Today, the announcement is out.
I lost my job.
The flip side of it?
I have got new namecards.
And I can finally heave a sigh of relief.
Though, here comes the steep learning curve again.
The thing about changes is… I don’t believe a person could change for the better, it can only be for the worse.
Having said that, there are also certain things that can’t be changed, no matter what.
And yet when it is time for self-preservation, we convince ourselves and others that things can indeed be changed, and the past can be the past.
Alas, neither do I believe in that.
I have been in pieces recently. My morale plunged, and self esteem scattered all over the place.
I simply don’t care. There are too many people in this world you must not give 2 hoots to should you wanna survive.
I don’t see myself picking up the pieces yet.
When a part of us dies, it doesn’t get revived.
Never.
And I cannot live on like this. Not anymore.
It takes a bit of gift to be such a failure like me, you know?
Colorgenics test which I had done before but I took it again since it is at a different phase of my life.
Colorgenics Number: 37061254
——————————————————————————–
You feel as if you have missed out on a great deal that life had to offer and you go about trying to make up for past failures. Naturally at times you get depressed and you try to compensate for your ‘missed opportunities’ by living your life to the full. This is what, perhaps, may be described as ‘living with exaggerated intensity’. In this way you feel you can break the chains of the past and start again – and it could be that you are right.
You seem to lack the energy of late to get up and go. Your objectives appear to be unattainable and no one seems to care. You feel lost, neglected and need some W.T.C. (Warm tender care).
It is amazing that you yourself believe that old ‘adage’ that you are a misunderstood person – and you feel that because of this you are being left out in the cold. It is because of this lack of believed understanding that you feel the need to conform to society in general – but this situation leaves you ‘cold’ knowing that you are not appreciated for your true self. Any relationship that you are developing at this time does not seem to involve any true emotional commitment, you seem to be just playing along.
For some time now your hopes and expectations have been denied and because of this you are becoming withdrawn and introverted. Continual disappointment has manifested itself in you becoming both suspicious and restrained you have become withdrawn from others and have receded more and more into yourself. You seem to have lost your innate enthusiasm and imaginative nature, for fear that you may be carried away by it only to find that you are wasting your time. You are loath to trust people, as in the past your trust has been misplaced. You seem to be keeping yourself cautiously aloof from others. At this moment in time your attitude is to trust nobody – until they can prove themselves to you.
Whatever you have tried to do seems to have gone wrong and you are now quite convinced that there is little point of formulating new objectives and it is this belief that has resulted in the stress and anxiety. You would like to be able to communicate with other people who think as you do. At this time there seems to be no-one on the horizon nor is there any prospect of meeting anyone in the immediate future. But it must be said that you are really a ‘trier’ and indications are that you will, as indeed you have in the past, ‘bounce back’.
Of course I am alright.
All I did was just to be a drama queen like all of you made me out to be, as always, you know?
But -gives a diva wave of dismissal- me, being me, of course whatever I wrote here is not true, and just…. a ruse. An attention-grabbing stunt.
Of course, there wasn’t additional drama last night, one of passion, spite, and everything not right.
Then again, I wish that is me. It would be so easy.
So, where do I go now?
On a tiring Monday afternoon, the day was wrapped up with a meeting.
And like everything else, my 6th sense served me strong.
My position has just been made redundant.
I am just pretty much, redundant, in all senses of words.
New change, new job, new life. I guess.
*beams*
summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when September endsring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when September endshere comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we areas my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when September ends
I read JD’s blog, and with the pending movie date tomorrow night to watch “He’s just not that into you”, I think it is kinda funny.
Oh sure, they say they’re busy. They say that they didn’t have even a moment in their insanely busy day to pick up the phone. It was just THAT CRAZY. Bullshit. With the advent of cell phones and speed dialing it is almost impossible not to call you. Sometimes I call people from my pants pocket when i don’t even mean to. we may try to make you think differently, but we men are just like you. we like to taking a break from our generally mundane day to talk to someone we like. it makes us happy. and we like to be happy. just like you. if i were into you, you would be the bright spot in my horribly busy day. which would be a day that i wouldn never be too busy to call you.
