Finally.
I got down to finish all these, and could venture on to other more recent sights and sensory experiences.
Reliving memories the way they were somehow feel… strange. Emotions you blocked out, like the ability to smile at memories given to you by many others whom you no longer have in your life, and frowning when you feel disappointment again as if it was then all over again, all these reminded your capability of feeling… somehow, after not being able to do so for a long, long while.
I don’t know why it is such a relief.
And then, these will be overtaken by the new memories, brought forth by new people, hopefully.
***
Upon touching down in London, we drew in a deep breath of the freezing air as we strutted into the dark openness as the automated doors drew open. The cab driver passed us some pillows and water, trying to get us comfortable for the long ride back to South Kensington.
It was early evening, but the quietness of the night made it seem much more serene, as if it was already much later.
What followed was a very, very sweet ride back, with fingers entwined, hair stroke, and endless conversations that peppered the journey back. Of places we visit, of tease, of banters, of the past, of times we used to share. I remember feeling relaxed, no longer tense. And then, there was the surfacing of the giggles which were seen just few months prior to this, but just not with him.
It was cold, and I was grabbed over. If it was the note to end things on, it certainly was then.
I remember when we were reaching London, many of the roads were closed and what would have taken us much lesser time to get back were delayed by detours and U-turns.
Hadn’t it wasted enough of our time?
We chilled indoors with Lynette and Brendan over, and Aunty Dorene cooking dinner for us. I had my head bowed constantly over my notebook to feed my internet withdrawal.
We spoke about work, we spoke about different things. Brendan bade us goodnight and what was left was a heavy conversation which I matter-of-factly told the ladies how I don’t want this anymore, not with spite, but because I do not believe in what they want me to believe in.
They questioned him, I told them I was just tired, cos it seemed like he just wanna string me along, refuse to let me go, and yet refuse to come clean. They questioned him, and I laughed concedingly that he would never dare to come clean for he would think that is the way to fool everyone.
Lynette asked, “Do you think he is really truly that deceitful a person?”
I looked her in the eyes and said with absolute confidence, perhaps taken her by surprise, “Yes, but he won’t admit to you guys. And okay, I give up. I really do. I just don’t understand why everyone is still trying to convince me to believe him, when he is obviously just good at covering up. These chances given to him again and again to come clean… and everyone thinks I am being paranoid. Trust me, he is still that liar he refuses to see himself for.”
Of course, they spoke up for him, and for me, I threw my arms up in surrender and then told them, I know you guys will once again write me off as irrational, but just take it that my choice is I don’t want this, but can he accept my choice?
I walked away from the conversation and I strangely didn’t feel anything too extreme, haven’t it been something I tried to get them to see but they refused to? Haven’t I been doing the same thing to myself too?
He didn’t accept my choice as he came towards me with the softer approach, the trick is, if the aggressive way doesn’t work, the lethal sweet-nothings, hugs, kisses, and fake promises, tears and beggings would somehow do.
If those don’t work, leaping over the parapet from 20th floor might work very well, and would guarantee you to get your way.
Well, that’s the aim of the game for them. To get their ways eventually. By hook, by crook. You see, when you fucked up, always get someone else to bear the consequences for you, that’s the easiest way, isn’t it? Hurhurhur.
That was the night when my emotions were stirred the most. Because some things, can really be too late and turn you cold. And then, you just play along, like how everyone expects you to, and you bid your time.
I don’t expect any of you to understand, of course. Especially not with how things are now.
Back in London, and chilled indoors with a fabulous home-cooked dinner with Lynette and Brendan.
It was a serious talk that I stand firm of what I do not want.
It was late when they finally left, and the thoughts that followed…

The next morning was one that greeted us chirpily as the sun continued to shine.
Aunty Dorene was delivered a spare car to drive as she got into an accident while we were away in Rome. It was a convertible of newer model, and cooler features. Sometimes, we really allow the technology to get too far ahead of us, that we didn’t even know how to start the car.
I just love the random streets of houses, with colours of spring framing the picture.
We went to High street Kensington, spent some time at Zara, and the usual brands, and since I had my field day at Bicester, I was too broke there was hardly any reason for me to shop anymore.
We walked around the neighbourhood and visited Aunty Dorene’s office, watched kids running around, stopped by quaint, little churches, and headed to Four Season’s to eat roasted duck for lunch. It was really, really, really, nice. Nicer than any duck locally!
