Enthusiasm. None.

Program. None.

Cramps? They never returned since the email.

Reluctance to stay home. Aplenty.

Cocco Latte, it shall be.

Booze. Minimal amount. Sips of beer, one big sip of whiskey.

Enough for me to feel light-headed, lose my footings, flushed and sleepy. It takes almost nothing to knock me out.

At least, I don’t feel that heavy weight, dragging me down.

Fags. Made up 2 sticks, at least.

Enough for me to feel light-headed, with the sandy texture irritating my throat.

At least, I could kick-start my respiratory system, and start breathing, again.

Music. Booming, R & B.

Enough for my pounding head to drum to the beats.

At least, it wasn’t the quietness I didn’t want myself to be in.

Dance. Clumsy footings with unsightly bulging tummy.

Enough to cause that thigh muscle to cramp, halfway. Repulsive sight to those around.

At least, I tried to exhaust myself so that the physical fatigue would outweigh the mental one.

Entertainment. What entertainment?

My mind wasn’t there.

Friends. Not much. Perhaps only 2 or 3 of those whom I had really wanted to see.

(Yeah, sod the tummy. And yeah, I know it wasn’t a Deepavali event, but Halloween, but I am too broke to be pumping in money to dress up)

Enough for me to want to be there.

At least, my sanity would be sustained with them around. Somewhat.

Inadequacies. Aplenty.

Enough for me to want to leave before lights came on.

At least, I survived through the night.

Tears. Quite a bit. I did want to tame them. I couldn’t fight them. In the dark, they just…. ran wild.

Enough for a couple to realise I was unwell if they stared hard enough.

At least, I kept a smile on my face throughout. Or at least, a straight face, except for the smudged eye makeup and the glittery tears, which betrayed my emotions.

Supper. Not much appetite. I just needed a drink to quench the thirst.

Enough to make my tummy bulge out. No midriffs in the future, mental note to self. Enough to feel guilt.

Enough to daunt the ego, after bumping into SBB‘s friend there. His jibes are always swift and precise. But, seriously, I know he meant no harm, and actually made me laugh.

At least, banana and cheese prata perked me up. At least, my Bollywood lover stroke my ego by yearning for my attention.

Erm, a tad too much.

At least, VampTreSS and Jeff were concerned. They even told SBB‘s friend to save the jibes till another day. Any day, but today. It wouldn’t make any difference, really.

Money. Dwindling. Running out.

Enough to declare myself a bankrupt.

50 for lunch. 20 for cab fare this noon(cramps). 25 for cab fare this evening. 15 for entrance.

At least, SOME of the above are well-spent.

Cuts. 6.

Enough. Or maybe not.

At least, they made me feel alive, again.

Whee.

Now?

Thunders. Roaring. Increasing. Frequencies and volume.

Enough to make me shiver.

At least…

They make me realise, I still… feel.

Do I?

So cool.

Guess which song is on my MP3 right now? Randomly.

Matchbox Twenty – Unwell
All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on

Feeling like I’m headed for a breakdown
And I don’t know why

But I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell
I know right now you can’t tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see
A different side of me
I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired
I know right now you don’t care
But soon enough you’re gonna think of me
And how I used to be…me

I’m talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they’ve all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I’ve lost my mind

Exactly.

Happy birthday, to a dear friend, who is my dearest friend ever.

Though I am not near you, you know that you will always be on my mind.

8 years. That’s how far we gotten.

I miss you, really.

I had wanted to blog, very, very much.

About inadequacies.

But my biological system is screwing my body so much that I could do nothing much but roll around and writhe in my bed, in much pain.

I found 2 other ways to relieve myself of the bloody cramp, after not able to find ANY painkillers in the house.

It is one of the worst cramps I had in a long, long, long while.

It wasn’t painful, but it seemed to touch some nerves that made my body go weak. Nauseating too.

So bad that, when I was out today, I nearly fainted in Kinokuniya, until I composed myself, and held on to one of the shelves. Breathe, I told myself. And I did.

Finally, my vision gradually restored itself.

So bad that, when I was on the phone with VampTreSS, I was almost moaning into the phone.

It would have been sexy, but then I was in pain, so no, it wasn’t.

I finally conceded that I might not survive without painkillers, and tried to dig around the house for my potential savior.

Drawers, cabinets, my room, no signs.

Kitchen, hall, table, no either.

So, when I was in the hall, the world spinned again.

The pain became sharp and excruciating.

I doubled over and couldn’t walk, whilst VampTreSS was still on hold on the phone in my room.

I made her wait for another 10 minutes before I finally felt the pain go away, and staggered into the room, collapsed onto the bed and told her I was still alive.

That bad.

Shortly after, I ended the call with her.

I finally found the real savior for the day.

The heat pack from OSIM Cat gave to me on my birthday this year.

I had been reluctant to use it cos it looks too pretty in its packaging and I have something about preserving my gifts.

I finally whipped it out of its packaging, clicked the metal piece in it, and it harden instantaneously!

I thought I would have to open the packaging of the waist pouch Cat and Ben got for me, but the heat pack got a tad too hot to handle, and I used it too.

It soothed a little, but it didn’t get better.

Until….

2 things happened. Good news, AND bad news.

Good news.

SBB called.

Aww, and you thought I am going to say something sweet.

Actually, er, I wanted to say how I was rattling to him how I had seen 3 items when I was in town yesterday and today, and how much I wanted to buy them.

Thinking of the 3 items, suddenly, relieved myself of the pain, temporarily.

SBB then told me to take a nap or something, so at least I could sleep the pain away, and feel better when I wakie.

A dose of sugar. Not too bad for the system.

Right after he hung up the call, the thing that really did the trick for the menstrual cramp to go away came in.

Coen emailed me.

A short one.

And you wonder why it is so amazing eh?

That, is the bad news.

I dropped a tear. Just a single drop. Because, I feel judged. Judged by someone whom I thought is nice.

Hurhurhur. *Sardonic laughs*

But well, I am feeling better now, ain’t I?

This week, has been an emotional roller coaster.

I feel too much inadequacies.

A phone call with VampTreSS a while ago, prompted this conclusion from her;

‘Darling, you are spiralling down again. You are falling back into depression.’

Yes, I am.

And I suspect, it is not even hormonal-induced.

I broke down and I sobbed over the phone. For a little while. The longest I allowed myself to indulge in.

‘Sorry that I am not there to give you what you need right now.‘

‘Sex?‘ I mumbled between tears.

We burst into laughters and I stopped those pearlies.

I joked how I should attend tonight’s event at Coco Latte, and I would bring a blade, slash my wrist before the door bitch, so she would let me in without any dressing up required.

Hurhurhur. *Twisted laughs*

I will bounce back.

Take my words.

Give me a year to 2 years.

I will be a stronger, and much more successful person YOU, yes you people out there who see me as nothing but a useless slut, ever think I could be.

*Bows*

*Smirk*

If I haven’t killed myself by then, that is.

Hurhurhurhur.

As usual, I will make good use of a weekend night to stay up for an entry.

I have given up planning for what to write in my entry, cos my thoughts are of the tiniest fragments and I just can’t seem to put them together into something concrete.

Cluttered, unsorted, littered, bits and pieces which I have no idea how to categorise them into proper segments.

Did I mention how I love the last quarter of the year? November and December are my favourite months, and the early, chilling thunderstorms had added October 2005 into my favourite list, as well.

My fear, sometimes, brings me my favourite moments.

***

I spent most of my Friday drifting in and out of consciousness.

I was amused when 4 people asked if I ever sleep when I was still online at 2am.

It’s Friday, darlings! Though a weekday or the weekend would make no difference to me.

If only they knew.

If only they knew how my Friday had been.

It’s strange sometimes how I can cope with my last minuteness.

My social visit pass would expired on the 28th, and since my medical report was out only on the 27th, it gave me just enough time to collect it before I overstay in Singapore without a valid pass.

A 3 hours plus kinkyinteresting phone call with SBB had lustedlasted till 7 plus early Friday morning(tsk tsk tsk!), with the faint morning rays reminding us of our overindulgence.

I had to collect my pass by noon, or else I would take up the status of an illegal immigrant.

I had barely an hour of sleep before Dad called to wake me up, and informed me that he was on his way back to pick me up.

In my daze, I gathered all the necessary documents and stuffs, and left home with barely a sober cell in me.

By 9.45am, we were there at Ministry of Manpower, and the efficiency was a drastic change from the time when the department was still under ICA.

By 9.51am, I submitted my in-principle approval letter and medical report, and it was done.Gone were the days I exhausted 2 hours of wait just to submit my documents.

‘Come back anytime after 1pm,‘ I was told.

If I am still conscious, I thought to myself.

Had breakfast with dad, before he dropped me home slightly before 11am.

Over the meal, dad told me how his friend had called to ask him about his heart attack episode. The topic was then brought on to that very day that nearly costed him his life.

The day when the man who used to carry me, fight with me, piggyback me, go on roller coaster rides with me, and always a picture of strength, left my life for good.

He was my hero, the strongest man I ever knew when he was younger.

A mellowed man took his place since that day, and he became a fragile picture I distanced myself from, for the fear of breaking him.

I managed to stay awake till slightly past noon, before I slipped into an absolute state of comatose.

6.15pm. I sat up from my slumber. Tried to stay up, but an hour and a chapter of my book later, my fatigue got the better of me, and I was tucked deep under my duvets again.

I didn’t wake up until slightly past midnight.

So, in all. 1 + 6 + 5 = 12 hours.

Who says I don’t sleep?

Blog. Blog-reading. Reading. Emailing. Watching Discovery channel. Photo-editing. Video-editing. Brief MSN chatting.

Oh, the time is now 6.10am.

Bye Friday, hello Saturday.

Gee.

***

FEELIN’ THE DREAD – Tuesday, 25th October

It was 5pm when I finally woke up.

No good. No good.

I had a chat with a friend, someone who always seems so fragile to me.

She told me how someone, a friend, had ripped her graphics, and hadn’t asked her permission for it.

In retaliation, she blogged that the friend should have the basic courtesy to give her the credits, and at least, informed her. She wouldn’t even mind sending her if she asked for it.

The friend, got defensive, and then attacked her by writing a spiteful entry, accusing my friend of thinking too highly of herself and even went to the extend of saying how she despises people who go for plastic surgery to make themselves prettier.

My friend, had went for a corrective surgery to improve a condition, which ended up changing her looks drastically cos the condition was more severe than normal cases.

But since her looks has too great a change, everyone had been gossiping and talking about her radical change in outlooks.

To me, she has been a gem, and is pretty in her own rights with her graceful and demure nature when I had known her.

What she lacks, is a solid dose of confidence, which is the reason why she had shunned away from people.

Guarded, she is. But that doesn’t mean she is just being stuck up.

She is a sweetheart. Though I had never met her in person, she had dropped by my workplace in March, to leave a package with my colleagues, cos she knew it was my birthday.

To be frank, I had done the same corrective surgery, like a dozen of my other friends had(some had their problems detected early, and done it when they were in their teens). Just that my problem was a minor one, the shiftings of my teeth was a compromise, and my looks didn’t have much changes like hers, or my cell group mate’s.

Nothing was injected, no silicon was thrown in, nothing was built out of nothing, but just a surgery to fix the jaw in the place it should be.

So I don’t see the name-callings just, simply because someone exposed her of ripping something that didn’t belong to her.

She corrected something that should rightfully belong to her, just that it affected her looks, but what about you?

You stole something that didn’t belong to you, and when people praised you, you didn’t credit her, at all.

You had tried to be close to her, wanting her to be your close friend, falling for pink cos she likes it, and adoring everything that she had fancied. You almost seem like you are eager to take her form.

But when confronted, you turned evil and was sour, and put her down when you know it is where it would hurt most with her dwindling self-confidence.

Why?

Friendship is such a quaint thing, isn’t it?

I went to help out again on Tuesday night, and making my way home alone, was a tiring chore.

I would be within a bunch of teens, who would knock off together with their own pals, and I would stroll along the lonely streets by myself, hardly belonging.

Seriously, that feeling sucks.

Big time.

I can’t describe how glad it was when I finally could flip open my book, standing against the glass panel on the train, getting my mind off into a realm of fiction, without a care for the reality.

11pm, it already was. I heaved a heavy sigh of relief.

And yes, Happy er, 20-something-th birthday, to a beloved gem.

***

LOSIN’ HER VIRGINITY – Wednesday 26th October 2005

I spent most of the night before doing some video editing, but the basket program gave up on me and I was unable to open any of the files on Wednesday.

Demoralised, and greatly disturbed.

Anyway.

A friend, who wants to remain anonymous. Friend J, we shall call her.

