I pressed my cheek close to your chest as you intensely gathered me into your bosom last night.
You stroke my hair like you always did, tracing your fingers down my jaw, brushing my cheek along the way.
I searched for some sense of comfort, familiarity, empathy and most importantly… openness, security and consistency…
Alas, the black that blinded me, the darkness that veiled, all there was, is just a void.
You were never there.
And don’t ever, fucking promise things you can never deliver.
I read JD’s blog, and with the pending movie date tomorrow night to watch “He’s just not that into you”, I think it is kinda funny.
Oh sure, they say they’re busy. They say that they didn’t have even a moment in their insanely busy day to pick up the phone. It was just THAT CRAZY. Bullshit. With the advent of cell phones and speed dialing it is almost impossible not to call you. Sometimes I call people from my pants pocket when i don’t even mean to. we may try to make you think differently, but we men are just like you. we like to taking a break from our generally mundane day to talk to someone we like. it makes us happy. and we like to be happy. just like you. if i were into you, you would be the bright spot in my horribly busy day. which would be a day that i wouldn never be too busy to call you.
I literally burst out laughing from reading that.
” You deserve a fucking phone call ” came in the summary. It was hilarious.
I am about to make a wild, extreme and severe relationship rule: the word “Busy” is a load of crap and is most often used by assholes. the word “busy” is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact, in every silo you uncover, all you’re going to find is a man who didn’t care enough to call. Remember: Men are never too busy to get what they want.
Auntie JD, what book is that? Share leh.
And I am a cynic. I don’t believe in “forever”, just like how I don’t believe in “Never”. So yes, it is just plenty of mockery when people use the word “forever”.
Seriously!
Though, don’t doubt me when I say I love Minibean forever.
I shouldn’t be blogging cos my time should be going to the little “research” I have been doing, giggles. And I am awfully excited!
That was one of the questions I asked the dentist at Prive last night when, Effy and I were out with 2 dentists, with Mr Limp highly recommending one of them.
First question was, “do we get free dental services?”
He asked me “How rich and rich?” before he obnoxiously went on to talk about how he can earn 3000 in an hour, and he earns between $50, 000 to $100, 000, per month.
I then said, “That means it should be no problem for you to sponsor my getaway. It should mean nothing to you.”
“Why not? Sure can, we can go together.”
It wasn’t long before I was dozing off at how boring the conversation was going with this dentist’s shameless brags, and I turned the night around, by asking the dentists, “Would you like to come to my place?”
None of them did. Hahaha.
***
The cast for What the Butler saw was pretty brilliant.
This morning, Minibean ran into my arms and gave me a cool hug as she rested her arms around my neck.
The past couple of days she brought me plenty of comfort with saying things like, “Mummy bathe. Mummy wet.”
Mr Limp went on to say, “Yessssssss… Mummy is veeerrrryyy weeettt.”
……….
Busy day today with lotsa activities and stuff coming up.
Can’t wait to do my “research” when I get back home today.
You know the one about scornful women?
Don’t underestimate how destructive women can get, especially when in the faces of lowlifes in the form of men.
And trust me, all of us have it within us. I am loving the little monster side of me.
Wifey shared this with me, maybe in an attempt to wake a very stoned and sleepy me up.
2 hours per day sleeping pattern is not healthy.
Anyway.
Chinese mistress contest takes tragic turn
BEIJING, China (CNN) — A married Chinese businessman who could no longer afford five mistresses held a competition to decide which one to keep.
But the contest took a fatal turn when one of the women, eliminated for her looks, drove the man and the four other competitors off a cliff, Chinese media reported.
The spurned mistress died and the other passengers were injured, the reports said.
Police initially thought the car had plummeted off a mountain road in eastern China on December 6 by accident. Then they learned of the contest through a letter the dead woman had left behind, the Shanghai Daily newspaper said.
The 29-year-old woman, identified only as Yu, was a waitress when she met the businessman at a restaurant in the coastal city of Qingdao in 2000.
At the time, the businessman, identified only by his last name — Fan — was married and had four other mistresses, according to the Peninsula Metropolis Daily newspaper in Qingdao.
The women knew of one another, but none elected to break up with the man and give up their rent-free apartment and a 5,000 yuan ($730) monthly allowance, the reports said.
When the economy soured, the businessman apparently decided to let go of all but one mistress.
He staged a private talent show in May, without telling the women his intentions. An instructor from a local modeling agency judged the women on the way they looked, how they sang and how much alcohol they could hold, the Shanghai Daily said.
