Yes, it is about time for me to get into full swing of momentum, and I shall add how it is not THAT easy for me to do so.

Like, where do I start? And to dig far into the memory for the wonderful and otherwise mundane things that happened in the past month odd, it could be rather tedious.

And boy, the break I had been planning and waited for, had finally happened. And after this break, hopefully comes the BIG break.

And yes, the break has tire me out though the sense of fulfilment is certainly one I would not trade anything else for.

More on the on the next post, since I think that probably should be the start of the chapter for me to recollect the past month and half that had taken an absence from this space of mine or else my ageing memory might just fail me too soon haha.

Hopefully I would look bad one day to remind myself how important this phase is really am for me, and I would always use this space to find that bit of myself that was discovered in this process.

And that, I remember how it is to… breathe again.

***

It was a good day today, I asked for a little leeway from helping a friend out to sort out some of the matters on hand, and at the same time, spending some time with the little one.

And it is almost impossible to accomplish any work with the little one’s endless questions when she sat beside me, and before long, I was drying her hair after shower, feeding her porridge, trying to sneak in a bit of lunch and fighting her hands off my food, do the dishes, and then shortly after, changing her to her PJs, get her usual arrangement of pillows and blanket, gave in to her requests of milk and water (yes, she had wanted milk and water right after her bowl of porridge and pinching on my food, why is she still so scrawny?!), and lie down next to her so she would nap.

She then slowly drifted off as I stroked her hair, kissed her face.

I wonder where had all the time went to and in the end nothing for myself was done, but it seems like an awesome thing to do, to do so everyday and see her grow, but…. not a practical choice with whatever is in the pipeline.

Come Wednesday, it will be her 2nd lesson at the pool, and she would soon be joining the dreaded phase of going for enrichment lessons.

And shortly after the busy day with Minibean, I will have to leave for my pole-dance class soon in a while. Gee.

***

1st February 2010 Monday

I was happy. I woke up in the early morning after dozing off post-Manchester United V Arsenal match, and decided to go about the usual stuff during the day, and not breaching any shopping ban and cab ban.

I successfully got on a train but unfortunately got off at the wrong stop. Silly, silly me.

Met up with an old friend of mine in the east area, and we caught up with lots of the past. She had since lost like 15 kg and had never looked this good with the improvement to her skin condition and all.

She has became more driven yet still maintained the motherly nature in her.

It has been so long since we have been friends, and she seems relatively happier since I last met her when she was still unhappy in her job. And sometimes, we really do have to take the plunge for the greater things in life meant to be better for us.

Rushed to town to do my cheongsam fitting after weeks of lamenting on my twitter and getting feedback on where to get it from, and it was just difficult to make a choice when everything looked good!

Alas, gotta rush for pole dance class, and the plan for getting a navel piercing was pooh-poohed out of the window when I realised I probably can’t pole dance for more than half a year if I get it done cos we need the tummy fats to grip the pole.

With the advancement to poledance 2, the fun spins that kept us going back for more had morbidly morphed into traumatisingly, painful climbs.

Which doesn’t exactly spell good news for me especially with my sweaty palms.

Nonetheless, it was still a great sense of achievement with things we finally managed to do, albeit in between screams and swear words, and trying to look as graceful as we can.

And of course, some of the others can make it look as effortless as it can, and I can only look constipated hahaaha.

Some of the mishaps included hitting my you-know-where to the very hard pole, and endless times of falling from the pole.

And many others had their inner thighs badly bruised due to the abrasions. And for me, I still have various bruises from my foot, all the way to my thighs.

Some day, I shall do a split on the pole. Cough. Before I break ma bones on the pole, that is.

Everytime I see the other more advanced girls advancing, and slowly getting better at their moves and skills, it spurs me on to know with the hard work it will get somewhere

Headed to Arab Street to meet up with some of the chaps, and enjoyed some fabulous lambchop and easy banters, almost made a booboo, envied a friend who told the story how he played beach football with Eric Cantona in Bali, before we left Arab Street to Siren’s grandpa’s wake in Hougang.

Left for home when it was getting late, and it was strange that after staying up for so many hours, I still couldn’t get to sleep late at night.

