Sometimes, some people just don’t know how to stop.

I find it ridiculous that a Friday evening which I was indulging in my nap, that my peace would be so quickly disrupted into a night of drama I wish to be no part of.

Why? Someone wanna be hero.

Why? Someone thinks he is doing the best for me.

And on a day when I decided not to respond to him anymore.

Which is fucking ridiculous cos when I told him how his messages are a mockery and a terrible reminder which hurt greatly, and I BEGGED him to stop because it is excruciating to see those messages… he doesn’t have the decency to leave me alone.

And now, he is telling someone else to do so, simply because…. I think he just doesn’t want more truth to be out, but saying how he doesn’t want me to be hurt (don’t be a fuckwit, what is hurting is you don’t seem to think you are in the wrong, and everything is “nothing” to you, and you think everything can be buried just by “nothing”? And the way you justify yourself, the way you twist your words over and over again to downplay the severity of your wrongdoings and lies, and the extent you lied…. what is hurting is what you did and sometimes, still doing, which of course, you thinking so highly of yourself now, you don’t seem to see), seems to be making him the “holy” and “noble” person he wanna be despite his irritating, annoying, fucking high-horse matter-of-factly tone which I want to hear none of.

I called him to confront him to tell him he is in no position to do that, especially when he himself refused to listen to it, saying “You know I can’t do that, sweets” when I asked him to stop messaging those “I love you, and I will change and do anything to make things work/I want you and only you and you are the only person who mean everything to me/You are my life(which I replied, “Seeing how you screw your life up, I wish to be no part of it”)/Give me a chance, if we can get through this, we can get through anything….” and other bullshit, which honestly, stinks, and stings.

All of the above are painful reminders, and are the most hurtful of all, which he refused to listen, and accept. Because essentially, it is what he wants that matters, isn’t it? No matter how much I told him, express to him how tormenting those words are, he just doesn’t listen, cos my feelings are easily disregarded, and really don’t matter anyway. Cos most importantly is him getting what he wants.

Useless scum, dare to do, then face your consequences and accept it like a fucking man, not try to appeal against it and change it.

He kept on doing it, even when I asked him to shut up by hitting/screaming/hanging up/begging/crying (fuck. I finally succumbed to tears).. because he now holy already what(can still ask me “Do you want to pray with me sweets?” Poooooooooooi!).

Oh, of course, he changes from “Okay, you want me to stay away, I will go then” like it doesn’t matter, to a sudden bawling baby kneeling on the floor hugging my legs as he pleaded, to “I have already been honest and not lying.. what you want me to do?” to I don’t think I was totally wrong to someone with sudden rage “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT NOW?!”.. to someone else, to another one else..

So yeah, I guess that’s what he meant by changing.

But you know, I am glad, it pushes me further into a corner that I know I am more turned off, and disgusted than ever, especially with his holier than thou tone.

And finally, I gave an ultimatum enough for him to back off.

Forgiveness? I thought I could, you know, at least forgive and just move on to have a better, and greater life… but after these 2 days?

You don’t see every, single word from you is mockery.

The more you have killed me off for good, and I will not want to forgive. Even if you change and be as holy as the Pope or whoever for all I care. Because the memories you have left me with are those of you being a complete someone-I-do-not-want-in-my-life, and the sperm donor of Minibean whom she doesn’t deserve to have ties to, will be one not only you can’t erase, but one you just kept aggravating everyday.

You have dug deeper into the wound, tearing into the bloody tissues, and done more damages than you could ever know. And you don’t want to stop, even when you know you should.

Why not just bring a knife over one day and plunge it into my chest, pull it out, and drive it into me over and over again until you get your thrill?

Because seriously, what you have done, and what you are still doing, is no different from that.

Stay away.

I mean what I promised.

And I will do whatever I can, to make sure you stay away, for good.

I am prepared to go to the extreme, and you know it.