Friend J had needed my help with her studies, and overestimating my own abilities, I agreed readily.

I pity her bad choice of teacher. The last time I was in touch with the subject, was 8 freaking years ago.

I spent most of the time trying to refresh my memory, then, figured out the solutions, before I could pass on to her what I had picked up again in that few minutes. The whole session dragged for hours.

It became quite a stressful event for both of us as we hit dead-ends consistently.

I thought I loved Mathematics. I am not so sure anymore.

I hated Physics and English the most in the past. And I am not so sure anymore, too.

It was then when Friend J told me about her new relationship with a much-older man, for almost 3 months.

Somehow, with my sharp sense of intuition, I asked an awkward question, matter-of-factly out of nowhere.

‘Eh, rememeber that time you told me you are still virgin right? So how? What’s the status now?‘

She was rather taken aback with my sudden question, and unexpected, she admitted sheepishly that she had JUST lost her, er, virginity.

*Gasp*

What a timely question. I awe myself with my acute timing.

The stifling evening took a turn.

I thought I was supposed to educate her on Mathematics, but I didn’t expect to be coaching her on sex instead.

She called Janice, and asked if she wanted to join us at my place instead.

Coincidentally, Janice was nearby in Bukit Gombak, and was gamed when I joked we are having a ‘celebration’ for, er, J’s new status.

We ordered McDonald’s for our girls’ night in, and we started updating each other about the newest developments in our lives, and the 2 of them then climbed into my cosy bed, and tucked themselves comfortably under the duvet, as I sat at the foot of the bed, having one of the most hilarious girls’ talks of my life.

In a way, we were still tutoring her. Really.

She was really funny when she shared the encounters of her first time, and she were asking questions, whereas Janice was trying to get me in bed with her.

Questions like: Can I ask a question, don’t laugh at me okay? What is spooning? How do you move when on top? How do you know you are blowing a guy right? How is anal sex like? How to achieve orgasm? How does orgasm feel like?

I feared for my safety with Janice around, cos she looked like she was going to jump me anytime.

And I was supposed to blog an entry on Thursday to ‘declare’ my status to the both of them.

Yes darlings, I am still a virgin. For now. Phew. (private joke)

There was a classic moment when they mentioned something about my bedsheets, and I jokingly replied something that it would be for their own good if they don’t know much, or else they would be scrambling off my bed in less than a millisecond.

They frozed for a moment.

And Janiceone of them suddenly started rolling around my bed and exclaimed, ‘Aye, who cares, yay, I am rolling in SBB’s essence.‘

I widened my eyes in disbelief and Friend Jthe other one was so traumatised that she buried her face into my pillow in shock.

Friend J then suddenly halted the moment and asked, ‘How do girls go on top? I mean, how do you move huh?’

I rolled my eyes and gave an exasperated look, whilst Janice almost gave a ‘tsk!’ with the same look of ‘duh’.

It was almost instantaneous when I saw Janice moved and sat up, whilst I got to my knees at the exact same moment.

I looked at Janice and we both burst into fits of giggles, throwing a hi-five knowing what was going on in our minds.

We had both wanted to do a demostration. And it was more funny than crude, seriously.

Friend J walked away a very knowledgeable lady, though we still couldn’t answer her on how-to-achieve-orgasms.

I can’t describe to her how an orgasm is like in plain terms either.

Seriously, Janice and I don’t have any practical knowledge on sex. We just told her whatever we had read from magazines and internet.

Really.

Really.

Honestly.

*Cough*

Another moment of great-minds-think-alike, was when Janice suddenly threw a look at me, and I knew exactly what she was going to ask next.

Before she could, I gave her an assertive ‘Are you crazy? No!‘.

When Janice had shared with Friend J the juicy piece of information, the 2 of them coerced me into showing them….. something I had wanted to write about.

Okay fine.

Erm.

My dildo. And bullet-vibrator(it sucks, and doesn’t work).

No, I didn’t get them for myself. Gifts. Some sort of a surprise.

And the giver had wanted me to blog about them, and I just haven’t got the courage time to do so.

Next post, alright?

Anyway. The wanted to see it.

I shall not mention the surprise came with a tube of KY.

So I threw the tube at them, for them to pore over, and I whipped out my 6-and-half inches dildo(sounds so.. wrong), and the 3 of us examined it carefully.

They didn’t touch it, of course. Muahahaha.

We were all bewildered, since we never quite know what dildo and bullet-vibrator are like/for.

It was so odd when we started comparing the size of it(since it is modelled and shaped like a real thing) to the men in our lives.

Past or present. Whatever.

And I started to wonder if I had been grossly short(*cough*)-changed in the past(see SBB, I AM nice, for once), or something.

Girls’ nights are fun. I never had such good laughs for a long while.

Friend J was incredibly funny when she said, ‘Eh, stop saying all these things already, wait we have to borrow your dildo.’

*Gasp in utter horror*

‘Go ahead, I don’t think I need it tonight. Meeting SBB later.’ ‘Why the hell did I allow you mad women into my home today?’

They finally left just before midnight, before I launched into my homely mode, and cleared the house of its mess.

SBB dropped by after they left, and we fell asleep around 4am.

It had been a long while since I slept that early.

THAT COLD, COLD NIGHT — THURSDAY, 27th October 2005

Perhaps my body wasn’t quite well-adjusted to the time-change, and I was awoken a few times, mostly due to the soft grunts in his sleep.

It was 11 plus when I finally woke up, and couldn’t go back to sleep, however tired I was.

I ended up disturbing him in his sleep, and he finally relented and woke up at 2 plus.

We dragged the time before we finally got out of bed at 3 plus, heading down to Orchard.

As we made our way out, my phone beeped.

Coen. Since we were on our way, it was quite impossible for me to answer the call.

Went to Lido for lunch, before he sent me to SGH to collect my medical report at late 4, and he parted to run his errands.

I collected my X-ray, and it was when I was there in the hospital, talking to a nurse, when Coen’s number flashed on my screen again.

I didn’t answer again. Oops.

Suddenly, I am tired, and don’t feel like blogging anymore.

I will be too tired to put my eventful Thursday into words. It was a beautiful Thursday.

I shall go and have some sleep before I join Wenmei and the other babes for KTV session later at 2pm.

So tonight, I shall confine myself at home to finish up my recaps for Thursday, with pictures thrown in.

And today’s KTV session too.

Sounds good?

Definitely so, to me. At least wouldn’t bore people out there with the half-heartedness.

Ciao.

I stepped from the litted corridor into the dark, soul-less house.

Damp, drained and tired.

I unbuttoned my jeans, and collapsed onto the floor, exhausted.

What a long night, it had been.

I sat there, unmoved.

Cold, and battered.

It was dark, and lonesome.

***

It was cold, so cold.

There, in the dark corner, 3 of them sat.

She stared at the litted end of the stick, the flickers mocked her.

She turned to the one next to her, and asked for a drag.

He passed it over, and she inhaled, deeply.

Again, and again.

Until she finished it.

Then, she breathed.

It was dark. The only light she saw, was that from the source of the dancing smoke.

So near, yet so far.

***

It was yet, another frightening evening.

The thunders taunted, like they always did.

She jumped, unsettled.

Nerves.

She was out there, in the wild. In the open, yet sheltered.

Yet, it was a quaint sense of fear.

Sheltered, yet felt she was exposed in the open.

It was dark. Out in the open.

Wham. Bam.

The only thing that litted her night, was bringing her fear.

She was alone. In that world of hers.

***

She was cold.

Shivering.

Her palms were icy.

Her feet were wet.

The sharp tickles from the falling raindrops caressed her skin.

She skipped and twirled in the drizzle, humming to the familiar tune of the chirpy song about singing in the rain.

Her pace was unstable, as of her normal clumsy self, and the floor, glazed by pool of puddles, were not making things any easily.

She sang. She skipped. She jumped. She laughed.

It was at the dark alley.

Her face was glittering as she joined the others at the table.

In the darkness, the raindrops decorated her face with sparks and shine, with the help of the dwindling night lights.

***

She sat there, not wanting to move.

Struggled to go through with the showers.

She typed, to him. The man who was once a distant strange. The man who had heard her stories, hearing the neverending tragedy, again.

A fraction of her life.

He ceased to respond. She left the room.

She was cold. Very cold.

With her freshly rinsed her, she sat down, and blasted the hair dryer, in the unlitted hall.

She didn’t bother to on the lights.

The warmth from a gadget, was the only thing that warm her tonight.

Why did she still feel so cold?

In the darkness, she broke down.

Defeated by fatigue.

Tears ran free as she buried her tear-stained face into her icy palms, looking for the last traces of solace.

In the darkness, there was warmth.

No lights.

She still feels cold.

Freezing cold.

The hairdryer howled forcefully.

The only thing that broke the silence of the dark, chilly night.

***

The shrill from the house phone disturbed the darkness.

The room wasn’t litted either.

Her warm mane draped over her shoulders, as she picked up the receiver.

His voice.

How glad. Soothing.

The litted monitor shone.

She couldn’t muster a single word.

Her voice quivering.

It must have been too cold.

Couldn’t be. The air-condition wasn’t switched on, was it?

It was her.

And her cold, cold heart.

The only sparkle in the dark room, was from the last teardrop, still hanging stubbornly, borrowing the monitor’s life for its splendor.

Today had been a rather tedious day.

I didn’t manage to fall asleep till 8am, and by the time I greeted Monday, it was already 4pm.

The sky was overcasted and threatened to pour its bladderful of rain down.

I had to get out of the house at 5 plus, to get to Tanjong Pagar at 6pm.

My Sunday was a mundane one. I stayed home. Watched the lads got into some serious action on the track, and just… read.

I have no idea how my time passed either.

I helped out a friend from 6pm to 10pm today, and I felt pretty miserable about the entire thing.

Problem is, I didn’t know how to say ‘No‘, since it was pretty much true when she brought up the fact that I am pretty much unengaged, and it would be good to pass time.

I realised one very important thing.

You get immensely dissatisfied with your predicament when you are trapped in a situation that shows you how money is never a factor for passion.

It just makes you even more loserish about yourself, that you are doing something you detest lots just because it is an obligation, and you just want to do something to make yourself look useful.

Seriously, to be surrounded by teenagers and to help out for mere 3 hours made me feel more handicapped than before.

I would rather help out VampTreSS as her assistant, free-of-charge and learn the ropes of trade anytime.

But it is also then, did I realise, I would rather do anything else in the world, other than telemarketing.

Oh, did I mention I have a fear for picking up the phone to make a call?

And yes, I have yet to overcome it yet.

Why?

Fear of rejection.

And oh, did I mention telemarketing is all about rejections too?

Nevermind. I shall cheer myself up.

I met up with VampTreSS after I had finished. I walked down the mellowed Shenton Way from Fuji Xerox building down to the MRT station at 10pm, and I was so engaged in my own thoughts that I had not seen a Caucasian lady waiting for cab at the bus stop, and had hailed for one before she did.

I could see her explosive face as the cab passed her, then did I realise what I had done.

No good, no good.

Ting had been a bad girl recently.

Met up with VampTreSS and we went down to Holland Village to chill.

The usual guys-cum-sex talk.

Erm, wait a minute. Guys, and sex talk would seem a better way to put it, eh?

Anyway, we finally left for home at around 1.30am.

Thanks babe, for taking the tension of me. We had a great time doing some filming. Muahahaha.

I have to perk myself up somehow.

This is sounding way too… demoralising.

Anyway… to perk everyone up and not wanting to tinging you guys with my hues of blues, I shall not show a side of me, which people closest to me had been raving about.

And, it has something to do with songs. A song that traumatises my inner group of pals.

Featuring the panda bear, daddy bought for me over his recent trip to China 2 weeks ago.

I came home that day and saw it sitting on the ironing board, and I knew it was for me.

I picked it up maternally, held it preciously in my hands as I migrated it into my room, close to me.

I felt this warm fuzziness within me, and it embodies the love daddy has for me.

I didn’t thank him.

In fact, when he called me up yesterday to join him for some dinner organised by his clan, I turned him down flat cos I had wanted to catch MotoGP.

I resented the thought of going down even more when he told me my half-sister, the eldest one would be there as well.

I doubt I would be welcomed anyway.

I would never how he chucked me aside 4 years ago to sit with them, and I was left alone.

Too awkward for us to be at the same table, you see.

He didn’t know. I was holding back my tears throughout that Chinese New Year reunion dinner, when he took a family photo with her, and my 2nd sister, and their families, without me.

They had their families that night. I didn’t.

Perhaps I never quite healed from it, so I didn’t want to go through that horrid feeling again.

To be denied.

