Seriously I have no idea what went wrong with my site, since I am a total idiot when it comes to such stuff. And days like this I miss the simple days of blogspot and wordpress. Bah.

And I had to supress the irresistable urges to blog during its down time, and now I am almost over the compulsion, and am almost forgetting what I wanna blog.

So to keep it fast and furious(am so scared halfway through this, it will suddenly max out its bandwidth and I can’t get anything up), this week has been definitely interesting.

My attempt at carbonara wasn’t too bad. And I love bacons! I know I am being totally random here. Tsk tsk.

***

It started with a great note, as many things to be sorted out, sorted out by itself. I was worried about my presentations, but it went well and I was given a great dose of confidence to be on the right track.

Since it is one of the very firsts presentation on my new position, of course it was pretty nerve-wrecking.

The back-to-back meetings almost broke my back from all the sitting up.. not to mention the tension.

There was this part that was hilarious when my boss told me, “Let’s go get a room…”, and we got one, and we had to draw the curtains.

(Conference room, and automated curtains for presentation mode)

And somewhere down the line, I replied, “I need to check your figures…” before he gave me a terrified, arms-across-body respond, “I know I got good figure… what do you want my figure for?!”

I would have given him a raised brow and a “hurhurhur” ham-sup laugh but.. bearing in mind how the recession is bad, I don’t know what my wry sense of humour might bring me, so I didn’t.

So, that turned out well. I was in a great, great mood that day with plenty of tasks accomplished. I even felt my momentum was kicking in.

A talk with my “mentor” in the morning, had him look me into the eyes, telling me, “You know, we all want to see more confidence in you, we all do.”

“I know,” I nodded pensively as I mustered the best smile I could.

It started with me saying I needed to hype myself up a little to show more confidence cos my boss would like to see more confidence in me.

Somehow, that kinda gave me a little assurance, and I can’t explain what it was, but it was a moment when I know it was a moment of genuine encouragement that didn’t go unnoticed.

And it turned out well, though at some moments, it was pretty candid when I hesitated to answer my boss and I would stuck out my tongue and give a sheepish giggle(I scared I bimbo moment!), before he would prod an answer out of me “At most I laugh at you only what! It wouldn’t hurt!”

It was draining cos I talked for more than 2 hours… and then sat through another one for 3.

But it was pretty fly

***

So it set the mood for a chirpy me and drove me to tap on the momentum.

Stayed in office till late to do more planning, before I took the train back to the west.

And then when I was worried about how my Dad was gonna go through with his operation without keeping my mum in the loop, he got worried enough about the 2 ladies being alone in JB-land, and decided to whisk them out that evening, much to my pleasant surprise.

I got a call after reaching home late from work, and that they were out at IMM having dinner. It was almost 9ish when I joined them, and I smothered the little one with plenty of hugs and kisses as we terrorised the hypermart.

Dad was scheduled for an operation the next morning, and I am just glad that he decided to bring Mum and Minibean out so that I could be around for them when he is hospitalised.

Minibean is becoming a real handful and I will speak more on that in the next post(should my silly site doesn’t go max out on me again!).

It was a nice evening, which was concluded late after I settled Minibean and finally got the chance to chill over green tea and stories I chose to watch from the sidelines, which are slowly draining their effects on me.

And then the decisions were not hard to make.

Though the day were filled with certain surprises, I would say, it was still one that its high sustained the low.

It was a day, I could find traces of myself again. Traces of who I can be, and who I won’t be anymore.

***

Oh, talking about 2 new cities a year(which I took a cue from Wifey), I have already conquered 2 (Vatican City IS a country!), and it seems like a third one is coming up in a month’s time!

*beams like a silly moose*

I am very, very sure I am going to bring my antihistamine this time round, though I bet they would be shuddering at the thought of getting any alcohol into me again.

***

Wednesday was one which started on a note that things might not be that smooth afterall.

Meetings, as usual, and I struggled in my heels and dress because… sales meeting.

