I was looking through Minibean’s pictures when she was freshly popped, and I don’t recall feeling as emotional back then as I looking through them now.

I am not sure what it is, but maybe the fact that she is growing at such an intense rate that makes me feel… a sense of moroseness because she used to be solely dependent on me, and she had since bloomed into a vivacious young lady, armed with a personality larger than life itself.

Independent, strong-willed, tough, kooky sense of humor, and remember what I used to say that I wish she would always love the world fearlessly? Compassion is something I prayed to be in her nature as she grows, and she still never fails to amaze/amuse me with the new things I learn from her every, single day.

Though the above mentioned traits sometimes can be a double-edged sword, but hey, she’s special like nothing I ever have ever seen. I’m bias, of course.

I think the recent episodes of Minibeanism make me realise that many of the milestones are reached faster than I had expected them to do so.

Minibeanism Act 3 Scene 1:

Almost every night before she sleeps, she gets a bedtime story.

Tonight, it was “Don’t lick the dog”, a book that teaches how to respect animals and treating them right. Her little heart has a big room for animals and I would never wish for anyone to kill that, though she has the tendency to get overzealous for animals to play with her that she might cuddle them a little too hard.

Just like how she sometimes hug me and I wonder if she was trying to murder me with an elbow choke cos I have been too strict with her.

It must be some kind of God’s grace that nothing/no one had met an accidental death yet. Not even this poor little rat (yes, she thought the rat was very cute) which she grabbed it by its tail and swing it left, right, upside down, ran around the house to show everyone. The rat perished few minutes later after it was fed to a snake…

I would like to think the disorientation it suffered had ease its unfortunate end cos it probably couldn’t think quite straight to fear.

I digress.

As we chorused “the end” as we folded the last page in, she threw an innocuous question to bookend the quiet, peaceful story session.

“What does this say?” she pointed to the name of the author in an almost whisper.

“Wendy Wahman, this is the name of the person who wrote this book,” bedtime questions are always replied in the most sleepy, soothing drawl to set the mood.

Suddenly, she sprung to life and sat up excitedly.

“WAHMAN? What’s that? I know!” she suddenly stood up and at the top of her voice… “Like WAH MENG TEE, WAH MENG TEE! Kam ye tang mai chong di! Go zai ai li ! Jik moi si wa ka ki! RIGHT MUMMY? SEE I KNOW!“

The bedside lamp illuminated the pride in her face because it was like an eureka moment for her to figure something this smart out. Her father was utterly confused, and me?

My face was a picture of sheer, unadulterated, fear.

***

Minibeanism Act 3 Scene 2

She insisted on us praying before she sleeps, and tonight, her prayers resonated.

She went on to pray for Africa, and those who have no food and clean water, and then she went on to pray for Japan and those affected by the tsunami.

Sometimes I wonder if the topics we share with her are a tad mature, and are we burdening her innocent, care-free heart with too much of the sadness of the world, cos her understanding of the world around us sometimes prove to me to be way beyond what I would expect her too.

Like the discussions we have after we watch/read certain news, I would give her background and she would ask the questions that intrigued her sharp mind, and I didn’t realise how she had rubbed off some of the personal emotions of what I feel, until times like that.

When it was our turns to pray, she asked us to be specific, and asked us to pray for Japan and Africa too, and personally, I prayed for the Fukushima 50 and strength for the broken-hearted Japanese.

***

Minibeanism Act 3 Scene 3

It was quite a breeze putting her to bed last night after giving in to her recent addiction to the Xbox. It seems like she has gotten quite a good hang to the controller and I am impressed how she navigated around the console like a true pro.

She hasn’t taken to Kinect yet cos she’s still too tiny for it, but I recently dug out “You’re in the movies” and she’s hooked.

Yet she knows her boundaries pretty well, and know that she is given a tight timeframe, and she would often stop once she knows the time to play is up without any fuss.

As she was deep in her sleep, she started whimpering and wailing, not exactly crying, but close enough.

I woke to check on her to realise she had pulled her pants down to her knees, and she was sleeping literally butt-naked.

I tried pulling it on for her, which was met with much resistance and cries of objection.

I got worried and rouse her up to ask if she was feeling okay and if she was feeling unwell.

Her reply snooked me.

“It’s sticking to my bum bum! I don’t want!”

All the worries for nothing but a wedgie!

