Archive for May, 2009

Angels. Demons.

Stupidity. Is.

Tapping your access card, opening the door to the office, wondering where your desk is after a toilet trip, to realise you got off the lift one floor early, and is in another office.

Stupidity. Is.

Wanting to blog another episode of stupidity, then I can’t remember how or why I was stupid…. uh…

***

Woke up feeling kinda cold today, after having one of those “conscious” sleeping nights. It was probably 2 when I finally coaxed my body to yield to the fatigue, but my mind was wide awake till later, and yet I was dreaming.

Dad will be in the hospital for 3 days at the end of the month and I am contemplating of taking leave to take care of him and cook for him.

And he had indulged in yet another toy by trading in his car for a new one, which tempts me to pick up driving, again, like finally, before I finally meet someone who will fetch me to work every morning regardless where he stays. Giggles. A girlie told me how it MUST be a pre-requisite, and only drivers need apply since it will be heels and pretty dresses and sexy pencil skirts friendlier.

I was thinking more of how we can drop Minibean off at childcare. 

Of course, this routine must be repeated in the evening too, then we can pick Minibean up from school! 

And it will never be a hassle because he doesn’t see it as a chore.

***

I am enjoying CSI: NY this season, especially after mid-season.

***

I think I have somewhat ran out of words.

***

I think I am overly cautious with what I blog because I do not want things to be used against me… it the, well, below the belt way, which I know some people are pretty capable of doing.

Then again, being always surrounded by lovely girlies these days, I guess I have been pretty pampered since sifting out of some weeds (not anything illegal, ahem) in my life along the way, and it kinda made me complacent.

It has come to a point I don’t know how to verbalise nor describe, that sometimes…. I will let you see things yourself.

You know, you know?

Sometimes it is through such episodes in life, that it can be interesting/annoying/disappointing/disgusting/amusing to see reactions of people who are involved/not involved, that you can observe the real selves you probably overlooked.

***

Post meeting in far-east on Tuesday, met up with Wifey at Holland Village to grocery shop, before we went to her place to prepare dinner.

Santa is really such a sweetie, and he is still unsure, afraid, and insecure. He tried chewing on my fats and it was ticklish, and I wonder if he was going to bite the housemate jewels since it was at its height of reach.

And then there was delivery of durian pancakes.

***

Caught Angels and Demons on Wednesday. Tom Hanks is so hot. Rome is so hot. Sistine Chapel is so awesome. I heaved lustily when I saw the streets I graced and paced. Almost orgasmic as I let out gasps in awe of… oh well.

But the show does not follow the book religiously(pun unintended), and sometimes it is hard to beat something already etch deeply in your imagination. Nonetheless, I didn’t think the film is disappointing if you watch it without knowing the story.

And then, I feel like going back to the city I so adore just to revisit the places in the show…. and witness my team to win the Champions League.

Le sigh…

***

A taxi uncle told us his heartbreak story. And I told him he was being selfish.

I am such a competent carebear.

Must get some tips from the master.

***

Then it was crossiant sandwich, with grinded nerves.

Tears with the kneecaps on the floor don’t quite cut it anymore, and it fueled me further.

***

Last night’s was… do I care, really?

***

Much to do, much to build up.

Slowly, but surely.

***

I can’t seem to blog.

Ground zero

I have no more contact numbers in my phone, no more pictures of yesterdays, no more angry/lovey dovey/spiteful/immature/manipulative SMSes (all 3000+ of them), no more special ring tones set, no files nor folders in my memory card.

Of anyone. From anyone. Everything. Zilch.

And everything, starts from ground zero.

I might not even know who you are when you message me.

And I didn’t even feel anything.

Edit: So uh basically, my phone is reformatted, time for everyone to message me so I can have your contact number again.

Truth-seekers

Rainy day, yet again.

What one drama ceases, there are others going on around us, that probably will still go on for quite a while.

As I bask in the relief of how somewhat I found the truths I was seeking, I have been hiding from more self-orchestrated drama and refrained from dwelling more, because, since the dust settled, there is little else left to say.

