Alone, but not lonely, was today.

I took a stroll, round the neighbourhood, enjoying the feeling of my fringe ruffled by the chilly breeze.

Walk, I did.

It was a strangely nice feeling.

I strolled under the cluttered sky, and the pretty moon looks as if it is concealed by a bed of blackened cotton wool.

I felt as if the entire neighbourhood belongs to no one but me.

It was 2am. I walked out, to have my first bite of the day. Delifrance from the petrol kiosk across the road would be nice, I thought.

The same route, as yesterday, barely 22 hours forth.

Difference is, he wasn’t with me tonight.

I felt no threat walking in the dead of the night, sinfully indulging in the rare peace.

Peace from within, too.

It was as though I could walk on forever, and I took a longer route to the coffeeshop further down the street instead.

I almost skipped my entire way there. Perhaps it should have rained, and I would have danced instead.

But no, I didn’t want to be mistaken to be mentally challenged, nor did I want to scare the few people on the road shitless since I was wearing white, with a head of dishevelled tresses. I curbed the overzealous pace, and sashayed down the street.

***

My body survives on a bodyclock adjusted to a day’s lag.

Time slept on Tuesday(supposed Monday’s night): 1.30pm.
Woke up at 4.30pm.
Went back to sleep again at 5pm.
Finally slept till 7.45pm. Yay.

Strangely though, I wasn’t quite tired that night either. I managed to hold out till Wednesday 1pm.

Woke up at: 5pm, and I couldn’t sleep anymore.

And you would think I was all tired and maxed out for that night.

No, I only fell asleep at 6.30am, and woke up at 7.30am, without a single sleepybug in me.

I stayed awake from 7.30 to 12 noon, before I felt cosy enough to finally drift into deep sleep.

7.30pm, was my definition for morning, today.

It is Friday morning now, and I am operating on Thursday’s mode.

Subconsciously, I am yearning to run away from Singapore.

Since I have no financial ability to get away physically, my mind decided to roam the world on its own.

I was in Europe the week before, and now, my mind has travelled, and settled down in US of A.

No worries, tonight’s girls’ night out would probably get my arse back to Singapore, and tune my clock back to normal.

Whee.

And yes, I shall hope to splash lotsa eye candies’ pictures in this site, in days to come.

I haven’t been quite kind to you guys, visually, with the constant flood of makeupless pictures of mine.

***

I feared for my life on Tuesday night.

Roy wanted to kill me for writing about him, and posting the picture of him in ecstasy.

I think he fear for his butt’s safety.

Brian passed on a threat that I am a bitch for posting his Evian-sucking gay picture, and that I better take down the picture, before he fulfill the same threat he posed to VampTreSS some months ago.

I think he fear for his lips’ safety. Or butt. Wherever.

Kelvin’s devilish stare was sharp enough to slit my throat when I was happily licking the strawberry and cream flavour Chupa Chups.

SBB called up when I was out with the group of guys, and breathed down my neck.

‘You are so dead when I see you‘

Only because I told the whole wide world how he sang Doraemon in a baby voice, and I don’t think it is a good timing for me to say how he launched into ‘Schni Schna Schnappi’ mode ever so naturally these days.

People, again I say, burial, not cremation, please.

If my body could be found, that is.

Tsk. Guys around me are petty creatures. They don’t grow up, do they?

***

Was hungry and bored. Arranged for supper date(*cough*) with Nick since he was still in the office, working late.

Meeting place was Holland Village.

I waited at Buona Vista MRT for Kelvin to arrive in the car with Nick to pick me up, before picking Vamp, who was at the next bus stop.

Dexter came down to join us for a brief while.

Initially, I was really looking forward to supper cos I was really hungry after not really eating for 2 or 3 days, but after downing a cup of iced Milo, my appetite plunged to a nought, and I didn’t place any food orders.

Breko was closed by the time we went over, and Nick then suggest a place of nostalgia to hang out.

King Albert’s Park MacDonald’s.

Kelvin drove the 3 of us down, and offered us some sweets and lollipops on the way there.

Roy was supposed to meet up with us at the place that brought countless memories of my seconday school days.