The judge knocked out Yu in the first round of the competition based on her looks. Angry, she decided to exact revenge by telling her lover and the four other women to accompany her on a sightseeing trip before she returned to her home province, the media reports said.
It was during the trip that Yu reportedly drove the car off the cliff.
Fan shut down his company after the crash and paid Yu’s parents 580,000 yuan ($84,744) as compensation for her death.
The four other women left him, as did his wife when she learned of the affairs.
Laughs.
Wifey was saying I sure cannot make it through the drinking round.
In the first place, I think I wouldn’t have made it through the 1st round.
Strangely, I actually thought the guy is one with a wee bit of conscience. I mean, seriously, would you have bothered?
Especially these days, to people, it is all about self-preservation and everyone is willing to sacrifice someone else along the way.
And then I pitied the stupidity of the woman. It is not that I am gloating over someone’s death, but she should have just brought the whole car along with her. It is not worth sacrificing herself. Or she should have made sure the man went down together with her or something. But that he would have gotten away too easily.
And I can’t believe he can juggle so many women and the wife still didn’t know!
Gee! Amazing! This wife needs to be more intuned with her intuition, I say.
***
Oh yesterday in desperation, we kinda invented 2-person mahjong.
And boy, what a night it was, though it was a 3 way mahjong, it was a 4(or 6)-way conversation that dominated the evening.
Quite scary you know? As usual, I was the utter loser. 3-way or 4-way, I have no luck.
Whoever who started the theory unlucky in love lucky in mahjong needs to get her theory proven 
And it was the first time I saw wifey so upset, and that she almost cried. I am sorry, yet… you know lah, I am not good with mushy words.
***
You know ah, my words damn jinx one you know? Just when did I mention I needed to cry uncontrollably again?
I wanted to but I didn’t. I wanted to but I couldn’t.
Then! It suddenly hit me out of nowhere can?
Like in the train this morning when… I had wanted to take a cab instead. I should have, cos before the train reached the next stop, I was biting on my lips hard to curb an unfamiliar sense of emotions long… not felt.
Strange.
By the time I sat down in front of my workstation, a colleague spoke to me, and I delayed in reply cos it felt as if the moment I open my mouth, I would just.. break down.
Then the moment she walked away… “it was just emotions taken me over…”
Fuck. Then the sneaky streaks came down. Then ended up I had to tarik somemore after sniffing into the tissue.
A colleague asked me to join her for a break, and before I knew it, I was tearing as I walked out of the office, and I think I traumatised her with the sudden outburst which just couldn’t be stopped.
Gee, I need more time for my 3 events this weekend.
***
I think I should start exercising soon. I think auntiedom had cursed me with saggy flat boobs, cushy tummy, sallow skin. I am no longer 25, I wasn’t born with good looks, and I am a mother of one.
I miss the bodyaches of extreme physical activities that envelopes me when I push my body’s threshold.
I miss that pain.
And the over-exertion had made me feel as if I had ran a few marathons at one go.
I need to train up the strength so I could be stronger, and who knows, one day I might learn how to throw a proper punch. Works well when you meet a pervert or pyscho you know?
And gee, this pain is almost too distant but yet so familiar to be recognised.
Strangely the pain doesn’t come in until couple of days later or something. The nagging pains in the left hand actually feels quite good.
And gee, it is such a hot day out there.
And man, I am becoming incoherant.
The first time the ring was presented to me, was in mid November.
He almost begged. But nothing. I remembered it thundered bad that day.
There was another gift of a necklace which came along that day.
Then came the actual proposal, with the help of the family.
Nothing.
So all the tears and the begging for me to wear the ring.
Still, nothing.
How do you say yes to something with nothing concrete, nor worked out, it is like investing in a property without seeing plans, blueprints, finding out the developers.
I think I am heartless. But seriously, maybe I am just indifference.
Or maybe, my ESP is too strong and once too often proves me right.
Office geek just found me on messenger and messaged me.
Gasp. Hiccup.
OGÂ [1:26 PM]:Â harlow
Aunty [1:26 PM]: Hi…
OGÂ [1:27 PM]:Â yesterday i cant recognize you , cos i’m stunned that you’re pretty
Aunty [1:29 PM]:Â oh hi, that was you. I didn’t know your name
OGÂ [1:30 PM]:Â oh ya , this is my name , does it sound nice ?
Aunty [1:30 PM]: yah, much better than my gender-confusing one
OG [1:31 PM]:Â =/
 maybe u can get ay english name
 how about i think abt one for u ?