Of course, it is exactly to avoid what some might think, that I am using others as tools for the drama. Seriously, uhm, if this one kind of drama I would gladly not like to be involved in, thankewverymuch. -inserts PR smile here-

But yet, it is very true that there will definitely be people milking it for all its worth for their own dramas, which I wish to be no part of. Especially those of something which was spun out of nothing. We have went through this couple of years ago, didn’t we?

Then again, you can never please everyone.

You react, people will assume you milking the drama. You don’t react, people will be snide and taunt you for softening. Hello?

Truth is, we know the drill, 2 years down the road and this will yet be another chapter of the forgotten, that is revisited to be laughed at, to be reminisced of how silly we once were.

What’s bad with being finding peace in my own solitude and friends (yes, beside CSIs, food and Word Challenge, I do have some… good ones I might add)?

And even “that side” had chose to leave me alone. No talks about Minibean, no threats, no nothing, though the I was still irked by the occasional emails that came in that went unreplied.

I successfully stuck to my firm NO and fed plenty of silence to requests and SMSes for last week (it is empowering, baybeh), though I must say my angst is still easily stirred, especially by mindgames that are easily identified.

Which translated into a kind request from me to foxtrot oscar, simply cos I didn’t want my peace to be disrupted by hypocritical messages that piss me off.

A red box came in with my favourite snacks, a box of Godiva chocolate, some scones were delivered to door steps, accompanied by a bouquet of lilies and a bear which is tied to a balloon. A box of Tiffany & Co somewhere in the red box, which prompted rolled eyes from me, and the red box was quickly chucked aside since I couldn’t find a wee bit of excitement within me.

I am thinking the assortment of flowers on the mahjong table feels like the grave to my soul. All you need, is just a photo of me.

Roses of various colours, lilies, sunflower which didn’t even warrant a 2nd look, things that are insignificant are just… insignificant even by itself they could be pretty, alas, tainted and uglified.  I feel more dead than ever.

Such disconnection of emotions can be pretty surreal. No rage, no happiness, no whatever. Just indifference.

So what if it was Mother’s Day?

***

The post today… was stirred on by a few(which is quite a lot, I tell ya) drama cases around me, which, all mirrors my own. A couple of switched roles, but their mindsets and mentality.. would probably be something I could relate to.

As my dust settled, other unrest minds out there are just about to open the can of worms hidden from them.

And boy, if you think my wormies are absurdly delicious, then these showed me hey, what I went through seems like the standard scripted storyline….

The extent of cover-ups.. blarblar..

And it is not easy seeing people I care for going through this… and being mindfucked cos they just can’t seem to find the truth they need.

People say “you can’t handle the truth”, but I think for us, it is harder to handle not knowing the truth. The anguish, the mental torment, the neverending doubts…

Did the truth set me free? Absolutely. Did it hurt? Like a bitch. But it didn’t hurt any less when I didn’t know, I just had less power/cause/justification to react.

But because the expectation was set right, the expectation was set low, the numbness sets in faster since I was all ready to go. There were episodes I probably not shouldn’t be proud of (seriously… I think I am still pretty proud of plucking mirrors and showing “Don’t fucking mess with me or else..”) which I wilfully, consciously chose to do so, because I didn’t want to play nice anymore.

You know the difference between “you have to” and “you want to”? Try crying for no reason during PMS, vs ordering the enticing chocolate cake in the display window.

Both falls under you have to, for me that is.

But I am not sure if you get what I mean.

Marking my own importance down was a big step, but I know I have never meant much to anybody, and I had never thought too highly of myself.

So yeap, I can manage that.

But seeing my friends having to do that, or have this imposed on them(or sometimes, shudders, seeing who they are up against. Gasp!), I suddenly realise why it was not easy for my friends to see me going through that.

I don’t know, but eventually, I still think everyone has the rights to know the truth.. if it ever is allowed out.

Sit tight. Cos it ain’t pretty.

You know, just like how the market crash? The million-dollar stock you own, turns to nothing overnight. Things devalue, just like that.

And you wanna ask for it, be nice. But please bear in mind sometimes we have people to protect, we are bonded by loyalty and integrity.. and sometimes we aren’t at the liberty to disclose what concerns others.. unless we are told or authorised to.

