Tonight is one of those nights I feel… bouncy, yet has a tinge of moroseness in me.

In a way, I am not shying away from most people as I normally would.

Too many issues have bugged me in recent days, and I have shelved them away so I don’t have come face to face with them.

I finally find a hint of normalcy in these 2 days, and yet when things are getting better, you know you have to exorcise the bad.

I lost quite many friends along the way, and I know many those who I have deemed close, have dwindled to just… acquaintances.

It is painful, I know.

There were some mind-boggling actions from all over, and they are just as overwhelming each time they happened, and you wonder what will be next, and when will it end.

It started as perturbing. It started as puzzling… then when it slowly doesn’t mean anything to you, it became… just nothing.

It became something that just…. happens.

Then it pains you no more.

Faces became clearer in the storm these days.

Barriers became stronger these days.

Trust sliced itself thinner these days.

Friends and foes masked themselves well. The most understanding ones hid in a corner quietly. The most unexpected ones gungho-ly act righteously, and did exactly what they say they wouldn’t.

And then, there were ever the opportunists. Who did what they prove they are capable of, and then all of sudden, you realise, you never thought this person could feel this way about you. Ever.

It is great learning everything from the basics again.

And tonight, it is great not to pretend it.

I am not totally over all these, but I know I am getting better. And I know being open about it, may just give rise to more chances for people to try to think of something next.

But really, don’t bother.

Cos I will learn each time.

I will perhaps wallow, I will perhaps feel tonnes of hurt.

But if you didn’t already realise… everytime, I deal with it by getting myself to rock bottom, and I still stand at wherever I am.

I will get better.

Whilst you may, never do so.

I don’t think I will feel this way ALL the time, but I know I am trying, and I know as long as it is slowly taking charge more than half the time, it is my personal victory.

This blog has all the highs, the lows, the very, very lows.

But as much as I am such an emotional person, and have all these emotions running through that made me an overly “weak” person in your opinion, you forgot that in the wide arrays of emotions, there is also that of strength, and defiance.

I have my disappointments for certain people, particularly so because I had invested that much of emotions in them. Don’t think too far, I am talking about friends here.

Hurt, yes. Disappointment, yes. I would hide them to say I don’t care, I don’t mind, and perhaps throw a nonchalant “oh well” along the way, but then I can hor-nestly say “of course it pricks!” but after letting all those emotions flush out… here I am again.

In 2007, I did see a lot, I did learn a lot. The highest of highs, the lowest of lows.

Even the mahjong sessions are laughter-filled, and an unspoken cosiness, that I am beginning to feel comfortable with(though the girls will feel immersely uncomfortable with my hypnotic chatters).

And what a way to have such a song playing on my mp3 now.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Now that it’s all said and done
I can’t believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down
Like an old abandoned house
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath
I felt as if I was in way to deep
Guess I let you get the best of me

[Chorus]
Well, I never saw it coming
I should have started running
A long, long time ago!
And I never thought I’d doubt you
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know
I’m slowly getting closure
I guess it’s really over
I’m finally gettin’ better
Now I’m picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through
I got over you!

You took a hammer to these walls
Dragged the memories down the hall
Packed your bags, and walked away
There was nothing I could say
And when you slammed the front door shut
A lot of others opened up
So did my eyes, so I could see
That you never were the best for me

[Chorus]

Well, I never saw it coming
I should have started running
A long, long time ago!
And I never thought I’d doubt you
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know
I’m slowly getting closure
I guess it’s really over
I’m finally gettin’ better
Now I’m picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
Well, I’m putting my heart back together
‘Cause I got over you
I got over you
I got over you

And for those who thought this song could only have that narrow a meaning. It does apply to many people in my life, who I wouldn’t say no longer matters… but just, don’t matter as much as they should be, anymore.

I remember those days when I was wary of people, and opening up to that few people. I don’t like meeting new people, and almost socially inept, I know.

And I relied heavily on them.

I don’t think I would be the same again, and I never would trust the way I did again, but I probably deserved it. And I know those who are still around have respected that, which I want to say a big Thank You to.

And as 2007 draws to a close….

… I should be getting to my closure.