I. CANNOT. BREATHE.

If you’re on my twitter, or facebook page, you would have seen my incessant dreaminess, and have an inkling that I am disgustingly soaked with utter infatuation with the man above.

I waited out to wean my affections off him, but still haven’t, HOW AH LIKE THAT?!

Because I have evil awesome friends who feed my imagination, spur my hormones, rob my reality, deprive my bare rationality, they decided that locking me up in a fantasy world of my own, where Joseph Chang would embrace me, and sear his gaze into me is what friends should do.

Thank you Jo, and thank you Janet (for the beautiful, innocent mental images you painted), and somemore give me such slender and tall figure, and in a scarlet dress no less!

I know I know, he is no looker, but he is damn MAN can? And if you watch him in real life.. he just seems so… different. Super my type. He is more like the arty kind than you know, the powdery, greasy male celebrities *snort*.

I just wanna be embraced by him and hide between his broad shoulders, and I will gladly return to my teyh self and speak with a decibel no higher than my Toyota Prius.

I cannot I am this irrational over someone this distant from me, that I disgust myself sometimes. Tsk.

Then again, just couple of days back, I was chatting with my kindergarten classmate, friend of twentyfreakingfive years, and he told me he was heading to Taipei later this year.

My eyes glazed over at the mention of Taipei, and I had butterflies fluttering in my tummy and I did that irritating shy giggles to myself behind the monitor (pass the barf bag please!).

I joked that I have never been to Taipei and I want to go there, and maybe he could go there and help me find out Joseph Chang’s addy so I can go maybe ride a bicycle and accidentally hit into him, and then I would fall off, and then he would break my fall and then the frames will freeze and then and then and then… ching chong emo music playing in the background… then our gazes will meet and I will speak in gentle mandarin (the kind you probably have to plug speakers into me to hear me), blush a deep hue of scarlet as he would, and then… I would shy away from his touch and then and then I would look shyly away.

And that’s when the story starts. *DREAMY*

HELLO?! YOU THINK REALLY DRAMA AH!

I swear it was a joke, and there wasn’t an ounce of truth in it. Okay, maybe just 0.5 ounce… fine.

THEN.

Said kindy friend whom I should have dis-friended long time ago, said this.. “Oh, you know.. I actually met him before, we worked together, but I didn’t know who he was.. maybe just couple of years back.”

Can I strangle you?! Can you go back to your old job? Can you refer me to your contacts?!

Sigh.

I am embarrassed by myself.

Okie, point of this post..? Actually I am just very grateful for the friends I have. Some might be really close, and some might not be so close/anymore.. and for whatever reasons, maybe of the right time, you guys were there.

Some of you guys went through some tough times, and we picked on different roles over various phases, and thanks for thinking of me when it was a difficult time for you.

I should snap out of this soon, though before that, I think there are some other pictures I would like to have my face on.. indulge me, anyone?

Something evil coming up!

Got some really quality rest last night after an exciting pole session with the babes, though I half suspect that Manchester United’s triumph over Chelsea has a big part to play with the blissful slumber I had.

Though I know they probably didn’t exit in the most devastating fashion they did 3 years ago (HAHAHAHA, JOHN TERRY, YOU SO DESERVE THAT. Woops *smacks hands* bad girl, Ting, cannot. play. judge.), but still, any victory over Chelsea, regardless of which club did it, is sheer poetic justice to me.

Finally finished a hectic day of work, meeting (interesting meeting!), and yet another pole session to gain the much-needed momentum.

Wrapped the day up with a nice catch up session with some amazing people over late-night supper *burps* and *looks at time*, I should really start getting home earlier.

Had a meeting at Central today, and as I sat by the window watching the crowd passing by, I saw my ex-colleague from MS and I was surprised when the usually subdued cool chick and I joined into an excited embrace.

I was really, really ecstatic to see her, and I swear I felt an urge to tear when she told me she misses me, because I really didn’t expect that out of her. The strange thing was, I was just thinking about how she was doing few days back, and wondered if dropping a message might seem intrusive.

You see, when people moved on in my life, I always feel that it’s for the greater goods of their lives, and I don’t really believe I am usually being missed.

And she said she and some others thought about me quite frequently and I can’t begin to say how much that meant to me, coming from her.

It really made my day to see her, though we almost had no time catching up.

