I had wanted to blog lots over the weekend but the bandwidth issue pretty much means that whatever words that were crafted in my head probably went back to their graphical form.

This would have been a really happy, happy post.

It would also have been a really mundane post.

It could also have been a picture-filled one.

It could also have been a senseless one about the dreams I have been having.

But I woke up with such heaviness that is beyond comprehension.

It was a news I got from Effy when I returned from a day of celebratory events. A wedding, 2 birthdays.

It wasn’t long before I found all the highs are wiped with the sadness of the news of Yasmin Ahmad’s passing. They couldn’t be serious, could they?

And somehow, this feels personal… it feels as if it hits too close to home. It is not being hit by the mass, public grief like what Michael Jackson’s death had been.

And for some other personal reasons, it is just strange, strange twist of fate that the news came.

We lose a rare gem, whose wits and charm are not only oh-so inspiring, but also constantly pushing the envelope with her storytelling style, touching on topics people feel inclined to shy from, and highlighting issues little ventured by fellow directors. In a country where I originated from, it couldn’t be easy, at all. I could only imagine the constant battles she had to fight just to trudge on with what she believed.

And she sent one common message in all.

Her passion for love. Her passion for everyone to love. Without prejudice. Her passion to trigger people to think about how to love.

If you have had the chance to meet her like me and other privileged individuals around the world, you would have known what a character this amazing lady was. She handled criticisms in her stride, with poise, and her sensitivity.. she had eyes that read you, and read your stories. Even if you were just sitting across the room at a far corner.

She connected with people, and she was personable. She embraced her sexuality.

Her hands illustrated her points as she waved them around energetically. Wow. So full of passion. Her animated, unabashed admittance of how much of a sentimental person she was. She not only told stories with her productions, but also as a person.

You would enjoy watching her as she speaks. Full of grace, animated, smart, charming, sensitive, encouraging. Even dramatic. Absolutely captivating.

That day. That moment when we stepped in. The moment my heartstrings were tugged when the series of Petronas ads were aired. I sniffled in the dark. Then the moment. And thereafter, when she came up to us and spoke to us. Call me shameless, but I truly believe that that evening, we were probably the group she enjoyed talking to the most. I remember we spoke about where we came from. She made me proud to be a Malaysian, which is a rare sentiment.

She posed for a picture and candidly did a rapper-style gesture, and passed us her card.

I remember walking out to grab a cab that evening in the drizzle, Bananana quipped, out of the blue, something along the lines of.. “I am glad we came for this.” as an afterthought.

It struck me because, there are few moments in my life, that people usually say that as an after-sentiment. It sounded like a declaration of how it had given us something to bring along. People usually say, “I like the show…“, “I like the…“, “That was good..” as a topic-fueller to feedback, to chew on it. I don’t know how to explain, but there is a deeper meaning to it, as it probably gave us a deeper meaning to us too.

I don’t know what to say, though the sentence “This shouldn’t have happened” is probably the one keep replaying in my head on this Sunday morning. It is like a friend had left us.

Thanks to Rinaz, I managed to find a clip to part of the interview with Yasmin the day we were at the Screening Room for the launch of the Family ad.

Rest in peace, Yasmin.

Another talent, gone too soon.

It is beyond comprehension. It just seems a little unfair.