It is the time of the year when F1 season is clogging up the streets, and something bizarre happened when I was rushing to attend Eileen’s and Mono’s wedding last evening.

I was driving and then right next to my lane was an escorted sedan, nothing fanciful, but it looks like the chartered transport from a hotel, but got traffic police escorting, so must be some big f… fry or something.

Then as we stopped at the junction, the driver of the car turned to look at me, and shot me dirty looks. Then he turned around to the 2 guys sitting at the back, one Caucasian and a black man with dreadlocks, and then started making some kind of jokes (I suspect is sexist one), and then pointed at me and laughed. I saw the guy trying to get a glimpse of me, as I stared back, giving the most hurt-ed “why you all look at me like that?!” look.

EH NEVER SEE FEMALE DRIVER BEFORE IS IT?!

Then I shot them a look before driving away.

I have been really, really tired the past week, the screw up I screwed up was sorted and I closed my first deal, and hope my screwed up case will show some light at the end of the tunnel and be my 2nd.

Doesn’t matter, cos I do somewhat enjoy what I am doing, though I am just slightly apprehensive of where it will eventually lead me.

While juggling all of the above, there is a very sick Minibean in the picture, when one of the nights I was rushing my proposals, I felt a warm body snuggling up to me to tell me how cold she is.

She was really hot. Not figuratively here, I’m talking about my daughter.

So every work night became one I had to stay up, measure her temperature every hour, fed med every 3, because it refused to go down.

Till today, despite a trip to KK, and an X-ray showed one of her lungs is bigger than the other, it was diagnosed as bronchitis, common in adults but it worries me sick when it is her in the picture. It warranted 5 days of MC and a follow up check up in 6 weeks’ time.

I mean, her temperature still hovers around 38 despite 3 hours of Nurofen followed by 3 hours of Paracetemol.

I ended up have to put a gel patch on my forehead one night cos she was so warm and she insisted she didn’t want to put it cos her friends “will laugh at her”. Funny cos no way she was going to school, and it was only us.

So I told her how cool it is, and then as if to prove a point, she had me put one to look cool like her.

When at work, it was every hour of phone call to see if she had taken her meds, eaten her meals, drank her fluids, checked her temperature, or gotten out of bed to pee.. and honestly, there was hardly a peace of mind with so much things going on.

Putting on jacket in the middle of the night cos too cold, then had to remove it cos she felt too hot.

It doesn’t matter what age she is, I get the rush of tears when I had to see her crying and struggling to take med/put cold patch/sponging when I held her down and forced her to do so. But someone had to do it for the best of her… but still, it is just heartbreaking to see her suffer and her begging us not to do so.

But she was an angel when I went to work and I made her hook her lil finger with me that she would wake up to drink her med like a “clever girl” would, or that she would not cry in the middle night when I wake her.

She kept to her promise. That brings great comfort to me.

Our plans to the zoo tomorrow have to be scrapped cos even with the strongest antibiotics, her temperature is still 38.

Some nights I had 2 hours of sleep, some nights if I were lucky, 4. Then it was back to office, some days had to rush back to cook, then do proposals and then this and that this and that.. I think I need a break from my reality.

There’s Gears of War 3. I am thankful the weekend is here.

I think the fatigue caught up with me with a brilliant Friday night (sorry darling, it’s my good friend’s wedding, I had to be there!), and I fell asleep halfway over CSI.

Yes,  I am just glad the new season of shows are sprouting up everywhere! Awesome!

And guess what. I slept. And slept. And slept. And slept.

Maybe I was just fell unconscious for a really long time.

Now, dammit, I cannot sleep.

And finally have time for my updates to Olay Project 360! Episode 3 is up, and it is about.. hydration!

Watch it here if you haven’t and this challenge was damn funny!

We had Dr Leslie Tay, whom I had went to for my cervical cancer jab, as a guest on the show telling us about the importance of diet for our skin, and we had to concoct our own smoothie. I want to say I am quite ignorant cos I didn’t know the peaches were canned.

So anyway, thankfully they didn’t show how I stuffed the fruits into my mouth to mix the flavours to decide how much portion to add, cos it was super unglam can?!

And this is also the episode that scare me into drinking water religiously.

