I am not a bully, but I can be one.

If I want to be a bully, I could have spoken for everyone from day 1.

But it is not in my position to say.

And those “friends“, you can hear what they wanna say, cos they are not really anyone’s friends, and you know it. And by the way, ever wonder why your private rants will still end up being circulated and read by others (if they are only in for the drama and called themselves my “friends”, you probably should be wondering if you are just part of the show they are watching… and that gee, they aren’t truly your friends either)? What I hear, and those who advised me not to reply, are your, er, “friends“.

And maybe you should find out that it isn’t because of me, that they are upset with you. And it is because of other things, of who you are, that they told me they are not surprised you did that.

And that “suspicion”, I wasn’t the only one whom you mentioned it to, so no one is making you as a scapegoat for something you did, for involving someone who isn’t part of the matter, as the episode spirals to incur more and more people. People who should have no part, nor wanted a part in this.

You said you suspect. But you obviously didn’t mention you “suspect” to others you mentioned. I read your SMSes wholesale, cos I don’t want my words to get twisted. In the intial part of the phonecall, I did not even bother to mention names.

He called her to tell her whatever that happened, that’s between them, I washed my hands off two of them. Coincidentally, someone who know all you guys mutually was there, and that was not something I know of, cos no one mentioned anything to me.

It is not no one dare to explain to you, no one bothered to, and they asked me not to, for it will fuel your anger as long as you don’t see it.

“Dare” and “bothered to” is 2 different things.

Everyone knew he gave me the number(no, him and you are two different things, it doesn’t change the fact I am angry with him), and yet if no one is angry at the fact, then it isn’t the issue they are bothered about.

You didn’t buy the explanation, which I can only speak for myself, but not others, then there is nothing I can say.

You know something, she didn’t even bother asking who was the one who said it, cos she couldn’t be bothered.

I wasn’t guilty. In fact I am more than happy to  say everything but people tell me to just ignore, and of cos, I am now going against what they warned me to, and so here I am.

I remember someone wise once told me spitefully, to reflect upon myself, so…… sometimes the questions shouldn’t be pushed to the wrongest two persons who are at the most sensitive positions to comment on this.. ask the people around you, “why” then.

I don’t need to use your name. I called up and just mentioned my own name, and my first question was straight to the point. I just said I don’t trust anyone, and I just wanna know why. And perhaps, to find out the intentions behind a baseless allegation.

Apparently I was told that wasn’t the first nor only time you said that.

And don’t you think it is unfair to get others into your/our dramas unnecessarily?

And if it wasn’t a mind game of yours from the start, would it have escalated to this? If it wasn’t a mind game, then it isn’t fair to say it was a mind game on my part. You know I will confront him. If it upsets you, it would have upsetted me. I confronted him, but you know I wouldn’t trust what he said.

And don’t forget, he used to have someone like you readily backing him up and wouldn’t mind clearing the air when he dares me to call, so when he said “you want you call her and ask”, you should have understood me enough I will call to verify and clarify. It is just me. Like how I

Is this a game you started and bite you in the ass? The game is for all to see. I don’t know, but there must be reasons why I was told not to be manipulated. And I don’t like manipulation.

But I am not others, I can’t speak for them. True or not, I don’t care, because I just got tired of entertaining topics that don’t ever sway away from him. Are you not tired either? And it isn’t healthy.

It is not a scam. You hurt talking to me, I hurt talking to you. And when we wanna move on, we should. You should take the chance to run. I wish I have the freaking choice.

And strangely, someone told me the same thing about how time is a good gauge of character.

Don’t think everything people did is about you(in fact, when I told someone about my apprehension of stating my stand, he told me it will not end, and you wouldn’t see it nor listen anyway). Well, I can’t speak for others, but being asked down for dinner was nothing to do with you. There is nothing to spite anymore. Like you said, not tired ah? I was asked to join, I join, and I wasn’t even talking nor sitting with who you think I would.

Ask anyone if anyone made you the scapegoat. Just try asking. If they are not talking to you, ask them why,

If you want to know, I was there the night they went dinner when you messaged me. Not the Saturday’s, but the very first one when they didn’t invite you that prompted your chain of reactions. I joined them much later cos your reaction prompted me to ask ‘what did you guys do again??’ and I was asked to go down to chill.

I said there was nothing to hide, but I don’t want to make things difficult for other people, thus I didn’t say it. It was their gathering and I am not sure if they will be comfortable with me saying it.

They wanna mention it and clear the air. Fine by me. I told them knowing the truth and my issue with you-know-who is still 2 different matters, it doesn’t have anything to do with the fact I forgive him or not.

But something I have learnt, no matter what I say, you probably won’t buy it, and I don’t expect you to do so anyway.

Nobody owes you anything(maybe he does, but that’s none of my business), nor do you owe me anything.

Why must everything to you who wins who loses? This isn’t a game nor a competition, and it seems like it is to you, it is tiring to everyone, including you, me. Everyone is not interested in this, and most are neutral. But there is a limit of how much they wanna hear how we milk the victims stories.

There are probably other things from the start I can mention, but what for start more when it ain’t gonna help anything. If you wanna take it as revenge(for er, what?), or spite, take it how it fits your stories, or whatever that makes yourself looks better, fine. Then take it as I am spiteful I am vengeful blarblarblar, cos I don’t care what those ‘friends’ or show watchers think already if I choose to write this.

Put it this way, I don’t, you say coward. I do, you say it is spite. Catch 22, darling.

If others choose to one day tell you why, then I am glad cos, ‘time will tell’ intentions.. And frankly, I was relieved with many things coming out in the open when I was told. And you think too highly of me to have such influence over people who don’t know me and can’t be bothered with what I have gotta say.

And as I have said my piece, much to everyone’s objections, I probably want this chapter to be closed.