I chose one lollipop out of the 2 Chupa Chups, and ripped its wrapper apart in my anxious bid to devour my first Chupa Chups in….. 6 years!

I am not quite a fan of lollipop, cos I don’t enjoy sucking that much. On sweets, that is.

I tend to get bored of it after a while, and I often left my lollipops and sweets half eaten, before I would stop sucking them, and discard them away.

The fury on Kelvin’s face was evident. His face scrunched into an obvious child-like disappointment, and scowled in a boy-like manner, ‘You took my strawberry and cream flavour!!!!!‘

Hell hath no fury like an executive man’s chupa chups snatched.

Woops. I should have chosen the strawberry flavoured one. But.. but.. but.. he didn’t state that he wanted it, did he?

When I displayed immense boredom of the shrinking lollipop later on as we settled down for burgers, he threatened that I would better finish the entire lollipop and not dispose of it unfinished.

I sulked, and reluctantly obliged.

My lollipop was then put aside, as I had my first proper meal of the delicious beef rice burger. Imagine my horror, when I finished my burger, a deep, thick growl reminded me to finish the lollipop that was left to stand throughout.

Boohoohoo.

We sat around to hang out, and I have always adored KAP. I told of how I once skipped school, to meet up with Xiuzhao there, cos that was the very day, something not so nice happened.

I still remember what I wore. A striped dress. With my spikey crew cut hairdo. Oh and the Polo Ralph sling bag I was carrying.

I still remember who I bumped into at KAP. This guy, named Zhizai.

I still remember that morning. I was supposed to have a Chinese Literature test AND a Mathematics paper.

I still remember that morning, I was late for school, and I reached school when it was History period.

I had dropped History, and thus, only few classmates who had dropped the same subject, were in the classroom, whilst the others were having classes elsewhere.

I still remember that morning.

I still remember that morning he didn’t send me to school as he always do.

I still remember I didn’t quite sleep that night.

I still remember I was sobbing at the bus stop, holding my Chinese Literature main textbook to my face, as if I was studying it.

It was almost impossible to be reading it, cos my vision was completely blurred.

I can’t remember if I was in glasses or contact lenses though.

I still remember the very very sweet lady, who was at the very same deserted bus stop with me, possibly some neighbour from the same estate.

I still remember it was 7 plus in the morning, with the faint light of day slowly seeping in more and more.

I still remember her, carrying a Louis Vuitton bag, though I have no idea what brands are, back then.

I still remember her digging into her bag for a tissue, and consoled me. She had thought I was under too much stress for a test that day.

Of course, the uniform would be a dead giveaway. Epitome of insane results-driving.

I reached school, telling 2 of my classmates that I don’t think I should be staying.

I went to look for my then Mathematics teacher, and I broke down in front of him, and to him I wouldn’t be able to stay till in the noon for my test.

He was at a loss as he saw me sob, and he told me to return home to rest. He didn’t ask why.

The same basket(ironically, I met many basket teachers, but I didn’t quite lose any respect for him, perhaps because I feel good about him), who resembles a chimpanzee, asked me to stand in class a few days later(it was NPCC day, I remember, and I was in full uniform), to explain for my absence for the Maths test.

In a harsh and reproaching tone, no less. I felt so useless, cos I didn’t manage to tame the tears of betrayal, and I could only manage to utter ‘But… that day… I… told… you personally…‘

Only 2 or 3 classmates(those who had dropped History) had seen me walked out of the class that morning, to head for class 4L(where he was at) to inform him that I couldn’t attend my test.

I looked around helplessly. Words lost me. With my handicap in English back then, I could hardly fend for myself.

I was made to stand up to give an explanation. I couldn’t. I stood there, and the helplessness turned into tears. Blardy wimp, was me.

He then went into full force scolding, and asked me to ‘tell the truth‘.

I didn’t. I couldn’t. I didn’t know how to either.

The betrayal was almost overwhelming. I felt it was total unreasonableness.

I was made to stand throughout, in my uniform, prominently, for the start(2 lessons), till recess.

Yeap. I couldn’t tell him that I was at King Albert’s Park.

I couldn’t tell him that, it was the very morning when they fought and I saw a trail of blood on the floor.

I couldn’t tell him that I was afraid they might kill each other and rushed home to make sure they were still alive.