I literally burst out laughing from reading that.
” You deserve a fucking phone call ” came in the summary. It was hilarious.
I am about to make a wild, extreme and severe relationship rule: the word “Busy” is a load of crap and is most often used by assholes. the word “busy” is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact, in every silo you uncover, all you’re going to find is a man who didn’t care enough to call. Remember: Men are never too busy to get what they want.
Auntie JD, what book is that? Share leh.
And I am a cynic. I don’t believe in “forever”, just like how I don’t believe in “Never”. So yes, it is just plenty of mockery when people use the word “forever”.
Seriously!
Though, don’t doubt me when I say I love Minibean forever.
I shouldn’t be blogging cos my time should be going to the little “research” I have been doing, giggles. And I am awfully excited!
Today is an amazing day.
I was telling wifey on the cab when we were making our way back home at 3ish that today is an enjoyable “normal” day that we had in a long, long while.
Just then, an SMS came in, which prompted a work call at 3am(gasp!!). I think she was also as amazed that I was actually awake and returned her call.
What a way to end the night…
I was in town for an intensive day of unplanned activities instead of staying home and hide(like I always do). And it wouldn’t have been so if not for the fact I was brought to town earlier today for work stuff and prep.
Jiali called me out of the blue 2 days ago to tell me there was a complimentary trial massage at some spa, and she could bring a friend. With the muscle ache I was having, it was actually just what I needed.
We headed to the spa at Takashimaya, and I think our straight-talking pretty much pissed of the sales person and she pretty much just ended with a curt “So you not interested. Okay, thank you.”
It actually felt pretty good cos… we said no.
Saying no is actually quite empowering.
At my event, Marcus popped by, and he remembered the time when I attended Johnson and Maybelle’s wedding, I actually liked their wedding momento a lot. He actually brought the rose candle and heart-shaped liquid soap(in red!) for me, knowing where I would be.
So sweet! Thanks. And your sms made my day
I went on the day with so much stuff that I was pretty bushed by the time evening came.
Mr Limp suggested KTV at Cineleisure, and Wifey asked if I would want to catch a movie. Going by my location, both suggestions were warmly welcomed.
Had dinner with wifey, before we joined Mr Limp to head to Kbox.
Sing, vent, laugh, talk. Then Mr Limp asked the other dentist(not so annoying one) to join us. The highly recommended one.
Let’s call him Mr Saggi(how quaint, how quaint!).
It was one of the rare times we didn’t end up at my place with 2 guys and 2 girls, probably because the sweet, simple boy would probably take us 4 hours to finish one round.
I swear(really I swear! On your life!) he was blushing when me and Wifey started talking about our braces(that’s what you talk to dentists about, I think) days… and how we could still give fabulous blow jobs.
So anyway… today been a blessed day!
With free massage. Thanks Jiali!
With free dinner. Thanks Wifey!
And Mr Limp insisted on treating us karaoke.
And then… we ended up at the arcade with the sugar daddies wanting to pit each other’s NBA skills. I joined in the fun by being the ultimate loser, alternating between pulling my dress down, resting my sore shoulders and arms, giggling and cursing when the darn balls just wouldn’t go in.
Before we knew it, an error with the card crediting system gave us so much credits that we ended up not finishing all of them.
Wifey and I used it to take neoprints! So cute I tell ya, and we were giggling and trying to cajole the guys to take together but unfortunately they were too ball-less to do so.
Someone suggested watching movie, and I insisted on not watching Pink Panther 2 which Mr Saggi preferred, and we ended up watching the other available show – Slumdog Millionaire.
Seriously, I wouldn’t have wanted to watch the show should I have other choices, but since everyone was up for a movie, and I didn’t want Pink Panther 2(the other movie we wanted to catch was Let the right one in but it was sold out), and we ended up watching one of the best movies released recently.