Dad was hospitalised in the morning, and then meeting all the way till it was 4.30pm, before me and my colleagues debriefed over beers and sausages. Iced tea for the lady though.

I picked up Mum and Minibean(she loved the sausage!) from the MRT station, and for the first time in a long while, I have to meet someone who is without a handphone, and I can’t tell you how much of a challenge is that.

We took a cab down to Gleneagles to find a groggy man recovering pretty well.

We gave him a surprise because we didn’t call nor did we inform him we would be heading down, but I thought it would be nice to have all of us, especially Minibean there.

I thought I walked into a florist though with all the hampers, baskets and all.

Minibean seemed to be a little scared to see a weakened Gong gong, and she knows Gong gong is not feeling well and didn’t make gong gong to piggyback her.

We stayed for a while(damn, no cute doctors making rounds at all!), before we headed back by cab, where the little one just dozed off after an exciting day out without napping.

I napped, and was woken up to some sneaky fella who visited Minibean when I was asleep, and left a box of Royce and a fruit basket for Dad around midnight.

He left shortly after I woke up, and I didn’t go back to sleep since I was waiting for the match to start.

I had a bad feeling, and was very grumpy from the start.

I wished I was in Rome, and I miss my time in Moscow last year.

Nonetheless, the results showed that I chose the right year to be there, and with Dad hospitalised and all, it would be the right choice for me to be home.

I was so devastated that I actually went straight to sleep after the 2nd goal and I even prayed I would wake up kicking myself for missing the match cos my beloved team might have done a miraculous turnaround.

To the point that I dreamt about it, and even woke up a few times with my sub-conscious thinking about the match.

Boohoo! But we will fight back stronger, and it will be better, like life always is.

***

The heat is getting to my head.

I am starting to think running around outside in the heat is one of the most torturous things ever. It gives you bad backs, nauseating cab rides, and it bakes your brain till it fluffs up so much you can’t think straight.

Luckily today was pretty alright as it progressed into late noon, and it was wrapped up with a nice chat with a pretty nice chap.

Dad is recovering well but the anaesthesia adminstered is giving him too much of a headache, and if it is still bad, he might have to extend his stay.

Keeping fingers crossed.

***

Thank God it is Friday, and I am praying for good weather…

***

Nahbeh. When I wanna post, it got maxed out again, so here I am, posting this on a Friday noon.

Dad had some little complication, so his scheduled discharge today won’t be taking place and he has to stay for another day or two. He sounded weak when I talked to him today.

Get well soon, Daddy.

Making changes sometimes is just a way to change our reality a little, and perhaps convince ourselves that many things can be changed.

It kinda reflected on my life these days, when my patience and my tolerance towards people who hardly show me any respect can dwindle just like this -snaps of fingers-

Out there running around doing visits prove to be a challenge, because to start off with barely any confidence, and the instinct to just, hide hide hide, would mean it takes much more than the usual effort for me to get out of my comfort zone.

The heat fried my brain enough for me to grit my teeth, and trudge on with my autopilot mode.

Usually, I could smile and still keep the composure, knowing I could do better the next time round. These days, I would just smile awkwardly and my eyes would go empty and lifeless, not knowing if I could ever bounce back.

These days, I go to sleep to dream about work, and wake up intermittently worrying about who has yet to get back to me, and knowing I have to do the chase aggressively.

I yearn for a hot cup of Earl Grey everyday at the end of it, so I could snuggle up with my baby pillow and watch whatever I have left on my list.

But in the midst of running around, and possibly getting sun burnt as I shuttled from mall to mall, there were plenty of instances that cheered me up when the cab drivers giving me discount. Giggles.

The bills I have built up this months is horrifying, and the NTUC vouchers proved to be lifesaver as I stocked up plenty of things at home knowing I would probably be heading nowhere.

