Archive for February 18th, 2009

The show – Lenka

February 18th, 2009 by admin

Since I am in a chirpy mode, I shall post a chirpy song!

I’m just a little bit
caught in the middle
Life is a maze
and love is a riddle
I don’t know where to go
I can’t do it alone
(I’ve tried)
and I don’t know why

Slow it down
make it stop
or else my heart is going to pop
‘cuz it’s too much
Yeah, it’s a lot
to be something I’m not

I’m a fool
out of love
‘cuz I just can’t get enough

I’m just a little bit
caught in the middle
Life is a maze
and love is a riddle
I don’t know where to go
I can’t do it alone
(I’ve tried)
and I don’t know why

I am just a little girl
lost in the moment
I’m so scared
but don’t show it
I can’t figure it out
it’s bringing me down
I know
I’ve got to let it go
and just enjoy the show

The sun is hot
in the sky
just like a giant spotlight
The people follow the sign
and synchronize in time
It’s a joke
Nobody knows
they’ve got a ticket to that show
Yeah

I’m just a little bit
caught in the middle
Life is a maze
and love is a riddle
I dont know where to go
I can’t do it alone
(I’ve tried)
and I don’t know why

I am just a little girl
lost in the moment
I’m so scared
but don’t show it
I can’t figure it out
it’s bringing me down
I know
I’ve got to let it go
and just enjoy the show

oh oh
Just enjoy the show
oh oh

I want my money back
I want my money back
I want my money back
Just enjoy the show

Posted in Making Sense of Life | 1 Comment »

Stop asking

February 18th, 2009 by admin

The first time the ring was presented to me, was in mid November.

He almost begged. But nothing. I remembered it thundered bad that day.

There was another gift of a necklace which came along that day.

Then came the actual proposal, with the help of the family.

Nothing.

So all the tears and the begging for me to wear the ring.

Still, nothing.

How do you say yes to something with nothing concrete, nor worked out, it is like investing in a property without seeing plans, blueprints, finding out the developers.

I think I am heartless. But seriously, maybe I am just indifference.

Or maybe, my ESP is too strong and once too often proves me right.

Posted in Boys are Evil | 6 Comments »

Facts in the midst of the fog

February 18th, 2009 by admin

One of the few funny things I heard recently is… “She can’t hold a candle to you in bed.”

“Of the 5 times I fucked her, 3 times I went soft and I couldn’t be bothered continuing.”

“I have never ever said I love her, cos I never would, cos I never did.”

Uhm… is something wrong with the equation there?

Wifey and I can thump chest together.

***

People ask why am I so drama with my decisions. If only they see struggles within of wanting to believe, wanting to trust, yet the fear of disappointment. And thus, my fear of commitment, to come to a decision, because… how do you do so to someone you can never really trust? How can you learn to take the plunge?

There seem to be a trend these days. I have been there, thus the sympathy.

Insecurities, don’t we have them all? Don’t we try to exorcise them all? Don’t we get lost in them all?

Word plays are not meant for me. Evasiveness and a shy of question. Don’t tell me how the words spoken to her were you talking about me, but she took it out of context thinking you meant her… and you didn’t want to correct her. Not only you humiliated her, you humiliated everyone.

I have been there. I labelled myself a slut once too many times.

Self-righteousness that no one believes.

Facts. There are no facts. Facts are what we individually see, not what people want us to see.

Those are what you think are your facts. I saw what are my facts. He thought what he thinks are facts. She believed what she thought are facts. Some of you assumed what are facts, others dissect the facts.

So, no, I cannot see your facts in the midst of the fog.

So, no, it is not no choice for anyone of us. We all have. And we have to make ours.

There are no facts, even if there are, there are no principles behind them anymore.

I found my facts when they fell into place together. She remember you swore. So how are you gonna twist your words round this time?

One day he will find his. Someday you will find yours.

And I am clinging to my dear life for them, and never shall I forget them.

***

I lied last night.

It felt damn good to be lying… and it was queer as I struggled to lie. Like it doesn’t feel right. It took many minutes when I did so.

Yet there is this thing about us, we learn and pick up things fast, whatever it takes to survive.

I have lived mine, and will continue to do so, and I will feel damn good about it.

Posted in I bite! | 4 Comments »

Crumbles

February 18th, 2009 by admin

I crumbled, and I died.

And it bled.

Oh gosh, did I bleed.

It tasted sweet, it tasted fine. No pain, no hurt, no nothing.

All that was left, was an empty shell.

I don’t believe, I should never had believed.

Posted in Mental Mutilation | No Comments »