I had a dream last night, that was probably triggered by my last memory of reading Eclipse, which is probably the better of the 3 books I have gotten so far.

Anyway.

Without the usual mahjong session on a Friday night, I fell asleep at 10ish, before I could go on further with my reading.

It was 12ish when I woke up today, and I am hoping the good rest would perhaps get me through 2009 with good health.

With my plans to save up this year, I am reluctant to head out anywhere on a Saturday.

***

It was quite a Friday.

I had quite a detailed, yet traumatising medical check up. I could feel myself shivering and tensing up just before my turn.

The doctor was one of the most meticulous I have ever met. Her piercing questions and annoyance at my forgetfulness of bringing my IC kinda pushed my nervousness to a whole new height.

She was sharp when she said “That means you defaulted your follow up?” when I said I last had a pap smear done 5 years ago.

And as most people around me know, I react to hostility the same way it is served. I argued that there was no follow up set up, so it doesn’t mean I defaulted them.

And of course, it was one of the things that scare the shit out of me. Not the process, cos there is no pain. Just plenty of fear. Of what it reminds me of.

I have never met a doctor who is so… particular, yet it brought lotsa peace to me when most of the physical check turned out fine.

Now, it is just the wait for the results.

The last time I did a pap smear, it was a CIN III. Stage 3 precancer.

And somewhat I am in quite a denial over the past 6 years, because what you don’t know, doesn’t hurt.

Still, this time, it is for the insurance policy I wanna get for Minibean, and thus, biting the bullet is absolutely necessary.

I should give myself a pat on the shoulder for not backing out, for I very well would have done so.

And I am quite proud for not bursting out in tears.

Blocking things out of consciousness is something I have well-perfected over the years.

***

I went to a familiar place for a meeting yesterday. An intensive 3+ hour of QBR, which I strangely enjoyed.

I messaged my ex-colleagues only realised the guys I enjoyed either left, or were in KL for product launch.

And I ended up meeting up with Daniel(my designated cough, chauffeur during Toshiba days) to catch up with the goss.

Wah. What a lot of goss it was as we had dinner at the old Ginza plaza, somewhere I hadn’t been to since…. since.. since.. graduation from secondary school, and it was truly nostalgic. And, I bought something for wifey(please collect it from me on our next mahjong orgy).

Wah, really a lot of goss, and I feel ya brudder. Giggles.

Much had happened since 2008. Strangely, I felt my time in my new company is longer than I had stayed in Toshiba, though it isn’t true. But I guess I did “outstay” the estimation of “one, two months only”.

I was thinking to myself, I hope I will be able to change my password more often in my present company(since changing of passwords will signify a 3 month phase). I panicked a little when a colleague told me I don’t have the stamina that they need, and wah lau, knowing how paranoid I am….. Gonna exercise more, pop more vitamins to get there.

Anyway. I even managed to sweep the pack of ang baos from his car hahahahaha.

Eh, come to think of it, I am still eligible to take 2 ang baos for Minibean and myself this year. A privilege leh.

***

As we spoke and catch up, I remember the fact that I still have a dream.

Yet I am scared of realising it, for the fear of failure.

And it isn’t that practical either.

Still, I have a dream.

***

No plans for this weekend except doing some work and a gathering tomorrow evening.

And wanting to see more recent pictures of Minibean?

Stay tuned!