And when you don’t get what you want, or when you hear what you don’t want to hear, or what you get is too limited, don’t go snide and sarcastic, because you had asked for it, and you could have gotten a cold response, insults, or totally be ignored if it were other people who wouldn’t give a hoot about giving you basic courtesy.

At the end of it, I don’t think anyone will be the same again.

I definitely am not the same again. Neither do I think you will be.

***

I am surprised about him, and her. And her… and her.. and her…

I am surprised about what he said, and what she said.

I am surprised when they aren’t even my friends to begin with.

But it did put things into perspective. Albeit a pretty sad one (not for me, fortunately).

Though it sends shudders down my spine about people. But it also kinda makes me heave a sigh of relief for… there are people out there who have their eyes wide open.

***

I am not feeling too great today, because of a phone call with Dad.

I gotta do something soon.

Dad will be going for surgery end of this month, and he doesn’t even want to tell Mum.

Greg Pritchard

My new favourite Britain’s Got Talent contestant – Greg Pritchard.

Alas most embedding are disabled, so link to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhFRFtSzdSI

I think the funniest part is the song they used in his introduction clip. And of course, not forgetting the judges’ expressions, and how Piers was making his comments, his tone went a pitch higher.

I think he is very the charming. *Swoons*

I kept sniggering smiling throughout the performance. I smile smile smile until I teared(his voice really gave me goosebumps in the positive way…)

I wonder what brand of underwear he wears though…

Hmm…. ;)

Happy Mother’s Day

To all the mothers out there, have a great one.

And strangely I am craving for carpaccio as I say this. Odd.

But after binge-eating non-stop for the past 2 days(burp!), I am trying to curb all those cravings(darn PMS!), and try to watch the waistline.

As much as I am reminding myself constantly of that fact, it doesn’t stop the constant cravings for pasta, cheesy stuff, scones/biscuits(not just any biscuits), cups of hot, sugary tea, and plenty of potato chips. Anything fattening, and screams of carbo.

Not a very good idea.

What could be worse than that? Hehe, that will  be me going on a crusade to fulfill those cravings for the past 2 days. I gloriously finished a regular pizza  with a lasagne with desserts of fried yam roll and half a pint of ice-cream at one seating over the weekend in the evening(you know what they say about eating at night)… and I almost called a chauffeur (giggles, sorry to call you that) to bring me out for supper.. for something spicy and crabby.

It has been a good weekend :D I am proud of myself!

Unfortunately, I am too lazy to head out today(despite me having a long grocery shopping list to fulfill) and shall raid the fridge for anything that was mercifully spared the past couple of days.

And then, embrace the new week sulklessly.

:)

And thanks for all the bidders. The auction shall be closed by Monday evening, and you guys really surpised us. We really didn’t expect such, and it greatly touched us too.

For that, you have made my mother’s day!

Coach bag for the abandoned

BID FOR A COACH BAG NOW!

I have labelled this post under Simplicity of Happyness because… I believe something like this from the heart, warms, and knowing how many people out there do care, it is something we should take pride in.

I have a friend who is always giving, and has a big heart behind her big neh nehs.

And I owe this to her, because I promised I would put it up earlier but was too busy to do so yesterday. Sorry, hehe.

Her cause is always for the poor little pups out there, and many plights of neglected, abused dogs out there were highlighted to me, because of her.

For this, thank you.

And yesterday, Henry the CBK, my jiu hu boy also brought my attention to other dogs’ plight across the border, so if you are in my motherland and would like to help…

http://www.mycen.com.my/rescue/index.html

My friend has signed up as a volunteer for Action for Dogs, and I believe this cause will need more support of volunteers, and even monetary support to help to give these dogs a new lease of life would be deeply appreciated by these compassionate, sentimental best friends of men.

If you have what it takes, do foster them if you can, instead of buying puppies out there just because they are cute when young, and that you find yourself couldn’t commit in the long run and dropping them like hot potatoes.

I can’t stress how important it is to be a responsible dog owner. Which I ownself admit, I can’t possibly be one, and thus as much as I always would love to have a husky which Minibean can grow up with, I cannot bring myself to get one cos I doubt I can manage, and I think I have separation issues when you know….. well, all the pets I ever had, died very soon, you see?

