Archive for September 8th, 2008

Never perfect

The newly upgraded wordpress is doing much to my li-blog-do. I am churning out one entry after another one, and still feeling that I can churn out more.

So, today, I am going to talk about boys, and how imperfect they are.

Yes, boys, who will never be men.

It is such a serious topic that I should have your full concentration and nothing else.

I mean, have you ladies met someone, and thought he is sooooooo perfect?

Attractively cute, amazing body, awfully sweet, utterly talented, absolutely kind, impossibly intelligent, incredibly witty, deservingly a highflyer, owns a bachelor pad that readily awaits your toiletries in the bathroom, and a spare walk-in wardrobe for all the clothes he would surprise you with?

And the kitchen he cooks for you in.

And oh, who can forget the sleek convertible that would witness countless romantic dates, as he sweeps the hair away from your face, and you think to yourself “What would my previous loser ex think if he sees this?”

But! SERIOUSLY????!!!!

Okay *snaps fingers* back to reality, let’s just say, he is EVERYTHING you ever dream of.

BUT, SURELY, THERE IS SOMETHING IMPERFECT ABOUT HIM RIGHT?

I mean, how could someone have ALL the things going for him? This man couldn’t be of existence, isn’t it?

Then again, I do hear of such men out there.

But then, I think, God is fair.

Say, Scenerio 1. Such a man appeared. And one day, something doesn’t smell right.

It was a stench that could wake you from a coma.

And then you realise, he has the unmistakable Body Ordor you can’t stand.

Or maybe, it was bad breath that doesn’t go away, which makes you queasy everytime you lean in. Then, you learn the perfect skills to hold you breath and kiss(and he often mistaken that breathlessness as passion), and you rinse your mouth 101 times after that, so that your tongue does not get marinated(well, it is psychological, you see).

So one day you decided you decided you risk your life enough with all the breath-holding or an OD of Listerine, and want out.

Scenerio 2.

After the initial few dates over dimly-litted romantic dinner, you see your date for who he is, under pale, fluorescent lights. The potholes on his face is worse than the orange you pelt for lunch.

And then when talking to him, you could look nowhere else but hold your focal point on his badly-mutilated cheeks, and you start scratching your own, oblivious to the frown knitting your brows.

And then you don’t even dare to kiss him goodbye as you are afraid of being infected by the deadly zits.

Scenerio 3.

You guys started getting to know each other from online.

And then when meeting up, you realise…

1) He has a squeaky, high-pitched voice that scares you

2) He is just photogenic.

Either way, you can’t stop shaking from anger. Anger from being cheated. Cheated by misrepresented pictures that crumble your fairytale.

Scenerio 4

He is a closeted psychopath. Well-disguised.

You don’t know he is one, until one day, he stares maniacally into your eyes with ample rage, threatening to throw you off the penthouse suite you share, when you question him for wearing your corset and trying to squeeze into your beloved Manolo Blahniks.

Scenerio 5

You caught him bending over another chap, in absolute ecstasy.

And then, you wonder why you have always been the one doing all the jobs(hand… blow.. ride), and he never responded with such enthusiasm.

Then it hits you. You are the convenient cover-up all along.

Scenerio 6

Well, this is almost the most verified flawed of all.

Imagine when the passion builds up, and the GRAND moment arrives, and you can’t wait to rip him up.

Your hand travels down south.

You try, and you try, and you try.

“Baby, am I not turning you on enough?”

“What? Of course not! Look, I am soooo BIIIG and HARD!!!”

You got a rude shock, and all you want to do at this moment is break down and cry, in absolute despair and disbelief(“WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???? WHY?????????? WHY????!”).

Mr Perfect has a short, small, and limp penis, which serves little else except for his own pleasure. You think to yourself that the penis is just for identification, or solely, decorative purposes.

Though it saves you the jaw ache, you try hard to maintain a sturdy grasp, cos it is so small that you are afraid it might get lost in your palms.

And you don’t even want to venture further than that, because….. you know full well that the inevitable sentence of “Oh, you mean you’re inside already?” will be blurted out unintentionally. That, or a faked session, will be on the books.

And then, you don’t want to submit yourself to a lifetime of bad sex, and you end it for good.

Sometimes, the guys might not even get anything, because, truth is, sometimes, girls are not satisfied with the goods when they test it(you really think girls are so eager to fondle you “down there”?).

So.

Scenerio 7

They are taken. Nuff said.

So.

I am more interested to find out from the guys, than the ladies, which category does you fall into? And ladies, if these scenarios rouse some painful stories for you to share, please do, too.

Tsk tsk.

Someone told me last night that, all I have to do is to go straight to Scenerio 6, and I will be able to eliminate all doubts immediately.

But I am thinking, I have to risk 1 – 7 sans 6, which is in itself, a scary thought. *Shudders*

And where are the perfect men?! Or maybe, life is so unfair to me that I may never get to meet them.

Sigh.

The messages and the mole

Got this off Potato’s blog.