So, I further rejected him when he asked me to join them last night. He sounded annoyed at my stubbornness.

I got more hurt than pissed when he said, ‘Don’t be lazy! Why are you so lazy? Get changed and come down now.‘

Ouch.

Now, this is what he thinks of me. Bravo.

He knows one thing about me. You be tough with me, I will never give in.

The blood of rebels runs deep within me.

‘I.AM.NOT.LAZY.‘

My voice was not raised, but the coldness and strength in my slowed words made him took a step back.

He pleaded.

I felt like giving in, but… the eventual answer was a no.

He hung up the phone, disappointed and slightly pissed.

I am sorry. If only you know.

Ting has been a bad girl.

Another thing?

Was crossing the road from a late night snacks-stocking trip to Esso.

I was crossing the road, on the phone with SBB, when I realised the cashier had charged me 3.50 less.

I was about to venture back into the store, but was feeling more lazy than dishonest. To walk the distance back, or not?

I struggled with the thoughts over what I should do.

‘Oh no, what should I do?‘ I stopped right at the roadside, not knowing what to do.

I didn’t want to be dishonest.

‘If I were you, I would just forget about it,‘ SBB quipped.

‘I don’t know why, but….should I, should I not?‘ the confused one thought out loud.

‘You got a conscience,‘ he said.

‘Really? If I really have conscience, I wouldn’t mind walk the distance back right now, would I?‘ I contested.

‘Go home,‘ he said.

For the first time of my life, when someone had short-charged me, I actually…. cheated, after making sure the workers’ pay would not be docked.

‘Now, I don’t have a conscience,‘ I said, with a tad of guilt, as I continued my walk home.

I still feel that guilt. *bites lower lip and glances at the floor*

Ting has been a bad, bad girl.

Eh? I had thought I would show a different side of me with the clip of the panda bear, and didn’t expect to rattle on this much.

But I supposed these do show a very different side of me.

The disappointing side.

The really awful side.

Anyway.

CLICK HERE TO VIEW THE EXCLUSIVE CLIP OF TING

Or

CLICK HERE IF THE ABOVE DOESN’T WORK FOR YOU

If both don’t work. Er, I will email you if you leave your email address. If not? Shoo, and don’t watch it.

Be warned though.

Not for the faint-hearted.

Take a deep breath.

Are you ready for it?

Hurhurhur *evil laughters*

Isn’t it amazing how music seems to stir us from time to time, or to evoke some darkest memories in the deep recesses of our minds?

This post will be a relatively simple one. Spoken by my words not.

About the songs which haunt me for quite a bit over the week.

For no reason. Perhaps, it was the catchy melody. Maybe, it was just the lyrics that feel close to the heart. Possibly, it makes me giggle as I reminisce the memories they bring fondly. Conceivably, what friends had shared about their innermost feelings through the songs.

Some memories, may just be a simple snippet, and are triggered by the familiar melody or such…

Alas, they could just pinch a little, because, some of these memories, or people, would have already slipped through our fingers, and are things of the past.

Or maybe, I am a thing of their past.

Ah well.

***

It was 26th September 2005.

Grouchy mood. In need of a major dose of affections. Incredibly sulkish.

I strutted towards the door, with my hand ready to depress the handle, ready to hit the showers.

It was moments after an intense session induced by those throes of passion.

The Winamp player aired the song randomly, and filled the dark room with its soothing, and er, romantic(?) tune.

Michael Buble.

Put your head on my shoulder

Put your head on my shoulder
Hold me in your arms, baby
Squeeze me oh so tight
Show me that you love me too

Put your lips next to mine, dear
Won’t you kiss me once, baby
Just a kiss goodnight, may be
You and I will fall in love

Some people say that love’s a game
A game you just can’t win
If there’s a way
I’ll find it someday
And then this fool will rush in

Put your head on my shoulder
Whisper in my ear, baby
Words I want to hear
Tell me, tell me that you love me too.

I felt the smooth, cool skin snaking around my naked midriff, and felt his grip tightening as he embraced me from behind.

‘Put your head on my shoulder…. da da da da da da….‘ I heard him crooned.

You must be thinking how incredible sweet it was right?

Actually, it was more of an act of goofism, when he suddenly propped his head kiddishly on my shoulder, and burst into perils of laughter.

I gave a roll-eyed esxpressions and chuckled too his sudden act of mischief.

As I scrambled into the bed right after coming out of the bathroom, and dive under those duvets, something hit me.

Wait a minute!

Mr SBB hates to sing!

That was the first time he ever sang. *Gasp in horror*

I had tried all ways and means to trick, coo, cheat, coax, lure, entice, pester, plead him to sing in the past, but he had always turned me down flat.

Invitations to the KTV was constantly snubbed, as usual.

Alright, to be fair, he could hold a decent tune, so I have no idea why he is always so sheepish about it.

Despite consistent pleads from me, he refused to sing again, and instead, laughed at his moment of silliness earlier on.

‘Don’t say you never hear me sing before huh!‘

Was that a tinge of shyness in his voice? Hahaha, that boy was incredibly self-conscious when asked to sing.

Darn.

So, this song, makes me laugh.

***

Same night. As we sat in front of the computer, I suddenly thought of the song VampTreSS sent me just a week prior to that night.

‘Sweetie! There’s a song I want you to hear! I didn’t even know such a song exist!‘

I sat him down snugly in the midst of the doughed up bunch of duvet, right in front of the monitor as I searched for the song on my Winamp player.

The moment he caught the lyrics, I dove right away from him, fearful he might launch a vicious vengeance bid at me.

I giggled and laughed cheekily as I did so.

He stared at me, begrudgingly, gave a conceded look, while trying to hide his laughter at the same time.

That basket, he did the downright despicable.

He went for the most sensitive spot on the lower half of my body….

…. My feet!

He grabbed my right foot, fastened it with his grip, and worked those fingers on it.

I can’t stand people tickling my foot! It’s inhumane! Unbearable!

Missy Elliot.

One Minute Man

Ooooooh, I don’t want I don’t need I can’t stand no minute man
I don’t want no minute man
Ooooooh, here’s your chance be a man take my hand understand
I don’t want no minute man

Ohh, ohh, uhh, OOOH
Ohh, ohh..
Ohh, ohh, uhh, OOOH
Ohh, ohh..

Boy I’ma make you love me, make you want me
And I’ma give you some attention, tonight
Now follow my intuitions, what you’re wishin
See I’ma keep you all night, for a long time
Just start countin the ways

[Chorus]
Break me off, show me what you got
Cause I don’t want, no one minute man
Break me off, show me what you got
Cause I don’t want, no one minute man
Break me off, show me what you got
Cause I don’t want, no one minute man
Break me off, show me what you got
Cause I don’t want, no..

Tonight I’ma give it to you, throw it to you
I want you to come prepared, ohhh yeah (oh yes)
Boy it’s been a long time, a crazy long time
And I don’t want no minute man, and that’s real
Give it to me some more

Yeah, uhh, uhh
It’s time to set yo’ clock back bout as long as you can
I stop daylight and Ludacris the maintenance man
Get your oil changed, I check fluids and transmission
You one minute FOOLS, you wonder why y’all missin
On the back of milk cartons and there’s no reward
No regards, close but it’s no cigar
A hard head make a soft ass, but a hard dick make the sex last
I jump in full to make a big splash
Water overflowin, so get your head right
It’s all in yo’ mind punk so keep your head tight
Enough with tips and advice and thangs
I’m big dog, havin women seein stripes and thangs
They go to sleep, start snorin, countin sheep and shit
They so wet, that they body start to leak and shit
Just cause I’m an ALL-nighter, shoot ALL fire
Ludacris, balance and rotate ALL tires

Remember how I used to blog about OMMism?

Having said that, SBB is not OMM B(who mocked OMM A) in question, whom I had blogged about almost 3 months ago.

Really. I don’t lie.

SBB is not OMM B.

I don’t lie. Really.

Okay, fine. Sometimes I do. But not often.

Not this time.

I wonder if you will call those famous last words from me.

***

Rewind the date back to 29th July.

After I lost 2 bucks to Finicky Feline.

After losing 2 bucks to Finicky Feline because of the darn kiss, the basket in SBB made him try his luck again after I dodged away from further smoochie actions.

I pursed my lips tight together, and sulked.

He tried again, and I didn’t return. Well, not used to, you see.

Cut the long story short(and to spare myself the blushes), when I finally succumbed and threw in my tongue for the game of tonsil tennis, I stopped and giggled.

George Michael was on Winamp.

You are far,
When I could have been your star,
You listened to people,
Who scared you to death, and from my heart,
Strange that I was wrong enough,
To think you’d love me too.
I guess you were kissing a fool,
You must have been kissing a fool.

At that time, I pushed myself away from him slightly, and paused.

‘Listen,’ I cued cheekily.

I hummed the final 3 words of the song, and pointed to him.

But I was smart enough to imply that he was the fool, not me. Muahahaha.

This song, reminds me of the day I painfully lost 2 bucks to Finicky Feline.

2 bucks, you know? Can buy a packet of Wanton Mee.

***

When I was studying in UK, one song touched me enough to create a lasting impression.

I suddenly had the urge to listen to it last night, and marvellous Mandrake had sent it to me.

R.E.M.

Everybody hurts

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you’re sure you’ve had enough of this life, well hang on
Don’t let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong. now it’s time to sing along
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you’ve had too much of this life, well hang on

’cause everybody hurts. take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts. don’t throw your hand. oh, no. don’t throw your hand
If you feel like you’re alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you’re on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you’ve had too much of this life to hang on

It accompanied me through the greyish days of gloomy London, and reminded me I am never alone.

Friends, this is for you, too.

***

Another song which brought back the struggling days in UK.

Verve – Bittersweet Symphony

Cos’ it’s a bittersweet symphony this life…
’cause it’s a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ends meet , you’re a slave to the money then you die.
Try to make ends meet
I’ll take you down the only road I’ve ever been down…
You’re a slave to money then you die
You know the one that takes you to the places where all the pain lives , yeah.
I’ll take you down the only road I’ve ever been down

You know the one that takes you to the places
No change, I can change, I can change, I can change,
Where all the veins meet yeah,
But I’m here in my mold , I am here in my mold.

But I’m a million different people from one day to the next…
No change, I can change
I can’t change my mould , no,no,no,no,no,no,no
I can change, I can change
No change, I can change, I can change, I can change,
Well I never pray
But I’m here in my mould , I am here in my mold.
But tonight I’m on my knees yeah
And I’m a million different people from one day to the next
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
I can’t change my mould, no,no,no,no,no,no,no
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now

But the airways are clean and there’s nobody singing to me now
(well have you ever been down? )

(I can change, I can change…)
No change, I can change
I can’t change
(I’ll take you down the only road I’ve ever been down)
I can’t change
(I’ll take you down the only road I’ve ever been down)

(it justs sex and violence melody and silence)
’cause it’s a bittersweet symphony, this life
(been down)
Try to make ends meet
(ever been down)
Try to find some money then you die
(ever been down)
I’ll take you down the only road I’ve ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
Where all the things meet yeah

This song just simply grows on me.

Don’t know why.

The time when I knew it, I never knew its lyrics.

When I finally could grasp what they were, I fell for it even more.

***

This song, reminded me of the desoluted days when I tried to break free from all inhabitations, and make new friends, again.

As I ventured on to a new phase of my life.

Somehow, things didn’t go as expected, and I grew cynical and confused.

Everybody’s Changing – Keane
You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don’t see how you can

You’re aching, you’re breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody’s changing
And I don’t know why

So little time
Try to understand that I’m
Trying to make a move to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody’s changing
And I don’t feel the same

You’re gone from here
And soon you will disappear
Cause everybody’s changing
And I don’t feel right

It was also the reason, why I named my first gallery Everything’s Changing.

Somehow, everything is constantly evolving, and some bring you pleasant surprises you never expect would take place, and some, would bring you utterly shocking disappointments you would never be mentally-prepared for.

Such, is life.

Yet, I never feel right, especially when things changes.

I just wanna shrink back to that little haven, away from everyone.

It’s just me, perhaps.

***

The song that has been eating me up big time in recent days is the song by U2.

No special meaning to it.

It just makes me… melt.

With or Without You
See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you

Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you

With or without you
With or without you

Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I’m waiting for you

With or without you
With or without you
I can’t live
With or without you

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

My hands are tied
My body bruised, she’s got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose

And it reminded me…

***

The wind blew my hair into a mess, yet the tipsy feeling from the effect of alcohol rushing to my head induced the gigglish girlie in me.

I looked up to the unobstructed sky, and felt an utter sense of liberation.

If I could, I would want to stand up from the leather seat for a dance.

