Such was a jolt of reality.

I have never seen such dejection on my dad’s face before and it is incredibly painful to watch.

I can only imagine what it is doing to his pride.

He had to go back to the hospital yesterday to get the tube out after some leakage. But it gave to further problems which my mum was only too eager to exaggerate and magnify, nagging incessantly when he obviously didn’t want to think about it.

His quiet demeanour, his faraway thoughts.. which I failed to gather with my quirky talks and subtle concern questions.

All along, my worst nightmares are those of my parents leaving me, but of course we know how everyone has to go through old age, illnesses and all. I would wake up in my sleep. When I was younger, I used to think of the possibility of my parents/loved ones leaving me, and the thought itself would just make me cry at any random moment when it hit me.

Just that when it goes beyond grey hairs and a few wrinkles here and there, you see what is the beginning to an end, as bleak as it sounds. I always pray and wish my parents will live a long life, and most importantly, healthy and clear-minded(once, Dad was slowing down in his responses that he had some memory lapses that scare the hell outta me) enough till Minibean gets married and starts a family of her own. They would be so proud.

Nahbeh. I am already teary typing this.

Treasure those you have around you, and build enough good memories to last you a lifetime. Because, life itself is unpredictable. You never know. It might be me next, it could be anyone.

Having said that, I am glad some tiny forms of  closure for relatives and friends of those who perished in AF 447 crash after 28 bodies and the plane’s tail and debris were found.

Idealistically, I hope the other 200 people and the black boxes could be found soon too.

***

I am incredibly, impossibly tired today, like there is this buzz in my mind that just doesn’t go away. and this slight shiver that drains my energy. Oh. Dry cough. I am trying allllllllllll I can to pick up any traces of concentration to put them together so that they are of functionable mass.

But I have no fever and was given a blue sticker to say I am okay.

I walked away from the counter with a perplexed frown when they stuck it to my collar-bone. Hello, I got wear clothes okay? The wait was one that was lengthy, and Dad told me the assistant is actually the doctor’s wife.

I joked to my dad my next career choice is gonna be a clinic assistant.

Sipped tea and had one of my favourite snacks (well, Turkey ham and cheese croissant from Delfrance was, a decade ago) for breakfast, and reading about Project Natal in the Straits Times today. A brilliant report by Gin Lee and his hands-on experience with Project Natal(he also mentioned how Tom Hanks had booked a slot 10 minutes after he did to check out Project Natal but he was a no-show).

I secretly gloat in glee cos I wasn’t there(I would be dissolved by the sheer acidity of jealousy), since I had tweeted how I find Tom Hanks so hot. He is. I would ask him to sneak me into the Vatican Library!

You might not know, but Xbox 360 is gonna launch twitter AND facebook on the console by the end of this year.

***

I got on the cab with this driver who insisted on me paying by card cos he doesn’t want to give me change for $50. I mean, he said he wanna keep his change, so it wasn’t that he didn’t have change for me, but because he simply didn’t want to. He raised his voice at me, and I raised a single brow and gave him my credit card since I really didn’t have any change and I was in too much of a daze. I matter-of-factly said something about having to bear the adminstrative charge and he roared back rudely.

I didn’t mind paying by credit card, but I don’t need the decision to be imposed on me aggressively.

***

In a moment of intelligent brilliance, my boss walked in front of me to ask me some work stuff this morning.

Since I was listening to my MP3, I couldn’t quite hear him. I told him “wait.”

So, I reached my arm up, and took off the glasses.

And then I realised I couldn’t hear nor see him, and I went, “Ehhhhhhhh fuck, what I doing??” and he looked on to me bewilderedly, and I broke out into my silly giggles.

If I lose my job, I will know why.