In fact, I like it so much that it has became one of my favourite movies(though the list is relatively long).
It is a brilliant show, really!
Thanks to Mr Saggi for the treat to the movie, and I felt bad enough to split the snacks bill with Wifey, though I had conveniently walked off without my change, and Mr Limp was left behind at the counter, which was bad news cos… he didn’t know what movie we were watching, nor did he know our seats number. HAHAHAHAHA.
As I held on to the hot dog, I mused, “Gee, I have never held a 9-incher in my hand. Mmmmmm…”
Halfway into the movie, there was a part that all of us squealed, and my hotdog, wifey’s nachos, were promptly passed onto Mr Saggi, who was sitting next to me, and was holding a drink and the popcorns.
I couldn’t finish my hotdog, and….
“Do you want to bite my hotdog…?” I asked.
And Mr Saggi started laughing. At least you are not the one asking me.
It was a struggle to eat the hotdog, especially with Wifey repeating “Yes baby, yes yes…” as I tried to shove the bun and the hotdog into my mouth.
I passed the 1/3 eaten hotdog to Mr Saggi, “You don’t want already?” he asked.
“Nope, 3 inches is about all I am used to. I can only handle 3 inches.”
His helpless laugh in response was pretty charming, I should add. Giggles.
It was pretty good fun for the evening, and much things were forgotten – like, work.
And I felt plenty of calmness…
Though I think I would have enjoyed catching up some sleep and reading, hidden under the duvet too, but it was great company today. And of course with everything going smoothly without giving me heart attack helps too. But things are often like this, some parts die, and the other parts live.
I mean, when you have 3 events running concurrently, there is more room for errors, isn’t it?
That was one of the questions I asked the dentist at Prive last night when, Effy and I were out with 2 dentists, with Mr Limp highly recommending one of them.
First question was, “do we get free dental services?”
He asked me “How rich and rich?” before he obnoxiously went on to talk about how he can earn 3000 in an hour, and he earns between $50, 000 to $100, 000, per month.
I then said, “That means it should be no problem for you to sponsor my getaway. It should mean nothing to you.”
“Why not? Sure can, we can go together.”
It wasn’t long before I was dozing off at how boring the conversation was going with this dentist’s shameless brags, and I turned the night around, by asking the dentists, “Would you like to come to my place?”
None of them did. Hahaha.
***
The cast for What the Butler saw was pretty brilliant.
This morning, Minibean ran into my arms and gave me a cool hug as she rested her arms around my neck.
The past couple of days she brought me plenty of comfort with saying things like, “Mummy bathe. Mummy wet.”
Mr Limp went on to say, “Yessssssss… Mummy is veeerrrryyy weeettt.”
……….
Busy day today with lotsa activities and stuff coming up.
Can’t wait to do my “research” when I get back home today.
You know the one about scornful women?
Don’t underestimate how destructive women can get, especially when in the faces of lowlifes in the form of men.
And trust me, all of us have it within us. I am loving the little monster side of me.
Wifey shared this with me, maybe in an attempt to wake a very stoned and sleepy me up.
2 hours per day sleeping pattern is not healthy.
Anyway.
Chinese mistress contest takes tragic turn
BEIJING, China (CNN) — A married Chinese businessman who could no longer afford five mistresses held a competition to decide which one to keep.
But the contest took a fatal turn when one of the women, eliminated for her looks, drove the man and the four other competitors off a cliff, Chinese media reported.
The spurned mistress died and the other passengers were injured, the reports said.
Police initially thought the car had plummeted off a mountain road in eastern China on December 6 by accident. Then they learned of the contest through a letter the dead woman had left behind, the Shanghai Daily newspaper said.
The 29-year-old woman, identified only as Yu, was a waitress when she met the businessman at a restaurant in the coastal city of Qingdao in 2000.
