I certainly hope the previous post had not given him some sort of pressure.

***

I feel my esteem slipping out of me. Bringing my sanity along.

Had dinner at Bugis. And Brian got his Citi Clear Card.

We headed separate ways thereafter.

***

I sent out SOS messages when I was on the train back home this evening.

I was on the verge of crying, and was sniffing back really hard.

I heard JD’s voice and my tears just started flowing, in a very packed train, no less.

It has been a long while since I last took a train home. I have relied on cabs for return trips in weeks(props should still be given to 100% train ride rates when I head out).

Bad day to take train.

I was tempted to grab the very bad sudoku player’s laptop(who was sitting next to me), and finish his easy-peasy game for him.

I kept my sanity, and I didn’t.

I managed to wipe away the tears, but the silly mucus just kept betraying me.

I walked a very lonely trip home and felt the dread upon reaching.

I just put down my stuff, jumped out of my jeans and switched on the vacuum cleaner. My mind was virtually blank and I was like a soulless being, doing things I couldn’t quite recall.

Knowing I have issues, and that he has his own to battle, he came over and cruise me around.

We even had really silly and funny ideas, but then just grabbing a drink and sitting there,  giving each other the occasional comforting hug, aimless, was like the most luxurious break we had.

The silly ideas didn’t take flight due to practicality.

We had supper and he sent me home, leaving me alone to battle with my own demons.

We just stayed beneath my building for the longest time.

I didn’t want to cry, but somehow, I think between the emptiness and blankness, I did.

I could only stare into absolute blankness when he held my face and hushed me from my senseless ramblings that brought forth tears.

He stroke my hair, cuddled me close, held my cheeks, pat my shoulders, kissed my lips, pecked my forehead and nothing seemed to work magic.

I sat there on the tarmac.. lifeless, and thinking back, I scare myself too, for that I felt that I was on the brink of hopelessness.
I didn’t ask him to stay, though I very much wanted to.

***

The previous post was written after he had sent me back.

He called, when he got back.

When he called again…

“Ask me what I am doing.”

“Uhm. Okay….”

“Ask me.”

“So well, what you doing?” I whispered inaudibly because simply, I couldn’t find it within me to talk.

“I am changing and heading out.”

“Huh?”

“I will see you in twenty minutes’ time.”

“Oh…”

“You don’t sound too happy I am coming over…”

Not that. I am just afraid you might be tired. I am just afraid you find it an obligation. I am just afraid.

But yes, thank you. Really. I could make do with that bit of comfort.

And now, the 20 minutes is up. I shall end this post abruptly.