The smell of its spanking newness roused some sense of thrill.

From the player within the car, it was a song that mellowed me.

It too, was mellowed by the howling wind.

It always makes the melancholic me, wanting to skip around playfully with a slight hint of positivity, despite being down in the dumps.

It chirps me up in an odd way.

Norah Jones – Feelin’ the same way again
The sun just slipped its note below my door
And I can’t hide beneath my sheets
I’ve read the words before so now I know
The time has come again for me

And I’m feelin’ the same way all over again
Feelin’ the same way all over again
Singin’ the same lines all over again
No matter how much I pretend

Another day that I can’t find my head
My feet don’t look like they’re my own
I’ll try and find the floor below to stand
And I hope I reach it once again

And I’m feelin’ the same way all over again
Feelin’ the same way all over again
Singin’ the same lines all over again
No matter how much I pretend

Yeahhhh, Ohhhh, Yeahhh

So many times I wonder where I’ve gone
And how I found my way back in
I look around awhile for something lost
Maybe I’ll find it in the end

It was the same song, I heard at Swensen’s over supper, with SBB, just a couple of months ago.

***

Like this song, simply because I had felt the way it describes before.

Matchbox Twenty – Unwell
All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on

Feeling like I’m headed for a breakdown
And I don’t know why

But I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell
I know right now you can’t tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see
A different side of me
I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired
I know right now you don’t care
But soon enough you’re gonna think of me
And how I used to be…me

I’m talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they’ve all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I’ve lost my mind

I’ve been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they’ll come to get me
Yeah, they’re taking me away

I was unwell. For a while.

Yeah.

***

And, the contributing factor to the title of this blog.

Fastball – Out of My Mind
Sometimes I feel
Like I am drunk behind the wheel
The wheel of possibility
However it may roll

Give it a spin
See if you can somehow factor in
You know there’s always more than one way
To say exactly what you mean to say

Was I out of my head? Was I out of my mind?
How could I have ever been so blind?
I was waiting for an indication
It was hard to find
Don’t matter what I say, only what I do
I never mean to do bad things to you
So quiet but I finally woke up
If you’re sad then it’s time you spoke up too

Yeap, this is the song, that prompted this blog’s title.

Was I out of my mind? Perhaps so.

Thus, the substance that came straight out of my mind.

***

Just a song with its tune running over and over again, stuck in my head.

Bic Runga – Sway
Don’t stray, don’t ever go away
I should be much too smart for this
You know it gets the better of me
Sometimes, when you and I collide
I fall into an ocean of you, pull me out in time
Don’t let me drown, let me down
I say it’s all because of you

And here I go, losing my control
I’m practising your name so I can say it to your face
It doesn’t seem right, to look you in the eye
Let all the things you mean to me
Come tumbling out my mouth
Indeed it’s time to tell you why
I say it’s infintely true

CHORUS:
Say you’ll stay, don’t come and go
Like you do
Sway my way, yeah I need to know
All about you

And there’s no cure, and no way to be sure
Why everything’s turned inside out
Instilling so much doubt
It makes me so tired – I feel so uninspired
My head is battling with my heart
My logic has been torn apart
And now it all turns sour
Come sweeten every afternoon

It’s all because of you
It’s all because of you

Now it all turns sour, come sweeten every afternoon
It’s time to tell you why, I say it’s infinitely true

***

And, a song reminded me of a friend of the past.

Sometimes, it is weird how things will go, and somehow a friend would slip away through the fingers, just like that.

You don’t know how things evolved to such an extent, and have absolutely no idea if it’s a good idea to establish contact again.

Is that why friends drift away?

Circumstances made it difficult to become friends? Perhaps.

I don’t know.

Suddenly I am at a loss of words, cos I seriously don’t know what to make out of the whole situation.

I am at fault for walking away, as well.

And I am not sure if it is right of me to suddenly mention of this, cos it’s better to leave the dead rested, no?

But I guess it’s pretty safe for me to bring up this again, cos I am pretty sure those people around him, including him, would cease to read this blog.

He’s someone talented, and of extremely good nature. A friend I truly enjoyed being out with.

His friendship was definitely a gift, and he is the sweetest pea around with how he handmade a card for me, and all the nice things he has to say about people around him.

Things were platonic until… until.. I don’t know when, and how, things changed.

I wished they didn’t.

I am bad with situations like these.

As usual, I got freaked out. It got me at a bad time, when I shied away from most people too, and I was aware of the negative effects I had on him.

I admit I didn’t quite handle everything tactfully.

Slowly, we ceased to talk.

I still see the MSN nick online on most days, but somehow, even when I clicked on his nick, I hesitated cos I have no idea how to start a conversation.

Perhaps it has to do with a certain post he wrote, subtlely hinting something about me.

I might have read too much into it, but it was something I felt, was that what he thought of me was misjudgment on his part.

No, he didn’t say so, but, it was… just a feeling. And I decide to leave it as that.

Somehow, it’s odd. I don’t know how to express myself till this part of the entry.

I shall end off, with the file to the final song.

Click here to download.

It’s a song, that reminded me of a sweet friend from recent past.

Bittersweet.

And yes, he wrote, and sang that.

***

So, what is one song you have in mind, that’s haunting you right now?

I wish I can carry on, but the nagging pain on the right side of my head is annoying.

It makes me unable to think straight either.

Somehow, I am reluctant to sleep today.

Wonder if it is those dreams that put me off?

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

I have a very bad habit.

Whenever something happens to me, I tend to shy away, lock myself away in my own world, and possibly not venture out into it again for a while.

Somewhere only I know. Somewhere only I feel safe.

When I was in the depth of my depression, it took me weeks, or months, before I could finally come to terms with the outside world, and step out of that door that holds me in.

It became my own prison.

Which isn’t healthy at all, I know.

That too, applies to my blogging habit as well.

Remember how some saga few months ago made me cut down blogging for quite a while, just because I can’t blog what I really want to, and I cut the more intimate ties of me and the outside world.

I cease writing more about myself, but will write things in vague manner, halting the intimacy I had soaked my blog in.

These days, I still do the very same thing, just that I certainly will bounce back. Stronger, and better.

I hope.

Yeah, sounds a plenty lot like self doubt there, but at least I am trying, no?

The fear subsided. And I realise it doesn’t only apply to this aspect of my life.

I will try to blog. Not sure how it will. But yeah, I will try.

***

I have spent my days reading, reading, and reading. The usual of me to give myself a break from the real world.

It is the same book I had been bringing around everywhere so I could read.

It’s good that I finally could give it my full attention and finish it this morning at 7.15am.

When I am exhausted, I can’t read, and I can’t blog. Somehow, my brain would start to wire up in the strangest ways, and my sentence structures and such wouldn’t come naturally to me anymore.

My speech will slur, and I would end up sounding like a complete idiot.

So, that’s also part of the reason why I hadn’t been blogging, adding to how I can’t really speak my mind for the fear of losing that particular friendship.

That friendship which causes me to doubt, to ponder, to evaluate. In horror, no less.

Why am I still hanging on? Stupidly naive, were SBB‘s exact words.

Am I?

He said it is a betrayal of trust. Most people would categorise it as such as well. Then again, that friend didn’t verbally lie to me, did she?

Yes yes, blardy hell. I am in denial yet again.

Not really. There was more disappointment than anger on Tuesday night.

But when I woke up on Wednesday(19th Oct) I couldn’t remember what was that feeling like anymore, though it had caused the erratic sleeping pattern, and the only clue that something had happened was the heaviness within that greeted me every single morning since it happened.

Yeah, I don’t wake up on mornings I know, but just a figure of speech, alright?

In fact, I think I mentally block out the whole incident. I have a problem recalling what I did on Wednesday.

Ah okay. It is slowly coming back. After I blogged about ‘friends’, I didn’t fall asleep till 12 noon.

It kept me up thinking.

I did try to sleep at 9 plus after a short phone call with Wenmei, who tenderly checked if I was okay after she had read the post, but was woken up by a series of phone calls, messages, some of which I remembered, some of which I don’t.

It was only half an hour of sleep, but I felt an awful weird feeling I had felt in the past.

The slight struggle in the sleep, as if I was oppressed. It was mild. There was a mix of reality and state of unconsciousness, as I gasped for air.

But the feeling was oh-so familiar. I hadn’t had it since my baptism last 8 August.

I jolted awake, but was not panicking. Perhaps due to the fact that I had woken up with ease, without much struggle.

Like it had been a bad dream. Only that the dream was all but darkness.

Just then, SBB called.

What great timing.

It was an odd feeling but not strong.

Maybe I lacked rest, that’s all. Perhaps, it was bad sleeping posture. I tend to not sleep well when I face the ceiling.

I felt slightly better but didn’t feel good enough to head back to bed.

Yvonne called to arrange for a meetup thereafter, and I got in touch with Wenmei, asking if she would love to come along.

She agreed.

After everything was settled, I headed back to bed.

Oh, I think I had a short chat over MSN with VampTreSS till 12.30pm, when I finally could take it no more.

When I finally woke up again, it was 5.30pm.

Apparently, I could sleep no more after 4 hours, though I had forced myself to indulge in more sleep.

I haven’t had any good rest for the entire week.

Received an email from someone who had been avoiding me for days. A misunderstanding had caused her to think that I was talking about her in the previous post.

Silly moose!!!

And she kept apologising over the mail for some boo-boo she made.

Don’t hide things from me again, darling. Things could have been remedied much more promptly that way.

And, I explained to her, I wasn’t talking about her, but was looking for her so I could talk about what was bothering me.

It was 8.30pm when Denise and beau reached to pick me up for a game of Mahjong at her beau’s place.

Was terribly hungry and was feeling weak. In a semi-daze from the sleep deprivation.

The McDonald’s dinner we ordered reached only 2 hours later, and our food was all soggy and cold. My cravings for hot, crispy fries died immediately.

We didn’t lodge any complaints. But it made Alvin determine enough never to dial for them again.

Tsk tsk. The golden arch should be doing something about their efficiency. My first order from them was also an unpleasant one, but subsequently, there was huge improvement. Just that sadly, not everyone is into giving chances, especially when it comes to business.

I lost 40 bucks over the game. Ouch.

***

Reached home around 12.45am, and a message that came through later that night, made me ponder.

It was sweet. And of course, with that sentence, always comes a standard ‘but…’.

***

Despite the debt I owed my body for the lack of sleep, I didn’t manage to fall asleep till 5 plus in the morning.

I woke up at 7.30am. My Thursday, 20th Oct, started.

Tossed and turned. I cursed silently.

I woke up again at 8.30am. Had troubles falling asleep again. But I did.

Woke up again at 10am.

Argh.

Before I could finally feel the fatigue overwhelming me.

It was 11.30am when I was woken up by the shrill of the house phone. Bleah! Just when I was finally able to sleep well. I spoke gibberish to him and he released me back to my slumberland, said I would be up at 12.30pm instead.

The very sweet one didn’t call at 12.30pm, cos he thought I would still be sleeping.

‘Morning sweetie, didn’t want to wake you up. You should be getting more rest..‘

*Ting cues dramatic ‘Awww….’*

Anyway.

Got up and dressed up to meet Wenmei and Yvonne at Funan IT Mall’s Swensen’s at 2pm.

Though I had gotten there on time, I scooted round and round the entire mall to realise I was lost.

Bleah.

Yvonne was incredibly sweet, though the 2 of them did the usual ‘Please don’t do the strawberry milk thing on me!‘ like any other people I hang out with these days.

When I had wanted an ice-cream blended, I asked for alternatives when I was informed it contains caffeine.

‘Strawberry milkshake for you, ma’am?‘ the waitress suggested.

She looked on inquisitely when the 3 of us burst into laughters, and I went with her suggestion in between giggles.

We went on with the interview.

I had a whale of a time with the 2 ladies, and Yvonne picked the tab for lunch though she really didn’t have to.

It’s nice when you meet such nice people, cos they drive away the dark, grim impressions of general people after being bitten once.

It also brews that warm and fuzzy feeling when you finally meet up with friends of the old days and catch up over lunch.

Bade them goodbye as Wenmei went back to her work, while I ran some errands around City Hall area, before I found myself a nice window seat at Olio Dome at UOB centre, sipping tea, reading my book.

And.. err, dropping banana cake’s crumbs all over the table.

Did I mention how I adore the tensed atmosphere in the financial hub of Singapore? Looking on to the busy paces, hurried steps, pensive faces, as I slowed my strides, as if I was with them, but not of them.

I could just sit there alone for the entire evening, and not feeling bored.

Messaged a whole lot of people to meet up for coffee, and the ones who eventually made it were Nick and Kelvin, who both work in town area.

