Archive for June 19th, 2009

Crossing

I was at a crossroad today and I saw what my destiny would have been.

It was a choice I made  not to some 8 years ago, and gee, what a difference it could have been.

It doesn’t really matter what should have been, but man, how great it was to be young, to be free to make choices.

I stood in the sun which ceased to be scorching as a gust of wind pushed the clouds over it. A tree nearby was shedding confettis of leaves and it was pretty. It would have been my playground, and a witness of my growing up journey.

I saw the sign and took the unimpressive picture, and questioned my spontaneity.

8 years down, I have never regretted for the choice, despite there were times when the going gets tough, and left room for plenty of despair. After numerous long and winding road, I actually stood there and looked back at the briefest moment, feeling plenty of relief and gladness.

I hopped on a rare passing cab as the sky turned to a darker hue.

With a bursting bladder and getting absolutely car-sick after watching the rain pitter-pattering on the windows from the far west to town, I am finally back to where I am.

Scaredy meow

It has been 2 weeks plus since THE night. The Sheng Siong night.

And then it came back to haunt again, sending shudders, after shudders.

And then, hey, the fear is still there, and I am still frightened. Clammy fingers as I type…

I don’t know what I am more afraid of.

Maybe of what is ahead.

Or maybe of what I had gotten myself into.

I see the smiles I couldn’t match, I shook hands without comprehending, I watched faces I couldn’t read, I halted words I couldn’t speak.

Slow down people, what are you guys talking about? Oh. I see. Uhm, hmm, uh… then the words faded away. You know, the same ol’ same ol’, easily dealt with with a simple raise of the corners of the mouth, and a nod.

I tried asking for help to decipher the surreal 2 weeks plus I survived, but then my chowchow snubbed me as it was more interested in being drooled on.

Eh? Oh, like that ah?

Okay then.

Done deal.

Girl, I love your tatt.

It says best.

And this too, shall pass.