I couldn’t tell him that it was the day when I got home, I didn’t dare to step in, and had sniffed in hard to make sure there wasn’t any overwhelming stench that would smell like iron.

I couldn’t tell him that it was the day I didn’t see any one of them around, and had panicked. I called Aunt only to know my mum was in hospital.

I couldn’t tell him that it was the day when she did tests for her injury to make a report against him.

I didn’t want to stay home nor head to the hospital, but was greatly relieved.

I called anyone possible on the phone, but everyone was still in school.

Only Xiuzhao, who stopped a year of school to recover from her condition back then.

As much as I was close to her, we never quite discuss intimate issues back then, and I doubt she was aware of the chilling cool and calmness or the occasional over-the-top boisterousness in me that day.

KAP was a place, distant from school. At there, I wouldn’t bump into any faces I didn’t want to see.

It was also the place I holed up at, not wanting to go home.

No, no, no. Don’t start thinking that it is painful for me to write the above.

It’s not.

It is just somehow a place will bring back certain memories, and it just happens to pour forth as I write about KAP.

I realised I didn’t quite write about that part before(or jot down about that day somewhere for reminisce sake in the future. Hurhur.), and it just ran to my fingers, straight from my thoughts, before I even realised how exudative they are.

***

It was also there, where I met a very nice chap named Adrian Goh from Catholic Junior College, whom I had since lost contact.

It left a sweet memory cos I was studying(or trying to look as if I was) there, when he threw a crushed note onto my table.

***

It was also the place, where I had a farewell meet up with my secondary school classmates before I was supposed to fly off to London.

It was also the place, I had a rendevous with my first boyfriend. Muahaha.

(The moment I wrote till here, I got a sudden impulse to dig for the awfulawesome pictures from the past. Cringeworthy, may I add.)

Hold you breath, peepz.

Oh, and I discovered some pictures, which made me laugh, at the coincidence.

Oh no. I laughed so hard that I can’t quite continue with my post.

Sheesh. I found pictures I never thought I have. I found pictures I never should have. I found pictures I wish I have never taken.

And people who left me memories that are fast-fading.

Sad thing is, most of these people, I don’t know them anymore.

GOD.

And I found evidence that prove that I used to have nice pines.

***

I spent an hour trying to use my digital camera to capture some of the pictures, so I could post them up. Ahh.. you have to endure through my recap before you could finally see them. Hurhurhur.

And oh, am gonna post pictures of SBB and me, too.

Um, somewhat, that is.

Wah, this post really value for money.

***

We sat around KAP, and I was meddling with Nick’s palm top, when I decided to message all those on his MSN list who were online.

I saw a nick ‘Reflections’, and click on his window.

To my horror, I saw the below sentence typed in the window: ‘Dexter says Ting reminds him of Christabel.‘

I gave Nick a vicious stare, and…. ROARRRRRRRRRRRR!

He went ‘Oh shit‘ cos he had forgotten to close the window after messaging Roy, who was sitting right next to us, meddling with his laptop.

Apparently, Christabel is branded as the group’s bitch, and I have heard of stories regarding her, and thus, my pretty worked up reaction.

I definitely don’t look like her, cos she is supposed to be really pretty. Apparently she was with 3 different guys of the group before. Dex was one of them.

I saw Dexter online the day after and interrogated him why do I remind him of her, and apparently the way I dress and my mannerisms.

Seriously, that doesn’t go down my throat well, after how everyone in the group seems to dislike her.

Muahahahaha.

It was then when Roy loaded my site, when he threw me a piercing stare, and threatened to take my life.

Right at that moment, SBB called, and threatened my life, too.

Is my life miserable or what? *Sulks*

***

It was 2 plus, when we finally called it a day, and I left for home.

***

Coincidence.

Or something else?

Just couple of weeks ago, we heard about the demise of La Idler.

I was at the Expat magazine event at Thumper, when FF called me to inform me of the bad news.

I got quite a bit of a shock, and whilst we were standing by the entrance, I passed the news onto the girls with me, including VampTreSS.

Inches away from us, stood the pretty Fiza, whom I couldn’t stop gushing in that post, how gorgeous she is. Yeap, the one I was gawking the entire night.