I worry for the day when she might think the solution to a wedgie is just to pull the pants down. In public.

Gasp!

Minibeanism Act 3 Scene 4

More to write, but long day tomorrow! Toodles!

Yesterday, I have 3 friends confirming with me their wedding dates, all happening this very year.

And amid all the cooing and sounds of congrats, I met up with the noisy bunch of “old” friends at Vivocity, with the bride-to-be very, very late.

Nonetheless, it was a rowdy, hilarious meet up, where we reminisced all of our old school memories, and even recalling where everyone was seated.

I was able to name everyone and even pointed out where they sat, and who they sat next to.

It was darn nostalgic and we all laughed crazily as we recalled an ex-classmate of ours and his famous “sun is shining” stunt, which involves him sticking his fingers up his shorts, and scratching his balls throughout the day.

We even spoke of the silly things we did, the silly nicknames we endured, the horrendous memories..

… and even the crushes, which led to the confession of my long-time crush of.. Mr KG, which spanned over a decade.

And I realised I was close to almost everyone in my class at one point of my life or another.

It was.. bittersweet.

They joked, “We, sit in front ones were so innocent, don’t know why you guys at the back were the naughty ones.”

I said candidly, “Yah what, we so happening, all have kids first one!” (a neighbour classmate had a son shortly after Minibean was borned)

We bitched spoke about everyone and anyone, though sometimes I turned coy for there are taboo topics I shied away from. I also know how to be shy one okay? Especially when it concerns a certain Mr Anthony.

And it was an evening to remember. I laughed hard.

And it is good to be meeting up with a bunch of unassuming, awesome and non-judgemental people.

And before we knew it, we are all part of the “jie-meis” for a wedding in September.

It is going to be one hellava wedding.

All gaming fans wouldn’t miss the launch of one of the most loved titles of all time… 20 years of Street Fighter already!

I remember how “hot” the title was with the boys in my primary school back then, and the stamp of “20 years anniversary” on the pretty poster kinda made me feel a little morose….

I am getting old. Boohoo.

Many of the games are already sold out despite the title’s expensive price tag.

And since it is Valentines’ day tomorrow… here is something for all you Street Fighter IV fans out there who loves Chun Li…

So hot.

Have a great one everyone, and that you will escape Friday the 13th unscathed.

And yes, I already know the dirty little secret.

I haven’t found the mojo in me to search for the lost words.

In fact, I have been so erratic in this monotonous routine of mine that… any more excitement might just tip me over.

Hey, but guess what? The rise of the crimson tide yesterday probably explains the calmness and coolness after a week of emotional torment..(on myself and perhaps many others).

And as the motion is set for the crucial 4 weeks ahead, I probably will have plenty on my plate to keep my mind occupied… which is bad, cos it means I will be damn complacent about growing older.

I probably  need to plan for another runaway trip.

Anyway.

In the midst of all the hectic schedule, it would be easy to recount how my life just whooshes pass with such intense speed.

Work. And trying to cram as much things as I wanna do during my free time.

Almost not enough free time these days.

I don’t even chill much but yet just wanna squeeze in as much as possible.. and there seems to be just… not enough time.

For the past week:

1) Mahjong on Thursday night. Missed American Idol.

2) Got back home on Friday evening and read a little, before I fell asleep while watching CSI.

3) It was almost 15 hours of decadance. I woke up and prepared Minibean as we headed out with her Daddy to Funan for me to check out some work stuff on a Saturday.

4) In Funan’s MPH, a grouchy boy was in his pram, frowning. Before I knew it, my flirt of a daughter went up to him, stroked his face, smiled at him alluringly, threw her tiny little body forward and embraced him. Boy’s mother was stunned, I was embarrassed. And then as Minibean drew her body back, she leaned forward and plant a smacker on the very confused boy’s lips. He looked up, upset, as if been violated. An amused laughter was heard, one filled with disbelief.. It was the boy’s dad. It was almost he was going to say, “Hey look! My boy, the chick magnet!”. I was so embarrassed that… I called out to her Daddy to manage the situation.

5) Chased the energetic one around. She went into MPH Raffles City, saw the fake firecrackers(new year decoration), and plucked one roll out of the bunch, like you would twist a banana out of its. I was just glad she didn’t take the big, shiny ingot.

6) It was impossible to shop. But 3 books were enough.

7) Still, bought diapers for her before heading home in a cab and watched her fall asleep within seconds. Awesome.