Anyway. My friend is gonna foster a dog coming this weekend, and to take care of this dog, we are going to auction off a brand new, authentic Coach bag. And all proceeds will go to the abandoned puppy’s vaccinations, heartworms tablets and food.

It was a gift, and the bag has never been used before, and authenticity is guaranteed(feel free to bring it to the shop to verify).

This chic bag is ideal for casual nights out, clubbing, or even a great accessory for weekends. It looks compact but is interiorly rather spacious for various items.

Saw someone carrying it the other day and it looks perfect on her with jeans, tapered jeans and heels. And absolutely awesome with dresses too!

The bag is very versatile with Coach’s classic design, so it would be classic piece that will last  you a nong, nong time, instead of some seasonal prints one like mine.

I was very tempted to get it from her but I already gotten one similar letter Coach bag for Christmas from the family I do not want to mention(tsk, if I didn’t use it, I could have auctioned it too), and putting this brand new one up for auction might help to raise more fund for the abandon puppy she fostering than I can afford. Hehe.

The famous Coach checks inside the bag.

However this bag is not unflawed, and thus we are gonna start the bidding low.

While taking pictures for this bag, 2 stains were spotted(pun!) though it has never been used before(I doubt it was even touched after it was unwrapped. And because it is within the bag, the stains are pretty negligible, and could be removed if tried(we don’t know cos we didn’t!). The exterior is in absolute mint condition.

Guys, take it as a good lesson! Whenever you wanna buy a gift for girls, always check your purchase to make sure they are not flawed. Which reminds me that one dress I bought from a blogshop has a hole the very day I wore it. Bah! Woops. Sorry to digress.

So! Yeap!

We will start the bid at $50, and we will give it a couple of days before we close the auction. We are not out to make a profit (though I now half contemplating auctioning my stuff online if it works haha), and so it would be great if you could help out a little, while looking good at the same time :D

As promise, the proceeds will go to the aban… (wait a minute, the puppy is now fostered with love and all, so he is no longer abandoned! Yay!) fostered puppy. For a good cause :)

Starting bid: $50

We will arrange with regards to the collection via email once the auction is closed.

And for the others who have no interests in bidding, you always know you can contribute to the dogs via various channels, like donating your time and love to them, or just by monetary support through the Action for Dogs website.

Duh

Seriously, like “DUH!” -insert annoyed face-

I think I am PMSsy, not only that I have been over-eating(after a course dinner, I was wondering where else I could go on to eat), I am utterly, utterly easily agitated.

Good news is Mum had left for JB after I had endured 2 weeks of taunting without any rebuttal. I heaved a sigh of relief but it is sad to know Minibean won’t be around me this Mothers’ Day. :(

Yah, so I am PMSsy and ANGRY. ROAR. Not the scary ANGRY ANGRY, but you know, just the whiny, girly angry(okay, that is destructive enough)?

Scarlett Ting says:
i am so angry that I want to go out there and buy a bread toaster oven!!
Effy says:
erm
Effy says:
how is that corelated
Scarlett Ting says:
oh
Scarlett Ting says:
i wanna get one so i can buy bread and cheese and toast?
Scarlett Ting says:
ROAR!
Scarlett Ting says:
I got cravings la.. and it will make me feel better giggles

SEE! ANGER, HUNGER AND GIGGERS… this is confusing me. Hmphfffffff. *Sulks/Pouts like a child*

And the start of the anger?

Uhm, from a hypocrite.

Seriously, knowing how you truly are, you are no better. All the fake understanding, I-am-oh-so-perfect-and-always-there-for-you, pretending to be someone you are not(beware of those who say they are what what what.. cos they usually are not and beware of those who promise they will be what what what, cos they usually don’t), and absolutely selfish(yet pretending you are not), I could even smell the glee in your empathy.

You just cannot lose, or allow yourself to lose, that is what it is. You have always gotten your way and you realised you couldn’t this time and you.. can’t handle it. It is your ego got bruised not your so called “love” that brought pain, cos you had never lost, remember? Sorry baybeh, you did this time for a fact. Move on already. Like you should have long ago.

Oh and I don’t mean asking you to act nonchalant or oh-so-gracious (haha, you are anything but, from the way you talk about people) about it, because obviously the “victim” card maybe doesn’t work, but it is more of you are simply not good enough.

