This private space of mine, I miss.
Just because I feel an indescribable urge to sow the seeds of writing here, in the hope that one day I can let the thoughts flow ceaselessly through my fingers again.
I hesitate too much these days, and I became too self-conscious cos I hate to see how I have came to massacre the English Language.
Yet, I remember this place fondly. For this is what accompanied through the darkest days of my life.
And there are the people, some I had never met in person, who gave life-saving encouragements which pulled me through.
Thus, I thought, it is a milestone that worth an update.
Minibean is now in Primary One.
And here is she, in her uniform, on her first day in school.
Whenever I reply this to people who ask, it always prompts the same shock, the same reflective ‘oh my, time flies..“.
Hell yeah, it did.
There are so many people I have to thank. But sometimes, thank-yous are the hardest words to get out these days.
And I can’t find it within me to write anymore.
So pardon me as I leave you, or whoever is reading, with the tidbit I shared on Facebook today:
She asked why I don’t have other children, and I told her the reality that <slash>Mummy isn’t getting any</slash> it is expensive to raise a child in Singapore.
I had to explain what is a miscarriage, and break down the pregnancy timeline. It got awkward when I had to explain why some people have medical conditions which don’t allow them to bear children despite desperately wanting to.
She asked how long it takes for the tummy to slim down after giving birth.
Basically she wants me to be a baby machine, on demand.
I said a prayer of thanks that I didn’t have to give her any graphic description of how I squeezed her out.
Then. The bombshell.
As we continued the conversation, she asked me what would I do if she is bullied in school.
I said I would find out why and talk to the teachers, if need be.
I asked her if I should do that. She said no.
That is when she made me promise not to talk to any of the teachers, or confront the said bullies if she were to tell me secrets (dammit, now I am bound by the promises).
Apparently, 2 boys tried to bully her today. She said it with a smile (I soooo see this coming).
She said Jayden and Lucas tried to kiss her today, and she defended herself by flipping her hair.
I breathed in deeply and tried to act the coolest I can muster. You know, sometimes have to play it cool to fish it from her lah.
“Try to kiss me, Mummy.”
She dodged and showed me how agile she is.
I taught her a few tricks to push the boys away (tempted to impart her the groin kick but.. oh well, next time then), encouraged her to use her Wushu moves, and how she should dodge them next time.
Not sure if those are gonna work because ahem, Mummy had never quite successfully defend herself in situations like this.
She said Lucas is an assistant leader in the group, but then confessed she likes Jayden more, when I asked why, she excitedly raised her voice, “JAYDEN IS HOT!” (an example of how aesthetic has triumphed ‘power’, definitely not my genes.)
“Baby, ‘Hot’ is not the word you should be using on little children. Cute or handsome maybe, but it is not a word you should be using.”
“Mummy so what does it mean? Why cannot use? So how should I use it?”
“Uh… uhm.. cos, you use it in instances like ‘Mummy is HOT!”.
She went to bed, kissing me goodbye, with a zealous parting shot, “MUMMY! YOU ARE COOL, BEAUTIFUL AND HOT!”
I think a trip to the optician is on the cards.
Boys out there, stop kissing my precious! I will learn how to break the legs and egos of these mini-sized male hormones.
And this, shall be the length of all her skirts, till she turns 30.