CSI! Finally caught up with the series. Read! And… watching The Departed. Then, Mystic River. 2 sad endings are not healthy for me.

9) Finished Agatha Christie’s The Secret Adversary on Sunday. Grocery shopping on Sunday at IMM without her. She was down with  fever. Xbox 360.

10) Mini adventure at Portsdown with Wifey and Mr NoLeo. Lost my inspiration mojo even. Lost my way also. But I found my way, by walking! So amazed by myself, I tell you!

11) Got hit on… by a man of steel.

12) A gorgeous white German Shepherd kissed me.

13) It was a beautiful place.

14) Had dinner at Cicada. Post dinner adventure – Lit a lighter when wifey couldn’t. You should hear what she was saying when I asked to try. “You?!”

15) Got back home, read. Exhausted.

16) Started on Catch-22. Tuesday was tormented by cramps. Popped 3 painkiller at a go in an attempt to concentrate at work.

17) Valkyrie premiere. It made me cry. 3rd movie with sad ending. Why am I tormenting myself like that huh?

17b) Oh, was buying more books when I was randomly asked by the person at the counter: You aquarius? Now I know how people feel when I ask people, “You piscean?”.

18) Finished Norwegian Wood, started on Curious Incident of the dog in night time.

19) Had great reluctance to get to work with the great loss of blood.

20) Contemplated on starting Picture of Dorian Gray.

21) Meeting.

22) Ahhh… lunch.

The reason for the lack of posts isn’t fom the fact I was busy. In fact, I haven’t been busy in a while.

I only been to work for only 2 days out of 5 the last week, which is the week I was back from holidays(after taking a day of leave for my Phuket trip), which means, isn’t the smartest thing to do.

But, that was perhaps the wisest decision to keep the loo close by, and that I had a ready bed for me to writhe in pain when I had unwittingly took the Lomotil which stopped me from running to the loo(3 times in half hour), but at the same time, keep the virus within to cause such excruciating pain and churning to the tummy.

I went to the doctor again after cold-sweating and feeling abnormally weak when I got back to work last Thursday(with the pain nagging intensively), and the news wasn’t all that great.

Bread and water. My diet for another week, was what was prescribed. No fruit juices, or anything acidic cos my stomach acid was going into overdrive, and it is very likely that my stomach linings were all screwed and ulcers would be next on the plate.

BAH.

He knows how to scare me. But he Manchester United fan(wooohooo wahahahaha -smirk-)… so I believed him.

I pretty much have to let myself run to the loos as often as possible to clear the, sorry for the pun, crap viruses, and I shouldn’t aggravate the situation with fruit juices or the other medications I was on.

Sigh. Fine.

I wanted to cry when I missed out all the good food over the weekend, but after I gave in to my cravings of durian, I felt tonnes better. I think I found the perfect diet. Hurhurhur.

I still felt kinda crappy(no more crapping! But still plenty of nausea), and I have this incredible craving for prosperity burger, though the fear of what I have to go through with the memories of the worst bout of gastro I ever had still is still fresh on my mind. It. Is. Freaking. Scary. Lah.

My boss joked I should pick up a new hobby. Like knitting or something.

I stayed home on Friday rolling around on the bed, and feeling damn weak and sickly. I slept my Friday away.

It was Friday evening when my very well-missed kakis turned up, and I seriously found it hard to concentrate on the initial round that I had wanted to halt the game cos I was feeling too weak to continue.

But you know the thing with me and mahjong is, it cures everything. By the end of the evening, for the first time in 2 weeks, I felt the best I had, and the cloud of sickliness in my mind cleared up a little.

And I lasted till 6am! Woohoo! But the first round was really excruciating, I couldn’t concentrate no matter how much I tried. And it is bad cos I feel a little of that “lagging-ness” within me today.

I headed out to check on an event on Saturday with Minibean in tow, and it wasn’t long before the weakness returned after dinner.

I fell asleep at 10.30pm, feeling the lethargy catching up on me, and I woke up for a shower, before concussing out again. Woke up with a dripping nose and cough, took codein after breakfast, went back to sleep. Woke up for porridge, went back to sleep.

By the time I really did wake up from all those sleep, it was 6pm.

And I was thinking about work for today.

So now, I am feeling not entirely good cos of the cough and the runny nose. Bah.

But at least I think the gastro is making good progress.

