A quarter of the year is almost coming to an end, and it is only now I seem to have the thought of blogging nagging at the back of my head.

So far, 2010 has been very, very, very kind to me. So is my favourite month of the year (it is tie between December and March), especially with the sporadic rain spells and more reasons to meet up with people I hadn’t seen in a while.

Alas, I wish I could say the same about how it could have been the same for people around me. Somehow I do feel I seem to take on the grief of others sometimes, and everything will just spiral from there.

Besides, the negativity seems to bring out some of the not-so-nice traits in other people, amplify their short-comings as a friend, and you start to wonder how far can this disappointment go. The usual tolerance for such insensitive, juvenile behaviours also came to a halt because you longer defend yourself, but someone else, someone who is vulnerable.

I brought this issue up to someone, who was there for me during one of them mornings when I felt overwhelmed by everyone’s issues and couldn’t find sleep.

It is not our stories to tell, and as with many things in life, there are things we wouldn’t know. You think you know Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston? Even in AJ and BP breaks up, maybe they would remember some of their happiest time together as a couple, and will still be happy cos the way they handle it is more unconventional and had a certain kind of understanding. And even if one day we are gloating, they have passed 10 years of happy life (if they choose to be happy when they are happy and even when they are not, so doesn’t mean 10 years of togetherness) while we have yet to move on.

Seriously, it depends which camp you are on to believe they are perfect and happy together without believing in lifelong commitment, or that they are miserable and putting together an act just to declare victory for the world to see. Most of the time, we just see what we would rather believe in, no?

It does indeed, have a feel-good factor to think they are incredibly unhappy together, and everything is for a show, and BP is missing JA every moment… and BP is becoming a scruffy puppy (no, I do not agree with the others who wish upon Downs on their babies just because of this resentment) with the constant fights they are having and they are yadda yadda yadda… so it is like justice, served cold.

But others do no lead their lives for us, just like how we don’t, for them.

If not, wouldn’t it be tiring that if I grow a pimple on my forehead, and other people will think it is because I cross their paths, and I am having a pimple because of them?

I believe one thing for sure, there are bounds to be ups and downs in one’s life, but we can’t say for sure that when there is a down, say 3 years down the road, it is because it happened because he stepped on my toes during Salsa class and I bore a grudge since then.

They may be down and out, say now, or even few years later, and there will be a time you will be too, that’s just the simple logic of life.

And sometimes, depending on perception, you think they are down and out, yet they are at the happiest of their lives, cos a change is about to take place. Or you think they are getting to places they don’t deserve and you get your nerves tied cos your little insecurities and jealousy are playing up, when in fact they might not be all that happy.

I don’t have that much of my life to sit back and wait for the day to happen and gloriously claim those things happen because of me, cos I acknowledge the fact that I am not that important, and the time is better spent, say, watching How I Met Your Mother and worrying which school to send Minibean to (it is a bloody stressful task okay?) like a typical kiasu parent.

In the same breath, haven’t you seen the most tragic happening to the loveliest people around you, and the most manipulative hypocrites getting away with their class acts?

That gotta show that, suck it up biatches, life is indeed unfair.

Sometimes, there are no definite rights and wrongs, but it is all a matter of principles, of how things are handled. There were some things that some parties involved did that are obviously NOT NICE, and it goes to show character. But sometimes, there will be repentant ones, yet some others will just go on cos their egos got in the way and went on to be malicious.

It is quite low, if you ask me.

Yet, the beauty of it is also the people who shine through during this time, the beauty of their characters simply cos, you know these people would have your backs should someday something like this happen to you. And the people who would stand in the face of the verbal abuse just to shield you from them even though they know they would be at the receiving end.

I know like all things, this too, shall pass, with time.

It is a little disheartening at times to see everyone getting affected and quite eye-opening to see even the usual objective people starting to voice opinions of their own.

Through these, you really do know people on a deeper level.

***

It wasn’t my intention to start off this post with something this heavy, especially it is titled “Favourite”. Strangely enough, I have ended up writing about things that are not what I originally intended to write, which honestly, had diffused out of my mind as I went on.

So much had happened in this month, that I feel a need to start my momentum in blogging so as to not miss anything.

Maybe the most significant of all, is the little glimpse I caught of the self I had been searching for, and it gave me enough hope that anything is possible.

It is gonna be a long, long catch up, dating all the way back to 15 December 2009.

I need more quiet nights like this, that words can come effortlessly, though I have to remind myself that I did fall asleep at near midnight, halfway through Magnolia, and woke up at 3am thinking it was 7am.

I was woken up in a dream that was reflecting my reality, just that in my dream, it was 7 am and there was a hint of daylight out there.

I remember I dreamt of Potatomusmaximus, and Jenn, and Jenn was somewhere overseas, and it was a strange dream that didn’t make sense cos we were in a country that isn’t like where we belong, which even Michael Jackson made a cameo.

Strangest thing was we were exchanging adult materials online, and I ended up springing up at 3am in the morning, and having an urge to well, do some “adult research”. Instead of getting the decent, proper movie Atonement, I ended up downloading something by Jenna Jameson.

It is 6ish on a Monday morning, and I still haven’t seen anything adult-ish to get my blood running cos it is taking a long time. Bah.

Giggles, don’t judge me, you will be surprised when I mentioned it to ladies, and even the sweetie pie looking one told me she has an entire HDD she hadn’t explored. You know, I have my needs curiosity too?

It would be the 13th movie I watched in the past few weeks, and the only Blue Movie (oh yes, that’s the title). Don’t ask me why I even need plots for such things.

My blog productivity is not as strong when it is in the day, so perhaps it means more strange and awkward sleeping pattern to bring the bloggomojo back.