(Oh dear, going to be late for pole dance class, will complete this later tonight!)

***

Been busy since I returned home from today’s poledance class, and a quick supper session with Jiali, Siren and Vandalin in their territory.

It was quite an easy pole-dance class since our instructor didn’t really want us to hurt ourselves for the coming lunar new year, laughs.

Nonetheless, as our classes got more demanding physically, we will be doing more inverts, and that involved us getting into inverted position while standing. We were also doing the “cradle” with us doing a baseball grip and curling into a ball with our legs to our chests and do a spin.

And I was surprised to learn that I could bend my back backwards that just a little more I could actually touch the back of my head with my toes.

Gasp.

Can go onto Orchard Road and busk soon, maybe. Hohoho.

Here’s the invert from today where we even learnt how to wriggle upwards while inverted. Tedious!

My left hand is actually quite dominate, apparently.

I can’t wait to progress to Pole 3 and Pole 4.. and eventually Pole 5, though am not sure my stamina will ever bring me that far.

Jiali and I almost lost our way as we headed to Punggol Nasi Lemak, and I actually avoided Nasi Lemak in a bid to control my diet these days. More on it.. in a while!

As I got back, I almost forgotten that I have to work tomorrow. Bah!

But since I am trying hard to get into the swing of writing, I shall finish this entry before retiring.

***

2nd February 2010, Tuesday

Rushed around on Tuesday again, and ended up going back to the cheongsam place for yet another fitting, and met this really sweet lass who ended my agony of pondering over which to buy just as I ended hers.

I hope she likes the red lace cheongsam (cos I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE it but it was way out of my budget) though her boyfriend probably prefer the other one, and I actually went with her choice rather than my personal choice.

Her body shape is so awesome for the cheongsam, and her looks are those classic, sweet and innocent kind, so she would not look make the look cheap.

I did some personalisation of the one she chose, so it would be more chic and unconventional, and can’t wait to see the results tomorrow.

I still am thinking and pining over the bright blue one.

After the fitting, went over to Singapore Arts Museum, where I met up with Siren, Vandalin for dinner at Food for thought.

Surprise of the evening was when I finally met THB in person and F also joined us for dinner. And after all these years of reading, I finally got to meet THB, and honestly I was a bit pom-pom tiao, and a little awkward as I always am. Mr THB also joined us for a short while, and Vandalin nearly embarrassed me for a past incident where I was eternally grateful to J and Mr THB for. The nice bunch of company and easy-goingness made me realised how it is like to laugh and blush again.

The fabulous choice of eatery was also a great plus. I took a bus there and realised how much the buses these days have changed.

Slotted quietly behind NTUC Income building was a quaint structure, housing the eatery.

And there’s where Food for Thought is cleverly shielded from the bustling of the town.

This little gem of a place, was cosy and the most memorable moment was when another table was singing birthday songs for the 2 leads, everyone of us from other tables, started to chime in, clapping and cheering though we were just strangers.

It was just a very heartwarming mood, and when the topic was brought to my upcoming final birthday in my twenties, a plan was threw up by Siren and it sounded like a fabulous plan to execute.

-Beams-

Food for thought also made us feel all nostalgic with the brilliant pieces they were selling to raise fund for the selected charity:

You might recognise some of those items from long before…

And it was very thoughtful of them to have a little illustration to these items that some others might find unfamiliar.

Everything is just sweet in there, and even the menu was telling of the thoughts that went into the place.

Free flow of water costs you nothing, but the $2 you pay will go to the Give Clean Water project where it would help the less fortunate in other parts of the world who don’t have the luxury of having clean water (thank you THB for the round of drinks!).

A read on the site, also showed that efforts to help the Haitians to get clean, drinking water which they had been deprived of, is going on as well.

A bible verse, the more I am sold!

Cheese Nomnom! So cute!

The soup of the day which was a tad salty for F’s liking.

My aglio olio was pretty tasty, and I quite enjoyed my food.

The steak THB had was a tad too raw, and after we reflected, they had not charged us for the steak which I thought was a great initiative.

Not forgetting on the menu, they had stated they don’t believe in charging service charge, cos it is their pleasure to serve.

The reservation method done in the restaurant.