Oh, sorry, forgot, you-who-like-to-put-others-down-to-make-yourself-look-better, it will be hard for you to back off from your own bitternesss, cos it is just.. you. And you are equally pathetic as me.

I mean I also not good enough when it comes to being a friend, or even a “playmate”(boohoo) or even a mother.. but you’re not good enough, that’s about it, and about sums it all, and don’t blame it on others or put it to others and accept the fact that you are just inadequate like an adult.

Snowballed to another hypocrite.

And you know, they will all come together one.

And then I wanted to rant about ALL OF THEM, and then ah, giggles, one description fits all of the few people who I wanted to rant about.

Wah. Champions’ League ticket going for $2000 EACH and only the ticket not inclusive of flights, and got people wanna sponsor my trip. Got more hypocritical or not?

Wah. People want to stand up for me, wanna help me so passionately, but milk all its worth for their own drama. Got more hypocritical or not.

Wah. People who say one thing, and do another. Got more hypocritical or not.

Wah. People can judge when I use the words the words his family used on me on other people, when he himself… okay, let’s not go there. Got more hypocritical or not?

Wah. People who say one thing then, and say one thing now and give excuses for it. Got more hypocritical or not?

And the pretending to be nice ones ah. Tsk tsk.

Potato and I started the topic on hypocrisy(eh, I needed to shop last evening but I didn’t manage to get everything I needed) and then it just started.

(And we were listening to the plight of the most “suay” pig in the world. Giggles)

Dinner at Hard Rock and we wolfed down everything and yet felt hungry.

You know famous Pisceans include Albert Einstein, Kurt Cobain, Jon Bon Jovi, Drew Barrymore, Jessica Biel, Eva Longoria, Michaelangelo and Osama Bin Laden? I have no idea why I am mentioning this but maybe I am saying I am a genius, wild, kooky, sporty, likes Magnum, has a little imagination and am extremely destructive.

Then we watched 17 Again after catching a bus to Cineleisure which we nearly missed the stop hahaha.

I like the show cos it has Matthew Perry and Zac Efron(he is not a bad actor actually) falling for.. Scarlett! I actually think I might download it cos it was actually quite funny.

And when Zac Efron described about holding a baby girl in his hands… awwwww..

And there was someone who reminded me of Uncle Keith. I hope wherever you are, you are well.

Oh I haven’t said my main point why I am annoyed(actually for a moment I forgot why I was annoyed cos I no longer annoyed).

Cos the hypocrite I sent an email to, to call a hypocrite emailed me.

No personal email this time, but just out of the blue, about AWARE.

She only typed on word with the forwarded email: Interesting

——Original Message——
From: Lydia Ong
Sent: 7 May 2009 18:56
Subject: AWARE saga video

> If you missed parts of the saga and would like to know what actually
> took place, here it is from the beginning to the end.
> One thing is for sure, Josie and team DID NOT “hijack” AWARE as they
> have been accused of by the old guards, our mainstream media and the
> misinformed. :-)
>
>
>
> AWARE dispute:
>
> http://www.channelnewsasia.com/aware/videoarchives.htm

So.

I sent an email, saying that she should watch the other videos of the EGM, when she herself wasn’t there.

So poor thing.. they were accused by misinformed by me.

I am in support of Charissa going through such Sexuality Course. The fact is, to be informed is not the same as to “support”. I would like to know the real world out there than to be deluded. I believe in rights. There are people starving out there, suffering out there, is it better for us not to know? I do not see how to inform people about homosexuality and painting a real scenario is being exaggerated as “encouraging homosexuality”. If I tell you there are poor people out there who commit crime because of recession, does that mean i am encouraging and have the agenda of boosting crime rates to encourage you to tide this recession by committing crimes?

Pro-family. Is Josie Lau and the team of Church of our Savior members gonna feel righteously about their beliefs and view singlemotherhood with plenty of contempt?

Thio Su Mien: SARS is God’s punishment for allowing abortion in Singapore

So is the H1N1 flu God’s punishment for us to supporting the older exco?

