I think this post is pretty much obligatory, like today a lot of people updating blogs (even those who hadn’t for eons!) simply because it is the end of the year, and it just seems fitting for something to bookend the year.
In fact, in my grogginess after dousing the cough syrup, I thought about what I would write, then you know how the feeling of “highness” and you think about the most atrocious things?
The funny images came and went, and before I knew it I couldn’t think straight and my mind told myself, “ai yah, just another day, I need to sleeeeeeeeeep” and went on cuddling my chow chow and blissfully drifted off again.
It is almost 5pm, and here I am with unbrushed teeth and probably with awesome breaths, suddenly finding myself typing this post with no pre-consideration to what I would write about this.
Actually, I don’t feel anything quite special, perhaps knowing how every year had ended and passed with such fanfare, and it feels like a diary I have finished using the pages, and I am now writing the last page of it, before going on to the next one.
I revisit my “2008 diary” mentally and it seems I had everything falling into my laps.
Yes, 2009 was eventful, relatively to 2008, many would have said it is a bad year. A year where people around me had their hearts broken, including my own. But at the same time, it was also in 2009 when I saw amazing things happening, and perhaps that’s the silver lining of it all, the worst will bring out the best.
I see blessings, I see recoveries, I see strength and grace in people, I see gorillas (haha!) and popeyes, I see people finding their well-deserved happiness after grief, I see people forgive, I see people finding peace in the storm, I see true friendship when I saw her almost crying, and hey, I see Rome, Pompeii, Halong Bay and Phantom!
And 2009 had its extreme bads and unnecessary drama, meeting people I would rather not meet, dealing with friends the way I shouldn’t have, and choose to rather go to the extremes than to make a decision, I still have yet to master the act of making a decision.
I have spur of the moment reactions which I ain’t proud of, which I could look back and chuckle and wish that would never happen again. I think I am just glad I have the ability to simmer and forget fast, not in the forget totally, but like everything, it comes and goes.
Like what a colleague with strong character said, “I believe with time, a lot of things will go away. What everyone needs, is time.”
With time, some things did go away, some did not. Some acquaintances become friends, or even the guy with the BO you loathed most in high school can become your best friend after he forgave you for mocking at him and getting over the grudge. Or even the friend who had been there for more than a decade became the very person who makes you feel like the guy with the BO in high school.
I remember I was discussing with someone about revenges, “Do if it makes you feel better, but at the end of it, what do you really want to get out of it? Being indifferent to anyone who feels affected by you is perhaps the best you can do cos you stop giving the attention they craved, yet they are the ones who are still expecting your world to revolve around them. With so many things in life since we were young, it takes only time for things and people to be indifferent. How many times and years of clashes with people, and yet when meet again few years down the road, you can feel no animosity and smile and talk? Sure it sucks in the beginning, or there are some who will still bear grudges, but that’s not for you to control. That indifference is also your own personal victory of overcoming it cos you just shrug your shoulders when it happens, bitch about it, but it doesn’t really eat you up like it would when it is fresh or what others had wish it to do to you.”
Time, is all people need, and I am glad to say that 2009 had been graceful with me with time.
All this too, shall pass.
And with forgiveness, it brings peace. Have I forgot the bads totally? My mega memory serves me till I 5 years old leh, but good thing is I forget much of the pain that comes together with it. Good and bad. Good is, they can’t bug me much, bad is, you know how people say women are structured to forget about labour pains so they would go through with it again? Honestly, I can’t remember how painful it was, but I can remember it was painful la, so it is like there is a chance for stupidity to occur again.
Like seriously duh right?
Have I forgive? I try to do so every single day, and perhaps reading Bible verses (yes I know so preachy, just bear with me lah) helps (who is the one who sign me up for the daily updates one ah?!), cos it is not a matter of “He/She does that maybe because -insert excuse-….” and I try to make it sound better and feel better about it. It became “He/She does that because -insert worst scenarios-” and call a spade a spade, as bad as it is, and go all the way to say, despite this, I forgive.
Don’t know how to explain ah, but it kinda expands and broadens your threshold, by confronting reality, yourself, and eventually, forgives, and you feel that peace and indifference.
And what I remember of 2009 is actually a lot of the goods, maybe I do realise that with the worst, I did see some of the very best in people despite seeing the very worst. I think it is the same case for me too. Thus, I wish everyone well, and I don’t nor do I believe in wishing anyone ill. Even you Mrs Kp, laughs, you might not like me, but I do believe I will be very happy for you for the goods in your life. It does make life hopeful with all the fluffiness and all!
Still, there are certain tact I need to learn to manage people and heh heh heh, stay out of trouble. And I still need to overcome the social inaptness and the esteem issues that had prevented me to do a few important things for the fear of rejection.