After dinner, we were dropped off by the fab couple at Prinsep, where we were all geared to save the world!

The night ended with a strange little girl outside the LAN shop, striking up the most bizarre conversation any person had. Sane, or insane, male or female, she won, I tell ya.

***

3 February 2010

Started the day with just an hour of sleep, before heading off to Siren’s office, and the heat was almost killing me.

Luckily the therapeutic dose of manual stuff got me through the day and the good company of Amanda made the day passed a little faster.

Before I knew it, I was rushing and was a tad late for salsa.

I even managed to hang on enough to take a train back, and dragged my battered body back home, and enjoyed an episode of American Idol in my emoness.

I ended up tearing at some segments, and laughing really hard at the others, with my emotions amplified by millions with the fatal dosage of PMS in me.

I was asleep way before midnight and it was yet another dream of me travelling to my dreamt-up places, with snow, with beautiful architecture, and meeting an array of people in my dream.

I just remember I dreamt of a secondary school classmate of mine last night and I am wondering how she is doing now.

***

I woke up on Thursday feeling all charged with ample rest, and headed to town again in the morning.

Headed to Raffles Hospital for my medical report, and the results was quite appalling.

Apparently I have a severe allergy to… all dairies, especially cheese, and eggs.

Gluten, wheat, peanut, abalone, crab, lobster, oyster, kelp and chilli and ginger too.

So. I was told to keep away from all chocolates, cookies, pasta, noodles, cakes… and the list go so long that I dropped dead and didn’t finish hearing the list.

I mean, okay lah, the symptoms are probably tahan-able, but just a matter of stressing my digestive and other possible contributions to some other stuff.

Thankfully I am non-reactive to all red meat and meat (not fish though, but haha! I don’t take fish, yay!).

My hormones are quite out of range and I am put on quite some medication to balance them out. My doctor asked me how could I survive with the amount of testosterone, and I find it an answer I couldn’t find myself either.

I thought she was being a fortune teller when she was asking me certain aspect of my life.

Met up with D for drinks, and she waited for me under the hospital, before we headed to the cheongsam place, and then a very awesome place in Dempsey – CMPB.

It was a long evening of planning, and she told me to stop being so stubborn with help. It could be pride, but I just find it hard to accept or even ask for help even if I really need to.

I know everyone meant well, but at this moment I really find it manageable and find no need to exhaust the favours or put anyone in inconveniences.

I know many people had helped me along the way in the past few years, and I truly, truly appreciate it, but it was also because of those years of help, I know I have favours I probably am indebted for life, even if they don’t feel that way.

And the worst feeling is at some point, you realise people actually helped looking for something in return, and the humiliation you have to go through just because you thought it was a gesture of kindness, not everyone would think or feel so.

And sometimes, before you could have the time to express your appreciation, it might be just too late for others.

I also feel that with the help, sometimes people feel there is a right in them to dictate your choices in life, and that is why I am more sensitive to monetary help these days and would rather refuse any, even if coming from people closest to me.

It was a nice talk, though I would say at the end of it I got a mega-migraine going on and ended up not meeting with Belinda whom I had meant to meet up for the longest time. The Ikea trip was also cancelled cos the discussion took too long to reach a conclusion.

It is good to know that many people have my backs and perhaps would step in to do “their thang” but then, don’t write me off just yet, just because you have no idea what I am doing.

I managed to get through the episode of American Idol with some tears and laughs, before I ended up dozing off early yet again.

***

5 February 2010, Friday

Woke up intermittently to some discomfort, and by early morning I woke up and started my day, I was rolling around in pain with the migraine and cramps.

It wasn’t that great a day as I tried to shrimp up in bed to get the cramps over, though the bizarre dream I had probably made me feel better.

I was intending to stay home until a bad episode with my mum had reduced me to tears just after she had stepped into the house.

Let’s just say despite all the years of bad episodes we had in recent years, it wasn’t as explosive as the one we had on Friday.

The accusations from her flew easily, and I was just having too much pent up frustration towards her recent behaviour that I just rattled out everything, cos the previous nice talk I tried to have with her just simply, didn’t work.

