So he swore on her life, that the only time they spoke about personal stuff before the trip was just because she went mad and unstable and called him to rant because of my post which she didn’t even know what I wrote about in “I give up”.

Do I believe? I can if i try. But he might already know I somewhat don’t really believe what he says.

He said no other contact. Then when found out, he just admitted there were calls from angry her when she was upset, so she rant.

Seriously I would have believed more if he was the one calling her.

So he had said he only replied thanks on the trip with no further SMSes to her, not even work. Then when I said we will see in his next phone bill, he then changed his mind to say there were actually a few other work related SMSes cos she had messaged him when he was away.

He cannot remember why a late night phone call 2 days before our trip cos… he can’t remember.

Oh really?

Then he insisted there was nothing going on before the trip cos he has no feelings for her and she hates him. I wonder what else he could swear on.

Then strangely, she could make the comment of if he is sure he wanna go on the trip out of the blue when she interrupted his conversation with his colleague.

Then he said if I don’t remove the number, his boss said something along the lines of wanting to sue me.

I said I would speak to the boss personally, if the boss asks, I would, since I do respect her but… I wouldn’t trust him enough with whatever he said so there is really no point he being the messenger. Cos I have no idea why she is reading in the first place.

Then he said, “she only said she didn’t like it.”, though throughout the evening, he had knew I assumed the boss was going to sue me.

“You know I won’t even allow them to do that to you.”

“But then why didn’t you even bother to clear it up?”

“And the post is about you lying on the trip. And it just shows it really isn’t Andy huh? Well, if you guys use it for personal usage, it IS personal then, and then it is on my personal blog.”

“You gonna ruin my career?”

“I didn’t. You just let your lie get out of hand. And you didn’t seem to be as bothered when people lied about you on their blogs but strangely I blog it with whatever you feed me with, and you get all upset.”

And quaintly, he made up his mind and his decision of… -drums roll- wanting to make things work out. And came the begging and all, again. And the mention of the ring, the clean slate, and the love, you know the works? How timely.

Why am I writing this? Rubbing salt into the wound? No.

Can’t you see the posts are rarely about you, it is about him and the extend he will go to lie and coverup? Though I could conveniently use the sentence of what bloggers usually use “Don’t like then don’t read” but we all know that itself is a silly sentence. It is a liberty no one can deny anyone who is given a key.

I told him, the above are his final chances of telling the truth.

Should any above are still lies, he is a goner.

And it is always good to have a record. The record of my own stupidity.

Seriously it ain’t true that a blog of higher readership(sorry, I really don’t have much readership to begin with), is of course, to others, a mass weapon of destruction.

But why did I even start a blog in the first place, for the past don’t know Godknowshowmanyyears?

Cos it is personal.

I don’t even care if people wanna think of me as a slut with the explicit details of my sex life once penned, an irrational bitch with the endless rants about my life, a no-clue bimbo who got knocked up when she barely had a job… the one who risks it to blog about work, to blog about even the taxi-uncle who annoyed me, or the one who blogged about a tiny kind gesture that lifted my spirits up.

And even my beloved mahjong sessions.

… but that’s why I stayed true to my blog.

I am what I write.

Sometimes I write without thinking who are reading, who are prying, and truth is, I know many who are still reading are just waiting for some explosive expose and so they could go to some forum to talk about, and not much are real “fans” of mine anyway.

That did not stop me.

I don’t get involved with who meets who, who hits whose blogs, who links to mine, and… whatever and all.

Because that isn’t what a personal space is all about?

So, I am not sorry there are people who likes to read my blog that much. I am not sorry that I became channelnewsasia when I am not the one who gave others my blog address.

I am not sorry for blogging about who lied to me, who did what, and what affected me. I mean, to be fair, most bloggers out there writes about heartbreaks, heartaches, hurts and whatnots, and why do they have the liberty and freedom to go on for months, when all I ask for is my space for my disappointments, how affected I am by lies, by betrayals, and of course the space to hurt when some are as fresh as.. last night?

It is not about just a person who is dear to me, but there are other accounts over years of friends, parents, and other closed ones.

Don’t you see many will be laughing at the stupidity/karma and I don’t even care?

I am not sorry for personal accounts of what happened, the way it was fed to me. Though it probably is evident to the entire world that I am the only one still.. blindly believing.

Cos one day, like many of the other episodes and archives in my life, it will be dust-coated and over.

And so it ends.

I can if I try to forget and forgive this episode again. Clean slate, maybe. Don’t ask me why I don’t trust when I can barely find any reason to convince myself to. Don’t ask me why I am willing to trust when I can just turn a blind eye to it, cos I can.

But.

Feel free to bust them. I need a better reason to walk away.