If this is their view, I wonder what is their view of their fellow church pastor’s very brilliant and talented son, which I am sure they will be very proud of to read online about, and are they going to invade and do a takeover of the family too?

Why don’t they start their own organization for their own cause since they feel so strongly about it?

By the way, isn’t Channelnewsasia mainstream media too?

Sorry if whoever these people are your personal friends but maybe you should introduce some people about them with this bad PR. cos i don’t know them personally, and from the way the meeting went, I can say, I have no respect for them or whatsoever. and they have brewed enough contempt in people. Don’t even come and tell me they are my elders.

They have used it for their own agenda to destroy what many other Christians have been trying to build.

They can speak up for their own people for all they want, but just don’t force your beliefs in your friends/family down my throat.

I am so sorry I am still so misinformed. :(

And yes, I am still so icy that you might get a frost bite from me, so stop trying.

Okay. Angsty post over.

Finish purging already. Hehe.

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Rome

I want to go Rome.

I want to go Rome.

I want to go Rome.

I want to go Rome.

I want to go Rome.

I want to go Rome.

I don’t care I just went Rome less than 2 months ago.

I will gladly go again this time, as a Part II of my Moscow trip last year.

I will beg for leave(WOOHOO, I got one more day of off in lieu, which means I can take a decent week off should I scoot off), do anything(just not swear on my daughter’s life or anything that uses her name in vain -winks-) just to fly there in 3 weeks’ time.

This time I will prance around Rome, skip along the beautiful pavements, and leave marks of glee and giggles as I go around, slowly taking in the city again, and perhaps, recreating memories of what the city means to me.

And a trip to Venice and Florence, like finally.

Oh man. Oh man. Oh my. I can almost imagine how my trails will be made, the places I will walk to, the eateries I will sit down to enjoy my pizza(no carbonara!) and nice lemon tea(europe has lemon tea! Moscow and Rome! Praise the Lord!), and singing the swan song with the rest of the Red Devils’ fan.

If anyone, so kindly, so lovely, so magnificently has a spare ticket for me to watch Manchester United in Rome(I pai seh to ask the awesome Ming liao, and my other contact that might give me a glimpse of hope… is in London and I don’t have her contact and it is blardy complicated)…. I will love you very deep.

And I know, time to wake up from this perfect fantasy.

And oh, I don’t even need a damn visa for this!

I am just so spontaneous that, all I need, is a blardy ticket to get me in to the damn stadium.

Believe, baybeh, BELIEVE.

No Surprise

My song of the moment.

Which I think is a great, great one, to follow up his previous song – Over You.

Daughtry’s new song is pretty the awesome, I must say, unfortch it isn’t on Youtube yet, but you can hear it here – Daughtry Official.

Daughtry – No Surprise

I’ve practiced this for hours, gone round and round
And now I think that I’ve got it all down
And as I say it louder I love how it sounds
Cause I’m not taking the easy way out
Not wrapping this in ribbons
Shouldn’t have to give a reason why…

It’s NO SURPRISE I won’t be here tomorrow
I can’t believe that I stayed till today
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we’ll find this was NO SURPRISE

It came out like a river once I let it out
When I thought that I wouldn’t know how
Held onto it forever just pushing it down
Felt so good to let go of it now
Not wrapping this in ribbons
Shouldn’t have to give a reason why

It’s NO SURPRISE I won’t be here tomorrow
I can’t believe that I stayed till today
There’s nothing here in this heart left to borrow
There’s nothing here in this soul left to say
Don’t be surprised when we hate this tomorrow
God know we tried to find an easier way
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we’ll find this was NO SURPRISE

Our favorite place we used to go
The warm embrace that no one knows
The loving look that’s left your eyes
That’s why this comes as no, as NO SURPRISE

If I could see the future and how this plays out
I bet it’s better than where we are now
But after going through this, it’s easier to see the reason why

It’s NO SURPRISE I won’t be here tomorrow
I can’t believe that I stayed till today
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we’ll find this was NO SURPRISE

The kiss goodnight, it comes with me
Both wrong and right, our memories
The whispering before we sleep, just one more thing that you can’t keep
Our favorite place we used to go
The warm embrace that no one knows
The loving look that’s left your eyes
But I know in time we’ll find this was NO SURPRISE