We dropped by Selfridges again for me to get the VAT slip processed, shopped around a little, before we went back to freshen up a little and headed out for the evening.
Since there was a bit of time, we took the tube and stopped by Westminster Bridge, feasted on the charming view of London with a brownish hue. Absolutely, absolutely, lovely.
The familiarity of taking pictures across the junction to capture the Big Ben, which celebrates its 150th anniversary this year.
I need to dig up all those old pictures… hidden away somewhere.
I wasn’t sure if the half-heartedness to walk round Westminster Abbey was because everything kinda paled in comparison upon returning from Rome.
I used to study the tombs in the Abbey, often having this morbid fascination of the stories behind.
It was the day when Parliament was held, thus there were plenty of police, and big shots finely dressed queuing up to get in.
We followed the map and walked towards Trafalgar Square. I remember the moment in 1999 June, the day after I watched Jacky Cheung at Wembley, I stayed out till dawn before heading back to Croydon to get my luggage to head home.
The cab I shared with Howe Szuan had me sitting on the left, and I teared as it circled Trafalgar Square, with the pigeons flocking to it, as the morning light shone on them.
It was an impressionable goodbye.
This time, the fountains were under construction, and they weren’t alive. Nelson’s column still stood stoicly, and Admiralty arch still see endless cars holing through it everyday.
And the fabulous, fabulous National Gallery which watches over it, had me poring over much of the exhibits, and was the usual weekend hangout place for me and my ex-housemate.
The graffitis drawn by artists on the floor were impressive.
As we were flanked by the buildings as we turned out of Trafalgar, the streets were litted purple by the setting sun, and it was just a very tamed evening.
It was cold too. The coldest day since we got there.
We turned and reached Haymarket early to collect the stall tickets from Her Majesty’s Theatre, before succumbing to the temptation of the warm and cosy Empire Casino nearby cos it was simply too cold.
I used to sit out in the open to have an ice-cream at Rendevous cafe, and was surprised that it was still there, at that corner.
He suggested we sit down to have portrait drawn, but then I didn’t think we could sit still in the cold for that long.
So, Casino was the choice to go. It was almost 7.15pm when we walked back to Haymarket, and deposited everything at the cloak room.
A cool car which got us around. A trip to Selfridges, and walking around the neighbourhood to high street shopping area. The cute doggie at the office. Revisiting the familiar places which past pictures are long lost.
Love Westminster bridge, and the sight.. gee. Unfortunately everything pales in comparison upon returning from Rome.
Walked down from Westminster Bridge, past Big Ben, Westminster Abbey (I remember I used to study the tombs but this time parliament was held) down Trafalgar Square, fountains were closed. National gallery, my ex-housemate and I used to visit with a fabulous collection of art and all.
Drawings on the floor.
Walked down the charming streets backlitted purple by the evening sun. It was coldest day.
Trafalgar. Nelson’s column. Admiralty arch.
Reached Leicester early before the show at Her Majesty’s Theatre, and Casino made us poorer. Ate at casino, maybe jinxed.

The theatre didn’t seem big, but it was surprising the special effects they were capable of doing with the space, and the depth of it was magnificent. Took pictures in the theatre, with velvety scarlet curtains framing the 110 year-old building, though it has been a theatre site since 1700s. Pai kia is me, since phototaking was… strictly sneaky.
Many of the people spoke about how they had watched it for countless time, and it was only my virgin trip.
As the show started, we had a mega surprise when the Chandelier went up just above our head, and of course, how it came crashing down to signify the interval. Such proximity and all, and all the technicalities behind must be some kind of science.
I sang along to most of the song, and imagined myself to be Christine (okay shuddap! I don’t care what you think) like how an ex-classmate of mine and I used to do the “Ahhhhhh.. Ahhh..” to the end of the song in class.
“In sleep he sang to me… In dreams he came..”
The act put together was seamless. The Phantom was fabulous and I could see his snorts dripping, reflected off the stage lights. And his tears flowed freely and his anguished could be almost felt. He was deservingly showered with applause and standing O with wolf whistles at the end of it. I always sympathised with the Phantom, for he was… so alone. In a way, MJ reminded me of him too.
2 years ago, someone left a comment to tell me how great Melbourne’s Anthony Warlow was, and that he was one of the best Phantoms. Alas, he had retired in May from his masked days and I might never get to watch him. Someday, I would love to watch the other Phantoms singing their hearts out too.