Met up with Nick and went down to Far East Square, where we had Ramen, and Kelvin joined us shortly after.

Had teh tarik, and the 2 of them were pretty tired and we ended the meetup around 8.30pm.

As usual, the topic of strawberry milkshake had not met its due date yet.

Parted at the MRT station and I made my way to Holland Village by train. After I had last jogged to Holland Village, I know my way to Holland Village from the station by foot!

***

As I strutted into the dimmed Wala Wala, with the energetic burst of music filling the room, I did a quick scan and didn’t see them.

Darn, how was I supposed to find them in such a crowd.

Out from the ladies, sashayed out a pretty figure, as she flashed me a mesmerising smile.

Ah, great. Search no further, I thought.

She led me to the table, already circled by 4 others.

The guy across the table caught my eyes. My alertness sharpened.

I leaned towards Finicky Feline who was already there, pointed to the lad in white shirt, ‘Who’s that guy?‘.

Tetanus and Wallflower‘s friend, was the patronising answer given.

My intuition told me something wasn’t right.

‘Hi, I am XXX,‘ he stretched his arm out across the table.

Ah. It was really him.

I gave a wry smile, and suddenly felt a tinge of social jitters.

I am not good with people, remember?

***

I took the seat next to him and asked if he was okay.

He thought someone had let the cat out of the bag, and asked around the table who had betrayed his identity.

I looked on to him with immense bewilderness, and said, ‘You introduced yourself as XXX what!‘.

I had knew his real name, and his self-introduction confirmed my suspicion.

Think I bimbo is it?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

After 96 emails exchanged, I finally met Mr Paddington.

Just after I had briefly mentioned him in a recent post.

Somehow, his Austin Powers-like accent was interesting. Muahaha.

And yes, it was indeed a pleasure to finally meet you.

The night went on with the band blasting in the background, and I enjoyed the company of them, learning German vulgarities along the way from the German at the table.

Great, now I will know if anyone swear at me in European languages(or make suggestive statements -chuckles-).

They were such great company that I almost didn’t want to leave.

Alas, I had to leave early cos dad picked me up to endorse my passport, which I hope is the last time till I pick up my employment pass.

***

Got home around 1am.

I was supposed to turn in early. I should be.

I certainly didn’t expect it to drag on till 4.30am before I could finally doze off.

My body clock is badly screwed.

Yeap it is.

It was 9 am when dad called back to tell me he was on his way to pick me up, and I groggily woke up from my deep slumber.

Friday, the 21st, started with an early note.

The sight of my puffy eyes in the mirror made me silently curse that I should have retired earlier the night before.

I was in a state of daze when I sashayed down the main entrance of Singapore General Hospital, with my hardly-used(and badly scratched) Gucci shades shielding my painful eyes from the piercing rays.

Sheesh. When I had ventured out that morning, it was almost chilly! Never did I expect the weather to take such a drastic turn, and was baking me alive with its heat.

I was there for an AIDS test.

*Gasp gasp gasp*

Er….. well, it has some truth in it, alright?

To collect my employment pass, I have to do a thorough body checkup with blood test and chest X-ray.

The first was blood test, and I had almost whipped out my camera to take the needle that poked me, and it was strangely painless.

I was yelping out in pain when I had to tear out the silly plaster though.

It was, in my opinion, worse than brazilian waxing.

It was as if the whole world was at SGH yesterday.

SBB came down to keep my company, and I had initially thought of going to another block to look for a friend.

Then, VampTreSS called later in the day to ask if I would want to meet up for tea, and told me that she was with a friend near SGH.

Everything was done promptly and I finished everything by lunch time.

Finally got home at around 4.30pm, and I was locked out of the house when I realised I hadn’t brought my key out with me since dad was the one who locked the door earlier.

Sheesh.

I took a 10 minute nap at the staircase landing, and dad got back half an hour later. I heaved a sigh of relief when I could finally hit the showers, sticky and all sweaty.

The weather was hell yesterday.

EEEEEK.

And it didn’t help I was in a long-sleeved top over a camisole.

I dove straight into the bosom of my beloved duvet and read.

I couldn’t seem to understand anything out of it cos my brain wasn’t functioning. I slurred on the phone when SBB called at around 6 cos I couldn’t coordinate my speech. My body refused to move except for its fingers that ran wildly across the keyboard.

I complained how my body had stopped all its functions and that it had shut down.

Except for my hormones.

Muahahahaha.

It was early 8pm when I could no longer stand it, and succumbed to a 3-hour nap.

All recharged and well enough to be blogging, but somehow, I didn’t.

I am not sure if the sudden change of weather out there, with the rambling sky, was a factor for that.

I had wanted to draft an entry at 1am, but had dragged on with all the emailings, and reading.

I finally finished the last 3rd of the book from 4am to 7am, after I ended some windows of chats to concentrate on it.

I scurried into dreamland.

If only I knew what was in for me.

I wouldn’t have allowed myself to sleep if I did.

***

It was pitch-black darkness.

I felt as if I was suspended in midair in the midst of my sleep.

I felt suffocated.

My nerves were ruffled, and the dream was a bizarre one.

I wanted to move, I couldn’t.

I wanted to breathe, I couldn’t.

I wanted to wake up, I couldn’t.

I felt my life slipping away, and I vaguely remember I was clinging on dearly to it. My soul drifting away.

I pressed myself to wake up, but I was hardly panicking.

I couldn’t.

Wake up Ting. Open your eyes. The will was there, but the body could not yield to my will.

It wasn’t the first time I had such dreams.

Suddenly I broke out in tongues, and was praying.

I felt the least bit of fear, knowing exactly how I was going to overcome it.

It was strange. Almost like I was too near to…. death.

When I finally did, I saw the glimpse of light peeping through the seams of the curtains.

It was over, I was aware.

I was glad, and I fell back to sleep promptly after catching my breath.

It was definitely worse than the one I had earlier this week.

It was just seconds that the whole thing repeated itself again the moment I fell into the deep recesses of my rest.

I struggled again.

I took a long while before I forced myself to wake up again, feeling all floatish and nauseous.

Weak.

A little scared, but knowing I would be able to get through it in a while.

I was irritated by the whole process, and it happened for the 3rd time, before my sleep was disturbed until 3pm.

Dad came home, and someone came to view the apartment since it was put up for sale.

Went back to sleep after I finished a couple of chapter of my new book.

It was 5pm. The house phone rang stubbornly. I was so tired that I almost didn’t hear it.

SBB called and realised I was still sleeping. *Sheepish*

It was a brief chat and I was awed by the energy in my voice, when my mind was still in hibernating mode.

I went back to sleep. For an hour.

I had yet another realistic dream.

It was a confrontation, and I felt I was put on the spot with the tirade of questionings, and the sharp, chilling stares from 3 people. I wasn’t welcomed, evidently.

I felt so guilt-ridden that I stayed mum. I didn’t cry. I just offered a sincere, curt, and simple ‘sorry’.

Questions asked. I gave my explanations. Matter-of-factly.

I didn’t feel too good and I wanted to leave. It was as if it was rather real.

The phone rang, and it was SBB.

Precision of timing, I reckon.

When I picked it up rather swiftly, I almost asked a question related to the dream, thinking it was the reality.

As I opened my eyes and was reposed in bed, I was glad to realise it was all but a dream.

Thank God my agony was cut short.

Hearing that soothing, reassuring voice had its calming effect too, somehow.

I decided my 11 hours of rest was enough to replenish the week of rest I shortchanged my body for.

And I seriously didn’t want to go through the turmoil of those awful dreams again.

I had enough of them in one night(yes again, just a figure of speech, alright?).

Actually come to think of it, there is a vast difference in how these dreams scare me during the peak of my depression and now.

At least I don’t let them bother me that much, and can still sleep on without feeling an ounce of fear in me.

Gee, what if I sleep and never wake up tomorrow? Hmmm…

Didn’t venture anywhere.

Didn’t intend to, either.

So, I had spent Friday night alone at home.

Saturday alone at home.

And most probably, Sunday night alone as well.

Perhaps, just need some quiet time to churn whatever I have yet to churn out on my blog.

Maybe, I am in need of that bit of quality time with myself.

Possibly, I am short of moolah, and a book, some smooth MP3s, and a Manchester United match(Darn! 1-1 draw) would be able to satisfy me more than anything else.

I shall continue to chill.

Night all.

Who knows, if I feel like it, I will end up:

a) Finish my current read in one go
b) Blog 2 more entries or something(mental note: One dose of SBB, another dose of tralala)
c) Stuffing myself silly with chocolates and snacks
d) Chatting up cute guys
e) D.I.Y.

Oh well, the last point is a joke, if you didn’t get it.

What the hell? 3 weeks’ jail-term only?

To angry to blog or even say anything.

You ought to rot in hell, badly.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2005480702,00.html

Heading to cells … snarling Robert Walker, who was jailed yesterday

By JOHN COLES A THUG whose dog suffered 20 cigarette burns and seven broken ribs was jailed for just 21 days yesterday. Tammy the terrier, owned by Robert Walker, 28, had to be put down. The case was heard on the day supporters of The Sun’s campaign to stamp out animal cruelty soared past 200,000. An RSPCA boss told yesterday of the suffering of Walker’s pet dog — and said: “Hand on heart, it’s the worst I’ve seen.” Burnt … with 20 cigarette stubs The five-year-old Staffordshire terrier bitch had TWENTY burns caused by cigarettes being stubbed on her head; SEVEN broken ribs, one of which punctured a lung; TWO perforated ear drums; and all FOUR canine teeth knocked out. Finally, her back was found to be broken. Tammy had been returned to jobless 28-year-old Walker only three months earlier after a judge overturned a previous ten-year ban on him keeping pets. On that occasion, Walker had been found guilty of previous ill-treatment to the white and tan bitch. Crushed … dog had seven broken ribs A new charge that he tortured Tammy was thrown out yesterday by magistrates at Plymouth after a neighbour’s evidence was ruled inadmissible because of a legal loophole. But Walker was convicted of causing unnecessary suffering by failing to call in a vet. He was again banned from keeping pets for ten years. RSPCA Chief Inspector Rebecca Wadey said: “This is the worst case I have ever seen. She was underweight and hanging her head. “She had scabs all over her head and was really in a very poor way. She was very sad and could barely keep her head up. “The left side of her rib cage was like a crackly sponge because there was air under her ribs. “I am not impressed it has taken two prosecutions to get this man jailed. The ban on keeping pets should have been for life.”

Learnt in a day.

Or rather, in the past 12 hours.

Or less.

More than anything I had learnt in my entire life.

It is a strange night, today.

Very strange.

Everything will be short. But every bit will be draining.

***

After all those that happened in the past few days, people had said I am a cool friend, I am a good friend, I am a dear friend.

I don’t think so.

How do you measure a friend, really?

I joked to VampTreSS that today is a weird day of tests. Test of friendship.

Let me recount the things that happened today.

Each section, of a different friend in my life.

***

‘He likes you, too.‘

Really?

Nah, it will be too complicated for the friendships we share.

Nice friends, but just, not right.

I am too great a disappointment.

SBB asked, ‘So how do you feel when told?‘

‘I just want to cry.’

***

The Spanish with the charming smile(not the one with the bod).

‘Webcam?‘ he asked.

I lazily set it up and showed the makeupless bare face. Throw in the puffy eyes, too.

Stand up, he said.

I cheekily stuck my tongue out at the camera, and refused to do so.

I was indecently dressed, you see.

Eventually, I gave in. I switched the webcam off, and put on a bra underneath my top and a pair of shorts.

I switched the topics to more serious ones, and I was glad it was of better contents than the ones I had with the other Spanish.

He joked if I could give him a surprise when he was going off.

He laughed and said, ‘Striptease.‘

Badly spelt, the word was.

Very funny.

I gave him the brush-off.

SHY, I excused.

I shoo-ed him offline.

I don’t think any of them would ever bother to know me seriously as an individual, eh?

***

David.

I went through the trouble to help you get the things, don’t you think it is only right for you to take the initiative to call me up to meet up with me? It’s almost as if you don’t appreciate my help.

I was slightly hurt.

I am not giving myself the excuse, but I think it is unfair of you to say that. You are the one working and I am the one not doing so. I wouldn’t know when you are busy and when you are not. That’s why I would wait for your cue. I have been very much wanting to meet you, but I am not sure when you will be meeting your pals or not, or when you need to work or not.

This is just me. I am fearful of picking up the phone to make the first step. Therefore, I don’t normally initiate meetings, unless with very close pals whom I know would be doing nothing anyway.

I am fearful of rejection, and I am tired of people telling me, jokingly or not, ‘You think everyone like you no need to work huh?’.