In fact, Minibean was in KK right, the doctor said she was dehydrated and her skin very dry. See how important water is?! And moisturiser too!

And when one doctor asked another doctor who was monitoring her, apparently the doctor laughed and was amused how active she was despite her temperature.

I always find Minibean getting more active than usual whenever she has fever… but I’d rather that than delirium.

Okay okay, why am I straying from the topic?! Go and watch episode 3! It can be found on the direct youtube link here: http://youtu.be/x7HB-nldlME

*WAILS*

My Monday was introduced with some bad news and I am now keeping my fingers crossed and constantly bugging the One Up There with my prayers so He will be annoyed enough by me and give in to my beggings…

… But what’s undone can’t be done (in the context of today hurhur), so okay I am over it and now I am just thrilled because……

…. I AM GOING TO SHANGHAI IN 3 WEEKS’ TIME!

I have never been to China, so it’s all exciting and new for me. And it’s Shanghai! Super atas city… maybe I can sneak out and go cheong so I will bump into celebrities at MUSE or something. But since I’m there for work, I will be a good girl, ahem.

I can’t wait to get away from the hot and humid weather.

London, how I miss you so now… *sniffs*

In other news, Gears of War 3 is launching right at this moment as we speak, and I am uber excited can? I was there for the GOW2′s launch and it was the game that really overcame my handicap when it comes to the Xbox, so I do feel something special towards it, and it makes me miss my ex-colleagues aplenty and I wish them success on this launch.. the queue at Funan pretty much sums up their efforts and the success they are getting.

Wanted to pop by there but had to head down to Olay at Science Park to do a skin test to see the results of the transformation of my skin over these 6 weeks’ of usage, and I can’t wait to find out how my skin has improved or any changes over these 6 weeks.

Speaking of which, the episode 2 is out! It is the episode where we all were scared stiff because we had to remove our make up and then do our make up under the sun with Rachel Kum’s make up line… and it was an important lesson we had about combating pigmentation with skincare and makeup.

You know ah.. auntie me last time used to go diving and suntan without sunblock and now I am gonna regret for the rest of my life after hearing what the expert got to say about sun damage. BOOHOO. So go see the video and learn from the experts how to care for your skin and see all of us without makeup and scare yourself hahaha!

Sorry my video embedding is still not working, so you have to go here and watch!

http://www.nuffnang.com.sg/olay-transformation/

Sorry excuse me, while I need to go put on some whitening skin care… aging is so scary. I wonder when is the next time I will be carded again. By the way, the last time was few months ago, so NOT SO BAD RIGHT? Maybe now I use Regenerist products I can have the hope to be picked up by 18 years old?

*Delusional*

Anyway. By the time I finished with the skin check, AYE was like a warzone and it wouldn’t make much sense for me to squeeze through the jam to head back to town. Every time I had to take on the peak hour traffic on AYE, it drains me like as if I went on the battleground or something. BAH.

So I am obviously not at the Gears of War 3 launch today, bummer.

So I am now obviously home and trying to write some nonsense, do some work, and maybe edit some pictures, and probably pray harder for my clients’ answer tomorrow.

Oh well, my week can only get better from here, right?

Totally, random.

Minibean was bought a built-a-bear for $182 freaking buckeroos. She has decided to name it “Scarlettie“. And then she has a birthday bear wearing a tee-shirt that says “Happy birthday Charissa”, and she has named it… “Scarlett Ting“.

I am slightly weirded out.

I… have.. no… words.

No, the above is not me. My tummy is no longer flat and is a little pudgy if you would allow me to confess.

This is not really about being obsessed with my ideal body shape, though it could easily be misconstrued that way.

I was spooked aplenty since turning the big three zero in March, where many those female ahead of me had shook their heads in despair, trying to convince me how their shapes had morphed outwards after metabolism lost its battle to age, and pat my shoulders as I ventured on to the inevitable.

And trust me, I saw the changes, and I CANNOT NOT BELIEVE.

But like I said, this isn’t what the constant laments on my twitter and facebook are all about.

I am not sure if it makes any sense, but recently, I have been very emotional over the fact that Minibean is growing at such a fast pace that I feel like I could barely keep up.

