It has been an amazing 2007.
It is drawing to a close and I almost don’t want it to end just like that.
I love the end of the year, I always say. It is the cold that bring forth the warmth.
Lonely Christmas, someone told me. Indeed, and I have grown accustomed to it.
And then, there will be new year.
And then, there will be Chinese New Year.
And then, there will be the birthdays.
But wait.. which note does this year end on?
I don’t know. I seem more lost and distant than ever, yet 2007 brings me a good feeling.
Am not sure if my first year of motherhood has anything to do with it.
I still have yet to find the woman nor the confidence within me.
Yet…
Yet…
There were much I came to terms with, and there were much things I have acknowledged within.
Things that were familiar turn out to be unexpectedly foreign, and things that we once assumed so ain’t just so clear anymore.
***
I thought I would learn to love myself more this year, but then I realise as I have less resentment to people around me(despite everything that happened, it conditions me enough to just… zone out), I have only brewed more for myself.
Sometimes, if only I love myself as much as I am fascinated with myself.
***
For a brief moment, we sat and talked as the other 2 were eating.
“I think, despite all that had happened in 2007 to all of us, we can take in comfort that we have been truly happy. We have experienced the happiness we had wanted, however unreal it had turned out to be.” I looked into the far distant, that was no further than the glass window before us. The same spot.
FF nodded.
“The highest of highs, the lowest of lows.”
Indeed.
And it will be just us, and only us, to know, to feel, and to comprehend if all the lows were worth all the highs.
Even the highs might just be a fantasy, a figment of our imagination.
But at least, they brought us happiness, in a way other things never did before.
without an end there may never be a new beginning.
but sometimes you don’t want it to end, becoz you can’t bare a new beginning.
some days i’d like to think when the clock strikes 00:00 on the new year, everything, our lives, our work, our everything = reboots. a fresh start from zero. a blank slate. a brand new beginning. a brand new day. wouldn’t that be great?
True true.
And in the ideal world, i would love to reset everything too.
Because only then, you forget the bad, and not allow it to haunt you. and u get chances.
then again, it would mean the goods will be forgotten too.
Alas, life isn’t a game.
too true. life isn’t a game. life is an *illusion*. we toil, laugh, cry, sing, hate and love, and in the end, we are but dust. and we’d wanna be remembered only for the good memories
i reckon the reboot is given by ourselves (at least for me :p). we give ourselves the chance to start afresh. nothing really can ever be forgotten – the “bad” just needs to be replaced by more “good” memories
just like having a shower at 00:00, to wash the previous year’s bad luck away, and you start your new “day” fresh from 00:01 LOL (yes i know i dun take a second to shower LOL)
living an illusion is an escape (no doubt) becoz reality is too harsh otherwise? but thatz just me muahahahaha
i shall look for someone to shower with me at 0000 . maybe it will work better. cough. hahahaha
illusion. fantasy. i build them a lot too
but of coz it will *cough*
skycastle building is harder than peeps think tho – welcome to the Secret Society of Skycastle-Builders
… a damn loser club man!
eeeEEEEHHHHhhhhh!!!!