I finally gotten my toaster oven, and handheld hoover, and happily stocked up bread and stuff to allow my toaster oven to work magic on. I sulked a little when contemplating to buy them, and the meek salesperson then sealed the deal by lowering his voice and said he would give me further discount.

Imagine my horror and disappointment when I realised it doesn’t come with a tray and I can’t use it until I get one. BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

The pasta and cheese yesterday was pretty fabulous.

Graveyard to my soul is cleared and ready for action.

I am really thinking of getting a new couch and a sitting chair so Dad could recover at home comfortably.

I need a new toilet seat as mine is threatening to break into half anytime.

I am really becoming an auntie.

It looks like it is going to rain, and honestly, I quite miss it when it storms and pours, and I can just look on to the outside, detached, as if I was in it, but not quite.

It could be said about the pan which the steak sizzled in last night, but it could also be said about my brain juice which is probably boiling my brain with the weather like this.

I think I have been way to pampered.. until a trip to NTU this noon, where the canteen is warm and humid, and sitting down there for 2 hours made me sticky, sweaty and caused the tension headache to set in.

Made my way around the neighbourhood malls, from Gek Poh to Pioneer, to Jurong Point, where the oven toaster and wireless mini vacuum I wanna get are out of stock (bah!), and I ended up getting a corner shelf (though ugly colour but it serves its purposes!) for my bags (man, it nearly cost me my back when I had to lug it home), which reminds me how desperately I would need a shelf for my Xbox 360 games. Alas, most of the storage solutions weren’t that pretty at NTUC Xtra, and I didn’t utilize the rest of my vouchers.

A trip to IKEA is a must. Or rather.. a new home is a must.

And don’t even get me started on how I don’t have a wardrobe for my clothes….

And a new toilet seat!

And yes, from the above, you probably know observe I am in too deep into auntiedom, though I was slightly in glee for being mistaken to be a fresh graduate (cheap thrill ya know? Giggles).

This set the pace for tomorrow that I will be in dress/skirt so it would be more airy.

Oh. I was asking everyone what I should be doing with my old stuff.

It started with me thinking of getting rid of a reallllly old television which is still working but the quality is awfully bad.

And then many other gadgets which I have since stopped using.

Before I knew it, the topic became a full blown conscience tugging discussion.

And then I got many many mice, and other keyboards, and my old cameras… and even LD and VCR players that don’t work anymore.

Because some of those are no longer in working condition, I might not be able to get rid of them.

I even have an old keyboard (musical), 17 year-old woofers and … gasp… a TYPEWRITER!!!!

Sometimes I get too emotionally attached to such (sigh, maybe I will leave ONE eraser for Minibean for her to use ONE to win many others) items, and I keep coming across things that I didn’t throw away (Oh, look! Nancy Drew! I can keep for Minibean!) because I thought sometime down the road I would need them again.

What can I say? I am a hoarder.

I just opened a random drawer, and top of it is my primary 1 class picture and a roll of A4 paper for printing which I remember from 13 years ago.

I just dug further and beneath them was a card from my lovely Hipopo ex, which says “you are my world, my everything”, which is often said to death and we all know how it is always a mockery of reality.

In the card is 3 scraps of paper, which has my journalism notes during my diploma class 7 years ago.

Beneath them?? A stack of “gao zhi” with River Valley’s header on it (you know the foolscap paper for Chinese composition writing?!).

And I don’t know what I have a list of school codes for filling in some forms as a relief teacher.

I opened up the 2nd drawer right in front of me, and it has my secondary 4 compositions file.

And OH MY GOD. My PSLE school choice form!

I think my first choice was Fairfield, then Bukit Panjang, then Nan hua, then Yusof Ishak, then… I believe it was Swiss Cottage and Yuhua as my final choices.

I remember being so scared what if I cannot make it to any of the above.

And gee, I also saw the form that gave my Chinese oral a distinction. Hurhur.

As I revisited these, I realise why I hoard them, because of the feeeeeling they bring me whenever I chance upon them, and I know I can’t quite discard them.

