My sleeping hours are damn screwed, due to the constant bouts of insomnia. But then again, it doesn’t quite make sense, cos I was so tired on Wednesday that I fell asleep at 8pm, only to wake up at 12.30am, and not able to sleep till 3am.

At least I got some rest.

Now, I am up to check email, cos I remember in my state of intoxication after, sips of beer AND a shot of B52(I should be proud of myself), I didn’t manage to walk properly, I messaged people on MSN and be a nuisance, BUT I still remember to check my emails.

Like, seriously.

It is raining and thundering out there, and I am glad to be working from home, cos I left my Tare Panda brolly(like, seriously! But it was the only one I could find 2 days ago when it rained heavily in the morning).

But of cos, my mum thinks I either quit or lost my job, cos to her, working from home is like… a fresh concept that she cannot accept. Her sarcasm was blatant when I told her I might drop by to see baby today.

To her, I kinda “degraded” myself when I left my previous company to join my new one, cos she has never heard of it. Just how she sneered when I said I opted for RV, when she had only heard of Nanyang.

Back then, as a freaking 12 year-old looking like this:

She said, “You think I don’t know, you just want to go somewhere with boys.” Until my auntie, who is more savvy with the fucked up thing called “ranking”, told her that RV was ranked higher than NY.

For me, it was simple logic. RV was sooo much nearer, and it had higher ranking. And I didn’t know what shaving my armpits was all about, and I was ashamed of my hairy ones.

Kidding.

So, who knows that her vision is still so narrow after all these years? With her high-horse attitude, she assumes the worst of me, as always.

To her, not keeping to the standard 8.30am – 5.30pm just spells plain laziness and will rouse her suspicion that I was retrenched or something.

And when I didn’t want to react to anything she said(all I said was it wasn’t that way.. but even if I try explaining, she wouldn’t believe me, it left little room for me to want to do that anymore), she just triumphantly assumed she is right.

What kicked off her series of unhappiness and sarcastic vibes was my urge and eagerness to see Minibean.

I miss her like crazy, and I had wanted to see her but my dad is in Sri Lanka. I thought of bringing her out to Singapore, so I could bring her out and spend quality time(there is NO quality time when you have someone keep telling your daughter when you play with her that, “Your mum only knows how to hug you, say kiss kiss, and play with you.. and nothing else.”) with her over the weekend.

And I had wanted to just go in last night, bring her out, and perhaps let her stay over at mine(I changed my mind when there was a dead cockroach lying somewhere where I didn’t dare to blardy remove), while I work from home.

Of course, that roused the naggings and stuff, when I suggested bringing both her and maid in to Singapore as well. It wasn’t much of an hassle to me, as long as I can see Minibean.

So I suggested bringing her out.

And what she said wasn’t pretty. “You going THROW her aside anyway, so bring her out for what.” She sarcastically used the word “THROW’ once too often, and I really didn’t want to argue.

It is ouchie, but what can I do.

Then, I said I will still do so on Thursday night.

She started talking about “What the hell do you need the maid for then? I see her, she sees me? I see her I also cannot stand her…”

“If that is the case, tell you what, we get rid of the maid, I will bring baby back and have other arrangements for her.”

It was then, she softened, when I said it matter-of-factly.

She tried twisting her words, so that it wouldn’t make me do the extreme.

She called again on Wednesday night, said how I don’t know what I doing. Trust me, I do, in fact me and my dad had in-depth discussions about it, cos he himself is so worried about how a lovely, loving baby might become under my mum’s care. He has aged so much and spoke with so much pain in his eyes.

I remember the look he had, etched on his face, as he brought up the topic to me.

My dad, is the one who always buy snacks back for baby when he comes home everyday, much to the chagrin of my mum, and all he asked for, is the cheeky glint and bright smile from Minibean.

To me, I told him I will consider, cos it is not easy for me to make the decision of taking Minibean away from my mum’s care, cos…. I know how painful it can be for my mum.

And, I know the effects it will have on this family.

My dad will no longer return home that early, nor will he be bothered to stay around cos it annoys him and stresses him out to be around my mum.

I, will probably just work, and not want to return home, or to JB, wherever she is.

And back to my decision to want to bring Minibean back, like how I said, she would assume the worst in me, and she will hit where it hurts most.

She called early in the morning before 8(not her usual waking up time) yesterday morning, just to say how I will be stupid to go in to JB when it is not safe, and then when I kept silence and was unmoved, she started going on the offensive.

Well, I don’t really want to go into the details, but well, she just brought up the fact how I got pregnant blarblarblar… and we all know where that was going.

I hung up.

I have been bitching about my frustration cos I just don’t want to act up, the one who suffers, will be dad, maid, and my baby.

And then I was stuck. Bring baby out, the maid might get the blunt of it, and it might kick start a very ugly name-calling thing if I turn up in JB. If I don’t… I don’t know.

And if I come back with her, there is a 2nd part of a problem I don’t really want to face.

Okie.

This is freaky. I sat up in my bed at 6 to reply emails, and shortly after, I get replies. From 3 different persons.

Okay, I think I am with a pool of workaholics.

Me? I just finally slept at 1am, after my mum put me off enough to want to go drinking and have dinner. I don’t remember having dinners for the past week.

Then again, WHEN DO I EVER DRINK?! Like, seriously.

So anyway, after Marinara pizza and chicken wings at Wala Wala, I drank some Corona(I was with embarrassing company, who asked, “What is Corona?”), and a shot of B52.

When I left, it took a 2-second delay before I realised… a cockroach was right next to my feet. -inserts screams and jumps and hops-

And that reminded of me how I scream and yelp when I saw one next to my Xbox at 2am the night before. I sprayed so much insecticide that I think I knocked myself out thereafter.

Climbing staircases proved to be a chore.

The direction idiot nearly drove me to don’t know where when I fell asleep, but I cannot complain cos the cockroach that OD-ed from insecticide was removed.

I fell asleep in some awkward position after I checked my email in my delirious state.

Woke up to 6am.

I read back MSN messages and SMSes, and boy, I was such a crude lady. Wahahahaha.

Cringeworthy!

But oh well, at least I fell asleep.

What greeted me was the pitter-pattering on the window, and a low growl.. which had went on even till now, at 9am.

It is a cosy day in.

***

Everything has been going a-okay, though sometimes the fact that I AM A SLOW-BRAINED BIMBO kinda irks me no end.

I like it here. Dynamic team, and keen teachers who are capable.

Of course I am not saying this because my blog addy is no longer a secret when it was found on my 2nd day of work.

And the funny bit to it?

“Is that your girlfriend?” when he saw picture of me and my wifey Effy.

“Oh.. you didn’t think I am…”

“It’s okay, we are all open people here…”

“No I like ..(the word that came to mind with all these horrible friends of mind, was, kkj, but I held my tongue in time!) men…. you know, men?!”

And when I went into the meeting room, different from my previous workplace, I realised I was the only female there.

Went for work lunches on Wednesday and Thursday, and it was surprising to see so many familiar faces all at once.

And and!

My boss sent out an self-introduction I sent to him, and then he blasted it out to the department.

It pretty much said I was a Manchester United fan and I looking for mahjong kaki(I HAD NO IDEA HE GOING TO SEND IT OUT TO THE MASS, YOU KNOW?!).

And then ah, some Arsenal fan, forwarded it to another staff at 4 storeys beneath me. And she replied me!

Fellow Manchester United and mahjong fan!!!!!

I have a date with her to have lunch next Tuesday. Yay.

And I am on leave, next week.