Few days ago, when I was reading Cowboy Caleb’s blog, I saw him referring to a post, written by La Idler’s friend, which included a few pictures of her closest pals.

And then, I saw, her.

Hope she is taking it well.

How strange, is the coincidence.

***

Speaking of coincidence #2…

My first Chupa Chups in 6 years, coincide with a strange incident that very night after I got home from KAP.

I found someone adding me on MSN, and started speaking to the person, to ask of his identity.

He asked if I speak Spanish, and I answered negatively.

So apparently, he is a Spanish.

He asked to see my picture, and I switched my MSN picture to something that shows my face.

I saw his face on the MSN window, but couldn’t quite make out who he is.

His English wasn’t too bad, and is quite good in fact.

I started asking how did he add me and such, and he didn’t quite answer me.

So, his name is Jorge.

Jorge and Ting started chatting.

So, Ting started asking Jorge what does he do.

He is into competitive motorsports apparently.

I asked of his age.

25, was his reply.

Getting really suspicious, I asked if his surname starts with ‘L’.

He laughed, and asked me to try again.

Then again, it couldn’t be the person I have in mind, cos the person I have in mind, is actually, 18.

Eventually, getting really suspicious, and his picture was really a tad too obvious, I declared him a BLUFF.

‘YOU BLUFFED ME!!’ I cried.

He laughed, and admitted to the prank.

How did you get my MSN, I pressed, and I asked of his collarbone injury, and its recovery.

‘You friend of Pablo Nieto?‘

Ah, everything falls into place, and I know why.

Pablo, next time, please pass on my MSN to Valentino or Marco, alright?

And yes, he is the guy with the surname ‘L’. I doubt most people would have heard of him, though.

Cos he is a MotoGP 250cc class rider, and is tipped to be the most likely to take the championship for 2006.

Jorge Lorenzo.

And yes, he is only 18, and Spanish. He looks like some character out of the Harry Potter movie, though.

Great, I joked.

125cc, 250cc, MotoGP class, and I each have a rider from each category on my MSN. An engineer, 2 personal assistances, and the freight team.

I can start fielding my own MotoGP team, if someone willing to be my sponsors. Muahahaha.

And guess what?

If you don’t know who he is, his helmet shall give you a better idea. It is the famous Chupa Chups design.

Like the one beside me in the picture.

Whee, right on the day I ate a Chupa Chups lollipop.

***

Does it consider coincidental that he is just back from a party and is online right now as I am blogging about him?

And -gasp- a party thrown by Real Madrid soccer team.

Pablo was there too.

And, my favourite Roberto was there, too!

AHHH!! I don’t want to go Italy anymore. I want to go Spain instead!

***

SBB called right at 4.30am, when I finished my conversation with Jorge.

The conversation should have finished by 6….

But it went on…

… and on….

… and on….

Uhm, it was 11.30am by the time the very heated phone receiver went back to its cradle for a rest.

7 freaking hours.

That was the reason why I didn’t quite sleep early on Tuesday either.

***

It was… nice.

The call.

I don’t know.

I just the feeling to be able to talk about everything so frankly and in-your-face is liberating and refreshing.

I don’t usually have high opinions of guys who are involved with me.

Why not?

To me, it is directly proportionate to my self worth. I just don’t think of them highly, if they choose to be associated with me.

Does that mean you don’t think highly of me?

Hahahahahahaha. No… but actually… Let’s skip that shall we?

I mean seriously, perhaps I am just around you at the right place, right time, or perhaps because I am not working right now, and you can have abundance of attention from me.

Or perhaps your quality control ain’t that high.

And maybe, I am just a case of ‘whatever‘.

A friend once asked me, if I am just going with the flow, just because I am just a person who will go with the flow, and not say no. Thus, whatever will come my way, I will just go on, following others’ cue, just because others want things their way.

Sometimes at my expense, just because I think that is the best I deserve.

Are you, sweetie? His voice turned sombre.

I giggled. Don’t know, I answered.

He repeated his question, in a rather serious tone, again.

He knows I giggle only when I have troubles confronting the subject.

I don’t want to think about it, cos certain things I don’t really want to dwell too much into. I would rather not know.