I am starting to wonder where my boxes and boxes of letters went to…. Hmm..

Time to get rid of the clothes I will no longer wear too.

It is a shame cos those I wore often were loaned to someone who has no intention of returning me, I guess. Some of which, of utmost sentimental value to me.

***

My head hurts after being in the outdoor heat way too long this noon, by the time I got home in the evening, I just wanna hole up and sleep my migraine away.

Didn’t even manage to make dinner after I fell into a deep nap..

There are changes to Dad’s surgery date, so my diving trip with my colleagues will not take place after all

Now, maybe time to clear up my drawers… and get some clothes in there.

It has been a fulfilling weekend of peace.

And gee, you will never know how big a collection of books you have until you start digging them out from each corner of the house to shelf them, only to go “uh-oh”, cos you simply have not enough space to house each and every one of them.

Very bad idea.

And the core genre: Mystery and Crime. Followed by general fiction (mostly Wifey’s Jodi Picoults). Then Fantasy (not mine though). And then Christian books. And the occasion chick lit. (No space for all my Nancy Drews from primary school days, unfortch)

Ample rest. Check.

Laundry. Check. Woohoo, no rain and quiet breeze over the weekend so it was perfect.

Emptied 5 big bags of stuff that I doubt I need anymore. Though I wonder what to do with those electronics that are still usable but too old to give away.

I even gave my arms a milk bath when I didn’t know what to do with the leftover milk from the french toasts.

I finished the food/tonics that are almost reaching their expiry dates (the thing about me leaving the best till the last gotta change).

I found many stuff that I used to look for when packing up my room, and thought to myself the next is to sort out clothes I no longer wanna wear and perhaps put them up for sale or to give away.

I need a cabinet to put my bags and clothes. And then the shoes. Not much shoes but they need a  little sorting out since I actually kept some of those I couldn’t wear(gift from dad, and too sentimental for me to throw away).

I am bad with discarding things. To think that I still have those erasers of country flags…. and my primary 2 exercise book… well, you get the gist.

Actually I want a new home. To start all over again.

Checked out the next destination of my wanderlust, so I can work towards that. And I can’t decide between Spain, Egypt and Greece.  Yet I know, a huge part of me just wanna go back to Italy, again and again and again and again… probably more fluent with the language the next time round as I try to pick up where I last left it off.

I finished my season of CSI: New York and was totally overwhelmed.

Will finish my season of CSI: Miami, say, tomorrow.

Next on will be CSI: Las Vegas over next weekend.

American Idol finale will last me my weekdays.

Got my whipped cream for the carbonara.

Need to go on a scrimping effort.

***

The weekend was simply awesome because, woohoo, we won the EPL (quoting Gene “What is EPL?”) title, and we had a girls’ night out to the flyer just for the occasion. The football carnival at the Singapore Flyer!

With lotsa Arsenal fans who were hoping they could spoil our party and were greatly disappointed.

Wifey, Pots, and me! Like Wifey, who was so ahem, embarrassed by her Arsenal jersey that she was hiding behind the 2 Manchester United fans.

I love this picture lah, I think we were so confident Manchester United would win the title with just a draw that our excitement was evident way before the final whistle was blown.

Pots was put on a guilt trip (hehe) by me (but thanks, though I masked my nervousness damn well), because I was the only Manchester United supporter in the group.

The funniest part was the collective gasps from the other girlies with us who joined us for the evening whenever Ronaldo came on screen.

The squinting of the eyes, and the small nibble on the lower lip (the one that belong to our mouths, thank you very much), the shallow breaths that escaped…. and urgent whispers of “Oh my God, I want to have his babies…”

What can I say? I mean I probably can say, “Come on, I am the only one here who has the experience, leave it to me!” but I probably will die a horrible death under the wrath of lusty females.

Maybe on my next pilgrimage to UK I should… hmm…

And you wonder why… he makes the ladies’ knees go weak.