Aunty [1:33 PM]: haha i wonder what u can come up with
OGÂ [1:33 PM]:Â hmmmm … let me brain storm a bit
 emmmm … i’ll let u know laterZ
 i’ll find one cute cute sweet nameZ
Aunty [1:34 PM]: ………… cute doesnt suit me!
OGÂ [1:36 PM]:Â ……..
Â
 sweet ?
Aunty [1:36 PM]: er…also doesnt..
OG [1:37 PM]: ……………. why wor
Cough. Giggles.
I was having a meeting at Petronas tower when he messaged me. I tried hard not to burst out giggling wor.
And when I didn’t reply, he typed:Â ”IÂ almost wanted to ask if you got a bf”
I very shy wor. So I never replyZ.
When I didn’t.
He followed up again with “i almost wanted to ask if you got a bf , see if i have any hope anot “Seriously baby, you have no idea what you are getting into. WorZ.
Strangely, after the intense series of events that happened…. life is back to a hint of normalcy, and with everyone kinda make-belief that nothing had ever happened, like, everything would be forgotten and swept under the carpet.
Or that, everyone got what he wanted.
Or that, everyone could deny that very part of he/she, which scare everyone, and most of all, him/herself.
All I remember was the chill. The hollowness without a bare trace of energy. The helplessness, which took on a life of its own… morphing into sheer coldness. What do you do when you can’t think of anything to please everyone?
What do you do when you find you are at fault, and when things spiral into such big mess, the way you handle it makes it into a bigger drama than you can ever imagine.
At the end of it, you laugh as you recount the episode, you joke about it, you speak like not an eyebrow was raise, not a single feeling hurt, not a hair was tussled.
Truth is, I don’t ever believe things like this go away. It just stays in a corner of your memory, tuck away, until the demons come out to play. Again.
And then came the remedy.
Came the chance for me to run away. It would have been good. Sorry, just not with you. Nor you.
Maybe an unfamiliar place will erase the memories. Maybe a distant enough place will convince us some things never happened.
Sadly, everything, every episode had etched deeply in the corner closest to me, and I will bring them wherever I go.
And unfamiliarity further unsettles me.
It was the house where things happened. Between him and her. Between me and you. Between me and him. Between… me and her.
The place, I once tried hard to stay away from. So.. to draw myself away from my reality.
Ironically, it is the only safe haven I have so much familiarity with, yet not know how its peace could be disturbed, intruded.
Then again, it used to house so much, this shouldn’t come as a surprise.
I think the amount of drama that had happened here, could be easily made into, what a friend said, Korean/Hong Kong drama serial. I didn’t contest that, cos much had indeed happened.
(Side track a little, whee, I am finally typing with my injured finger again! Though it feels a little strange cos of the sporadic weird twitches from the injured nerve)
Damn drama, damn surreal lah. Wah lau, don’t get migraine also cannot. Breathe also cannot, take medication also cannot. Seriously, got more… uh, drama or not?
Maybe too much of it, numbs you, that you are not awed by the fact anymore. And the detachment that follows, is just a wall nicely built up in a second.
And then the funny ideas that crept up on you, when you least expected, are usually the most dangerous.
Isn’t it funny what chain reactions can bring about? The self-destruction nature in all of us.
I bled. I bled. I bled. I bled. I bled. I bled. I bled. I bled. I bled. I bled.
I was feeling light-headed. I couldn’t breathe. I felt like I could faint any time.
It was as if… I felt……… air cutting away from me. It was as if… I felt the strong arms around me, forcing the last gasp of air out of me, as he clung on to me tightly.
It was painful. It was suffocating. I choked. I coughed. I begged to be let go. I pushed, I shoved, I fought.
It was as if I felt him reaching out to me as I sat there, letting out a wail of anguish as I tore my hair in exasperation. I pushed, IÂ shoved, IÂ fought.
I shook. Oh hell, how I shook. Badly.
The chills, fuck, the chills.
Your teeth fight for space as they hit each other. You grit them tightly. You make-belief that’s all the strength you need.
***
The aftermath had everyone sober.
And the angels all surfaced like the demons were never seen, nor heard.
I don’t deal well with emotions, but I fucking can’t deal well with pretense. What’s with the overly sweetness and understanding-ness when we all know what was up on your minds.
Trying to convince you me him her you are okay, you are sane, so that no one will walk away without looking back.
You see, isn’t it funny no one ever thought what I really needed then?
They thought they could, they thought each other could, they thought… wait a minute, they only thought about themselves, huh?
I want space, I want peace, I want… to do my work.
It was impossible.
Red mist. and red, red mist.
Then, their turns to escape.
My turn to breathe easier.