I haven’t meet up with Eileen much since she got pregnant cos I was fearful of her being tired and busy, thus I stopped. Not because I am taking her for granted just because I met new people, you know that?

Okay, at least we talk things out, no hard feelings okay?

It’s cool. I like it when things are iron out straight in the face, and I know I have a dear friend to keep. Sometimes miscommunication and misunderstandings start from the most minute of things.

Seriously David, I am very, very grateful for your help.

***

I got the rudest shock of my life when I realised what you, a friend, had done to me.

Never had such sense of betrayal overwhelmed me.

I loved you. Perhaps I still do.

I stoned. I was in a daze. I froze. I frantically searched for the phone to call for the closest friends for some emotional support.

There was only that few who knew about the build-up all along. Only a couple I could think of offhand.

I was too flabbergasted to speak, or to feel any anger.

But, I was disappointed how you try to put me down all the time with the subtle jibes.

Was that all hypocrisy that you had been indulging me with, instead of a true friendship?

They slapped me to my sense.

Naivety, SBB chided me.

I felt hurt. Disappointed.

I found excuses for you, and realised I was in too deep a denial.

Do you hate me in discreet, all along?

I just wanted to cry.

I held back.

I pretended it didn’t matter.

Buy new friends? About time.

***

Finicky Feline was doing her manicure.

She spared the time to listen to my semi-daze voice as I stuttered in disbelief.

She felt injustice for me.

Thanks for being around, sweets.

***

I called. I messaged. MSNed.

Been two days. No replies, no nothing.

I just hope you are alright.

Seriously, I had thought of you when I needed someone the most.

I know it’s unfair to say this.

I really had wanted to be there for you when you needed someone. But I guess you didn’t really need me.

Where were you when I needed you the most?

***

SBB.

Hello sweetie. I tried my utmost to sound chirpy, suppressing the quiver in my voice.

Hello sweetie. What’s up? You are bored huh?

Yeah. I guess you do know me huh. I never take the initiative to call you unless I am bored… or in a need to lament. Hahaha.

I went silent, suddenly.

I need to lament, I whined.

I always whine to make things sound less serious than they seem.

Don’t worry. Just go ahead sweetie, the voice was soothing and reassuring.

The same old issue. Worse, this time.

He listened patiently, before he drew the conclusion that I should perhaps brace myself for a confrontation.

How could someone ever be so fake? It’s sad.

Maybe she didn’t mean it. Okay, tell me I am not in denial.

Sorry. I can’t lie.

Fine. Tell me I am not stupid, silly, dumb.. whatever.

There was a slight hue of impatience in his voice, Just hopeless(I can’t remember exact word) naivety.

I could hear someone pressing him for dinner, and he hung on to listen the full story.

He sounded charmingly sweet when he asked me to cheer up, before finally making a move for dinner.

***

Filicia.

She is someone I had only met once, briefly, in real life.

Yet, she knows my dirtiest secrets, and it’s weird that I always feel joy for her though we don’t know each other that in-depth.

Somehow, when I truly needed someone to talk to, she would be one of the first few I would feel inclined to talk to.

The only 2 times I called her on the phone, was when I was really perturbed.

Today, was the 2nd time.

I needed someone who isn’t close to my life to hear me out, perhaps giving a less bias judgment.

Uh oh. The end conclusion was that she felt pissed for me.

I am surprised.

It’s so nice to have someone whom you can share joy and shit with.

I thanked her, for her time.

Her brilliant response?

What are friends for?

(I quote her in green cos she loves green!)

Yeap, that is what I am trying to figure out for the whole darn night.

***

VampTreSS.

She never fails to give me a quick fix, however busy she is.

She spared some time for me in the midst of her busy schedule and I filled her in the gist in record timing.

Can I slap some sense into you? She doesn’t treat you as a friend, simple as that.

I guess.

***

Kenny.

Seriously, his busy schedule these days made me miss him a great deal.

I finally see him online more often. Yet, never dared to impose on him just in case he is busy.

Somehow, I never go indepth about the things that revolved around my life with him, yet I would always share the gist with him.

He was reassuring.

Yes dear, you are missed and you are not forgotten.

***

Him.

Someone whom I got to know through the love of common interests.

Soccer, photography.

It was just out of pure impulse one night when he heard something from me that was kept from most people.

He, is just a stranger. Who doesn’t know me.

He didn’t have to believe me, but he did.

Thanks. Yes, you. The rebellious 24 year-old.

A stranger.

Where are the real friends?

***

The Paddington bear guy.

His intelligence became a drawing factor.

No, it was more of his ‘other side’.

I didn’t have to say much, and I just have to let the words flow to my fingers as I typed.

Who is he?

I don’t know. Never seen. Never heard, except for the inner voice that were transmitted by the sheer beauty of his literacy.

The emails became therapeutic.

They ceased.

They picked up again.

Thanks.

I wish you happiness.

***

Some firm’s Executive Creative Director.

Gee. I almost forgot his existence.

He had wanted to whisk me off to some exotic island some months ago, remember?

He suddenly messaged to ask how I am.

He had said he want to bring me to his hometown, Sydney.

Uh oh.

I didn’t reply him. Maybe tomorrow, when I have more emotional capacity to deal with it.

***

Another he.

He doesn’t want to be known, though.

He asked me out for a casual supper.

Nothing that would raise anyone’s eyebrow, but just a meetup between 2 very bored individuals.

First time, I know him as a person.

Pretty much affirmed the things I had thought I knew about him. And more.

It was funny.

I coerced him into ‘coming out’ and not hide his identity despite his reluctance. Muahahaha.

The tactless man shot, ‘Eh! You very photogenic!‘ when he saw the wallpaper on my handphone.

I shot him a piercing glare so sharp that he panicked and smoothed the edges, ‘No no no! I didn’t mean that!‘.

TOO LATE.

Then again, it’s true that I look nothing like my pictures. Hehe.

He sat there, indulging in the soccer game on the television, he of absolute no interest in.

Just because of the one hour phone call that came in to my phone, that I couldn’t excuse myself from.

He sat there, patiently, waving me on, as I excused myself from the seat, pacing up and down the pavement for a tad more privacy.

***

Nick.

Very nicely offered to edit a 245MB WMV file for me.

I spent hours trying to send the file to him.

Thanks.

Still, I would like to stress that I am 4-2 up against him in who-is-the-cuter-baby contest.

***

Roy.

He called.

He never did call me before.

I saw the flashing number in the midst of my supper, and was left surprised.

I picked up.

A choking voice was asking me if I was busy.

I excused myself, and spent an hour talking to him.

He could go on no more.

He could take it no more.

I feel for him, I really do.

I want nothing to happen to him, and I wish he could move on well in life.

It’s quite agonising, really.

Please don’t do anything silly.

I even threw in a joke about how I still want discounts from him if I ever purchase anything from his shop, so nothing should ever happen to him.

I didn’t think I was a good enough friend though.

I didn’t know what to say most of the time.

So yeap, I just wish he is well.

***

1.15am.

Finally arrived at Turkey. Why surprised? You know that i like you.

It was an untypical message. And he certainly sound untypical from his usual tone.

I had said I was surprised, cos he had called me 3 times today which all I had missed, when he was having a stopover in Dubai.

No way.

The time imprinted on the screen was that of 1915, probably the local time of his hometown.

The Netherlands.

He had never been affectionate in any of his emails nor any of the SMSes he had sent me.

So, it came as a surprise.

From a man who had seen much more of the world than I did.

So much more smarter than I am. I could safely say he is one of the most intelligent men I ever came across.

Dutch. English. German. French. Italian. Spanish. Japanese.

The above are the languages he speaks and understands.

I feel like an idiot in comparison.

I mean, he develops engines for the top Motorsport in the world, and holds 2 jobs in the top team. Why on earth would he spend time on someone like me, yuh?

(Raf noticed he wears a $25, 000 watch, not that it is important)

And guess what? Our paths will probably never cross again cos we would be in different regions of the world in the future, and he would probably not return to Singapore/Malaysia in the near future.

The only difference is, he had took an awful lot of efforts to know me as an individual, ever so encouraging.

And he is always sweet, minus all sleaze.

And he believes in one special woman in his life.

Who in the hell, especially an European, would ever believe in that these days?

Alright. This can’t be happening.

***

I feel good tonight.

Strangely so.

Maybe I have taken off my tinted glasses and seen some things clearly.

Friends.

Really?

They might not be the people closest to you, and those closest to you, might never be true friends to begin with.

Jiali, Lisha, Xiuzhao, Jiatong, Wenmei, Vivienne.

I am missing you girlies.

Time now: Monday, 1.30am — I was roused to consciousness by the series of threatening roars the sky mustered.

Sleeping at 7am today meant that I only had 7 hours of sleep; not quite enough for one who slept only 5 hours to sustain my Saturday.

I had wanted to blog earlier today, but my brain just wouldn’t work.

I did the house chores, did the laundry, scrubbed the toilet, sucked the room of dust, and gave the floor a lick of floor-cleaner wetness.

Finally, I sat down to watch the delayed telecast of MotoGP though I had already known the results.

I was in glee when Daniel Pedrosa won the championship for 250cc, cos I had preferred that chap over Casey Stoner.

They are both brilliant riders with gorgeous attitude to boot, but somehow, the memory of the miserable petite being chewing on his ice-cream cone, and still obliged to take a picture with us(though he had trouble mustering a smile, but he did TRY) after he fell off his bike and ended his race at Sepang.

Today, Casey fell. Dani went on have an exciting last lap, looking as though he had to settle for 2nd position, when he grabbed the 1st position, and Honda’s 600th win, under the nose of Sebastian Porto when he blasted over the finishing line. The difference? 0.027 seconds.

I am not bullshitting when I say I am surrendering to the charms of Spanish men.

Not much surprises from the MotoGP class, with Rossi dominating the race. My poor Max fell off his bike just after a single lap.

Coen messaged to say he is still quite disappointed over Max’s fall though they were all thrilled by Hayden’s brave second.

Speaking about Max, I got the shock of my life when I loaded his site yesterday.

I hyperventilated, when I saw the picture I took with him, up on his webpage. On er, duh, Fan of the week column.

Truth to be told, this is not the first time it happened, cos when I returned from Sepang in late January, I sent him the pictures through email, and he had replied to my mails, AND putting up the picture on his site.

So, when I saw the picture and the reply on the site again this time round, I was dumbfounded, cos it had meant as another civil email, which I had attached even the pictures of me standing right next to him on the grid.

Ciao Ting!
thanks for the picture
You looks always nice!!
Take care and see you next year in Sepang.

Ciao

Max

-Glee Glee Glee-

He remembers!

Anyway, I dozed off after the MotoGP race finished.

It was half past midnight when I finally greeted the day again.

Welcome Monday, goodbye Sunday. Gee. How short Sunday was.

***

Time now: Monday, 4.49am — I find it hard to blog these days.

Total dissatisfaction with myself.

I am.. just, unhappy.

No motivation to do so.

How could it all be happening?

It’s a cold, cold night.

I thought I used to like chilly nights like this.

But tonight, it froze me. And my heart.

***

I wish you hadn’t known me so well.

You are reading me, almost like a book.

It’s scary.

***

I promised I would visit my god daughter, Rena, at the hospital, but the lousy visiting hours meant that I didn’t have the chance to visit the day on her birth cos she chose a very timely 8.06pm to arrive to the evil earth wonderful world.

Visiting hours halted at 8pm, you see?

I couldn’t visit Eileen at Rena at their home today due to the ceaseless storm throughout the day.

So, I missed it again yesterday when I spent 6 hours at Mediacorp, with Janice’s very kind companionship. It was endless wait, and I didn’t even expect to wait that long, ya know?

We didn’t sleep well from the night before, and I struggled to keep my concentration together. We looked like we were deflated of life when we appeared soaked in fatigue when we finally met up.

We even replayed the clip on her laptop out of boredom.

Yes, it was for the Superhost thingy, which unsurprisingly, I didn’t quite make the grade. *chuckles*

The most awesome thing of all, was to see this hunky actor(Qi Yuwu is his name, I believe) doing this shoot, and while he was waiting in the open(cos he didn’t want to stand where it was air-conditioned), I was talking to Janice over the phone.

He was wrapped in a bath robe, but fully dressed beneath. In my favourite -cough- white shirt, pants, and leather shoes.

Suddenly, I saw him picking up one of the mineral bottles off the ground, removed his bath robe, and poured the contents onto his white shirt. The shirt immediately hugged his bare skin affectionately, as it turned opaqued.

