Archive for August 4th, 2009

Flu zone

On Sunday night, I was almost in a trance after I took my medication at almost 1am, yet it was almost 6am when I finally dozed off.

It was an agonising wait for the sleepybug to claim me.

It was only after 2 hours I had to wake up to head back to work, and during the meeting, an email popped up.

Are you still sick? Go home. You are excused.

From my boss.

I kept saying I was fine, and that I would head back once I finished my stuff. I muffled my urge to cough and I am quite certain I sustain quite a fair bit of internal injury already.

Until one point I cannot stand it anymore, I walked out of the boardroom and cough for 5 full minutes before going back into the room.

Over a break, my colleague asked, “You having a flu? You talking louder than usual! Your ears must be blocked.”

Wooops.

Then, they headed out for lunch, and I took the chance to join because I needed to ask a fellow co-worker for some confirmation so I could proceed with my stuff.

So I finally got it over lunch.

But over lunch, someone casually asked, “Have you gotten yourself tested?

Uhm.. nope.

Do you have fever?” my colleague had his hand out to touch me on my forehead. Hohoho. I took 3 fever medication in the morning when I had my temperature taken at 38.

Uh.. yah… but now no more!

You could see everyone at the table curling their shoulders away from me.

Apparently I wasn’t the only one at the table who was having flu, my boss’ boss too.

Then, my boss came up to me after lunch and had a strange grin on his face. “Eh, since everyone so sensitive, go home lah..”

Okok, I go back office, finish up some stuff and I go home.

Then, occasionally when he walked past my workstation, he would be like “Why you haven’t gone home? Go home! Wait my boss scold me you know!

And he would laugh like a hyena, which is his usual style.

At 5pm, he said, “Eh! You still here!

I joked to him to give me half an hour more, and he gave me the very-duh look.

By the time I finally finish everyone, it was 6pm.

I left and didn’t join the rest for dinner and drinks. Sulks. But I seriously didn’t think I would be welcomed, and for the safety concerns of others, I left.

Ended up having Buah Kulak for dinner(very yum!).

I didn’t manage to sleep till it was almost 3 plus am I think. I woke up having a worse cough and a worse sore throat. And I think with the way I was coughing, my colleagues would have called for the ambulance to have me quarantined, so I utilise my MC(I was given MC to cover till today) and stayed home and got some much needed rest.

Did some packing up of my room, ironing, washing up and mini-vacuuming.

Today, received an email from a colleague to announce that he had gotten the flu bug.

Woops.

I think NOT ME!!

Not me right?!

Then again, the flu started from one side of the office, then was passed to everyone and anyone.

Very potent! We got super-carrier in the office.

I think if it still doesn’t get better, I might get cruxified in the office soon, cos I got the worst bout of it.

Seriously huh, I think even if H1N1, people also recovered after so long liao right?!

On the mend

For the past months, incidents happened, feathers were ruffled, emotions were stirred, things were said and done, and all that were left are of a shattered heart and the aftermath – eerie calmness and plenty of suppression.

People heal, with time, that’s how the theory goes. There will be fantabulous, fucking good days, and there will be oh-gee-this-is-sucky-can-someone-club-me-on-the-head days.

I ain’t the most positive person around, most of you would have known by now, I had my darker days which perhaps are well-illustrated in this space, but these days are simply too busy, too numbed, too fast for me even keep track.

Not say that it doesn’t come up, cos the fact is definitely not so, but I am not gonna lie just to appear victorious like oh-yes-I-have-moved-on-so-great, because in the past, in an attempt to paint a life for myself after heartbreaks, all I created for myself were more voids to fill as I succumbed to the quick-fixing solutions.

And then, I suddenly thought of… them. Them who made me giggle.

These days I enjoy the little peace I find when I surf, I browse those pretty things online (and damn, if only I am rich enough to retail-therapy my way to wellness :D ), indulge in work, read up and stuff, and being wherever I feel safe, or, I can be myself, happy or grouchy, made up or dishevelled, dementor or not.

But slowly but surely, I wish that I could slowly fix the broken pieces, get closer to who I was in the past, and get there.

I don’t know how to explain lah, but I know this space is slowly becoming what I think people want to read rather than where I can really be who I am, then you don’t really want to be too much of a dampener, then you stop writing what you truly feel, because you think even if you write what you truly feel no one would think it is what you truly feel, or that it is just too tiringly negative for people to read or that it is too wallowy or people might think it is just a drama script.

I know I think too much. And then I stop doing so, and I got someone telling me, “Where is the thinking Ting? Why have you stopped? This is not you. It is your strength you know that?

I just grinned and said, “I was told I shouldn’t think so much, so I ain’t gonna think anymore.

If the person is trying to stop you from being who you are, then why do you need the person around in your life because he/she can’t understand that it is a big part of you?

But the truth is people like sugar-coated truth. People like the best and seldom could accept the worst, that’s why people settle for medicrocy, to sacrifice the best so that they will never have to go through the worst.

Don’t know lah.

So people would rather be with pretentious, strokeyouregountildamnhard foxes, than to be with say, the next door geek who tells you your chanel bag is of the colour of cockroach poo.

The difference? The former thinks he/she loves you and puts on an act to impress you, the latter has made up his mind to love you with all his heart the day he surrenders his virginity to you.

But hor, be careful, there are also pretentious, obsessive geeks around. Don’t say I never warn you.

Why am I saying all these today? I also don’t know. I just feel that I have my struggles, and I want to admit I have my struggles. I have became rather resigned with my predicament and I just need some normalcy. I am on my way to mend myself, and as much as I have hopes of where I will get to at the end of the tunnel, sometimes things may look kinda bleak.

I don’t want to pretend and put on an act cos that is tiring, and it means a slow and agonising death for me.

And because some of you do care, I don’t see a need to pretend. But also because some of you do care, I do see a need so people don’t get worried. Then again…. the funny thing is we are choosy with who we want to care, and who we hope would understand.

What am I saying?

Maybe at the end of it, I still can’t, as much as I am trying now, to find the voice I so need.

And all I ask for is a bit of understanding.

And I hope to find that someone who can show me that.

If you cannot be that someone.

The one I forgot about the title

Still sick.

Work is @$%^&$# busy and strangely I wasn’t that tired yesterday.

Somehow my mind got lost amidst all the work, coughing, sniffing, dozing off, pills popping, and I woke up today not knowing what day it is, and I was replying emails with a slight lag. For example, I will type a sentence, and you know how “I” and first word to a sentence is always in caps? I will end up capping the 2nd letter that came after the supposed cap. Like, “i Am going to oRchard”.

I feel so bright and intelligent.

Okie I am supposed to just write a fast one about what I want to write later. And I can’t remember what was it I want to write so I shall write later as I need to rush some work stuff. Bah!