No, I think this is a question you ought to ask yourself and think it over. Are you feeling obligated?

I knew what he meant.

He, and I.

Please, please, please, don’t ever feel so. Tell me, if you ever do. I don’t ever want you to feel obligated.

Don’t know, really. Maybe, no. Not yet.

Hurhurhur.

Quoting you, I am not done with you yet, either.

***

How open are you to me?

I don’t know. But, higher than a lot of people. But of course, a lot of things I wouldn’t tell you. Things about you, of course.

Why not?

Simply because humans are naturally sensitive. I just am very afraid you might take things the wrong way, that’s all.

Another reason, is perhaps because, I don’t feel the openness is mutual.

Tsk. Another evasive male species.

Not that I feel that it should be a balanced equation that how open you are, will directly contribute to how open I am.

It is just that, it puts me at a vulnerable position as if I might sink into a mind game I never want to be a part of.

***

I like talking to you.

Hurhurhur.

I know why.

It is only then you feel you are smarter right?

Must need someone of the other end of spectrum to make the contrast obvious, is it?

Hmphf.

Feeling is mutual.

***

The 3-lettered word was a frequent topic too.

Muahahaha.

Shh….

It was more funny than anything else as we laughed.

Something along the line of the skirt, the picture of the skirt and boots, your rules or mine, fantasies and such, enthusiasm and such, laughing and such, kissing of the neck and such, lips and tongue and such.

***

I don’t see why you have a problem with your esteem. The first time I saw you, you didn’t come across as such, until I spoke to you that night on the phone after we met the 2nd time.

Knowing how the discussion of this topic would always steer to the wrong way, I stayed quiet for a while.

My tone was pointed and sharp when I next replied.

I don’t have any reason why I should have a high esteem either.

You are not ugly, you are not stupid either, you have no reason to be.

That’s the precise reason. I want to be pretty. I want to be smart. Not ugly and not stupid is not enough. And yes, I can’t wait to have surgery done. If I can, I would rather use a knife to cut up my face, so that people will pool in money for my surgery.

Please don’t do anything like this to hurt yourself, sweetie.

Cos when you average looking, people will consider you as ugly. When you are not that bright, people will still have room to call you a bimbo.

The topic never cease to make me get all worked up and agitated.

I felt this.. slight drop in the heart, or a very real squeeze to the chest area.

Ouch.

I fought hard for the tears to stay away, with a fury defiance.

He sensed it and tried to steer the topic away, and it was too late.

I was already one emotional wreck.

I didn’t want to head to town anymore. I didn’t feel good enough to be out in town.

I sank into a morbid silence mode.

He sounded really apologetic when he didn’t want to. He apologised.

Don’t cry, sweetie.

Am not, came the crisp and snappy answer.

I am sorry, I just wanted to help you, but I didn’t know it would actually backfire.

You didn’t do anything wrong, and yet had to endure through my sudden swing of mood, that was probably the spoiler of the otherwise pleasant conversation.

***

Though, I have to say, I am really, really sorry.

I know you meant well.

I know you tried to cheer me up at the end of it.

It was more of my fault, than anything else.

The obstinateness has to go, I know.

I am my worst enemy.

***

The feeling left a very bad conclusion to the phone call when he finally had to rest.

He was making a remarkable effort to cheer me up, but my hung-up didn’t respond to any of those well, even though, I very much want to.

I wasn’t angry or anything.

If there was someone I was angry with, it gotta be myself.

I don’t know what was it that did it for me.

I just grew.. afraid.

I was shaking with emotions within, and I crawled into my duvet, defeated, bruised and shattered.

***

I feel the same snappishness whenever a friend brings up a subject with reference to my low self-esteem.

Or attributes anything or something to it.

I can’t remember anything in recent days that can pissed me off as much as that.

It is like a taboo button, and turns me on more quickly than a vibrator.

And it’s an ugly sight I would rather do without.

Cos I simply detest the cold, matter-of-factly tone of voice that comes out naturally as a shield to put the guards up.

And the next time, I would remind myself to put on a mask devoid of emotions and opinions.

Pandora’s box.

I can pretend to be confident, really. If you want me to.