At the time, the businessman, identified only by his last name — Fan — was married and had four other mistresses, according to the Peninsula Metropolis Daily newspaper in Qingdao.
The women knew of one another, but none elected to break up with the man and give up their rent-free apartment and a 5,000 yuan ($730) monthly allowance, the reports said.
When the economy soured, the businessman apparently decided to let go of all but one mistress.
He staged a private talent show in May, without telling the women his intentions. An instructor from a local modeling agency judged the women on the way they looked, how they sang and how much alcohol they could hold, the Shanghai Daily said.
The judge knocked out Yu in the first round of the competition based on her looks. Angry, she decided to exact revenge by telling her lover and the four other women to accompany her on a sightseeing trip before she returned to her home province, the media reports said.
It was during the trip that Yu reportedly drove the car off the cliff.
Fan shut down his company after the crash and paid Yu’s parents 580,000 yuan ($84,744) as compensation for her death.
The four other women left him, as did his wife when she learned of the affairs.
Laughs.
Wifey was saying I sure cannot make it through the drinking round.
In the first place, I think I wouldn’t have made it through the 1st round.
Strangely, I actually thought the guy is one with a wee bit of conscience. I mean, seriously, would you have bothered?
Especially these days, to people, it is all about self-preservation and everyone is willing to sacrifice someone else along the way.
And then I pitied the stupidity of the woman. It is not that I am gloating over someone’s death, but she should have just brought the whole car along with her. It is not worth sacrificing herself. Or she should have made sure the man went down together with her or something. But that he would have gotten away too easily.
And I can’t believe he can juggle so many women and the wife still didn’t know!
Gee! Amazing! This wife needs to be more intuned with her intuition, I say.
***
Oh yesterday in desperation, we kinda invented 2-person mahjong.
And boy, what a night it was, though it was a 3 way mahjong, it was a 4(or 6)-way conversation that dominated the evening.
Quite scary you know? As usual, I was the utter loser. 3-way or 4-way, I have no luck.
Whoever who started the theory unlucky in love lucky in mahjong needs to get her theory proven
And it was the first time I saw wifey so upset, and that she almost cried. I am sorry, yet… you know lah, I am not good with mushy words.
***
You know ah, my words damn jinx one you know? Just when did I mention I needed to cry uncontrollably again?
I wanted to but I didn’t. I wanted to but I couldn’t.
Then! It suddenly hit me out of nowhere can?
Like in the train this morning when… I had wanted to take a cab instead. I should have, cos before the train reached the next stop, I was biting on my lips hard to curb an unfamiliar sense of emotions long… not felt.
Strange.
By the time I sat down in front of my workstation, a colleague spoke to me, and I delayed in reply cos it felt as if the moment I open my mouth, I would just.. break down.
Then the moment she walked away… “it was just emotions taken me over…”
Fuck. Then the sneaky streaks came down. Then ended up I had to tarik somemore after sniffing into the tissue.
A colleague asked me to join her for a break, and before I knew it, I was tearing as I walked out of the office, and I think I traumatised her with the sudden outburst which just couldn’t be stopped.
Gee, I need more time for my 3 events this weekend.
***
I think I should start exercising soon. I think auntiedom had cursed me with saggy flat boobs, cushy tummy, sallow skin. I am no longer 25, I wasn’t born with good looks, and I am a mother of one.
I miss the bodyaches of extreme physical activities that envelopes me when I push my body’s threshold.
I miss that pain.
And the over-exertion had made me feel as if I had ran a few marathons at one go.
I need to train up the strength so I could be stronger, and who knows, one day I might learn how to throw a proper punch. Works well when you meet a pervert or pyscho you know?
And gee, this pain is almost too distant but yet so familiar to be recognised.
Strangely the pain doesn’t come in until couple of days later or something. The nagging pains in the left hand actually feels quite good.
And gee, it is such a hot day out there.
And man, I am becoming incoherant.