Then, I saw my ex-colleague from GXL walking by as I continued my meeting.

Then, I saw my ex-colleague from ML walking by and we caught up and he asked me how the entire saga (*waves to Glenn*) went as he shook his head in disgust.

All in just an hour of coffee session with a very nice gentleman, whom I had first met 9 years ago, and a hunch made me ask if he was the very same person I met once 9 years ago after an ex-boyfriend had gotten into an accident.

I can’t thank you enough. I should have been the one buying coffee!

The funny part was there was a particular bank’s mortgage specialist sitting next to our table and I was actually paranoid when he shot me a strange look at Starbucks.

***

Pole session with the girls was pretty amazing today, though I can’t remember how many times I required to be carried off the pole when I got stuck.

I realised how much strength I have lost since slowing down the progress since half a year ago, and I need to get back the momentum I sorely lack.

Because of the 7th month.

Oh yes, did I mention how we were preparing for the very special day this coming July on Tuesday’s evening?

Of course, I ain’t gonna look this graceful then, because…

… I’m gonna be absolutely evil. Like you don’t already know I am. Thank you Janise, for the lovely corset top you gave me

Where’s my Edward? I wanna have your babiessssss!

Okay, I bluffed, nothing’s evil in this post, it’s all fluffy and dainty!

La Ragione, which translate to “The reason” in English.

Strange how 2006 was the year I picked up Italian, coincidentally prior to the World Cup, and 4 years later is when I revisit the language, both having zilch association to the World Cup.

In 2006, I believe most of us ladies had our hearts (and panties, may I add) on Italia for that adrenalin-pumping, breath-taking, hormones-explosive, lips-biting, panties wetting series of gorgeous, gorgeous pictures.

Yes, I was preggo, BUT it still made me damn hot under the collar and having damn kinky fantasies and images a preggo not supposed to have (I hope it has nothing to do with why Minibean had lifted my skirt, and insisted at peeking at my boobies which had me calling her a “Miniperv” today).

Wait, if you are telling me you have never seen it, it is time for you land and park your space shuttle, and get your ass back to planet earth, stare at those pictures and feel the shudders down your spine.

And if you are a chap reading this now, you can either go one corner and cower in shame with these fine, exquisite forms staring back at you, or you can kindly come out of the closets now. I don’t judge, promise! I am only too happy to share the fantasies of what you are mentally doing to them.

Let’s take a look at the 2006 reason to back Italy for the World Cup win:

Oh God.

Be still, my heart, be still.

Let’s look at it again.

Yes, it is 4 years old but it still speeds up my heart the same it had.

Gasp. *fans self*

Someone get me into the cold shower.

Okay, fine. Someone said Italy’s team is getting old and this is very unlikely to be their year, and sigh, as the match between Italy and Paraguay – OKAY THIS IS BLOODY FREAKY COS I WAS GOING TO TYPE THEY ARE TRAILING BY A GOAL BUT AS I POSTED THE PICTURE, ITALY LEVELLED! OMG OMG OMG! RIGHT AT THIS VERY MOMENT! THE PICTURE IS A CHARM LAH! – is going under way and supposedly to be trailing by a goal, which Italy has just beautifully levelled, just as I am mesmerised by the 2006 picture.

And let me get on with the post and maybe with more pictures, Italy might just score as I write on? Ahem.

So we all know how unlikely it is for Italy to continue their reign this year with the age issue and the rise of the other teams, but still, my soft spot for them means that by default I would still have my heart on their side.

And the 2006 series prompted me to ponder if there are any…. 2010 surprises, so that I could wave my panties their way or something.

I wasn’t disappointed. Giggles.

And now, the 2010 reason for us to have our hearts on the Italian team… may I present to you..

The 2010 Italian football team (well, some of them, that is, but good enough representation).

Before we do so… please be warned. Seat yourselves down, cos I have to do so when my blood pressure soared and I was hyperventilating, thinking I might just die and go to heaven.

So. Be prepared.

And let’s see what the Azzurri are made of:

Be. Still. My. Frantic. Frantic. Heart.

I. CANNOT. BREATHE.

Let’s take a closer look. Of my favourite.

I need a ventilator. Any later I might need a pair of shock paddles.

Claudio Marchisio.

Hubba hubba!

And those eyes.. gosh. The smoldering looks.