But that doesn’t mean I have to think the way I act.

***

The pig woke up and woke me up together with him when he called.

And he made me become his alarm clock for him(!!) as he went back to nap for a little while more.

%#$!#%!#

And me? My sleep was disturbed and I couldn’t fall back to sleep again.

Grr…

***

Met up with SBB late on Wednesday night.

He was amused with my fluctuating weight, and that I could lose that much in a matter of days.

Water retention, I say.

Must be.

Muahahaha.

So you see, I am not fat. When you see I am a tad fleshier, I am actually having, water-retention.

***

As always, I don’t know why, I elbowed him in the face, AGAIN.

I can’t remember a time he stays over that I don’t hit him in the face or accidentally poke him in the eyes or something.

The evil one had something sly up his sleeves.

I knew it when he cheekily displayed his selfishness, and left me slightly frustrated.

His rules.

Ultimate evilness.

Fortunately, his plans didn’t work out well as planned.

Lalalalalala.

***

We took a walk in the quiet night to the nearby petrol kiosk to get some food.

The night wasn’t as chilly as earlier on, when I walked out to get some food by myself.

It was the same route.

Most of the time, we were fighting to get our hand on the front of the other’s.

Once, at Jurong Point, he came up with the warped theory that, perhaps if a guy’s hand(the wrist), which is holding the girl’s hand, is overlapped on top/the front of the girl’s, it would show his authority, and that he is leading. Otherwise, it would mean he is henpecked.

I rolled my eyes 360 degree at the theory.

Yet, I realise, very naturally, my hand is always overlapped on the top, and I would leave up our hands to show him with a smirk, and he would fight to throw my hand off his, so he could grab my hand in the ‘right’ position.

Duh.

And I had to fight his hand cos he threatened to lift my skirt as we walked past the security guards.

Duh.

Tsk tsk. That’s low, sweets.

***

We playfully skipped around the petrol kiosk as we browsed for stuff to buy.

Planting sudden, mischievous smackers on each other’s cheeks occasionally.

***

Packed a few puffs from Delifrance before we sat by the pool.

The poolside is pretty, I have never realised.

With the sweet lights of Christmas litting the night, and slight swish from the trickling water from the pool.

I exclaimed with delight when I saw the Christmas tree erected there.

You like the blue lights right?

Yeap! How you know?

Cos, without the blue lights, it it just any other Christmas tree what.

Bleah.

I thought I would anticipate some romantic answers or something.

We played with the pussy that followed us as we sat down, and the very kind-hearted SBB fed the kitty with some of his food.

The kitty rejected the very sinful chocolate donut from me though.

The air was still.

It was actually very relaxing and comfortable to just sit beneath the sky, by the poolside.

It has some sort of… hypnotic effects.

***

Reached back to prepare for showers.

However we were held up slightly.

By the time we finally lie down in bed, it was almost 6.

The bickers, the childish fights and tickles ended, as he threw a duvet over me, and I felt the cosiness of my bed enticing me for some good sleep.

I chose my side of bed by sleeping on the pillow on the right, yet stretch my legs across to the left.

And the horrid man had to grab my feet and tickle the hell outta them.

I swear I could have kicked him just to get myself out of the situation.

I suffered a bruised wrist when he was restraining me in some way(no, it wasn’t anything kinky, honest!), and my yelping in pain was the only saving grace.

He released me, and I sulked.

He picked up my left wrist and planted smooches on them.

I took my wrist back, and it still hurt a little. And instinctively, as if learning a cue from him, I picked up wrist and plant a kiss on it with childish glee, and it worked well enough for me to smile.

As I lowered my wrist, he picked it up again, gently this time, and tenderly pressed a lingering touch on it.

So sweet.

***

He gathered me into his warm bosom and I rested snugly on his shoulder.

His cuddle was firm and tight.

Am I still cuddly?

Yeap.

Damn. That means I am not losing enough weight.

***

I thought you are not meeting me today?

Uh huh.

Why sudden change of plans?

Don’t know.

Why don’t know?

Sleep, sweetie.

Don’t want. Whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy? Hahaha.

You want me to tickle you again huh?

No. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

He pounced up and grabbed my feet again as I put up a vehement fight against the evil one.