***
Actually, work is fabulous when all your focus is on it and nothing else.
***
He said, “Let’s go somewhere. Let’s go Tioman. Now, if you want. You can take leave. Or Friday night, back on Sunday night.”
Tempting. Very tempting. I would love to go for a dive. I need a dive.
But no, not with you. Not now. Don’t be mistaken, it is just me, who just wants to stay put. I don’t want to be away for the wrong reasons, like everything could be erased, just like that.
Pending work is there. Commitments come first.
With all the irony, and the way the stars wrote it as it is.
He said, “Come to Jakarta. Fly in on Friday night and you can get back on Sunday night. There’s spa here, and it is very quiet and relaxing. You could chill here.”
Tempting, very tempting. A sponsored ticket. I would love to go some place just to chill. I need to be relaxed.
But no, not with you. Not now. Don’t be mistaken, it is just me, who just wants to stay put. I don’t want to be away for the wrong reasons, like everything could be erased, just like that.
Pending work is there. Commitments come first.
This is no longer funny. But eerie.
Like looking on to strangers, who are anyone but.
If I could do it, I could be at Tioman diving, doing my work at night. I could be at Jakarta, having spa right after some work.
Yah, but it will be perfect if it is my perfect, impromptu, solo holiday.
***
No solo holiday.
Someone might be heading to KL with me in less than 2 weeks’ time for my work trip.
A work trip means I get to spend very short time in KL, and it will be nice, just me and you.
***
So back to status quo, huh?
Tuesday never happened. Just like Wednesday never did.
***
The red rose/roses, had turned from a pretty hue of red.. to almost black.
***
And Thursday? I was stuffed with food.
Just before noon, my boss bought us lunch so we could have staff meeting, while stuffing our faces with food.
The 3 of us munched away as presentations were made, plans were discussed, and the beef was really good. Yums.
Then before I knew it, a message came in.
“I will buy lunch and drop it off at your office.”
“Nah, no need, I will meet you then.”
At the exact moment. A call came in from the receptionist.
McDee’s.
By the time meeting was over, the fries were soggy.
The receptionist 2 floors down, was slowly getting acquainted with me.
“Ah.. either the flowers, or McDonalds’”
“Sorry, was in a meeting, I totally missed this, and sorry you waited this long.”
“So someone knows u you are working very hard.”
“Naaahhh we already had lunch before that!”
“It’s good, it shows you have many people concern about you,” she said with a nice, understanding smile.
As I walked out, I was standing outside the sliding door when I turned, “You know, sometimes too much of a good thing, is not necessary a good thing.”
I had the drink, had the McWings, and shared the nuggets with my very excited boss.
“McDonald’s! Yay! Hey wait, you had lunch!”
“Woops. Yeah…”
“Oh! Someone delivered it again!” he quipped.
“Uh.. yup!”
“Tell your boyfriend your boss loves McDonald’s…”
“Actually he isn’t a boyfriend…”
“Oh whatever!”
“Uhm.. sorry I know this sounds really, really, really odd… but er, can I go out for lunch now?”
“Huh? Sure! Tell him I say thank you!”
“Oh, er, this is another one.”
He gave me the most comical expression ever.
***
Lunch was awkward. It really was.
***
I was so tired yesterday. I told myself I would treat myself to a cab ride after leaving office late.
IÂ took a long, long walk down Shenton Way, before I knew it, my phone battery died on me, and I was at Keppel, just before the entrance to expressway.
No cabs. 10pm.
I had no choice but hopped onto a random bus.
It was hard staying awake.
Then I got off randomly, wanting to grab shampoo. It was in the queue I realised they don’t accept credit cards.
I went to the MRT station to draw money. Then I realised I forgot to bring my purse out!!!
So I had no cash or anything. 
Luckily I didn’t flag a cab from town, nor did I flag a cab from wherever I was.
So stupid ah me.
***
I feel an unexplanable anger towards the world today. Not really like ROARR-I-WANNA-KILL-ALL-OF-YOU kinda anger, but more of I-am-pissed-and-sulky-and-unhappy.
***
Sometimes, I do wish I could be better. Much better.
***
I slept well last night. I was so tired I don’t think I even know how I fell asleep.
***
Have you ever seen someone so afraid, so helpless, so…. fragile?
And then you wonder how are you ever going to walk away, cos you have been there, yourself.
And then you wonder how you could ever let yourself be so cruel.
I looked on from a distant, when I wasn’t that far away.
The wails. The sobs. The tears. The shaking. The trembles. The fear.