WHO CAN RESIST TELL ME? DRIPPING SEX APPEAL FROM EVERY PORE OF THEIRS MAN!

And if you need a better reason, lil’ perv here was browsing through the behind the scenes pictures and saw this….

… Giggles, so shy! Blushing! And of course, of all the reasons.. nothing beats the fact that there is beautiful footballers to be watched!

And since I am not preggo this year, it doesn’t feel wrong for me to have naughty images!

Can you imagine them spewing hot, sexy, melodious Italian to you with those piercing blue eyes stripping you?!

GO AZZURRI!!!!!!! GO ITALIA!!! Despite a draw, we still love you!

If you still have the heart not to love them, I believe you are either a very jealous guy cowering in your inferiority complex, or that, you are not made of flesh and blood.

Tsk, of course I am bias. One very important lesson in life – Do not defy the hormones as sometimes, you know, I just can’t help myself.

(I hate to admit this, but I am grinning to myself and giggling like a silly school girl as I braved through this post! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE.)

His name is Anthony.

I can’t take my eyes off him, and he has to sing one of those songs that can really bring my emotions to another level.

He is fucking cute.

He makes me shudder in absolute ecstasy when I watch him sing. It takes me allllllllllll the control I have to suppress the desire so my white lacey panties don’t get wet.

And oh, those eyes.

Oh my gosh. Those eyes. Puppy eyes alert!

Let. Me. Breathe.

My heart can’t stop fluttering lah! Oh dear, be still, my fragile, overhyped heart.

I wanna have your babies.

Many many!

When I watched Twilight, I tsk-ed at the endless gasps and sighs of those horny ladies whose hormones went into overdrive. You could even feel the tension and bated breaths frozen in the air BEFORE the vampires made their entrance onto the screen.

The muffled squeals and all… I was raising my brows and giving those “You kidding me, right?” condescending laughs as my viewing pleasure was disrupted by heaves and low grunts. And the rows of ladies with their hands to their hearts to still them so they wouldn’t leap out or something (especially the one who kept shifting in her seat right next to us, who was an executive female in her late twenties watching it alone, probably for the X-th time).

At the end of the show, fuck, I found myself holding my breath also. Got more wimpy or not?

I caught myself unaware as I was in the midst of some shyshy girlish giggles halfway through the show and wondered what the freak was so wrong with me?!

It was perhaps one of the most interesting movie outings I have ever been to, that emotions and hormones are orchestrated like a symphony, with I-don’t-care-he-is-MINE (deleted to ensure the safety of my being) Edward Cullen as the conductor.

And for the upcoming New Moon.

Gosh.

How Jacob has grown.

I have to keep my mind in check. He is just a teenager and it feels so wrong that it feels so right to feel so wrong..

Tsk tsk tsk.

And of course with the Volturi taking centrestage…

… Let’s get ready for some Team Caius. He has an English accent, ohmyfreakinggoshohdearletmebreathe.

(I just hope he doesn’t make me cringe in a bad way kind…)

Sad to say, I am not looking forward to blatant hormonal display in the cinema which I probably be impossibly annoyed by the disturbing reactions and strange, strange noises from the ladies.

It is even more emotionally traumatising to find myself being one of them. Giggles.

I better get plenty of pantyliner ready when the movie is out, so I don’t cream my panties.

Get ready people, when you walk into a cinema with plenty of ladies watching New Moon, you might find yourself experiencing what Yang Tze theatre is to old men.

Brollies, anyone?

I was looking for an one-off fling, and perhaps look for some answers I have been looking for.

With the initial bad experiences, I was ready to just stand my ground, to make sure it was just… well,  a fling.

I can do it, I told myself. I can be firm. I will look elsewhere after this.

When he walked through the door and saw a heaving me, I held my breath and stared for a second longer than I should. I wasn’t sure if he caught the shock in my eyes like that of a deer knowing it had came head-on with the hunter, and its doom looming.

That’s it. I knew it. I had wavered. I was a gone case.. I was ready to start this long-term relationship and make the plunge. No more resilience…. no room for doubts. His

The accent, the charming eyes, and he is…for the lack of better words.. fucking, fucking hot.

I tried to be as disconnected as I could be. But when he ran his hands up from my hips and work his work up slowly up to my neck.. the tingling sensations crept quickly down my spine (what an irony…), and I relaxed like I hadn’t in a while.