***

Hmphf. I shall not give in to violence. Why sweetie?

He stayed silent for a while. I pressed again.

Why sweetie?

Nothing.

Where got nothing one? Tell me… Why you so evasive one?

Don’t know.

Hmphf.

I turned away, and he stretched out his arms to grab me by the waist to pull me back close into his embrace.

That feeling was kinda nice.

I turned back and continued the irritating interrogation.

I know! Must be horny right? Muahaha.

Hahaha, ya, ya, ya.

He was laughing as he gave the answer. Still not satisfied, I pressed again.

He refused to give in, and I decided to bring it up myself…

Actually, is it because you felt bad about this morning? You don’t have to, you know? Really.

He didn’t quite answer.

I sprung a kiss on his cheek, Thanks sweetie, I’m sorry about what happened, and thanks for being so sweet, again.

Hmm, really, you don’t have to, just because you feel obliged to, or the guilt in you.

Unless you are saying you ahem, miss me, then it’s a different story. Muahahahaha.

***

I tried to stay awake this time, alright?

And I did manage to stay up longer than the previous time, instead of snoring immediately in his arms.

***

I sat up and took a peek at my phone.

7.30am.

Huh? Only an hour’s of sleep?

He was already awake, too.

The 2 of us felt as if we had slept for 8 hours, without an ounce of tiredness, and were immensely alert.

We checked the other phone to make sure we didn’t get the time wrong.

We ended up bickering and he started to make a grab for my feet again.

Evil.

There was a part he stole my baby pillow, cos he insisted that I didn’t need it since I don’t hug it when he is around.

It was then, when he saw Janise’s MSN window open on my monitor, and he snuck a peek at it.

I panicked and pulled him away from the computer, and tried to cover his eyes.

In my desperate bid, I tore his glasses from his face.

He tried to restrain me again, and I struggled out of his firm grip and managed to press the ESC key.

YAY.

I am smart.

Ting won.

There was this part when the tickling got a bit too much, and we both ended up falling onto the floor.

So silly.

Muahahaha.

The silly boy slammed me back on the bed by force.

This is what bored people do when they couldn’t get back to sleep.

I sat by the side of the bed, breathless(no, no, no, we didn’t have any hanky-panky, alright? Honest!), and I suddenly recall it was the very same position I was sitting and someone snuck in a kiss just because he thinks ‘the lips very inviting’ some few months back.

When the adrenalin died down, it’s trigger-happy time.

Why do I think I am getting too much sun these days huh?

When he was using the computer:

And yeap, that’s the side of the shoulder I always fall asleep on. Muahaha.

I set high contrast and he is still so darn fair.

Freak!

Oh well, yet more pictures of yours truly without makeup, in ghastly shade of pale.

I wonder who is paler though.

Tsk tsk.

It’s his arm in the picture, not mine.

***

There was this part when we were bickering yet again, and he made a comment about me which I couldn’t quite remember what it was.

Which of course, was one of those kiddish bickers, and bantering.

In my feeble attempt to rebutt him, I have no idea where it came from, I actually said, ‘You.. you.. you… Coca Cola calling Pepsi black.’

He looked at me incredulously, and asked, ‘Sweetie, are you hanging out too much with those friends of yours(he read about how lame they were in my blog)?? You are becoming lame, too!‘

He gave a real hearty laugh and went to grab himself a drink in the kitchen.

Grr…

***

By 11.30am, I was getting really comfortable in his arms and was gradually falling asleep.

He left, and I tucked myself snugly under the duvet for a good 7 and half hours of sleep.

He called when he was out for lunch, and I was in a delirious state that I couldn’t quite remember what he said.

Maybe something like he didn’t manage to find the beef rice burger I was talking about.

Hmm.. weird.

I went back to sleep.

***

So, everyone is curious how SBB looks like, no?

Now, I shall present to you… SBB……..

NOT!

Yes. Yes. From the lips, you might have made out that it was indeed, yours truly.

Am I cool, handsome, suave, cute, good looking or what?!

And yes, the secret is thus out.

I had surgery done to remove my little dickie, and I am indeed, borned a male.

Thus, I look like a tranny like someone had said in the tagboard.

