On a slow-paced Wednesday evening, there was barely anyone I could talk to online.I stared blankly into the monitor, feeling the last ounce of my energy seeping out of me.

Yet again, the tears rammed past the dam, and I broke down.

***

*Blinking MSN window*

‘You okay?’

I just didn’t know how to respond.

I didn’t.

Until a while later, whilst I was still trying to smear the last bit of it with the back of my hand.

Must be you right?

***

It was almost 4am when we both complained of hunger over the phone.

I felt a great urge to head out for supper last night.

I wonder when would be the next time I could just act on the impulse of my hunger, and just head out as and when, regardless the time of the day.

Hmmm…

Eventually, I didn’t. That bugger insisted I head over to his area cos he was lazy. Heartless creeeeeeeeeeeeeep you. Not near okay!

I threatened that I might have contractions anytime to try to convince him to buy supper for me instead, and he just very nicely went ‘I.. er would call ambulance for you.‘

‘You paying for it?’

‘Uhm.. nope.‘

Thanks huh. *Pats SBB on the back*

Nahbeh.

***

Memory failing me.

I thought my appointment was at 7pm, but was shocked to find out it was actually 6pm.

Woops.

And it was storming and thundering when I ventured out of the house.

The rain was so heavy that the pavements were flooded, and I had water to my ankle.

Waited 45 minutes for my turn, and because I have to monitor my fetal movements everyday, Minibean was obviously less active today.

So Dr Chua asked me to have my dinner first, before returning for an hour of heartbeat monitoring.

Minibean’s heartbeat was like ranging between 120-180 and I fell asleep listening to it.

Apparently, Dr Chua needed to check for my uteral contractions through the monitoring and I would be admitted if there was any signs.

So, there wasn’t and that means, I wouldn’t be giving birth within these 2 days.

My next checkup would be on Monday.

And if she’s still feeling cosy inside by Wednesday…. we would discuss the possibility of inducing.

So… scary!!

***

I might be going to Sitex to help my Dad get a digicam.

But the distance and the crowd is scary.

What would you guys recommend? Any good deals at Sitex huh?

***

Oh, I am actually lighter than last week!

61.4kg.

Total weight gain is around 8 or 9kg.

***

I didn’t manage to do any packing today, nor remove any cabinets.

***

By the time I left the clinic, it was already late. 10 plus.

I was exhausted, and was carrying some grocery. I walked quite a distance to the pretty crowded cab stand, where cabs were scarce.

I stood in line, and the thing that really perturbed me for the night happened. I was damn irritated after the entire episode.

2 visually-handicapped men walked down the pavement tapping their canes, with one of them leading the other one.

Perhaps they were aware there was a crowd standing around the cab stand, so they started tapping their canes, and looked pretty helpless.

They started calling out, ‘Hello? Is this the taxi stand?’.

Since I was standing a distance away, I thought those around them would respond to them.

No one blardy bothered to!

Since the one leading the way had a cane in his hand, and the one behind him was holding on to that hand, he standing reaching out his hand into the air.

And you could see the crowd scattered and shrunk their bodies away, and ignored them. You could see them literally springing away from their paths.

The worst is that some of them gave looks of disgust, as if they were diseased, and walked away from them.

And no one even acknowledged their question if it was the cab stand!

I mean, how ridiculous was that?

I walked out of my line, and told them this was the cab stand, and there is a queue, with very few cabs, and they could stand behind me(since those people were just standing around the cab stand, I couldn’t be bothered about them).

He held out his hand, and I guided his arm while the rest of the people at the cab stand gave me weird stares as if I was touching someone dirty.

But because they were visually handicapped, they were actually facing the wrong direction, and not towards the front.

But since the queue wasn’t moving, I didn’t turn them towards the right direction.

After waiting for a while, they asked a question again, and by then, there were already more people queueing behind the pair, who were facing them.

And again, no one bothered to answer them.

So I turned them towards my direction and told them few cabs were stopping and guided them into the queue.

Right then, more cabs came and people were getting on the cabs, and the queue was moving.

And the rest of the people were just giving them weird stares.

Until this nice lady who was with her children, who was then at the start of the queue, suddenly called out to me, and told me to let them have the cab first. There was 4 people behind her, before it would be our turns.

I sent them up the cab, and I could see the impatient looks on those behind because the nice lady had let the 2 men board the cab first.

Duhhhhhh…

What the hell.

Why ah? I cannot understand why Singaporeans can be so ugly sometimes.

And it got on my nerves cos my hormones are making me so…. easily disturbed these days.

***

More things getting on my nerves.

Laughable, laughable things.

Sometimes, don’t you just find it irritatingly funny that some people can be so blind? So deluded? So oblivious to what the truth is?

***

When it stormed today.. I realised I had went for all my scans and checkups by myself throughout all these months, except for that one time when he waited outside the consultation room, whilst I spoke to my gynaecologist about.. well, the decision which I didn’t take.

I saw the silver flash slicing across the sky, and I cringed a little.

Wind was strong.

My feet were soaked.

I am still, afraid of thunders.

I still wanna snuggle under the duvet for that last traces of warmth.