I realised how I wish I could keep up with her and be there for her as long as I can, and not be the breathless mess when I had to chase after the kite with her.

Then I turned the spotlight to my health, which is in quite a sorry state for many years.

I remember I was just in my teens when I know my cholesterol, though is still considered average back then, was still on the high side.

Did I mention how active and athletic I was? Nothing like the slob I am these days who refuses to move an inch to make a grab for the remote control lying just.. well, an inch away.

Anyway.

And of course, there are the ahem, unhealthy habits that have to go. Plenty of detoxification needed.

Setting the good example and not-so-perfect-but-the-best-to-the-ability-I-can role model for Minibean.

Then, there is the ever rising bill, which a mental calculation concluded that if I minus a few vices from my life, including binge-eating, would be substantially reduced.

I guess.. I needed the push in the right direction to have all these changes in my life.

After returning from Perth, looking through some of the older pictures, and being told by someone I had put on weight (don’t feel bad, cos I was really noticing the weight gain after I couldn’t find my waist in the mirror when I was in the pole studio!). Water retention has became my denial statement, but how long more can I fooled myself?

Dad had a massive heart attack when he was lean and strong man in his prime, and it has nothing to do with body size.

The amount of sugar intake and minimal water intake in my regular days, snacking and all.. gee, those gotta go.

Granted, I might not be of the shape that I need dieting, but when I say dieting.. I think it mean making minor adjustments to my habits to lead a healthier lifestyle, so that I can overstay my welcome in Minibean’s life for a long, long time, and also, save up more (binge eating is very expensive!!) for her future.

So it means bidding goodbye to all the varieties I like to have during meals. The fried sides I couldn’t say no to, the heavy desserts I insisted on stuffing myself with to end my meals on a sweet note, 2 suppers a night, the 6 glasses of teh-o-pengs I had in a day, and the occasional.. uhm, sinful not-proud-at-all indulgence of the fags.

Maybe when my right knee get better, I will start to do that freaking full marathon I wanted to do last year.

Anyway.

This was one weekend I was feeling hopeful of the change, and so I started.

I decided to stick to hawker food, and instead of ordering chicken wings, fries and all, I ordered a plate of roasted duck rice, no add ons of roasted meat.

Within 2 hours, I started to feel the trembles and weakness in the body while playing L4D2 after dinner on Friday night, and maybe the adrenalin was draining too much energy out of my body that I actually felt so uncomfortable that I needed to get a Snapple to get some sugar in my blood.

It got worse when I got home, and I could barely move under the duvet with that shivers, and I needed a ham and cheese sandwich, some chocolate, jaffa cakes, and salty potato chips (which I stuffed into my mouth by the handful in front of the open fridge cos I couldn’t control myself) at 4 freaking am in the morning.

Not a good start.

Decided to make meals at home on a Saturday and just feel like cosying up at home without venturing out, so home cooked meal was in order.

Since I was feeling adventurous, thought of trying out new stuff but the only thing I could think of, was: Should I make nutella cupcakes, lemon tart or macarons for desserts.

I got this insatiable craving for lemon tart.. and I even bought all the ingredients for it when I headed out to the supermarket in the evening.

Still, as much as my dinner was nothing quite healthy to shout about, it was already a compromise of the usual unhealthy fare.

Made my own patty for my burger, and there is.. oh my goodness, greens and salad! It was pretty awesome I must say, and I think next time I shall make more of my own juicy patties.

I begrudgingly left out my favourite bacon, because my conscience wouldn’t let me go through with putting it in my checkout basket.

Instead of a big pack of shoe string fries, I made hash browns, and baked them instead of grilling them over the oil.

I wanted to make a double patty, but I stopped at one.

I wanted to make a pizza to go with it, but I didn’t.

I remember the last time Jiali came over for a meal of “steak and salad”, I ended up making baked pasta, glutinous rice balls with ginger soup, sausage, steak, salad, and we had cakes for desserts. All made in the portion for 4… and while cooking I was still afraid it wasn’t enough.

Yes, overkill is my middle name.

I wanted to make some garlic bread, and I didn’t!

Still an achievement!

Instead of baking my desserts, I stocked up my fridge with fruits, and juices.