But I awe myself with a few things I finally got my ass down to do. Pole dancing, salsa. Even sambal kangkong.
And Twenty 10 will be the year I go on to take the plunge and pursue things I have been meaning to achieve.
Twenty 10 will also be the year I will be making lotsa changes for Minibean, and starting to make arrangements that I had been meaning to avoid to maintain peace. But it will be a year I learn to make decisions for myself and stick to them. She will be finally going to school.
It will also be the year I will take control of the situation at home, and no more avoiding of issues.
2008, things came too easily.
2009, I need to get my ass out and learn new things and set things into motion. It was a year of getting out of comfort zone, and learning. It might not have that perfect ending, but still, I am thankful.
2010. With all the preparation 2009 had set me in, it will be the year, I hope I soar.
And with that, I hope you soar in 2010 as well, that it will be a year of brilliance, filled with plenty of awesome lovingness. There sure will be challenges, I pray for strength, and it will always come with a silver lining that you will get something good out of. Joy and happiness elude us ever so often, I hope for true happiness and bliss that stays consistent in your life to fill that emptiness. Good health, yes good health very important! Auntie here succumbed to maggie goreng and 2 pieces of prata kosong with very spicy curry and ended up feeling worse today.
Serves me right for not watching what I eat.
May it also be a year of plenty of good sex and mindblowing orgasms, not applicable if you are under 21 (yes, under 21 CANNOT!).
May 2010 be the year we all find what we have been looking for, and ourselves along the way. Maybe, we will learn to love the world fearlessly, again.
***
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old lang syne ?
- CHORUS:
- For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we’ll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.And surely you’ll buy your pint cup !
and surely I’ll buy mine !
And we’ll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
- CHORUS
We two have run about the slopes,
and picked the daisies fine ;
But we’ve wandered many a weary foot,
since auld lang syne.
- CHORUS
We two have paddled in the stream,
from morning sun till dine† ;
But seas between us broad have roared
since auld lang syne.
- CHORUS
And there’s a hand my trusty friend !
And give us a hand o’ thine !
And we’ll take a right good-will draught,
for auld lang syne.
***
AND OH OH OH! ONE THING I MUST SAY ABOUT 2009!
One of my “achievements”.
- wait for it -
………..
………….
Giggles, I know it is damn anti-climatic, don’t “CHEY” me hor.
….
But it has almost been a life-long “dream” of mine, I got shallow dreams, can?
So it does mean something to me, okay!
Hohoho.
Not very perfect, still got room for improvement, but STILL!
…….
-wait for it -
….
I FINALLY COULD….
…. DO A SPLIT! -Please ignore the big bruise and seemingly imperfect split-
YAY! I tell you is superbly plenty of happyness!
I had been trying for many years but no determination and all, so finally stuck my guns to making it work.
I know it is easy for many people but I have been the stiffest person I ever known (I should have been born a chap, I tell you!), and this was me just 2 months before, the furthest I could spread my legs (ahem), was just this:
And I would already swear and curse because it got too painful.
Took me a month plus to finally get to that, and after that, is of course to improve my balancing skills and maybe put my legs behind my head so I can busk in Orchard Road in 2010.
Happy new year everyone! Have the best of what’s left of 2009 and may 2010 be one that all of you will look back and smile.
Gee, did I say this post is obligatory?
It is 6pm and I haven’t even gotten out of bed to wash up! No plans for tonight but feeling damn good about it!
A song to end twenty o-nine:
Very random, but it was just some tune that stuck in my head.
May 2010 be one of good changes!
Look at me
Look at me
I am changing, tryin’ every way I can
I am changing, I’ll be better than I am
I’m trying-to find a way to understand
But I need you, I need you-I need a handI am changing, seeing everything so clear now
I am changng, I’m gonna start right now, right here
I’m hoping to work it out, and I know that I can
But I need you, I need a handAll my life I’ve been a fool
Who said I could do it all alone
How many good friends have I already lost
How many dark nights have I knownWalking down that wrong road, there was nothing I could find
All those years of darkness-can make a person blind
But now I can seeI am changing, tryin every way I can
I am changing, I’ll be better than I am
But I need a friend-to help me start all over again,
oh-that would be just fine
I know it’s gonna work out this time
‘Cause this time I am-This time I amI am changing, gonna get my life together now
I am changing, yes, I know how
I’m gonna start again, I’m leaving my past behind
I’ll change my life-I’ll make a vow
And nothing’s gonna stop me now…hey



Which is plenty of class and will enhance your figure with its hugginess around your waist and midriff. It is ideal for work as well as a formal dinner or even a date!



