I shudder after reading through the awfully long, awfully accurate description.

雙魚的女孩不是傻:
雙魚的女孩不是傻,而是因為心裡明白太聰明太鋒芒畢露只會招來嫉妒,於是就用裝傻,傻得沒心沒肺,來當作心靈的保護罩。因為堅信「真相都是殘酷的,與其太 過明白一切,不如傻傻的來得幸福。」所以雙魚的女孩會巧妙的掩飾自己的智慧。但她們傻笑的同時,卻將你的一舉一動盡收眼底,連你心裡想什麼她都知道,她不 說只是代表沒必要揭你老底,她也不想惹麻煩。這是一種大智若愚。
她對你說出一大堆天真的幻想,只是為了讓你對她沒戒心;她迷迷糊糊,不代表真的不黯世事,而是尋求保護,適當的顯露出柔弱才能激起你的保護欲亞~~~
雙魚座並不真的相信占卜,只是在尋求不到解答時,要找各種途徑去研究策略,她們需要占卜,但並不代表絕對依賴占卜。那只是給自己提示的途徑罷了。
雙魚女對追求她的人,以及身邊出現的異性都保持一種曖昧態度,那只是因為她尚未真正找到值得自己愛的人,但一旦找到真心所愛的人,就沒有人能讓她移情別 戀了——除非出現條件更好、更愛她的人,不排除她會重新考慮,但也不一定就會變心。如果她還沒有愛上誰,那麼所有的異性——只要符合她的標準——都有機 會,但若是她已經有了非常在乎非常認定的人,那麼其他人的追求對她來說都是麻煩,她雖然會保持耐心去應付,但絕對不會給對方機會,甚至把她逼急了還會乾脆 拒絕掉。
別以為雙魚女柔若,其實她很有自己的原則,並且是那種平時可以玩世不恭可以沒心沒肺可以傻氣幼稚,但關鍵時刻卻會是最冷靜最核心的人物。當有人為她撐腰時,她會是最較弱最需要保護的那個,但沒有人撐腰時,她就是做出決斷下達指令的人。
她很會察言觀色,雖然有時她並不會利用這一點去處事,但一切都要看形勢需要。  可以說她的傻氣是裝出來的,可愛卻不一定是裝出來的;柔弱是裝出來的,易被感動卻不是裝出來的;耐心是她很努力去維持的,但並不代表她就容許別人放肆。
她可以最不記仇,但把她逼到忍無可忍不能再忍的時候,你就等著死吧。最好的情況是她警告一次就不會有什麼舉動,最糟糕的情況就是——暗暗的發動你週遭一切可以發動的人對你進行最猛烈的攻擊,讓你瞬間失去一切,還會主動來向她道歉~~並且事後都不會知道你究竟怎麼死的。
所以沒事別去惹雙魚座,不然老天爺都不會放過你,何況她。
雙魚座的雙重性格非常極端,可以最火熱,也可以最冰冷,但平常會呈現出很中間很和藹的性格,可以迷惑你,雖然她們基本上不太會留意到自己的影響力。
很多解析 都 說 雙 魚 多 麼 浪漫多麼不切實際。我要說的是,浪漫是真,不切實際卻不一定。
只 要條件需要她腳踏實地,她就會比任何人都現實,並且還會突然開始制定計劃並且一步步照做。這種轉變是驚人的,原因是她已經找到了認定的目標。雖然計劃總是 在不斷修改,但她下定決心的事她就會瘋狂的做,並且很用心。但有的時候他們並不需要花費很多力氣就可以做得比別人好,但為了向別人表現自己真的很努力,還 要裝出點用功認真的樣子。而真正努力的時候,她們卻會調皮的裝出吊兒郎當的樣子。
他們很會演戲,只是很多時候她們並不是刻意的在演。演只是一種本能。而作用和效果也隨情況轉變。
但有時候她們是故意那樣做的,並且你往往看不出來,還會以為她們是真的傻傻的,真的樂天派,或是真的很脆弱很易被傷害,或是真的那麼膽小。
她們常常讓你產生錯覺,覺得自己最瞭解她們,自己很容易可以控制她們,其實不然,想出一段時間,你就會發現真是大錯特錯。她有太多的面,她的性格時刻在 變,並且是隨著時間地點人物心情來變,甚至傳的一套衣服染的一種發色都能瞬間改變她們的性格,你永遠也看不透看不完。她的想法如此天馬行空,她可以很聽話 很唯命是從,也可以猛然的很個性很堅持己見很**,你永遠也不能真正抓住她的心,永遠也不能真正佔有她。
她不斷的攝取知識並且不停的思考,她留意哪怕一點點小細節。她不在意你的缺點,並且欣賞你的優點。她不一定會說出全部的想法,但當她正經起來,她會說出令你吃驚的準確的話,不過,若她假裝正經的時候除外。
她從不真正單純,覺得她太淺太透明的男人們,那是因為你太沒洞察力也太沒耐心、太膚淺,你沒有足夠的智慧和眼力去讀懂真實的她,所以你也無法掌握她的心。
而 那些以自我為中心、不肯照顧女人的男人,更加沒可能得到雙魚女長久的愛,她就算一開始愛得你死去活來,那也只是她給自己編織的一場夢,她很快就會醒來,會 清醒地從現實的細節裡看穿你,無論你如何掩飾,她很有可能會離開你,別以為她天性喜愛依賴,讓你做主只是因為她怕麻煩,其實她很**,只要需要,她絲毫不 會留戀不值得她愛的人。
所以愛她就要讓自己不膚淺,要學會欣賞她,要去解讀她,也要學會體貼她——她會留意細節,雖然她不一定會抱怨男友的粗心和不解風情,但別以為你的疏忽不被 察覺,那是不可能的。時間久了,次數多了,她也會在沉默中爆發,那時,可別怪她冷酷決絕,只因為你太不懂情趣。
當然,只會說甜言蜜語卻沒行動和付出的男人,她也會離開的。
想要得到她,就展開追求攻勢吧。她不欣賞婆婆媽媽沒膽量的男人。
但是她也不會喜歡被她明確拒絕了多次卻死纏爛打得男人。
她的要求不會很高,只要你長得還對得起觀眾,並且乾淨舒服,有點品位,又有上進心和行動力,有耐心又體貼,不花心,並且很主動又照顧周到,不怕為了浪漫砸時間砸金子(即使你沒錢,也至少要體貼),她就會很快對你動情。
只要你講理,她就不會無理取鬧。但寵她寵過頭了,那就有各種可能性了。
玫瑰鮮花巧克力紀念日絕對不能忘,還要給她生日的驚喜,最好你獻慇勤不用她提醒你,你在她面前會很成熟可*,又能適當的撒撒嬌,又能在同事朋友面前獨當一面,她就會崇拜你,甚至還會用她的方式寵你。
雙魚人為什麼要睡懶覺呢?總結出如下三點:大家看對不對1。真的很困很累,通常會一覺睡到將近中午,沒辦法呀。2。覺得睡著了就可以暫時逃避世俗的某些紛 擾。3。雖然躺在床上,其實很早就醒了,只不過在思考問題,思考了好幾個小時。不起來只是因為這樣想問題更安靜更投入。
雙魚MM真地愛上一個人就會把與對方發的短信和聊天紀錄看上好多好多遍,就是那樣不厭其煩的看,看到都可以背出來,然後傻笑或是生悶氣或是懷疑或是憂愁。 我還會把短信抄到本本上,每天有事沒事拿出來看,就算只是盯著一句話,也能把談話的整個內容都在腦海重重演好多次,然後獨自思考對方說這話的語氣心情以及 正在做什麼。而那些聊天紀錄,也會看到背下來,然後平時罰代的時候大多都是在回想聊天內容了。其實還有一點,就是雙魚GGMM的眼睛周圍都會有一顆褐色的 淚痣