*Gasp*

In the next moment, it was almost as cliche as the drama script always goes, he picked up yet another bottle, tilted his head up, closed his eyes, and doused his face with the water, as he shook his head, running his fingers through his lengthy hair as he did so.

He was dripping wet.

So was I Kidding!

Woohoo.

I joked to Janice, this is perhaps the only good thing that came out of the wait.

I tried to browse for cuties in the studio where we sat and waited, and was greatly disappointed. I joked my job was there to get cuties’ numbers rather than anything else.

The horror of the day was when I turned my head and caught a familiar face.

*GASP IN ABSOLUTE HORROR*

It was that of the girl, who later on became my first boyfriend’s girlfriend.

Er, well, Zhiqiang and I were together for a mere 11 days, before I flew off to London back in 1998.

After 3 months, we couldn’t work the long-distant thingy out, and we broke off.

Quite sadly, Miss Ting couldn’t get out of it nor move on. It took me another year an half before I could finally do.

When we broke off, his famous words were that he would not find a girlfriend till he was 21.

By the end of 1999, he was together with her, his classmate back in Junior College days.

Yeap, they are still together. So sweet right?

Interestingly, the last time we saw each other and said hi, was in the very same studio, where I had only been there twice in my life.

Once, when Shisheng’s brother got into some contest’s finals, and we went down to root for him more than 2 years ago. Zhiqiang was there, too.

And the second, yesterday. His girlfriend was there.

I did see them when I was out with Philip once at Isetan Scotts, but I was out of their visual range, I guess.

Anyway, I saw her, and sheepishly turned away.

Janice left around 5 plus, and there was still no signs of us getting over the agonising wait.

I ended up sitting along this linkway, where I could see the setting sun over the serene neighbourhood. That was a pretty sight to behold.

Right then, I felt overwhelmed by dejection, and there was almost no point in waiting. Had wanted to left. But I promised Miss Jan I would stick around to at least give it a shot.

Fine.

It was 2 hours later when I finally got over it.

I didn’t prepare for the required 2-minute item, and the first thing when they got to know I used to be a educator, was a typical, yet a tad condescending, ‘Oh, you certainly don’t look like it‘.

*Cough*

I laughed, and agreed that was the usual response given to me. I wondered what was it that doesn’t look like it. Perhaps I should have asked. Muahahaha.

I sheepishly admitted I have not prepared anything, and it was just a brief chat before I was buzzed out.

Overall, I thought the entire thing was pretty interesting, talking to different people, looking at how everything worked, and yet, I was amazed I wasn’t that nervous nor jittery like how I had used to be.

Perhaps, I had overcame some stuffs along the way in 2005, which I had never dared to think I would do.

Cool.

I walked out the quiet Andrew Road at 8.30pm.

Darn!

I missed the visiting hours for my Rena again. *Sulks*

I was thrilled there is a direct bus that would bring me home, and I ended my night with dinner at the hawker centre nearby my place.

For 1.90, the unfriendly-looking auntie had said she would give me one miserable fried-prawn, a hash brown, and a some meat to make up for the Nasi Lemak set as they no longer had chicken wing nor egg.

Eventually I got extra peanuts and Ikan Bilis, and she very nicely offered to give me some curry gravy, and generously scooped some vegetables from the curry onto my rice.

Such sweetness. Never judged a menacingly-looking auntie by her grumpy looks.

***

I took a short, but tiring walk home, and I just wanna hole up at home with my book.

I dropped by CineNow to get my membership card done, so that I could just walk there to rent a movie anytime when I am in need of a dose of quality time with myself. 6 hours of rental for $2.50.

24/7.

Yay.

For nights like yesterday and today, where I would be spending time at home, without any company.

Since I had plenty to do at home last night, like replying to emails and reading my book, I postponed the thought of chilling to a nice movie.

***

The night ended when I bickered with Nick over who was the cuter baby.

We ended up adding people from my MSN list to be judges.

Out of 3 of them, 2 of them agreed I was the cuter baby.

Only Ivan, chose Nick.

And Ivan had the audacity to send us his picture to compete against us.

They were cute, but just not as cute as I was, ya know?

Fret not people, we will soon hold a Who is the cuter baby? competition in time to come.

As the week progresses, I am sure there is gonna be a fierce fight.

Those sore losers. They just can’t accept that I was the cutest baby among them.

But I admit, there was a picture of Nick sucking a banana(poor banana) that was darn cute.

Tsk tsk. Does that say something about his sexuality, I wonder.

Mr Banana sucker is a… a sore loser!! He said he is a gracious winner, but that doesn’t say anything about him being a gracious loser, nor does that say anything about him being a winner.

*ROAR* I will win.

I AM THE CUTEST!!!

I insist.

***

So, this is the part you guys had been waiting for.

I dragged myself out of on Friday evening, thinking that I would drop by town, before heading to KK hospital to await the birth of Rena darling.

Dave had informed me that I would not be able to go into the delivery suite, so I said I would wait for his call.

But when the call came it, it was past visiting hours, and thus, I made my way to Holland Village instead.

I knew she was there, with him.

***

You sure you will be okay alone?

Yeap, in the public, he won’t do anything to me one la. I just want to demand an apology from him. Since he said it was all misunderstanding.

I don’t think there’s much misunderstanding there. Quite clear cut to me. Just be careful darling, don’t let him hurt you more than he already did in the past.

Ya, I know, I will be okay.

I will be hanging out around Holland Village, so once it’s over, if you need someone around, I will be just around the corner alright?

Wah, everyone so concerned huh? Colin and Ralph had said they would be around the area too.

Hahaha, we all becoming F.B.I. agents like that, stalking out till the moment you emerge from your negotiation.

-You have friends who love you, dearly-

***

Time now: Monday, 8am — I am getting distracted from blogging so easily.

It’s 8am now.

I just finished 3-hour phone call with SBB. Tsk tsk, now I wonder how much does he know about me but is just keeping mum and not saying.

Pablo is on MSN with me. He is in transit in Singapore for an hour, so it is almost impossible for us to meet up.

And interestingly, though his spoken English seems kinda cool, his written English is pretty atrocious since he put the words together to how they would sound like, and not the words’ actual spelling.

Oddly enough, I find it easier to understand him, cos I would just have to read the words to how they sound like to form a proper sentence.

Coen is SMSing me. He might be in transit in Singapore tonight!

It is supposed to be a short fuel-stop, but he is thinking of changing his flight to a day later, so he could spend a day in Singapore to catch up with us.

Now, I am just wondering if the frail heart of my beloved dad could cope with the obscene numbers of SMSes this month.

20 to Holland.
10 to Spain.
3 to England.
4 to Italy.

This is so not good.

And now, I am not able to sleep, but my concentration is slipping away from me again, and I find it harder to blog as I am getting sleepier.

I am supposed to meet my favourite bitches for lunch later, and I can’t wait.

***

Time now: Monday, 6.30pm — I am back from the lunch date with my bitches. A male bitch joined me today and met the ladies.

This post is really taking a toll on me.

Coen wasn’t able to change his flight, so he wouldn’t be able to stopover in Singapore for a day.

Quite sadly, he decided to stop working for HRC, and would be moving on. That probably would mean our paths will possibly not cross in the future.

Take care, pal.

***

Time now: Monday, 9.13pm — Succumbed to a nap, and had thought I would most probably crash till 11 or midnight.

It was barely 8.20pm. Woken by a series of SMSes and calls, and a short chat with SBB before he retired for an early night too.

Missed many calls, and read many messages in my dazed state.

My phone was then left to die under some pillow as we both had a lazy chat and I didn’t realise the huge chunk of messages and calls I missed.

The conversation went like this:

Sweetie… I very tired.

Sweetie, I am so very tired too.

Why don’t you continue sleeping?

Cannot.. I can’t remember who called or who messaged. Interrupted till cannot sleep. You go sleep then.

I will be sleeping soon. I am so tired.

I am so tired, too.

Sweetie, I am tired.

Sweetie, I am so tired.

Gosh sweetie, I am so blardy tired.

Sweetie, howwwwwww? I am very tired too.

Please use a bit of imagination and pepper the conversation with lotsa whinings in baby voices. Lazy drawls, too.

Gee, I could smell his scent all over me.

***

It wasn’t my intention to get myself involved with yet another drama. But uh-oh, I just did.

Darn. Why am I always messing things up?

***

I called up VampTreSS and suggested to meet up at Holland Village instead of town on Friday (14th) night, so that if anything were to happen, we would be around, and she would have somewhere to run to if she needed some form of comfort.

Despite her assurances that she would be able to manage, I didn’t quite trust so.

I called her when I reached Holland Village around 9, before meeting up with VampTreSS.

There, I saw, her, and him, sitting at the window seat, overseeing the streets outside.

She didn’t see me. She ended the call abruptly, and I saw the solemn look on her face as she continued on with what seemed like a strenuous talk.

I was glad I was there, shall anything happen.

***

We adjourned from Coffee Club to T.C.C., where we were surprised to see a table reserved for us. *Gasp in absolute delight*

T.C.C. was further down the street from N.Y.D.C.. Very near.

I had walked past earlier on and told Meiling(the sweet lass who served us the previous round) I might be dropping by, and I didn’t know she meant it when she said that she would reserve a table for us.

The service at T.C.C. was as it was the previous time, absolutely brilliant.

Vamp was joking it was almost V.I.P. treatment, and I agree.

It was then, I saw a familiar figure storming down the street, with a thunder-like face.

She paced down the stretch in heavy, rapid steps, visibly upset.

I left my seat and chased after her.

Despite my few frantic and audible calls of ‘Janice!’, she stomped on without turning back, oblivious to everything around her.

I grabbed her by the arm, and was greeted by the confused, helpless gaze, tinged by a slight hue of anger.

There was no surprise on her face when she saw me, and she looked as if she was lost in a world of her own, badly mutilated by emotional hurt.

I asked if she was okay, and the answer was a confused and incoherent one.

He denied everything. He said he didn’t lie. He said he is a man of credibility. He said the other girls(Evelyn and Kailin) had lied. He said they lied to hurt me. He said he never said those things. I called Kailin for them to talk things out on the spot, he denied, he accused her of lying, she said he is lying. I don’t know. I really don’t know. So what is happening? I don’t know what and who to believe. He refused to apologise. Then what is it now? It started off fine… And he just brushed aside everything just like this. What can I do? So nobody is lying, all my fault? I am just a victim of his lies?!

Girl, you know very well who is lying. It’s very clear cut isn’t it? Don’t let him mess up your mind anymore. You yourself know very well who is lying. How could you even trust his words?!

What can I do? He denied everything. He just denied everything. He said he didn’t say any of those things. I just want to break down and cry now. I wanted an apology and he could just so coldly deny everything.

An embrace was quickly thrown to sooth, and I pulled her to sit down with us at the cafe.

She recounted the evening to us and was on the verge of tears. He was being manipulative and put on a fake front again.

‘I just want you to be happy. I won’t hurt you that way. I don’t lie. I just want to protect you.’

A truck of bollocks.

***

It wasn’t long before Nick joined us at Holland Village, and before he could warm his seat, he had thought it was just another usual evening out.

Just like what he had thought the previous Friday would be yet another peaceful night out.

***

Now, you guys wondered why I did what I did.

With the headache-inducing clip similar to the hit movie, I had thought it would aptly name as, ‘Ting is a witch project‘.

Some people thought it was SBB I did it to. Don’t worry, SBB has kept a clean enough track record, and I doubt I would do it to someone even if he is an utter jerk in my life.

Some had thought the title of Ting with a cup of strawberry milk sounds suggestively kinky.

Kenny says:
Ooooh porno!
Ting says:
Yah, starring me
Kenny says:
And OMM
Ting says:
Erm. I wish. Hahaha.
Kenny says:
no wonder the video clip so short!
Ting says:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Muahahahaha. Can I quote that?

And some had thought it was Janice in the clip.

And yes, SBB thought it was Janice in the clip.

Duh.

In Kenny’s words: silly guy! How could he not recognise the body he’s been hugging?

Ting: that’s a very *cough* mild word you using.

The gorgeous lady in the clip, is, yes, indeed, yours truly.

The coward who was strawberrymilked(Filee’s term), is Janice’s ex-boyfriend, whom she had dumped almost 2 years ago.

Someone would argue if the entire thing was necessary, or would it make any difference? No, it wouldn’t.

Seriously, like I had mentioned before, I don’t derive any joy nor sense of victory from what I did.

It is just chilling to know that, such a person, would never change, nor admit to his wrongdoings no matter what.

It’s okay. It’s only a matter of time that his life will go down the drain, and I shall await the day.

***

It wasn’t avenging for the past, or being vengeful.

A little summary of his deeds.

On the surface, he is the perfect gentleman. Rich. Nice guy.

