Hurhur.

So I apologised for the delay. I didn’t mean to miss the calls, but I have been hiding so much that ringing of phone scares me.

When I checked the time today, it was 2.30pm. No excuses since he said he would come between 2 and 4, and I took for granted how he would mean slightly off 2pm.

Yet, I felt compelled to say that I thought his outburst was uncalled for. So I did.

I think I gave him enough respect to spare some form of civility at the door. I could have reacted defensively like I had to everyone these days, but I was just too maxed out, and I shrunk back into my cowardice.

For whatever pre-existing grudge he had of me, I don’t think he was quite in the position to say anything about me. As if he knows me, or as if he had even attempted to know me.

I thanked him and his very understanding girlfriend, noting that it must be a dread of him to help me out. There was no sarcasm, I do mean what I said.

In fact, I often said I like this cousin of mine, because he seems to be the only one who is true to himself, and the most genuine in my family.

Hurhur.

So eventually, I was told that I shouldn’t say sorry to him. Though he feels sorry for my dad.

I bet he does. For my dad has a daughter like me. Maybe for the fact I don’t have a ‘decent’ job, or that my dad wanted to have the curtains changed, and that I told him that my dad paying for the curtains.

He told me I still young, and that “next time I will know”.

I didn’t feel the need to explain, but stated we all learn as time goes by. Spoken like someone who knows a lot, huh.

My dad pumped money into my business, which I do not spend a single cent of it. I don’t splurge. I have a credit card which I sustain myself(I don’t even touch them except for.. uhm, Mcdee’s delivery). I paid for my own labour fees, and whatever plans I have for her.

Yes, my parents taking care of her for me. Like many working adults out there. I get perks like staying in a house with no mortgage loans. I get perks like occasional pampering when dad offers to pay.

I don’t earn a lot, but I save.

So really, who is he to say?

I didn’t see the need to rebut, because we all knows that perceptions are stubborn like grease stains.

I get used to them.

It kickstarted the day with other problems in hand. My day didn’t seem to have a smooth patch at all, from 9am all the way till.. now.

The height of defensiveness crumbled to helplessness to harshness to a wide arrays of emotions displayed over the entire day.

Don’t even bother to try to poke into my comfort zone just as I find some peace. My fortress will come up pretty swift.

Maybe, to finally find an outlet, and to be totally honest, was the highlight of the night. Somehow I was glad I said what I said. Though I have no idea when it would come bite me in the ass.

Though.. it was back to the hollowness at the end of it, when I just wanna run back to my safe haven to hide.

我也会累的。 不会是产后忧郁症吧？

Hurhur.