The newly upgraded wordpress is doing much to my li-blog-do. I am churning out one entry after another one, and still feeling that I can churn out more.
So, today, I am going to talk about boys, and how imperfect they are.
Yes, boys, who will never be men.
It is such a serious topic that I should have your full concentration and nothing else.
I mean, have you ladies met someone, and thought he is sooooooo perfect?
Attractively cute, amazing body, awfully sweet, utterly talented, absolutely kind, impossibly intelligent, incredibly witty, deservingly a highflyer, owns a bachelor pad that readily awaits your toiletries in the bathroom, and a spare walk-in wardrobe for all the clothes he would surprise you with?
And the kitchen he cooks for you in.
And oh, who can forget the sleek convertible that would witness countless romantic dates, as he sweeps the hair away from your face, and you think to yourself “What would my previous loser ex think if he sees this?”
But! SERIOUSLY????!!!!
Okay *snaps fingers* back to reality, let’s just say, he is EVERYTHING you ever dream of.
BUT, SURELY, THERE IS SOMETHING IMPERFECT ABOUT HIM RIGHT?
I mean, how could someone have ALL the things going for him? This man couldn’t be of existence, isn’t it?
Then again, I do hear of such men out there.
But then, I think, God is fair.
Say, Scenerio 1. Such a man appeared. And one day, something doesn’t smell right.
It was a stench that could wake you from a coma.
And then you realise, he has the unmistakable Body Ordor you can’t stand.
Or maybe, it was bad breath that doesn’t go away, which makes you queasy everytime you lean in. Then, you learn the perfect skills to hold you breath and kiss(and he often mistaken that breathlessness as passion), and you rinse your mouth 101 times after that, so that your tongue does not get marinated(well, it is psychological, you see).
So one day you decided you decided you risk your life enough with all the breath-holding or an OD of Listerine, and want out.
Scenerio 2.
After the initial few dates over dimly-litted romantic dinner, you see your date for who he is, under pale, fluorescent lights. The potholes on his face is worse than the orange you pelt for lunch.
And then when talking to him, you could look nowhere else but hold your focal point on his badly-mutilated cheeks, and you start scratching your own, oblivious to the frown knitting your brows.
And then you don’t even dare to kiss him goodbye as you are afraid of being infected by the deadly zits.
Scenerio 3.
You guys started getting to know each other from online.
And then when meeting up, you realise…
1) He has a squeaky, high-pitched voice that scares you
2) He is just photogenic.
Either way, you can’t stop shaking from anger. Anger from being cheated. Cheated by misrepresented pictures that crumble your fairytale.
Scenerio 4
He is a closeted psychopath. Well-disguised.
You don’t know he is one, until one day, he stares maniacally into your eyes with ample rage, threatening to throw you off the penthouse suite you share, when you question him for wearing your corset and trying to squeeze into your beloved Manolo Blahniks.
Scenerio 5
You caught him bending over another chap, in absolute ecstasy.
And then, you wonder why you have always been the one doing all the jobs(hand… blow.. ride), and he never responded with such enthusiasm.
Then it hits you. You are the convenient cover-up all along.
Scenerio 6
Well, this is almost the most verified flawed of all.
Imagine when the passion builds up, and the GRAND moment arrives, and you can’t wait to rip him up.
Your hand travels down south.
You try, and you try, and you try.
“Baby, am I not turning you on enough?”
“What? Of course not! Look, I am soooo BIIIG and HARD!!!”
You got a rude shock, and all you want to do at this moment is break down and cry, in absolute despair and disbelief(“WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???? WHY?????????? WHY????!”).
Mr Perfect has a short, small, and limp penis, which serves little else except for his own pleasure. You think to yourself that the penis is just for identification, or solely, decorative purposes.
Though it saves you the jaw ache, you try hard to maintain a sturdy grasp, cos it is so small that you are afraid it might get lost in your palms.
And you don’t even want to venture further than that, because….. you know full well that the inevitable sentence of “Oh, you mean you’re inside already?” will be blurted out unintentionally. That, or a faked session, will be on the books.
And then, you don’t want to submit yourself to a lifetime of bad sex, and you end it for good.
Sometimes, the guys might not even get anything, because, truth is, sometimes, girls are not satisfied with the goods when they test it(you really think girls are so eager to fondle you “down there”?).
So.
Scenerio 7
They are taken. Nuff said.
So.
I am more interested to find out from the guys, than the ladies, which category does you fall into? And ladies, if these scenarios rouse some painful stories for you to share, please do, too.
Tsk tsk.
Someone told me last night that, all I have to do is to go straight to Scenerio 6, and I will be able to eliminate all doubts immediately.
But I am thinking, I have to risk 1 – 7 sans 6, which is in itself, a scary thought. *Shudders*
And where are the perfect men?! Or maybe, life is so unfair to me that I may never get to meet them.
Sigh.
MUAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH
scenario 6. VERY HIGH POSSIBLITY. VERY VERY HIGH POSSIBLITY.
and look, in singapore no. 4 is out la…
as for 5.. i don’t think much length would have been indulged for you to have thought otherwise.
and as for 3.. there’s really nothin much you can do about it right ? I mean squeeky .. as in mickey mouse squeeky meh ??? other then that.. it should be quite mild and tolerable .. no ?
Scenario 2… you would have seen photographs. and i am SURE you’ve seen photographs *cough*
Scenario 1. can be helped. change of soap. visit to dentist… alot alot ..
There’s no such thing as a perfect man. And even if they come close, Scenario 7 always lurks in the back of your head.
Unless of course ur timing with him is immaculate and u just abt caught him as he exits the previous relationship. Then Maybe.. just maybe…
Better then a certain someone someone i know..*cough cough*
” look, i am scenario 7. So do you still wanna be with me ? ”
*cough out blood*
AND…..
I think you think too much.
herein leaving you my fav. quote. from our ever so so sexy William Parrish.
Love is passion, obsession, someone you can’t live without.
If you don’t start with that, what are you going to end up with?
Fall head over heels.
I say find someone you can love like crazy and who’ll love you the same way back.
And how do you find him?
Forget your head and listen to your heart.
I’m not hearing any heart.
Run the risk, if you get hurt, you’ll come back.
Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this.
To make the journey and not fall deeply in love –
well, you haven’t lived a life at all.
You have to try.
Because if you haven’t tried, you haven’t lived.
wah Muthu so profound chudae.
i am a bimbo. i totally do not understand what u were saying.
HaAAAAAaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRR?
AAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH @ #6
Eh please, my number 6 is the one with the most nods of approval and agreement from the ladies one, okay
#1 – bad morning breath. like seriously, dead rat with blue-cheese.
#2 – no zits under teh beard (i think. never checkd). but i hear breads may be worse than zits, becoz at least you can see what you’re kissing.
#3 – do not even have a decent facebook-pic, so screw photogenic (altho for some men, seeing photos can already)
#4 – don’t do well in heels. dun like the shape of my calfs.
#5 – honestly, i think i’d see more action if i weren’t straight.
#6 – *cough* (and i don’t mean the army dude checking your nads before enlistment)
#7 – aren’t they all. “forbidden fruit always tastes the best.”
sorry i couldnt resist completing the list. better find perfection before parentals send details to dating agnecies lor. heh.
good that you’re blogging loads now
“agencies” not “agnecies”. yep. damn spellcheck.
muthu: i think all in all, i fear #6 the most. And now I realise the TRUE reason why I am jaded. HAHAHA It is the greatest evil of all.
Then again, not measuring up is bad? or the lack of skills is bad?
#4 is a metaphorically speaking, hidden streaks of violence, stealing other girls’ panties and serial rapists fall into the category too!
#5 – stillllllll……… metaphorically speaking too! Those who are so cute, so…. right, yet, will never fall for us women.
#2 – Photoshopping baybeh, photoshop! And good lightings can make me look like a hot angel too.
#1 – fair enough, but imagine it’s on the 1st date… turn off already right?!
I never think too much! I am just generalising on the woes of us female species, baybeh!
nd: to be fair, who doesn’t have bad morning breath! hahahah, and i think sneaking clorets under pillows doesn’t quite seem very the romantic..
sending names to dating agencies is no longer in baybeh! meeting up at Hong Lim park is the new trend, hahah.
and before my writing urge goes away(which is not too far from now..), i should just let it all out.
popping clorets into each other’s mouths before a good morning kiss would be romantic, i reckon
… or can share one …
honglimpark? alamak, i is so out-o-date lor .. go honglim celebrate midautumn festival ah? are you gonna get minibean a lantern this year?
write free and be free, let it all hang out, loud and proud! lol
*sticks out pinky*
i supposed that will do heh.
oh about hong lim park… http://sg.news.yahoo.com/cna/20080909/tap-355-80-parents-turn-matchmaking-sess-231650b.html
and i think i am going to get her a lantern this year! cos she can run around with it and look so absolutely adorable
potato: WAHAHAHAHAHA. do u feel anything?
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For me, I’ll fall into #1 and #2 categories. Maybe #6 (haven’t made a comparison) and #10. I offer #12 (fat), #13 (ugly), #14 (lacks etiquette), #15 (mama’s boy), #16 (a pauper), #17 (short), #18 (fair complexion), #19 (stammers) and #20 (low self-esteem).
D W: okay, you do not have BO. And from talking to you, no bad breaths too(trust me, sometimes when my manager speaks to me, i can smell his breath from… 2 metres away!).
and then, you do not have zits. not i can remember. cos i didn’t feel an impulse to scratch my face with my nails.
er… i dun need to know #6 (wahahahaa!)
and u are #10?!?!?! I never knew!
i dun believe in the rest, though #20 is something we have to work on
Haha… I think you must be having a cold during the times we met. As for #10, a health professional confirmed that for me today. ; )
Nevermind. Going by the discussions, I think the possibility of #6 is enough to put … er… the womenfolk off. Ha!