I am. I am reading. I read everything you guys said. I am just sorry I didn’t reply to them.

I unwrapped the only bowl of instant noodles, and ripped the seasonings.

Sometimes I wonder if I don’t touch them cos I am always leaving them for another day… as if I am saving them for the day I am ready. Till another day.

And it is strange how I felt a little morose as I finished that last bowl of instant noodles. Chicken Curry flavor, it was.

And then, there was one less trace.

***

Another step to get myself out.

I should be out there having a meeting tomorrow, despite the dread I have.

Maybe for one day, I wouldn’t find the urge to just break down as I go through the normal routine of my life.

Oh wait. I forgot my cousin commented I didn’t have one. Ha.

And yah. What plans?

Oh wait. I forgot someone implied sarcastically about my “big plans”.

***

Had some plans to head out tonight. But I just didn’t think I could find anywhere out there that is “my kind of place”.

Thus, it was back to books and television.

***

How do you tear down barriers?

How do you… be normal again?

How do you.. laugh easy again?

Some people never do.

Ah… A Beautiful Mind is airing on television right now.

Maybe, just maybe, I can find my answers in there.

Excerpts from A Beautiful Mind:

Imagine if you suddenly learned that the people, the places, the moments most important to you were not gone, not dead, but worse, had never been. What kind of hell would that be?