The weekend is concluding on a surprisingly peaceful note, probably because of all that had happened in the past 2 days that have left me shaken (and very stirred), scared, and very frightened.

***

It was a nice Friday.

A nice, hearty lunch at Holland Village with a great massage thrown in for the bad back.

I giggled in response to his views on monogamy, and how he justified it was a concept brewed out of selfishness of mankind.

He believes in many.

I believe in open honesty.

A lift to NUS for a pretty long meeting, before I made my way back to town.

***

I thought it was an evening to remember.

Of someone losing it.

Of someone not taking a consistent no for an answer.

Weeks of anger, rage, hurt, and dramas/mindgames I have no wish to be part of, pushed me to be real firm with the decision.

Of threats and aggression.

Our drinks companion was caught in the awkward position when I shot him pleading looks for help, and then he would be met with dagger stares and aggression to warn him to stay out of it.

My phone was snatched, and numbers taken down.

I was “abducted” and dragged from the cab stand into the hotel so I wouldn’t go anywhere.  I was supposed to meet Mum and Minibean at the hospital to visit my dad.

I am so detached from the episode that I could make it like a joke that I was somehow kidnapped and fed with beef burger, steak and cheese platter in the room and my attempts to head anywhere would be met by a sturdy arm around my tummy, and got myself lifted from the ground, even if it was in public’s eyes.

My phone was robbed initially.

Then the door was blocked.

It pissed me off so much more, and more determined.

A part of me has died, and I am not sure if it will ever get revived again.

I left, eventually, but the night concluded with defiance clashing defiance in the face. It was a miracle that the cab window didn’t shatter from all those sharpness.

***

Was out on Saturday until I was asked to join for dinner.

Was reluctant but the companion with us the day before was pretty jovial about it all and that he would protect me.

Of seafood, and sea breeze, and sitting there listening to conversations and all. Spoke about work and all, before 3 hours passed.

Nothing prepared me for the long night ahead.

***

It was perhaps by grace of God, that everything went okay.

Though the image of that moment will perhaps etch in my mind, deeply, for the rest of my life.

If you think my life has been dramatic, nothing beats last night, almost a drama-series worthy scene. But it was real.

My palms get sweaty, my eyes get teary, and I feel the drop in my heart just by recalling the episode.

I don’t even dare to think between the chances of 50-50, what would have happened otherwise.

I don’t know where my strength came from, I don’t know how I managed to react, I don’t know how I managed to pull through the longest 2 seconds in my life, and the subsequent 20 minutes in between hyperventilating (teehee, I need to ventilate on this, Prontip) and pulling together my entire shaken being.

I saw it. My mind slow-framed every single moment though it was such a blur. A buzz, really.

I had nightmares of various images from last night put together.

And with that, sometimes in life, there are certain factors and catalysts that will push us to make a decision out of character. Like last night.

And then, I did. I am not even sure of it myself. I know the challenges ahead. I am not even sure if it is the “worst decision of my life” and what have I gotten myself into.

Cos seriously, everything is such a blur, so surreal that I have detached myself from my reality today, just so I could… have some much needed peace.

I am apprehensive of what the future holds, I really am, but for now, the anchor, needs some anchoring too.

Isn’t it surprising how things could suddenly take such a sudden change?

***

I need to solve my bandwidth problems. I was locked out of it again today and many things I wanna write kinda osmosis out already of my mind already by the time I wanna blog.

***

Nobody is trying to play a game here anymore. The last post was about someone whom I thought was close to us once, and someone who once understood, and someone who had seen us girls through all the misery and felt protective over us, but then…. oh well. Unfortunately, it was misconstrued by people who took it personally.

It isn’t a competition, and should never be.

***

Before I knew it, the new week is here.

Dad is supposed to discharge yesterday after his headache problem was solved, then he had a pee problem so it was supposed to be today, and then another problem cropped up today and he could only be discharged tomorrow.

He has been hospitalised for 5 days already.

I can’t wait for him to get home.