BUT.

He, IS a woman-beater.

He hit, kicked, punched and abused Janice physically throughout their relationship.

When a guy looks at her, he would threaten, ‘If he is not going to stop staring at you, I am going to punch YOU.‘

He forbade her, and Kailin(his recently ex-girlfriend whom he tormented with his lies, and had hit her once, but she retaliated) to wear anything non-sleeved.

He forbade his girlfriend to be in her brother’s room during night time, cos he thinks the brother might do something to her.

He smeared their reputation by saying untruthful things.

He said he dumped Janice, when it was her who dumped him after she could take his violent outbursts no more.

He spreaded the rumours about how Janice was raped before, and thus he couldn’t take it, and thus, dumped her.

How could a guy ever do such thing to taint a girl’s reputation?!

He claimed she had wanted to have sex with him, but he didn’t want to cos he couldn’t come to terms with that. And thus, insisted he was a virgin.

When people had read about the true account on Janice’s blog, he lied through his teeth and accused that she was deranged, and had serious mental problem which causes her to hallucinate, cos her dad had abused her.

He claimed all the girls were head over heels over him, and he had hard time shaking them off.

He bitched about Janice in front of Kailin and Evelyn, and did the same to each girl in front of the other 2.

He made KLstop MSNing and stop logging on to friendster.

He counts the number of male names in her phone, and demanded explanations when there is an increase.

When a guy in a crowd accidentally brushes his shoulder with the girls, he would fly into a rage, and pressured them to make police report cos the guy had ‘molested’ his girlfriend.

‘Why did you let him molest you?‘ he would say.

The best part?

The girls were constantly molested by strangers on the streets, butts touched and pinched for no reason.

He will then forced them to make a police report, accusing the guy standing next to them earlier on had done it.

Most of the time, the ‘guy’ whom he accused of molesting them, would disappear before the girls could see them.

Until, one day.

A 4 year-old boy was standing behind the girlfriend, and she felt a pinch, again.

She turned a tad too swiftly for him. She saw it. She saw his hand retracting.

It was HIM.

That moment, she understood.

It was him, all along.

But putting the blame on the guys who had stood near to the girls.

This time, he was sick in the mind enough to want to malign a 4 year-old boy!

He said he doesn’t lie.

Do you believe so?

She had wanted to confront him for saying she was raped.

He denied ever doing anything to hurt her. He denied he ever said those things.

He denied. Nonchalantly. Emotionlessly. Matter-of-factly.

He refused to apologise.

He accused the girls of being jealous, maligning him.

Scars don’t lie. Similar experiences don’t lie.

He is, psychotic. Sick in the head.

***

She sat there, almost shaking from the anger, overwhelmed by helplessness.

I listened, thoroughly disgusted that someone could be so despicable.

I heard the story many times, but he was still unrepentent.

‘I ordered a big glass of strawberry milkshake. I was thinking if I could have the courage, I would just pour it on him. I didn’t even touch it,‘ she said.

I should have, she continued.

She checked with her friend, who was looking over her in the cafe opposite N.Y.D.C., and realised he was still there, alone.

I feel like going back to at least humiliate him since he was always so conscious of image, status and such.

Why not? Perhaps you should. It doesn’t help much. But he disgusts me.

Shall we? But I can’t do it. If I walk in, he would know what I am up to.

Okay, I will do it.

Really?

I tilted my head for a cold come-on, and I was awed by my sudden venture into the dark side.

It was the chillingly stone-faced side, with a silent trait that was untypical. Something dangerous, I was aware.

I shot Vamp a look.

You should go. Just go, she egged.

We both rose, without hesitation.

On our way there, she held my hand. I suddenly came to my senses, suddenly hesitant.

Will you really do it?

Do we really have to do this?

I want to.

Okay, I will do it if you really want me to.

I took a glance. He was sitting there, without an ounce of remorse, on the phone. The melted glass of pink milkshake, sat there, without a hint of threat.

Pink. How innocently pretty.

I pushed the door open, and strutted into the eatery.

I wasn’t sure if my get-up that day was rousing much attention or not, cos I was wearing a black dress and was a picture of poise as I sashayed into the eatery, with a dry smirk on my face.

My eyes weren’t smiling.

I noticed the staffs threw a glance at me in unison, wondering if they should serve me, or perhaps I looked as if I was pretty out of place.

I walked to the corner table.

There, he was, on the phone with Kailin, telling her that she had upset Janice, and Janice left in tears, and she shouldn’t upset her further, and should stop contacting her… and, and, and all those bullshit.

Janice didn’t leave in tears.

I stood there, he looked a tad bewildered, but not without that haughty look on his face.

He creased his brows a little, and asked nonchalantly, ‘Do I know you?‘

It was almost like a soft whisper.

I looked out of the window, and saw Janice there, gesturing me to do the deed.

He turned, and saw her, immediately understood who I was. A friend of someone he had hurt.

It was silly of me, but I actually did think of talking sense to the 21 year-old being before me.

He gave me a side-glance as if I didn’t worth any of his time.

I stood there, disgusted.

I am surprised I even waited for him to get off the phone, before saying in a cool tone, without raising my voice.

‘How could you do that to a girl?’

He gave me a soft, can’t-be-bothered ‘what are you talking about.‘

Come on lah, be a man. If you hit someone, if you lied, admit it and at least apologise. How could you say all those things.

He gave a brilliant display of his acting skills, as if he was puzzled, and nothing I had said made sense.

Total unrepentence.

He just sat there, unmoved. Cool and calm, acting bewildered. Still, that strong hue of haughtiness, stayed.

I took a look around.

Some staffs were looking over, wondering if they should serve me.

I wish I had announced to the whole eatery what he had done, and what a pervert he is.

I was too cold and chilling to be making a scene.

I suddenly caught a glimpse of VampTreSS holding a camera at me.

His impassiveness made me realise how incorrigible such a jerk was.

I reached for the glass of pink fluid, and doused it right into his detestable, pimple-infested face.

He sat there, still unmoved.

I stormed out onto the streets. With too much real anger in me.

Somehow, the first instinct, was to break down and cry.

I know not why.

***

My mind was in a blank.

VampTreSS chased after us. I could only hear Janice squealing in relief and mocked delight about how happy she was.

Apparently, Nick saw us left our seats abruptly, and asked Vamp where we were heading.

As she told him, he whipped out his camera and said it shouldn’t be missed, and thus, she took it and went after us.

Vamp told of how she couldn’t find us when she ventured into NYDC, and how she didn’t know how to operate the camera.

So, the moment she saw me, after she scoured the entire eatery, before she could frame me properly, I had done what I did.

And, she didn’t even know if the camera was on, or not.

The full 1 minute plus clip was like a replica of Blair Witch Project, as she was heard and seen fiddling with the camera, and exclaiming how she didn’t know if she had captured the clip or not.

Talk about good timing.

Perfect timing.

We sat down, and realised I was shaking slightly.

I didn’t quite smile. I did. But, it didn’t feel right.

They reviewed the clip and were left speechless.

They laughed at it, and jibed that I had the courtesy to put the straw back into the glass, after removing it for the bizarre moment. They joked I might as well stay around, arrang the glass and straw nicely, set the table before I sashayed out.

It was when I heard the clip, did I realise what I said before I stormed out was recorded.

This will teach you never to hit a woman again.

Would it make a difference? I think not. But he will always remember his belated 21st birthday present in a yummy shade of pink, from yours truly.

Happy belated birthday, Mr Kelvin.

***

Erm, one thing though. Am terribly sorry for the mess I created for the staffs at NYDC.

They had to clean the table, mop the floor and wipe the window, I suppose.

My apologies. *Sheepish smiles*

***

I am so happy! She laughed in a state of exhilaration.

Really? Are you really happy? I don’t know. Don’t let it bring you to the extreme of emotions, and bring you emptiness at the end of it.

I already felt it, as I spewed forth those words.

What for? There are still going to be ignorant girls gonna fall victims to him, and he would get his evil ways, causing more hurt to others.

Somehow, something was bogging me down the entire night.

***

It wasn’t long, before I saw Meiling.

Somehow, her plight reminded me of mine.

She offered me a ciggie, and as if I still hadn’t got over the initial trauma, I accepted it without much fuss.

I inhaled deeply, and it felt smooth, and calmed me a little.

Janice came over to show the clip, as I stood to chat to Meiling.

I actually found the ciggie indescribly soothing and nice as it paced my breathing, lifting the void within.

Janice gave an incredulous look, and hit me hard on my shoulder, repeatedly.

It wasn’t before long my shoulder turned into a bright hue of scarlet.

I still refused to let go of my fag.

She hit somemore, with full force everytime, demanding me to drop it.

I didn’t.

I went back to the table at T.C.C., and the guys were quick to cheat me of the ciggie, claiming they had wanted to see what brand it was.

Trust no one, I learnt.

Since that day, I seem to develop a strange craving for the bitter taste on tobacco on my lips, as I yearned to lick it with my tongue, feeling like a satisfied little girl who got her sweets.

But, it seems like that particular brand that had got me hooked.

It’s funny how everyone is quitting, and I am getting a kick from it.

But no, I have no intention of picking it up.

It pricks my throat, makes me cough, and makes me dizzy.

So, stop preaching.

***

Janice left for her long walk home thereafter.

We ended the night at T.C.C. after Nick left with Jianming to pick his girlfriend up.

Vamp, her friend and I ended up sitting at the coffeeshop for a quick bite before I decided to head home to retire from the drama night.

Tiring.

Exhausted.

***

Interesting.

That would probably kill off the chances of me finding a boyfriend, and everyone would be put off by such an outburst from yours sincerely.

Muahahahaha.

Janice, if I can’t find a boyfriend, you have to claim partial responsibility.

I scare them all off already.

Not only that.

Mr GCB had told me to remind him not to return to Singapore if ever *choi choi* Finicky Feline and him doesn’t work out.

Good, good. All my friends will be fearfully blissful.

Muahahahaha.

Damn. Except me, since I will not do it to the guys in my life.

And, I would only resort to such when I had to throw my hands in the air in resignation after failing to reason with them.

Suddenly, I feel like Don Corleone from Mario Puzo’s Godfather.

Muahahahaha.

***

It’s quaintly ironic.

The man I love most in my life, is a women-beater too.

Does that explain why I abhor women-beater so much?

***

Spent this afternoon lunching with the girlies.

Jane Doe, VampTreSS, Finicky Feline, and SBB.

The telephone conversation with SBB lasted till 8am, before the 2 of us tried to get some sleep.

Apparently, I couldn’t fall asleep at all.

Darn.

Shortly after, I received a phone call of heavy breathing(MUAHAHA! Darn fake!), and I burst into a series of chuckles before greeting him with abundant zest for someone who had yet to rest for the night.

So, he suggested that he would come over to mine though we had no prior arrangement to meet, and I asked him to join us for lunch at International Business Park.

Jane Doe had picked VampTreSS up from her place, and we would meet for lunch at 12noon with Finicky Feline.

I would say we have immaculate sense of timing.

*Cough*

He reached at 10.30am, and we spent slightly more than an hour getting turned on canoodling and chatting about mindless stuffs before we left to join the girls.

He gave a loud, hearty laugh when he saw Mr Kelvin strawberrymilked.

I suspected he secretly feared for his life.

He sent me down to meet the girlies, and the obscene queues at the food court put us off.

We joined Jane Doe at her queue for the not-so-economical lunch.

I was already in a daze, and so was he.

Day time is just not so friendly to us.

***

FF rushed back to work, after being enticed by the smokers.

She stayed strong and resisted all temptations.

SBB commented FF is quite cute.

Hello?!?! Blind huh? She’s darn cute, alright?!

And SBB‘s response to FF’s post?

‘Ooo, I like, ask her time and place? Then you join in alright?‘

Nahbeh.

FF‘s reaction?

Ting, you join me and GCB then.

*Chokes*

I am immensely innocently, fiercely chaste, alright?

Actually, wooohooo. Sounds good to me, ya know?

*Cough*

Joke, okay, joke.

***

We accompanied Jane Doe to Acer Center, and I don’t know how I tide the day over cos I was in such a daze, and my legs were soft like jello.

Adjourned to IMM, where we failed to find an open-air coffee place to chat, and Jane Doe had to leave to run some errands.

Eventually, SBB, Vamp and I ended up in Jurong Point, where we sat to chat, albeit in a daze.

***

SBB sent me home when he had to meet up with his pal, and I was too daze to hang out.

***

Finally, I can declare this incoherent post a wrap.

Will try to blog more when I have enough sleep to have a clear mind to write.

I can’t seem to write nor read when my concentration is not there.

Ciao, everyone.