But the one who struck me the most was Madam Giry played by Heather Jackson. She was.. just so captivatingly beautiful. Her poise, her voice, her looks. Gee.
During the interval, I was sprung a surprise of a mug to be used in the office. It had meant something for me back then.
We snuck out wearing bare minimal into the awful cold for a fag break, before returning for 2nd half of the show.
Post show, it was back to the evil Empire Casino since the rest were not out for the night, where we ate a burger. But I guess eating in the casino somehow jinxed the luck and we were in the red by the end of the night.
The surprise I spoke of back then. It had meant something back then.
Chandelier right above our head. Phantom of the Opera, with a fabulous Phantom. I could see his snorts dripping and tears flowing, and as they fell to the stage, you could see the stage lights reflecting off them, and it is no wonder he got the loudest applause and standing O at the end of the show.
“In sleep he sang to me.. in dreams he came..”
2 years ago, a reader left a comment of how Melbourne’s Anthony Warlow is one of the best Phantoms, and though I would love to see him, he has recently retired from his masked days. I will want to watch other Phantoms too.

The last full day we had with London was spent heading to Notting Hill, where we had brunch with the ladies at this chichi restaurant which was filled to the brim.
We walked down to Portobello market nearby.
Portobello market is filled with vintage treasures, spans across couple of streets.
It was busy, and had lotsa quaint stuff on sale.
The shop houses that backed up the roadside stores have the most dainty window display. Everything was so vibrant and pretty. It just cheers you up, like that.
Brendan joined us in the late afternoon, and we cruised around, and made our way to Richmond, where we watched the antelopes and deers roaming freely in the park. It was just so… nice and liberating.
I was screaming to be let down so I can pee cos I couldn’t see any loo in the vast space.
We then went to the town to stop by the roadside and see the other side of River Thames. Very beautiful.
We stopped by Cha Cha Moon for dinner, and we scooted off to run around the neighbourhood to print instant pictures, buy a thank-you card, and exercised some quick-thinking creativity.
It was late, and we managed to watch Duplicity though I had wanted to catch 2 Lovers. But Duplicity was one clever, funny movie that I smirked from start to the end.
It was a fabulous movie, which I think everyone should watch. Of course, I need to say Julia Roberts parked her bike at where we stopped ours.
Wanted to extend the night further but YL was already drunk by the time we dialled him. So it was a night of chilling over tea, and plenty of packing, sneaking in some time to prepare the thank-you gift which we presented to Aunty Dorene just before she slept.
Portobello market. Pretty colours. Quaint. Lunch at chi chi place. Shop. Dinner with Brendan. Watched Duplicity. YL was drunk when I dialled him.

The gift we put together as we bade London and South Kensington goodbye. We ran, we cut, we hid, we plotted, a nice surprise that kept Aunty Dorene smiling.
She lined her fireplace with all the pictures.
It was the last day as I tried to blog my last post from London, I heard Bittersweet Symphony on the radio. It was the only day we listened to the radio, and the coincidence was marvelous. Nostalgia, painfully thick.
As we got to the airport, the line to the VAT rebate was so long that by the time we got the rebate, we board the plane just 5 minutes before takeoff.
Didn’t even realise we were on the Airbus 380. Despite the very low flight fare, it was a pleasant surprise when it was the comfortable airbus, and we had an additional seat shared amongst us for me to lie on his lap across the seats.
Unfortunately my KrisWorld was fucked, and luckily I could shift my seat or else I would be forced to watch the system rebooting itself over and over again for the entire flight.
Took off my leggings straight away and I sealed the biohazard before I knocked everyone out with the distinctive smell.
Touched down in Singapore, and everything was in place, and ready.
Airbus 380! Plenty of room as we got all seats to ourselves.
I do not know what to make of this, but the memories finally are churned out, bit by bit. Some were nice, but faked, but then what I felt back then towards the people, were real. Some are more obvious as you thought they are, but there are a lot more whom you probably never knew exist or how they meant to me, because… time went by, and people had moved on.
Nonetheless, the experience, or just what each sight and sound meant to me personally, don’t get tainted just like this.
Bittersweet.
With some, you might have missed, since you guys probably see the obvious and missed out the hidden.
To all, thanks for the memories.