I ended up bringing up the topic of how money isn’t the most important thing, and the will my dad had crafted which have my half-siblings involved but I don’t give a flying fuck about, cos why do I want to owe anyone anything?

The pressure she had piled on my dad when he was out there working and rushing his projects, was something that I had to rant as well, and it ended up with her saying I was trying to beat her up cos I was talking in the fast and furious way.

My dad tried to speak up against her, but she as well, tried to defend herself saying the nastiest of things, and then I just said, “You ownself got watch those HK and TW serials one, you ownself think through the nasty curses and poisonous words you said, don’t you find it similar to those villains in the show?!” (okay, it was phrased in mandarin so less awkward, hahaaha!)

I went into my room and then just burst out crying cos it was just so disappointing the last nice talk I had with her didn’t work and things had to come to this.

I was ready to move out and just shield Minibean from all the things she had said in front of Minibean about everyone of us or the values I had not want Minibean to be exposed to.

I ended up heading towards Cineleisure to have dinner with Siren and Vandalin, and it was no surprise we ended up heading to L4D2 yet again.

It was because of the cranky server in the previous LAN gaming shop that we ended up at Concorde Hotel.

This time, we were proposed by another 4 gamers to play versus game, and we were well worn out thereafter.

We were brutally slaughter, I might add.

It was great fun, and a great end to a Friday night which would otherwise be disastrous.

***

Woke up to a Saturday with my mum being fabulously nice, which surprised me no end.

The evening was a rush to head out to town after Minibean’s nap for Priya’s wedding, and it was a small scale but very cosy affair. The bride and groom seems really blissful, and Minibean was just fascinated with the Indian songs and dance segment, and we were clueless about some of the dialogues since we didn’t understand Tamil.

Minibean loves the Poppadom!

After the dinner, bumped into Weipen at another wedding, and after ending the night, it was L4D2 again, what’s new?

I ended up using a Tampon for the first time ever in Singapore, because I didn’t want any disruptions to my L4D2! Hahahahaha.

It was a long night, and I returned when dad was just leaving for work and we had a good talk just before he left.

I heard mum stirring in the middle of the night and then went into the darkness of her room and then started having one of the best talks we ever had.

Though the result is to keep her happy, it is going to be draining on my bank account since I gonna breach my shopping ban to get her what she wants for her birthday.

Hmmm.

But I told her, we are all doing our best to keep her happy, as long as she allows us to and loosen up a little.

It was a half hour talk, with me lying next to Minibean and Minibean reaching out to grip tightly to my finger with her small hands (no longer tiny) and put it on her chest as she slept while my mum and I were talking.

I was also telling my mum more about myself, my past jobs, my plans, and the things she had always assumed but never understood.

It was then late and I left the room feeling much better that I did the talk, and excited at the thought of buying her birthday gift.

I am also thinking of holding a small party for her, since it has been a long while we have had any kind of birthday celebration at home.

Watched some How I Met Your Mother and I stayed up to do some researches on the wardrobe I wanna get, and some other information.

I ended up getting so hyped I didn’t manage to sleep till it was early morning.

***

7 February 2010 (Phew!) Sunday!

It was a new day with me feeling a little tired but good overall with the talk I had with my mum, and it set my priorities and got me more focused.

Didn’t rush out to Ikea in time, and the thought of the crowd was quite put-offing.

Ended up heading over to Minibean’s grandparents’ place for dinner after we packed some food at Chomp Chomp, and it was a nice home to return to after dinner, cos dad was home, and my mum returned shortly after with some dim sum.

I left without Minibean making a fuss to Elizabeth Hotel to catch the Arsenal V Chelsea match, and my Arsenal day pass, would perhaps be the only day I would ever be supporting Arsenal, and what a disappointing one it was.

Jaywalk sent me home despite it being not along the way, and I got back to a few episodes of How I Met Your Mother… and feeling most of the hormones easing off. Woohoo!

***

Maybe the mundane recording of what I did, who I met seems pretty the usual, but I believe many of the people, the things I saw, the feelings I felt, are not reflected in the words, but knowing the mental pictures that are evoked with what I had jotted down here, only I, and some may know the memories tagged to them.

For that, I just want to say, it had been a much pleasurable week, that despite all the torment by the hormones, everything is well worth it