Shaking like a leaf. Wait a minute, the heartbeats. You could feel them as they cling onto you with their every might.
The solid thumps.
You could almost feel how hard they are beating as you hold them closer and tighter in your arms, the only assurance you could give. Maybe that’s why it was so painful.
They refused to let go.
Hush hush. How do you say hush hush?
You can’t. You have to sacrifice and compromise yourself.
Make promises they want to hear, say things to make them feel better.
Do things against your will, to please them, to… appease them.
Truth is, I don’t need anyone. I don’t need these. I don’t want these. I don’t want anyone.
Then again, is the choice mine?
They want to be listened. They don’t want to hear.
I can’t be heard.
***
They believed.
They hoped.
I am sorry baby, if only you guys know.
***
Unfortunately, I no longer believe, I no longer hope.
I can keep up with the pretense at my own expense, I am sure.
I can put on the brightest smile, the sweetest self. I can.
If you want me to.
*Beams the brightest smile*
***
I couldn’t breathe well the past few days. It doesn’t take much for me to quicken my breath, and feel dizzy and out of air.
It comes and goes.
Comes and goes.
I am not losing it. So not.
***
My laundry area, where the compressor is, has became a new hot spot.
It really has.
It has Minibean’s jacket hung innocently above the washing machine… and a couple of garments on the floor. Was it the wind? Or was it you? Or you?
Maybe, I should try to understand its charm when everything seems bleak and dark. Maybe I will see hope, and stars.
***
Do you know it can serve as a good chilling spot for a cigarette as you ponder how hopeless your life seems?
Do you know it can serve as a good spot to get in, when you don’t have keys with you? Or when the door bell isn’t greeted?
All you need is to leave your slippers by the parapet, jumped the distance to the compressor, and there, you are in.
You could then coolly stroll to the room, looking for the lost key you left behind. Maybe sanity too.
***
And suddenly, I laughed at the atrocity of every, single detail.
The migraines didn’t go away. I popped pills and tried willing them to go away.
***
I am sorry.
There is something in me. The little memory bank of mine.
That will, never forget.
No matter how hard you remedy. I can’t. And possibly, I won’t allow myself to.
Even if you think I already did. Even if you try to prove me wrong.
***
The strange thing is, people have this to constantly prove us wrong.
And when you want them to strike a balance, you get more than what you bargained for.
Like, you wonder where did the rage and force came from when someone makes a grab of your arm and pushes you down on the bed. When all you remember was smiles, giggles, and never a tinge of negativity was ever noticed.
Like, you wonder where did all the brokenness and tears and hopelessness come from when someone stood in the darkness, inspecting every detail of your face… when never ever such weakness came through.
What you don’t see, don’t mean it is not there.
***
Is it irresponsible to say that I feel equally for both?
Nah.. you think it is not possible.
Nah.. you think I must have felt more. Or less.
I felt equally suffocated. Equally irked. Equally pressured. Equally helpless. Equally.. equally.. so.
***
It is weekend.
Strangely, the only thing to weekend I miss these days, are the long sleeping hours till afternoon.
I feel like staying put, not going anywhere.
I am not moving. I am not moving.
Even if you thought I did.
My colleagues, upon reading Never perfect, had kindly illustrated their experiences with Mr Perfect-or-so-they-thought.
So.. Miss A has this to share:
Eg:
Multi personality…. MSN or any online chat (Joker)
On Phone (Machiam act philosopher, go on and on about all types of theories and “am so dead serious”)
SMS ( Normal caring sorta person)
;
;
;
;
;
I was so freak out I don’t even dare to meet him in person, as It makes me wonder whether am I communicating
With one pax or different pax all these while. In the end I just get rid of him out of my life for good.
He explains his into role playing, for the sake to be able to think in a more rounded manner. But I just can’t stand it ….
Scenario 10
Attention seeker
He’s all well and okay, all that you wanted in a guy except for the fact that he is a pure attention seeker.
Once you are on the hook, he make you feel as though it was one-sided affection all along
I feel ya, sista.
Miss B, then shared this.
Scenario 11
They are successful, charming and super workaholics. They spend all their time working and earning so much cash that they are so generous. Every time they ask you out for dinner, you can be assured of a lobster meal. They tell you how much they like you but they know they aren’t ready for commitment; not because they don’t like your enough but because they have had bad experiences in love and they are so jaded that they are afraid of commitment. They are simply waiting for “the one†to appear in their lives so that they can pledge their undying love for her. Every day, you try to reform them and to make them believe true love prevails.