Though by 1am, the need for dessert was too overwhelming, and I needed to try a new recipe for waffles.

I didn’t have a mixer, and I swear I got myself some biceps trying to get the egg white stiff by whipping.

I NEVER EVER TOOK SO LONG TO GET SOMETHING STIFF CAN?!

The results were quite astounding. The waffles were crispy and I think I over mixed it a little so it could have been fluffier. Waffles were definitely better choices than cupcakes and tarts I supposed.

I just had to buy Nutella. Here is a public service announcement made by yours truly, the heartland auntie… The medium bottle of Nutella is on sale and costs less than the small bottle at NTUC for the month of July. I resisted the urge to clean a few more bottles off the shelf, and took just one, cos I know it will end up in my hands, on my bed, and I will go into autopilot spoon-to-jar mode.

I made too much batter, which means it could serve up to 10 waffles, but I stopped at number 5 because even though I don’t want to waste it, I must bear in mind I am supposed to keep to healthy eating (not so healthy but it’s a compromise no less!!).

And I didn’t dip each and single piece into the nutella. So proud of myself can?

Besides what I had made myself today, I have not snacked a single bit.

I spent the rest of the day fighting the urge to binge on snacks in front of the television by doing all the house chores and pampering myself with plenty of hydration, and I am actually…. loving it.

Honestly I feel more worried about the cholesterol more than my shape. And of course, weaning off another bad habit concurrently with keeping a close watch to what I eat pose as a serious challenge there.

It actually makes me feel like writing more cos there is just a sense of peace in the changes, in the routine.

Though let’s hope this will last and not just one of those many phases that come and went, especially for someone who detests routines as much as I do.

Now, I feel like trying out some new healthy recipes, instead of heading out for the high tea session tomorrow noon which I had since weaned off the excitement.

10 minutes ago, I finally had the rare opportunity to slap on some skincare onto the traegedy left behind by the intensive  couple of weeks I had.

Finally, the project is over… though I shudder to think about the possibility of involving in the next one when the client turned to me to ask me if we should start before or after Chinese New Year.

Honestly, I am almost becoming a permanent freelancer and it is one hellava stressful and unfulfilling job, with only perk to be decently paid (and looking at it being more decent than a nun in the future), and that I have pretty much free reign and flexible timing around it.

It is so mundane that my brain juice is hardly utilise, and I often spend working time fantasizing about filling up this space instead of getting stress over the most irrelevant nitty-gritties for people who don’t even give a damn as much as you do.

So that explains the fatigue. When I feel like my battery is flat out of juice.

And this year was an interesting start with me trying to juggle motherhood and come home in time to guide Minibean through the work and all, and though yes, it was just a part time assignment (which sets to look.. to be something more, in a totally different context), and took just a brief 2 weeks, but it gave a good glimpse should I return to the work force. I dread to think of days I have to beg her to fall asleep so I could either mop, do laundry or finish the damn reports.

I thought I could finally heave a relief after yesterday’s event wrap up, and was superbly looking forward to catch up on the things I had been wanting to do after putting them on hold, but the lack of adrenalin to curb the fatigue and pain, and caused a terrible migraine of an epic scale.

Despite that, I managed a day after a tiring event in the morning, lunch with Lee with something exciting possibly coming up, and then leaning on every solid support so that I wouldn’t just crumble and fold myself into a spineless pile onto the floor.

I was kicking myself for leaving my glasses at home as my migraine brew to a boil, and was seriously contemplating of stapling my eyelids to keep myself awake.

As I was feeling physically sick from the migraine, I decided to drag myself to pole, and how I survive and manage to do a decent job in that one and half hours, I have no idea. Note to self, inverts do not improve migraine, in fact, they worsen it by rushing too much blood into your head.

I think watching American Idol when you have a migraine isn’t advisable too. Though watching Steve Tyler made me feel like doing him (wah lau sibei hot), and I thought of his daughter (my ex and I used to agree she is deffo one of the top beautiful women in the world) at the same time. It sounds warped, but I blame the migraine.

A rare MSN message came in and I wonder if it was my migraine giving me hallucinations.

Remember I once spoke about a friend who borrowed some moolah from me when I was 9 months pregnant?