Boohoohoo.

Muahahahaha.

But seriously. Gosh, I am such a threat to men if I am born a male!

I even more handsome than SBB, okay?

Leaner, too.

And I was tanned, alright?

And the defiance in my eyes, is evident.

Seriously, of all pictures from the past, I adore the ones of me looking like a boy the best.

I mean, compare to those below, everyone can understand perfectly well, why so.

Hong Kong, with Mum.

This picture is ha-ha-ha funny.

It was when I was 14, taken when I was at the Institute of Mental Health.

Um, no, I wasn’t there for any stay or such.

In fact, I was there with The Professional and another classmate of ours, for a Science project.

It was the reason why I got myself a voice recorder, still working, and sitting somewhere in my room.

I don’t know why, but I laughed at how I stood there, and my face is invisible to all. It looks like I am some kind of patient being interviewed anonymously or something.

O Gosh. Please, please, please, don’t ever put this picture on the front of my hearse. I swear I would spring up from my coffin and tear it up.

New Zealand is beautiful, but can someone just push this freak down the hill or something?

I had to turn my head away, so the little goatie wouldn’t lose its appetite.

And yes, KAP MacDonald’s toilet.

Another memory of KAP, just days before I was supposed to fly off…

With Jiali.

I barely knew her for a couple of months then, but back then, I already knew, I would make her my buddy for the rest of my life.

My classmates from River Valley.

Woops. This is what you get, when you have a bunch of History students. Hurhurhur.

Screwed up brains.

Very screwed up brains, I might add.

I think I am starting to make sense why I wanna return to London. I wanna correct all the fashion booboos I had made in the past.

*Cringe in disgust*

Since I left my trace in Paris, I should go there looking all chic to erase all the shame and embarrassment from years before.

Seems like I had developed the habit of sulking and pouting very far back.

Where are my boobs huh?

One of the most fun things ever during my stay there. A barbeque withmy schoolmates.

The pity is, besides Howe Szuan in the background(2nd from left), I am no longer in contact with anyone of them in the picture, anymore.

I would love to re-establish contact with them, really.

Me and Tiffany in Blue Lagoon restaurant. Disneyland, Paris. And yes, my butch nature was still very much etched in me back then.

Me and my housemate, Evon.

England expects every man to do his duty.

And I have no idea why did we climb up there just to show how Jackie Chan would never choose us to star in his movies.

That is Eugene, someone I had only met once there. Evon and I brought him around, and took some pictures for him.

Since then, we lost contact of him.

No, it is not because I kicked him down Nelson’s column at Trafalgar Square, and that I won him in our Kung-Fu fight.

I remember he stays somewhere in Bukit Batok, and is a real smart guy.

The road was closed.

Silly people.

It snowed, one day, in April.

Me in my night dress, with a thin cardigan. Madness!

My only Caucasian crush, ever. My classmate from Biology class. Austen or something. This picture doesn’t do him justice, really.

International evening, it was. My very nice pal, Mumin, from Sudan.

We had since lost contact too.

He once firelifted me from the field, cos I was trying to tackle him for the ball during a game of soccer. Hahahaha.
My last day in London. I was heading to London to watch Jackie Cheung in concert, and bumped into Mumin and some classmates at the train station.

Knowing it would be the last time I see them.. it was quite emotional.

This shows that you should never get drunk when you are over at Ting’s place.

Shihao and I. I lost contact with him, too!
An acquaintance. My memory of him is fading fast as well.
When I got back from UK, my face was pretty flat, and yikes.

This was during Hwachong prom, which I crashed, without even paying for it(Shh…).

I thought it was cute how I found a few scattered pictures of me and people whom I barely know.

And yes, the last picture of the awfully sweet girl, which you probably would recognise, is now a popular DJ with a local station.

And the quaint thing about the series of picture is… hmm, oh well.

Oh, and the injury to my leg when I got involved in a road accident that left me permanently scarred.

Hurhurhur.

Great.

It’s already 3.

I wonder how am I gonna survive tonight.

And I sincerely wish everyone will sleep well after the gross pictures of my younger days.

It is never my intention to cause such extreme trauma and mental disturbances to you.

Sleep well, all.