Jaded & cynical as they are, they believe that they should just throw themselves into work because work delivers the highest ROI. Whenever you miss them and want to meet them, they are always working into wee hours of the night… like 6am??
Then you realize they spin this story for every girl actually and you’re probably the 7th or 8th girl he’s sleeping with simultaneously at that moment. No wonder he’s always busy with work.
And of course, Weili has left a tag to say how scenario #1 had happened to her, before the horror of the past caught up with her with #6, and that it was a memory deserved to be censored, deleted, forgotten.
Some others, like us, remained scarred for very long time. Wahahahaha. I mean seriously, a trauma like this, stays.
Ladies, never, ever, censor such memories. They serve as reminders, they serve as painful experiences that should warn us, never to have too uhm… BIG an expectations out of Mr Perfect.
Ahem.
And then, I realised, the number 1, golden disappointment most reported, is…. #6.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I deduce, too-good-to-be-true-guys are.. well, you know, less fortunate, which in turn, make us very unfortunate.
Next time you wonder why a hot babe is dating ugly guys, you have to remind yourselves that, “Ahhh… I can see why.” Maybe, you will feel better.
And for guys who think they are perfect, who are protesting against this finding, send me your pictures/credentials and evidences(ahem, which will be verified) to fight your case, other than that, I also can say anything I want you to believe.
Coincidentally, I read this off from The Butterfly Tales,
For men, the ownership of a penis is a biological excuse to proxy the chastising of societal myopia on sexual liberty. Men have a penis, which drains blood from the brain to the penis in several instances, attributed usually by, short skirts, cleavages, hot women in body hugging latex or maybe in some parts of the world, the rear end view of a sheep.
When men see a hot woman, the thought process runs through a stimulus of varying questions. They think,
1. I wonder how it feels like to be in bed with her
2. Does she blow well?
3. I wonder if she licks ass
4. I wonder if we have to spoon after sexWhen women see a hot man, they think,
1. I wonder if he has a nice personality
Yes, it sucks not to have a penis. It’s a generalization of a sample population I know, because I do have female friends who are primarily concern with more pressing issues like penis length, girth and wash board abs. And similarly I do have male friends who are also concerned with trivial stuff like character and compatibility, things that only prove to me they are gay.
Inversely, women are much more into details when it comes to sex. I’ve sat through many sex talk sessions with my female friends and I realize women divulge a lot more than men do. Here are some of the things they ask,
1. “Was he good?â€
2. The size of the penis
3. “Does he kiss well?â€
4. “What did you do after sex?â€
5. “When?? How?? Why??†All these usually start with, “Oh my gawd!â€Men keep it simple.
1. “Was it a good fuck?â€
Men don’t really want to hear details of their friend fucking some other chick, more so if it’s a hot chick. They are also not genuinely interested to know if that girl was great in bed, what they really want to know, is if they can score as well.
Fundamental differences of men and women.
And then, a possibly perfect boy spoke up(well, he had said that if a lady assumes a guy is all of #1 to #7, anything more is a bonus).
Inspiration for blogging comes in moment like that where the only thing I should be doing is STUDY. Of course, stealing ideas and improvising it for my own use comes handy too. So, today, I am going to talk about girls, and how imperfect they are.
Yes, girls, who will never be ladies.
Have we always been fantasizing about the girlfriend from heaven?
The drop dead gorgeous head turner who is a road hazard just by standing at the side of the road? The one who long silky hair, big sparkly eyes that will melt even the icebergs at Antarctica. Feminine but not weak, financial independent (although we all secretly hope to get more than that), smart, witty and desirable by others. Throw in the ability to whip out a good meal… bliss.
But wait, god is fair. And so he’ll definitely put in a few nasty surprise… like…
1. Hopelessly insecure
She calls you every minute, and demands you stop seeing all your BFBs. A psychopath whom puts in a GPS tracking unit in your car and wires your phone. A second look at the cute chick that just walk pass will result in endless yap about straying and that how insecure she feels. Don’t even think about having small talk!
2. Her way is the only way
There’s only one way of doing it and it is her way. After the make-up she puts on during courtship, the cracks start showing soon enough. She wants to go Changi by PIE and would rather U-turn than to take ECP. She thinks *insert anything here* is the best and you better agree to prevent World War III erupting.
3. Moral police
Nuff said. In a way related to the point above.
4. Illiterate to household chores
Being waited by her maid all her life, household chore has never been in her dictionary. To make things worst, you only realize it when moving in together. From washing the basin to cleaning the kitchen, clearing junk from the bin, washing clothes and all things needed to keep the house in one piece. And to make things worse, she throws her clothes all around, leaves her junk everywhere and makes a big mess for you to clean up. No good, no good.