***

Very tired and very sian leh. Why always sick one? I cancelled 2 gatherings last week and still feeling shitty. Sigh.

***

Mum is incredibly cranky these days.

Her words are laced with spite and she has been reacting in the most childish manner these days.

I have to hold my tongue so not to clash with her, though I know that with her continuing her antics, will just mean it will push me in the wrong directions.

She nags non stop, making comments about everything, and went on and on about how she feels like she is a maid, and that I didn’t bother to pack any food for her last night after returning from dinner with Minibean’s grandparents(we reached back past 11pm, and the dinner was at her grandaunt’s place).

I almost wanted to remind her how she made life hell for the 2 maids she drove away(she meticulously plotted it, I can’t help but think). And I feel like just employing a trained one just so she would just shut up(of course, she probably will be hopping mad).

I told Minibean to say “Thank you popo” after she made Minibean milk, and she went on and on sarcastically about “what’s there to thank? I am just a maid what..”

What the fuck?!

Oh well, I kinda ignored her, even when she made the most impossible comments and requests, that kinda kicked my mind into overdrive about making other plans.

Well, I guess I shall start saving towards that, if I ever want to make that happen.

Cos, I know, I can’t bite my lips down for much longer. I don’t even feel like going home to rest, knowing the kind of bitchiness she can get on to, even when I am sick.

And there is Chinese New Year, which.. will prove to be a tricky event, and I seriously do not even want to think about.

A storm is lurking near, and I know it. I am running out of patience, and I know it.

I struggled to stay awake today with the attack of the fever. Good thing is I stopped puking(er, though my sink is still very much choked with the brown rice I had for lunch yesterday), and I didn’t even have to make a run for the toilet for the entire day.

Down side is, I still feel extremely bloated, and sitting upright proves to be a challenge(thus I didn’t even attempt to blog).

The fever came back in the evening, and it sucks.

I woke up feeling alright today, but the moment I stood up to wash up and get myself ready for work, the nausea and everything came back.

I would normally work from home, but today I simply conceded to the fact that it was almost impossible.

I stayed in bed, in the same position throughout(a slight shift in position will cause the nausea and tummyache to come back), in and out of consciousness, and before I knew it, I had slept round the clock, till the sun went down.

I had wanted to rant about the silly GP I visited yesterday(who conveniently forgot to dispense me fever medication), and how incompetent he is, but I don’t think I have the spare energy within me.

I was only given medication for the runny stools and nausea. That’s all.

Nothing for fever. Nothing for the tummyache. Nothing like the sachets to aid digestion. Not even a strong anti emetic.

So I guess I am left to battle this on my own. Pfft.

It sucks to start 2009 with a serious bout of gastro, I tell ya.

And strangely I don’t seem to lose weight at all.

Ah well.

And I know I haven’t said this, but happy new year everyone.

I don’t like new years, and it just unsettles me that another year has passed, and everything seems… at a standstill.

Okay, shall keep this a short one.

Giggles.

I can’t believe I have a girl-crush on you-know-who.

And his “father” and “brudders”.

Oh, one of his “brudders”(the quirky, curly-haired one, is actually born in Singapore! Like seriously, why we can’t seem to keep such cuties)?

Suddenly, losing a tan is the new in thing, and the pale, ethereal look is panties-wetting.

I am sure the signs were there when I was in the theatre when everytime he came on screen, you can hear the collective gasps.

The lady(not young girl, but those pretty decent looking executive one) who sat next to me had went alone, and she had her hand to her heart “awwwing”, “giggling”, and I swear her heart broke a million pieces(like many others) when their brand of heroin got hurt.

I swear in the beginning I was duly amused when you hear the gasps, squeals, oohs and ahhs.

The last time I had experienced this phenomenon, was when Legolas came on screen and I am not going to admit that I used to dig my fingernails in to the ex’s arm and grin “hamsup-ly” when I watched LOTR.

Having said that, I am a big LOTR fan and it is not because of Legolas alone.

So. The movie must be a comedy cos I remember laughing lots during the movie.

Like the part when I said out loudly in the cinema after being utterly annoyed by squealing girls, when he started… sparkling.

“Wah! Girls’ best friend leh!”

At the end of it, sibei sia suey.

I hate to admit it did rouse the hopeless romantic in me, and like in any other cases, I am in denial.