When the final whistle was blown!

We were crown the champion!

Wanyi looks damn pretty lah, my arm looks damn fat lah!

Wifey was jumping up and down like the Manchester United players on the screen at the back. I think she closeted Manchester United fan.

She tried to pass me one of her jerseys when we had dinner at Marina Square Kenny Rogers’ and I wanted to use it to wipe my mouth, or wrap the leftover chicken in it so she could bring it back for Santa.

But the jersey went to someone else….

Tadang… our very own celebrities who were egged on to go on national/regional television, because they couldn’t find any Arsenal fans.

Andy was so afraid he would be asked about the match cos he knows nothing about soccer, but he was rescued by the over zealous Manchester United fan (refer to the previous picture) when the screen time was hijacked.

Bananananananana and very happy us. I want pictures of Gene and Rina and all but I don’t have them yet.

We were like so sticky-ly happy, we hugged, and we jumped for joy. Seriously if without Pots, I think my celebration will be very diluted. It is always great to have someone to share the joy with.

Wooooooooohoooooooooooo! I nearly wanted to strip and wrap this around like a towel, but it’s not mine.. and not that I would do anything this crazy.

Thanks to the chaps who took the picture for us, and loaned us their flag!

And I got my weirdo episode again, like I always do. Pots was with me this time round and she laff laff me. Hmphf.

A lot of familiar faces of the past and present at the carnival, and I even bumped into the Starhub lady whom I met at last year’s Champion League final in Moscow!

And she asked if I am going to Rome this year, and I told her that it is unlikely.. though I am like dying to go, because nothing beats that kind of adrenaline pumping team unity and highly charged live atmosphere.

Firstly, I didn’t take up the offer of the $2k match ticket, and knowing that my dad’s surgery would be sometime around then just makes it less sensible for me to go.

She will be heading for the FA cup final and I can’t say I am envious, but I would love to be in her position to have such luxury of endless invites.

Post game, we headed to Mr Bean at Prinsep for drinks. Only Prontip, Effy, Andy and I were there, and it was a nice night of chill out.. though we scrapped plans for a midnight movie.

It was awesome company.

And I was glad I got my arse outta bed to confront everything I feared, and that’s what awesome friends are for.

They give you balls.

My PMS is at its peak.

I spent the evening making use of the cool breeze to help with my laundry, and emptying many things I do not need nor do I wanna horde anymore.

New toothbrush.

Like how I had new, formatted workstation for the sake of a faster machine(Windows 7, baybeh!).

Like how my phone is reformatted too. Not by choice, but a welcomed move which is strangely liberated.

I stocked up the fridge, I emptied out some stuff, threw out letters and cards I don’t want anymore.

Darn. I forgot to buy whipped cream.

Knowing how I would holing up at home over weekend, and I bought bread, which is a smart move, cos I am terribly hungry now at 3.40 am… cos I haven’t had any food yet today/yesterday. Had this nagging sharp pain in my left abdomen, and it certainly doesn’t feel good.

Watched CSI: New York and could barely keep my eyes opened. Decided to take a nap so I could stay up later tonight to just indulge myself with quality me-time since I have planned to use the next 2 days to do some work planning.

Tomorrow will sort out some baby’s clothes to pass to a work friend.

I am actually thinking making an exciting trip…. to Fairprice Xtra in the middle of the night and do shopping and get my whipped cream! I know.. downright auntie.

Or making my way down to IMM to get a lazy couch so Dad could have somewhere comfy to sit when he resting at home. Will come home and do my little “experiences”.

And I found somewhere where I could go dig out all my books and stack them! If it works, I could finally have a bookshelf I’ve always wanted.

Let’s hope I have more time tomorrow, after I can get a well-deserved, and much-needed long, fulfilling sleep later.

And of course, the MotoX action and match-watching tomorrow evening.. it should be a peaceful weekend to look forward to.

Though a part of me, finds it a little difficult to get on anymore.