It has always been a case of bad timing.

Like many other things, and some people, and some events, you think to yourself: Wouldn’t it be so much more fabulous if this had taken place another time?

Even with the bad episodes. Some bad episodes would have been much more easier to deal with, should the timing slots in aptly.

And that person you know who could perhaps fit right into your life, yet timing is not on your side… and neither of you could find the right pacing to compromise.

A fleeting glance, an awkward silence to acknowledge the moment, a slight raise of lips to force a smile, and a mutual understanding that everything has to keep buried because, hey, timing is bad.

How could someone so right, appear at such a bloody wrong time, you ask. And how could someone so wrong breeze pass your life at such a right time, you ponder.

***

And that is the precise reason why I haven’t been heard or seen on this space much, or anywhere in the past couple of weeks.

My blog mojo was cruelly killed off by the unreliable of a blog server host, which contributed to a bit of down time over the past couple of weeks, 2nd time in a month.

The frustration proved too much, and I am in the midst of shifting this space, and not wanting to disrupt anything to the backup I have done, I decided to ease off writing anything here, so a friend could help with the shift.

However, knowing how busy he is and that he is doing me a favour, I am not sure when and if it is already shifted (hahaha tech idiot here, remember?).

Coupled with the fact that I have yet to solve my motherboard issue, and nagged by a backache, -insert another excuse with regards to the killer heat-, I really couldn’t find it within me to get into the familiar pace and momentum that I found just couple of weeks ago.

Okay fine, the fact that I have been watching the Taiwanese series “My Queen” in 2 days had screwed up my sleeping pattern too.

It was the first time I actually got hooked to a Taiwanese drama. And plus the fact that I liked The Proposal, and Japanese series First Love, I seriously think I have cougar syndromes well diagnosed with my obsession with the above mentioned titles.

(If you guys have not heard or watched the above titles, they are all about older, attractive women hooking up with impossibly hot, droolworthy young men. Hohoho.)

Strangely, I haven’t even found the need to go on the MSN I so couldn’t live without, and for a while, I was muted on other social media, and found life without a mobile phone such a natural thing.

This seems to be something I have always been doing, believing that if I don’t get used to it, I don’t need it. Or that if I lose it, it is easier to do so.

It is like, I have not used anything that bears a fruit logo, thus I don’t feel the need to be like in love and rave about how fabulous the fruity products are, except for an iPod like million of years ago. In fact. I didn’t even use it for a month before it got chucked aside by me. I don’t know which corner it is in right now.

It is also why I have yet to do anything to my motherboard, or even extract the information from my hard disk, though I know I will cry, wail, be devastated if I lose my information in there.

But somehow, if there is a chance that I might lose everything, isn’t it a good time for me to start to wane off my emotional attachment to it first, better than to be taken by surprise?

I know it sounds silly but sometimes I do feel and do think that if you prepare yourself for the worst, any good thing will be a good enough bonus that bring accumulated joy, and it is less likely to give us chances to blame situations, or even other people for anything.

Maybe that’s why people who are more confident or hopeful about a situation might end up to be the more bitter ones cos they can’t and they are not prepared to lose.

This thought was brought forth after a nice, long dinner with Jiali, upon discussing about the inevitable topic of competitiveness amongst female friends. Ever had friends who are just out to outdo you for everything and you don’t know how to behave normally around them cos it is that suffocating cos they take everything at literal value and because you are what they perceive for being inferior, your accidental achievement in something trivial is gonna be such big deal to them because they can’t stop dwelling on how much you don’t deserve it.

Some, just can’t afford to lose cos they were just too used to getting their ways since young. Because they lost to someone like you, whom they deem not worthy, that makes them seethe even more. And they try hard not to show, but everyone still can see it. Some mask them better. Some just can’t.

And there is a blatant difference in sharing joy and trying to steal the limelight from a bride cos even something like this is being viewed as a competition, is just ridiculous.

But, like what I was telling someone recently, and then the conclusion is, if she is your friend, end up, what else can you do but to accept, right?

***

I know this is another random thought. But I am in the mood for such randomness.

I don’t know what I did yesterday but for the first time since doing pole, I am having abs muscle ache. But I did not do anything with my abs what?!

***

Another random thought. Please preserve the Chinese Language’s importance in schools. I want my daughter to have quality Chinese education locally, and it shall be her first language, together with English that is.

I don’t agree with the suggestion to shave off the importance of Chinese as a subject in schools.

***

The weather has been unforgiving, and this lethargy and aches plastered all over me have to go.

Seems like everyone is on Hotel City. So am I, trying to decorate the rooms since I doubt I would own my own house anytime soon with the volatile housing market.

And what’s with the sound effect, always seem to have some risque, male moaning sounds?

***

Met some people who went on to prove who people once said they were, and I had optimistically thought it would be proven otherwise.

Er, unfortunately, most of them were right. And a pitifully tiny percentage was just misunderstood to begin with.

***

I have been thinking how if we segmented our lives into different chapters, there will be some we would rather skip, some would be so filled with intense actions, some would bring a tear or two to us.

I miss Chapter 16 Volume 11 and 12.

And like a good literature that sounded too bland for my liking initially, but I re-read to find new meanings to it, I actually like Chapter 17 and 18 too.

Sometimes you read back the chapters and realise how some people interlink, and would reappear at later chapters, and the familiarity of it all comes back as you revisit the old chapters.

I was happy. Chapter 21 and 22.

Chapter 25 Volume 12 was amazing.

And Chapter 26 Volume 12, a quiet indoor Christmas, and the subtle feeling, and the sweetness of it all. I remember saying I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. Ho. Ho. Ho.

To be honest, Chapter 26 would have been a horror chapter if not for Minibean. And because of her, it was a glorious, glorious chapter. And because of you (s).

Chapter 27 would be one I looked back with plenty to smile about for the ones who came and go. The things I went out of my comfort zone to fulfill. The places I travelled to, and the spontaneity I sought and found. And again, because of you (s).

Sometimes we can look back the chapters and know that as more things come into our lives to fill the newer chapters, there will be plenty of other things we chew on from the past that would be unrivaled.

Sorry to say, you can never replace who that person was to me.

Rain, pretty rain. An evening of rain, brings such solace.

About time you wash those thoughts away.