He messaged me to ask me for my number, and asked how am I, and asked if I would be free, cos he wanna pass me back some moolah.

Is it a miracle? But I am hopeful, not because of the moolah, but because something to make him has a change of hearts. See good things DO happen right?

And the fact that I can’t type well when I have a migraine puzzles me too. It is almost like I have a tiny episode of amnesia cos sometimes I don’t remember how to type even the basic words that used to come naturally. Bummer.

I was supposed to rush 2 reports, but I got so nauseous (I don’t blame the migraine for this, honestly), that I sought external help so I could just go and zzzzzzzzzz.. which I pretty much became unconscious (I could have fainted and not know) in split second till morning. Thank you aspirins for giving me a good night sleep, or else the pain might have kept me up.

Just when I thought a good catch up for lost rest was in the agenda, the commitment to send Mum into Jaybeee beckoned, and along the way, her constant nagging triggered the already mellowed migraine..  and I was only 5km into the 100 km of drive I made today….. so I told her nicely that I was having a migraine from her nags and she went on to say it’s because I shower late every night..

I have to say, driving with a severe migraine is as suicidal a mission as drink driving.

Though I nearly hit a car today and a bike today.

A car that didn’t check its blind spot or maybe just wanted to try his luck when he needed to change lane and did it suddenly, the kind that I would have to e-brake if I let him pass, so that means it would be nice if he had just waited when he halted behind road works.

I had many near misses when it comes to such incidents, but some just required me to slow down, or I would just let them pass, or some just does so abruptly and I would grumble slightly but no biggie cos I could brake hard and go on.

With him, he was too abrupt and I had to e-brake to a complete stop to let him pass (which means everyone else behind me had to too) and he held up his hand apologetically and probably didn’t dare to look up as he drove away.

Another near miss happened as I was making a right turn after the green arrow comes up, which means red for the traffic going straight.

I normally am slow when turning because I don’t want to take chances with people trying to make a dash for the amber.

So I waited. Amber turned red. Green arrow comes up, I picked up speed. Suddenly a swooshhhhhhhhh came just before me and again, I e-braked (again?!), what swerved slightly away from me… a scrambler rider who raced from a distance and ran the red light and went straight.

I think that gave me a freaking worse migraine, cos seriously, I have no wish of your brain juice all over my windscreen even if you are suicidal.

I was thankful I was not one of those who would turn right on amber, or take chances, but was also wondering if my migraine had impaired my vision (cos even the bright red tail lights were aggravating my migraine), and that I didn’t notice the speeding scrambler. If I wasn’t having a migraine, I would be turning much faster and pick up more than I did today, which would mean a direct impact, so I guess it could have been worse.

But I also think the migraine shortened my fuse. I actually feel angry someone would run the red light to put his life at risk, and potentially bringing so much problems to other people. And then I realise how and why people have accidents at junctions like this.

Tsk.

I am just glad I get to stay home on a Friday night in the fluff of my duvet, away from suicidal drivers that my migraine could barely offer protection to.

***

Upon returning from Jaybee, decided to pick Minibean up from school and give her a surprise.

This little lass has been pretty talkative and disruptive in class cos she wouldn’t stop talking.

Oh dear.

I wish I could find a cure to shut her up too, so teacher, I can’t help you there, but if you do find a way to curb her talking and incessant “whys”, please share the good news with me.

And did I mention she is becoming a supperholic like me? Nowadays she would always get hungry at around 10pm before she goes to sleep, and she wants starchy food like rice, noodles…. and yet everytime someone sees her, they think I have been starving her.

I warned her she would probably regret in the future, hurhurhur.

Drop her off at grans cos it’s weekend, and two barely functioning parents down with migraine/fever cannot manage a bundle of fully-charged Minibean.

***

OMG. In the 5 minutes I decided to snack (with an impending sore throat I might add), I finished half a new bottle (?) of love letters. Tell me lah, like that how to survive until Chinese New Year?

It is either the blogging, or the love letters, I feel the migraine silently seeping away at this moment. Or maybe just the thought that I can see Steve Tyler on American Idol soon.. hurhurhur *giggles silly to myself*

Will come back soon, and lotsa nice things coming up!