Yes. I am not silly. I don’t act cute also.

And yes, I don’t normally hold grudges, but you push me too much, you don’t even know how you die.

And the last paragraph about chat logs and sms logs and that I record my smses, and the one about a brown mole around the eyes?

Yes, I am guilty as charged.

But like it had said, I am not one who is an obsessive believer of such, thus, as much as it is pretty accurate portrayal… it doesn’t say much, does it?

I know words very small, but that’s why you guys won’t read what!

Purple Hippo Closet

I reached work exceptionally early today.

It was only slightly after 8 when I switched my work station on. However, my mind is still not switched on yet!

I was on MSN till almost 5 yesterday, and Dad had woke me up early so we would beat the morning traffic.

So essentially, I have only 2 hours of sleep before I dragged myself out of bed.

Miraculously, I did so without much struggle, and I was amazed how sober I felt.

Alas, now.. I could feel my life slowly ebbing away… and my world is starting to get a little blurry, my steps getting a little clumsy. All in all, I feel a little high. The boxes at my tables are slowly morphing into inviting pillows.

The reason of all these self-inflicted torture?

My new found love interest that kept me up till the late hours.

What can I say? Online shopping is soooooooo addictive(I hope my vpost package will arrive this week, and I could curb the urge to shop from Bebe.com). I told Lynn I will whore her clothes once I receive some of the stuff I order from her.

So in the mean time, you ladies could check out her spree site!

The Purple Hippo Closet!

And she is so generous with her help, so props to her for being so absolutely fantabulous. Knowing this chick, and working with her for a few times, she is one of the nicest babe around. And we all know how important it is to buy stuff from people you trust, and I can say I found the person! :)

I saw something I liked, and I asked her to help, and she even told me she would help me to find. And the pricing is much lower than some of the spree sites I saw.

Isn’t she absolutely lovely?! Where to find? Where to find?!

I am becoming so girly that I cannot stand myself.

I need to get in touch the masculine side of me again. Hahaha.

***

7 more days. And 14 more days. Every Monday from now on, should not be one that is like today.