, and I hope they would have so much fun like I did.

And it probably was a sound choice, especially how the project had went somewhat down south after a couple of youngsters’ bad attitude had triggered a need for Operation Remedy to be in motion tomorrow morning.

I guess sometimes there would be elements to a particular job we would love to hate, but attitude plays a big part. You can either grit your teeth and get it over and done with after you complain, or you can just give up halfway.

Honestly, it bugged me through the weekend in my state of codeine-induced delirium.

It is not my call for many things to come since I am just a passer-by for this project, and I too, have instructions given to take, that there are some things I can’t help as much as I want to.

Tsk.

When Ash found out, I asked how much should I censor when doing my reporting, but consensus from them was that, I shouldn’t, so the full blunt of it wasn’t really pretty.

I sure ain’t looking forward to tomorrow, and I’m sure I ain’t the only one.

***

The week past week has yet marked another milestone, and maybe big changes are to come in 2011.

Let’s see how it goes.

And if only I have the push factor to get me to do my own start up, and I might be millionaire already. Hurhurhur.

Have a great start to the week peeps, and I doubt this space would see much until..

… I feel like it, methinks.

So apparently the pictures I submitted, one of them is shortlisted.

Of course, I would love to win something cos hey, c’mon, an airticket plus a Vaio, it sure is damn attractive.

At the same time, I am also aware of the popular rigging when it comes to voting contest especially with people with phantom accounts who had caused some stir for being professional contest junkies, so I have no high expectations there either, and was pretty half-hearted about whether I should plug it.

Am not contemplating to play dirty to go all out to win it. If I do somehow miraculously win something, it’s a blessing of nice people and friends out there, if not, then hey, it was fun while it lasted!

The voting had started on 2nd November, took me a while to decide whether to put it out or not, so here it is.

To vote, just head to Citibank Singapore on facebook at www.facebook.com/citibanksg and LIKE the facebook page, and then after you had LIKED the page, you can go to this link to vote: http://apps.facebook.com/citi-mobile/entryview.php?fp=142185099134114&listtype=shortlist&e=431

If you cannot see it, it is the one that says, “Bank Anywhere your passion brings you with Citi Mobile”

Or you can browse around and vote for whoever you think is good as well!

You can vote once every 24 hours. So if you are very free, or just very kind and nice, you can return every 24 hours to vote

If you did already do so, and is going to vote, I thank you, and I appreciate it lots.

Something not very pleasant happened to Minibean so I am feeling kinda moody and it led to endless self-questioning.

So not a good time especially when it is gonna be quite busy these couple of days.

Just managed to finish some part-time project at such ridiculous hours – 6am (wanna get it out of the way) – and I am still behind schedule for some other things which I had meant to utilise my supposedly free Monday evening to wrap up.

All in all, Monday was actually quite fantastic if not for the mystery behind Minibean’s injury, which I wish I know what happened. Which I wish I had been more careful. Which I wish I could stop mulling HOW it happened.

Some knots are tied while some are untied.

I still feel guilt-ridden all the same, but decided that many things are beyond my control so I can only trudge on. But I was actually relieved to meet people from the past, cos it is something I know I have to deal with.

Ever feel such intense irksomeness for the things happening around you or how inconsiderate certain people are as you walk down the bustling stretch of town, and then you just decide to do something about it…? I did. It felt.. different. It actually in turn yields a blessing I felt too huge a burden to accept, but the thoughts are greatly appreciated. Pride in the way.

It has been a long Monday. I forsee a even longer Tuesday ahead. Only consolation is the pole session tomorrow, though it seems far, far away… like so many hurdles in between before I can finally heave a sigh of relief and go all out for it.

Time to catch a short nap before checking on the little one, who only went to bed at 3am in the morning, and drag her out of bed for school.

Will write more when I am sober from this delirium.

So I didn’t have the chance to announce of my plans to go away for a rather impromptu trip on Wednesday night, and boy was I glad I made the trip.

Will write more, cos now, is time for me to back up and go catch some sleep

REVIVE THIS SPACE.

… and fill it up with the memories bottled in my mind, which I have missed physicalising (yes yes, I know such word doesn’t exist) them into words.

I can only try. But a lousy keypad on a laptop isn’t helping. And with the number of series I am playing catch up on… and the countless other movies the others want me to play catching up with… sounds like catching up on this space takes the least priorities.

Yes yes, I have never watched Star Wars until I was 20+, and I have not watched a single Batman movie, methinks.

I don’t know what Indiana Jones is exactly about, and nope, not even Police Academy.

Those horror movies and all? Nope, never watched either. Superman? Er, nope either.

Even Harry Potter… wait, I did watch the first movie, didn’t enjoy it and never went back for the rest.

And James Bond? Of cos I have watched, only for Pierce Brosnan. I was trying to say I watched all of Austin Powers in comparison and I was scoffed at.

And the 15 movies in March alone did not include any of the classics above. I have a long way to go.

We have a movies night planned, and I wonder who is gonna get the popcorns.

My friends look on to me with plenty of sympathy in their eyes and I can totally understand why. Cos I love movies, and I love how my emotions are strummed by the stories.. just like how I find myself being charmed by 1st season of GG, only to find great reluctance within me to watch the next season.

What so charming is everyone has a good side, no matter how sinister they may have came across, and you would not dislike anyone totally… And not to mention Chuck Bass is just so charming.

I would so love Dan.. if not for the finale. Bah.

And of cos, catching up on being the role of a mother.

These 5 months probably make me realise that I have not wasted my time to really.. do the things I have been meaning to do. And there have been so much, that I probably can’t even start to put them down here even for my own reference in the future.

I wish I have more time, like sometimes, as cliche as it sounds, time is not enough.

So, where do I start?

I am still alive.

I am still awake.

I cannot find my “giap giap” and my armpits feel itchy.

I am listening to some exciting stories right now, so still nothing for this space. Heh.