.
.
.
.
.…and the list goes on.
And I’ve come to terms that god is fair and no one’s perfect. Not even myself =P
However, that doesn’t mean we should all jump into what look’s like a good deal, for many a times, it is usually too good of a deal. Taking from Let’s go to the supermarket, we should amble leisurely down the aisles and see what’s available – squeeze the fruit, taste the free morsels, or check out a new brand of juice rather than grab the first available item before a mad rush to the cashier. Not to the extend where you would rather walk out empty handed than to settle for second best, but least make an informed decision after careful research.
Life’s always fair, we just have to be patient, open our eyes and ditch that pair of glasses =)
All I read, and agreed with, is the part about “squeeze the fruit, taste the free morsels, or check out a new brand of juice“, though I know it probably means something very different from what I assume it to be. I swear it’s the alcohol from last night.
Cough.
There I was, being all shallow about physical attributes, and a boy, dwells deeper than that.
And then I refer back to Butterfly’s post.
I bowed my head in absolute shame.
And then I shoved my hand down my panties to check.
Have I being a male all my life and not aware of it all the while?!
The newly upgraded wordpress is doing much to my li-blog-do. I am churning out one entry after another one, and still feeling that I can churn out more.
So, today, I am going to talk about boys, and how imperfect they are.
Yes, boys, who will never be men.
It is such a serious topic that I should have your full concentration and nothing else.
I mean, have you ladies met someone, and thought he is sooooooo perfect?
Attractively cute, amazing body, awfully sweet, utterly talented, absolutely kind, impossibly intelligent, incredibly witty, deservingly a highflyer, owns a bachelor pad that readily awaits your toiletries in the bathroom, and a spare walk-in wardrobe for all the clothes he would surprise you with?
And the kitchen he cooks for you in.
And oh, who can forget the sleek convertible that would witness countless romantic dates, as he sweeps the hair away from your face, and you think to yourself “What would my previous loser ex think if he sees this?”
But! SERIOUSLY????!!!!
Okay *snaps fingers* back to reality, let’s just say, he is EVERYTHING you ever dream of.
BUT, SURELY, THERE IS SOMETHING IMPERFECT ABOUT HIM RIGHT?
I mean, how could someone have ALL the things going for him? This man couldn’t be of existence, isn’t it?
Then again, I do hear of such men out there.
But then, I think, God is fair.
Say, Scenerio 1. Such a man appeared. And one day, something doesn’t smell right.
It was a stench that could wake you from a coma.
And then you realise, he has the unmistakable Body Ordor you can’t stand.
Or maybe, it was bad breath that doesn’t go away, which makes you queasy everytime you lean in. Then, you learn the perfect skills to hold you breath and kiss(and he often mistaken that breathlessness as passion), and you rinse your mouth 101 times after that, so that your tongue does not get marinated(well, it is psychological, you see).
So one day you decided you decided you risk your life enough with all the breath-holding or an OD of Listerine, and want out.
Scenerio 2.
After the initial few dates over dimly-litted romantic dinner, you see your date for who he is, under pale, fluorescent lights. The potholes on his face is worse than the orange you pelt for lunch.
And then when talking to him, you could look nowhere else but hold your focal point on his badly-mutilated cheeks, and you start scratching your own, oblivious to the frown knitting your brows.
And then you don’t even dare to kiss him goodbye as you are afraid of being infected by the deadly zits.
Scenerio 3.
You guys started getting to know each other from online.
And then when meeting up, you realise…
1) He has a squeaky, high-pitched voice that scares you
2) He is just photogenic.
Either way, you can’t stop shaking from anger. Anger from being cheated. Cheated by misrepresented pictures that crumble your fairytale.
Scenerio 4
He is a closeted psychopath. Well-disguised.
You don’t know he is one, until one day, he stares maniacally into your eyes with ample rage, threatening to throw you off the penthouse suite you share, when you question him for wearing your corset and trying to squeeze into your beloved Manolo Blahniks.
Scenerio 5
You caught him bending over another chap, in absolute ecstasy.
And then, you wonder why you have always been the one doing all the jobs(hand… blow.. ride), and he never responded with such enthusiasm.
Then it hits you. You are the convenient cover-up all along.
Scenerio 6
Well, this is almost the most verified flawed of all.
Imagine when the passion builds up, and the GRAND moment arrives, and you can’t wait to rip him up.
Your hand travels down south.
You try, and you try, and you try.
“Baby, am I not turning you on enough?”
