Something really strange is happening to my life.Really, really strange.

Right when I just casually mentioned the oddity of it, someone just had to add on to it.

I think there’s a lesson for me to learn with this force that’s pushing me out of my comfort zones, beyond my bounderies.

***

I went blading again last night after a very, very tiring and discouraging week.

It took me quite a bit to overcome the fear of the great falls I had the previous time I bladed. I was so tired that I dozed off on my bed before I was supposed to head out to meet Mindy, Mork, Brian and Roy.

It was a great escape to a lot of things I didn’t want to face.

And gee, I was finally beginning to enjoy blading. Though I must say that it took me a freaking long time before I could gain enough confidence again.

Not forgetting how Roy had to hold my hand all the way as I bladed towards the skate park, and then Brian was the next knight in shining armour to hold my hand all the way back towards McDonanld’s side.

Was able to up my pace and have a feel of what was wrong the previous time round.

I like it when the ground is dry. Hehehe.

And the total number of falls?

One.

And it was a loud bang to a start when I fell as I wore my blades and glided towards the rink.

As usual, I fell hard on my bum despite having spanking new sets of guards on my elbows, wrists and knees.

Roy had gotten them from me after my major falls the last time round.

One of the funnier things I learnt about myself was, I didn’t dare to blade when there was a cockroach around though usually I would quickly run away from it.

Reason being I was afraid I might fall and land on the silly creature.

So I would stand still and just squealed for help.

***

I met up with the guys around 10 plus, spent another half an hour eating, and some more time putting on my blades. I still struggle to figure out how to put on a pair of blades. Like Cinderella you know? I would have the guys trying to help me to pull and tug the belts in.

And I was still telling myself that I should stop torturing my poor feet by squeezing them into tight, tormenting heels. Yet I left them with no space to breathe in the pair of blades.

The went up to a balcony with winding slopes, and I could only watch from below. Before Brian pulled me all the way to the top and left me there for dead.

Okay, not really.

They eventually taught me how to side-walk like a crab to reach ground zero safely.

My fingers were swollen by the time we stopped by Burger King for supper, from the very tight pair of new guards.

I could hardly feel them. Mork and Mindy then had a very good feel of my cushy palm, and they looked seriously traumatised by my meaty, soft palms(Mork: Eeee! Mindy: *speechless with eyes widened*). Maybe because my hands sweat a lot, marinated, you know?

The siblings got so intrigued that they got Roy and Brian to have a feel of my hand to see their reactions.

My palms are like stress balls. Hehehe.

***

We bladed to the skate shop for a break before the 3 of them left, leaving me and Roy behind around 2 plus. I was contemplating to take up Ben’s offer to go for a drink but I didn’t suppose Zouk would allow me in with my shorts and birkies, smelling like heaven too.

We messaged Brian to come down for a serious long talk, and it is interesting how things would go from there.

I am hopeful.

And.. it’s time.

It was 6am when Roy finally left, and Mork dropped Brian and me off at Hotel 81…… to cross the road for breakfast.

It was more discussion there even though I was darn delirious after being awake for like more than 24 hours(with not enough sleep somemore!).

I hopped on a cab and finally headed for home, washed hair, and only slept around 9 plus, 10?

***

Minibean hasn’t been around me for almost a week. Everyday when I call her, Mum would put the phone next to her, and she would respond by kicking and punching into the air excitedly, and she would smile brightly as if she could recognise my voice.

Yesterday, she was crying when I called, and she stopped almost immediately as she heard me.

On Tuesday and Wednesday, I could hear her cooings as she tried to ‘converse’ with me.

And on those 2 days, as I told her I miss her with my baby voice, tears just couldn’t wait to flow.

Like how the girlies and I went for soccer match on Wednesday, the girls were already having tissue in hand when Mum called whilst we were having supper.

I miss her so terribly.

And this week, was a hard one to pass by.

I just feel… lost without her by my side.

I don’t even return to home early, cos there wasn’t dinner waiting for me, nor her gurgles to greet me as I walk through the door with, ‘Hello Baby! Mummy’s home!’.

Lost. Very lost.

***

I am tired of meeting people.

Really. I am either scared of them, or I try my darnest best to pissed them off to stay away from me.

Interestingly, in one of the verbal sparring sessions with my colleague, he casually said about himself, ‘Sometimes it is just a social self to cover up the persona deep within.’

Don’t we all behave that way to?

I try to be the girly bimbo, I try to be the petty one, I try to be the clueless one, I try to be the sensible one.

So much so that when I was quietened down on one of my work days, my colleague who is like a father figure to me commented that I was unusually quiet, and it scares him.

Maybe, I really I don’t have the room to be myself.

More next time.

Don’t know what to write anymore.

Heh.