Cos I was starting to giggle to the thought of how delicate his touches must have felt like on my neck… how it feels like with him bringing me to the top of the tree to see the world.. how he is so man when he protects me…. And I got absolutely high thinking to myself, “you can inject your, uhm, venom into me, anytime, baybeh.”

Heart pom pom tiao you know?

Be still my heart… be still.

*Snaps back to reality*

But can I say his doctor father damn hot. Really!

And I think their selection of cast was… great. Everyone has a certain exotic draw…. and it pieces together a strangely nice movie without scary budgets.

I wish I can pitch like his short-haired sister.

The only reason why I walked out of Popular with a book in hand last evening(despite of 2 waiting cuties), is truly because it was on sale and only cost 10 bucks.

Not a very good idea when you are playing mahjong thereafter. Ahem.

And it has nothing to do with the fact that I got a book called Twilight.

The movie tie-in one by the way, cos the original no more.

But it is okay. My brand of heroin on the cover anyway.

I have always loved December.

There is something about the weather, the people, the.. I don’t know.. it just makes me feel all cosy and closer to people.

Maybe people slow their paces, and are more generous and lenient… since it’s the holiday seasons.

And of cos, the fact that Minibean is a December baby, kinda makes the month all the more special.

I was frankly appalled when I realised it is 1st December today.

Somehow, somewhat, I was afraid of this year ending too soon.

And she will be turning 2 tomorrow.

And yes, laughs, no longer a baby, though always one in my eyes.

For the next 30 days + today, I shall live life, since 2008 has held so much meaning, so much memories of affinity and spontaneity…  and so much .. love(?).

It was as if I went on a little adventure of my own, without a destination in mind, and here I am, getting much more than I would ever asked for.

It is a year to remember. Through the pain, the tears, the coldness, the exasperation… I shall not forget how it has been one of most amazing years for me. Maybe not so for some, but in contrast to a depressing 2007, it certainly sparkled.

December… a month of rain and cold, perfect for cuddles.

Alas, this year, I don’t crave for cuddles, but just in need of some quietness and peace, so I can live and breathe for, and on, my own.

***

I was redundant at the dinner yesterday and my evening could have been better spent.

But somehow it was not as bad as I had anticipated it to be, as much as I normally felt out of place at such events.

Nonetheless, I was pretty impressed with how the number of youths involved had increased significantly, for sometimes I do feel what a pity it would be would such cultural clans dwindle and… disappear. And I think to myself, how is it possible to reconcile different generations together to make things work.

Sometimes, it is pretty amazing to sit through the event, just to see, to watch, the comradeship that binds our fathers together, and realise there is so much more, for us, to learn.

Sadly, many of us, never do.

I have this habit of skipping lunch in the past couple of weeks.

And if you had asked me what I had for breakfast, lunch, and sometimes dinner.. I would perhaps had replied you, “Biscuits”.

The easy access to biscuits given out by the company, and the free-flow of diabetes-inducing drinks, are a very good and convenient reasons for me not to go for lunch, and to avoid the scary human-traffic.

I can’t tell you how much I depend on these biscuits.

Especially the plain crackers. I love, love, love them.

I think I could have had 10 packs of them in a day, over a 5-day week.

We ran out of these crackers earlier in the week, and I switched to the next best thing.

The peanut-butter ones.

Don’t have? Nevermind! There is always, the cheese-filled ones.

And when the crackers stocks were back a couple of days later, I took some for breakfast.. lunch.. tea… and pre-dinner snacks.

Many a times, they were also subject of my MMS, and you would definitely spot them if I took pictures of things on my desk.

So.

Melamine has also been found in 17 biscuit products from Malaysia. These are:

1. Julie’s Golden Kaka Crackers
2. Julie’s Wheat Crackers
3. Julie’s Cottage Crackers (Vegetable Yeast Cracker)
4. Julie’s Cottage Crackers (Original Yeast Cracker)
5. Julie’s Chez Creamy Cheese Sandwich
6. Julie’s Sugar Crackers (extra flaky)
7. Julie’s Waferico Chocolate Coated Wafers with Chocolate Cream Filling
8. Julie’s Cream Crackers
9. Julie’s Minico Rich Chocolate Chip Cookies
10. Julie’s Peanut Butter Sandwich

Seriously, damn cool.

And all I am worried about now, is what am I gonna snack on next?

I hope I ain’t gonna die. From hunger.