“What? Of course not! Look, I am soooo BIIIG and HARD!!!”
You got a rude shock, and all you want to do at this moment is break down and cry, in absolute despair and disbelief(“WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???? WHY?????????? WHY????!”).
Mr Perfect has a short, small, and limp penis, which serves little else except for his own pleasure. You think to yourself that the penis is just for identification, or solely, decorative purposes.
Though it saves you the jaw ache, you try hard to maintain a sturdy grasp, cos it is so small that you are afraid it might get lost in your palms.
And you don’t even want to venture further than that, because….. you know full well that the inevitable sentence of “Oh, you mean you’re inside already?” will be blurted out unintentionally. That, or a faked session, will be on the books.
And then, you don’t want to submit yourself to a lifetime of bad sex, and you end it for good.
Sometimes, the guys might not even get anything, because, truth is, sometimes, girls are not satisfied with the goods when they test it(you really think girls are so eager to fondle you “down there”?).
So.
Scenerio 7
They are taken. Nuff said.
So.
I am more interested to find out from the guys, than the ladies, which category does you fall into? And ladies, if these scenarios rouse some painful stories for you to share, please do, too.
Tsk tsk.
Someone told me last night that, all I have to do is to go straight to Scenerio 6, and I will be able to eliminate all doubts immediately.
But I am thinking, I have to risk 1 – 7 sans 6, which is in itself, a scary thought. *Shudders*
And where are the perfect men?! Or maybe, life is so unfair to me that I may never get to meet them.
Sigh.
It was finally Friday, and though we started off the morning a little sickie, Wifey and I agreed by noon that the arranged mahjong session was going ahead.
Then, I went for a nice little lunch at Keppel Bay(where I bumped into Bernard and Zhihao), headed to town for a meeting which I almost forgot(thus, the tardiness of bad hair, glasses, and a totally stoned-out face), checked out some Ettusais and Shiseido counters, before i wrapped up the day and headed home.
I bumped into Sonia, and in my excitement to say hi, the next thought that hit me was I was looking darn auntie that very day.
Of course, I wasn’t recognised, which I have no one to blame but myself, and May and Audrey had a field day laughing at me. Boo.
And I was told I was recognised, by my voice. Wahahaha.
Anyway, when I was having my meeting, Effy messaged me to tell me that she was severely pissed with a Piscean man who decided to pull out last minute(ahem).
And so, our contingency plan was to recruit this particular Scorpio man who once wrote in after the email recruitment drive we put on our blogs.
He said he would reach at 8pm, so we played 3 kakis first.
You know what time he called me back???
Fucking 1.23 am!!!
Okay, fine, before that he called me at 9 to say he was heading to Funan. AFTER he agreed to come over at 8pm.
I mean, IF all my friends were already there waiting for this said person, and they don’t happen to be 3-leg mahjong players, then we all would have been waiting like idiots! I will be so pai seh can?
Of course, Effy, the Scorpio, was ashamed of her fellow Scorpio, and was equally pissed with the inconsiderate-ness of the said male who incurred our wrath, and we decided some men, we can do without.
We played 3 legs lor. What to do. But it was cozy to be talking in the quite, open sense, with no need of censorship, which sometimes happen when we play with people we don’t know well. Fast paced also.
So he said he would drop by after Funan, give him half an hour.
And then ah, at 12 midnight, still no sound no picture!
And only called back at 1.23am, when there was no better need for him anymore.
At the end of the day, the Scorpio female was pissed by a Piscean, and the Scorpio male pissed me back.
ROAARRR!!!
I tell you ah, men ah…. don’t get me started -Ting does diva wave dismissively-.
So, there are times, we really realise we need no men.
Of course, Shaun, not talking about you, for without you, we couldn’t have played 3 legs last night.
***
I dozed off almost immediately after jumping into my bed last night. I wonder why the fatigue these days.
And it looks like it is gonna be another dreadful weekend.
And yes, I need to get some stuff sorted out by Monday.
Keeping fingers crossed.
Woohoo, it’s one of the first times I have blogged on a weekend in a long, long while.
Wah my blog becoming darn random.
Oh. I hurt my finger. The little one pulled my hand in her little tantrum, and she dragged it across a metal strip, before she did a little pull.
So, I have an L-shaped cut to my middle finger.
It was bleeding a little, and I could see the depth of it. If she had given another little pull, I would have lost a tiny piece of flesh.
The little one was also injury-prone yesterday. She fell on her right side and her right ear was bruised and raw. I saw a little blood clots, and thankfully it was nothing serious, though I swear it was painful to see that on her.
