The urge to write is overwhelming.

Alas, along the way, censorship becomes a must, and the need for me to look away from myself has became a great deterrent for the words to connect with my fingertips.

I have massive amount of things to say.

Too much.

It is as if I wish the release of the words could bring along with them the fatigue within.

I resent being taken out of context. I fear words are just taken at their literal value and people fail to see beyond.

This space is not a representation of who I am. It shouldn’t be the apply-all rule to my real life. It could be a form of escape. It could be who I wish I still am. An ideal which I have no hope of achieving.

You might think you know what I am getting at, even I might think I know what I am trying to say, but you are not me.

Who are you to define me?

***

I don’t remember the last time I have had this much sleep in the past month.

Therapeutic.

Jet lag sounds like the perfect culprit for my grogginess when I awoke at 4pm. Then again, what jet-lag?

Went to see Minibean at her wushu class, and seeing her showing passion for what she is doing brought ample relief.

After bidding her goodbye, the weather was too inviting.

I napped.

I opened my eyes at 8.30pm and felt a pang of hunger. I fell asleep again, dreaming that I ordered for delivery. I was too lazy to wake, and the subconscious  decided to take care of my body’s needs.

It was 10pm when I finally managed to drag myself out of bed to the news of Manchester United’s victory.

Again, the accumulation of words in my head wouldn’t let me have it easy. They were prompting me to write, provocatively egging me on, yet when my hands hover above the keyboard, the defense put up by my fingers is at an all-time high.

The grief the past few entries had brought is what I can do without.

Yet, these thoughts, both sober and dark ones, have to go somewhere, don’t they?

Time to bring the fight of the inner demons into the open. They probably need a larger battleground.

***

Only another day of rest before my next assignment.

In the past weeks, I made a return to the charms of Prague (had it been almost a year?), had my 2nd encounter with Vienna this year, and roughed it out in Ho Chi Minh City for the 2nd time in half a year. The experiences are thoroughly humbling.

Monday’s trip is an unexplored territory to me, and the irony is, I will be returning to the embrace of my home country.

What I am truly looking forward to, is to plan for my own disappearance into a sea of faceless people, at the end of the season.

This need to flee, is too strong to fight.

Somewhere new. Or maybe, somewhere familiar.

Somewhere uncharted. Or maybe, somewhere I need to revisit.

Somewhere undisturbed. Or maybe, somewhere I can be imposed.

Somewhere, where I am an unknown to it. Or maybe, somewhere I feel belonged.

Somewhere, where you can’t find me.