I was actually started to feel a little shy when I felt his hand dancing on my bare skin. I bet my last dollar that if I was a guy (and gay), I would be having a hard-on.

The most candid part was when we spoke about my allergy to alcohol and it was plenty of sympathy in his eyes when I elaborated on the effects of alcohol in me.

And then, I asked myself, am I ready for this?

Am I too irrational? Am I too quick to jump into this…… just because he is so droolworthy.

But knowing how broken and screwed I am, I know he can somewhat heal me.

I tell you ah, medical profession these days are freaking evil. They get the cutest doctors and that make sure suckers like me will keep on going back.

And ladies, if you are looking for someone to ask you to lie down and wait for him, lifting your legs high in the air and then run his fingers up and down your body…. as your mind and imagination do the dirty, you should be looking for a chiropractic. Maybe you will get a surprise like me.

But I scared lah! I can imagine every trip how tense I will be just to exercise that amount of self-control. Having a bad back already like that, can you imagine how ravenous I will be when his magical touch gets me better?! I will eat him up lor! Like, alive!

Tsk tsk, very dangerous.

So, after being diagnose of a shorter right leg due to a shift in my hip (thus my hip is twisted), I would need paddings in my shoes. Bra paddings could possibly be of multi-purposes hereonforth.

My neck ligament is screwed, thus if you see me now, my neck will probably be misaligned to my body and might drop off anytime. Okay fine, it is just bent too forward, causing neck aches and nerve headaches. Frankly, I could see the worsening angle of my neck in pictures.

My torso is also slightly twisted, and I was trying to imagine him putting his weight on me trying to align it. Giggles.

My body weight shift shows I place most of my weight on my left leg.

Of cos, my slipped disc issue.

Okay, I have decided. I need chiropractic treatment afterall.

Sigh. I just need to exercise more self control, and perhaps, some new batteries.

He is an experienced man in his 50s. Suave, charming and with a certain twinkle in his eyes.

It has been a while since I allow a man to go so deep in my mouth…. we had a history and he had been to places that no men with me had ever been.

There was once I lie unconscious in the bed, and I could barely recall what he had done to me when I woke up hours later.

This time, I wasn’t sure he still remember me, and I don’t know why the sudden urge for me to want to see him again.

He urged me to open my mouth a little wider so he could go deeper. Oooo… been a while since I last heard that.

He told me I have a good tongue. Giggles.

An older, and more experienced man he was, and I lied back as I could feel his abdomen against my head, sometimes.

He kept asking me if it hurts, but I could barely feel it…. call me sadistic, I was actually enjoying it.

It was diiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrtttttttttyyyyyyyyyyy as the wetness splashed onto my face, taking me by surprise.

I left with a huge, satisfied grin, and he promised to fill me up the next time I return.

Don’t you just love skilled, experienced men?

I am looking forward to next week already.

He is 17.

And I feel dirty looking at this picture and giggling to myself silly-ly.

I am not a paedo. I am not a paedo. I am not a paedo. I am not a paedo. I am not a paedo. I am not a paedo. I am not a paedo. I am not a paedo. I am not a paedo. I am not a paedo. I am not a paedo. I am not a paedo. I am not a paedo. I am not a paedo. I am not a paedo. I am not a paedo. I am not a paedo. I am not a paedo. I am not a paedo. I am not a paedo. I am not a paedo. I am not a paedo.

Please don’t cream your panties.

Not saying that I did…

My new favourite Britain’s Got Talent contestant – Greg Pritchard.

Alas most embedding are disabled, so link to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhFRFtSzdSI

I think the funniest part is the song they used in his introduction clip. And of course, not forgetting the judges’ expressions, and how Piers was making his comments, his tone went a pitch higher.

I think he is very the charming. *Swoons*

I kept sniggering smiling throughout the performance. I smile smile smile until I teared(his voice really gave me goosebumps in the positive way…)

I wonder what brand of underwear he wears though…

Hmm….

“Sweets, you are actually very shallow,” he said with the signature smirk.

So, I was told I am a very, very shallow person over the weekend. Giggles.

I sure didn’t know I was measured that way.

I know, I am not someone with depth, I have always insisted.

And I think that explains the kind of men I date, those men whom only very shallow ladies should date, to well, stroke their ego a little, and feel like they are enough to be everything to a lady as shallow as, yours truly.

Giggles.