POTENTIALLY HAZARDOUSLY LENGTHY BLOG AHEAD

Not this one.

The next one perhaps.

Much thoughts had invaded my private space for the past couple of days, and there are many things I would want to talk about, but then, er, would not be very healthy for your eyes, and emotional state if you were to read them all at one go.

So, I would just do the simple recaps for the weekend.

Erm, not now.

Later, when I return home, perhaps.

For now, I have to doll up, and dash out.

Albeit a tad reluctantly.

I suspect my quite goodlooking doctor was trying to kill me, instead of cure me.

The medications he gave me are making me really queasy despite the fact that they are not supposed to make me drowsy.

It’s worse. Much, much worse.

I have been feeling the accelerated heartbeat, sweaty palms, nausea, uncontrollable shivers from the cocktail of pills.

Light-headed.

I went to town yesterday in such a daze that all my reaction lagged. All my senses lagged.

And my ability to decipher, to hear, to see, to process, all slowed down.

Scary.

I felt like a zombie.

And now?

Whee.. I just took another dose.

And I am heading out.

I can feel the thumping of the heartbeat, and I am shaking already.

Woohoo.

There better be a seat for me on the MRT, or I might just make headline news for doing something silly.

In fact, I feel much, much better without taking the antibiotics, or whatever thingy he prescribed me to drug me with.

The symptoms seem easier to bear more than the after effects.

Bleah.

So now, what should I wear?

RANDOM RAMBLINGS

I don’t feel like blogging…

Correction. I want to blog but I don’t have anything to blog about.

I feel as if I have a terrible bout of amnesia.

I woke up today feeling a tad weird.

It felt as if I had a memory loss or something.

I sat up, and my spine hurt slightly. I stood up, and my head felt light and ouchy.

Did someone club me on the back with a baseball bat or something last night?

I can’t remember.

What did the pills do to me?

***

If I am going to blog today, it’s gonna be such a Singlish infested one.

Which is, totally not me.

But then again, people who had spoken to me over MSN before, would know that I am quite an ardent fan of bastardised English.

Heck lah, liberate for once.

Must be the company I am with these days.

*grumble grumble*

I want a new phone!!!!!!!

The new Nokia 8800 very nice leh, and I can’t help but want one also.

I can’t believe Allan actually got one for himself, and one for his wife.

If you want to marry me, buy one and propose to me with it in its glam glam box, okay?

See I now so cheapo, one $1500 phone can make me marry you leh, what you waiting for?

Of course, I will not say how I would conveniently request for a 5-carat engagement ring in the same breath.

Coco Lee also got 10 carats leh, what I ask is only half only lor.

I am broke, or else I would just rush to the stores to get one for myself.

For the 5th time since March, I spent $46 for the not-too-bad, rather hunky doctor(still, I have yet to find a match for *cough* Alan/Vyers) to tell me I am down with flu, again.

*&@#^$@#%$%@$#@

Wah piang… March till now only 3 months only lor, and 5 times, you know?!

How can I be not broke?!

I need a doctor boyfriend man.

Wooo.. sounds like I need a doctor, a boyfriend and a man.

All roll into one, can or not?

And I have been coughing and sniffing for one week already, and it’s almost like I have only one or two weeks of break before I fall ill again.

Somemore got bloody cramps lor!!!! Yah la, pun very much intended.

Dr Quite-goodlooking told me to stay away from cold drinks, and ‘cool stuffs’ like tea, herbal tea, wintermelon, watermelon, whatevermelon, and chilli for the next 2 weeks.

BLARDY TWO WEEKS?!

Want me to die is it?

Obviously, I am quite a nice patient.

I drink nothing but tea, and I don’t eat anything without chilli.

I shan’t mention that I downed 6 pills with chilled green tea just moments ago, and I had a mediocre plate of Hokkien mee right after the consultation at the hawker centre.

Kamikaze shots tonight, anyone?

Perhaps they will cure me faster, or something.

Oh, I recognised the ‘missy’ at the clinic.

I saw her at Balaclava last Friday and I asked was that her.

Indeed, she was there to check out the band. My memory never fails me.

Now, I am contradicting myself.

***

I actually feel like taking a break from blogging for a while.

No no no, not a stunt la.

But I thought of posting something different.

But, don’t dare leh.

A bit not very the blogreader-friendly.

See how la.

***

I feel like blogging about something also leh.

But I think I will do so after today.

Yah, after Friday.

Actually going by the time, maybe I can already start posting.

Since he would be offwork by now.

Then again, we all know how cranky some people’s working hours can be, so I better not take the risk.

Sounds cryptical? Hurhurhur. Purposely one.

Cos you see, I don’t really want somebody to read it in the office, and it would be a better idea that the post is read after work today.

Don’t make sense to you right? Nehmind, stay tuned, and I might just shed some light on it in the next couple of days.

Or maybe I won’t.

See how la.

***

I need kisses and cuddles.

Deprived.

***

(Please read the below with a slight sense of humour hor.)

I feel like prostitute yesterday.

Wah piang.

Everyone messaged me as if there is an agenda in mind like that.

Even when I thought everyone was sweet and concerned about me, the message windows popped up with sugar-coated requests and words that were mostly none-of-my-business.

Felt so used, and… exploited.

I mean, if they are friends, okay la, understood. Of course don’t mind.

But mostly are people who would never message me unless something crops up one lor.

Like that, very what right?

Then I realised there were many strangers adding me on MSN, ICQ, ONLY intention was to ask about this and that person on my blog.

Some wanted to fish for gossip.

Bubblemunche, your fault.

And the pretty babes in my blog. Your faults.

I look like a pimp ah?!

Then ah, there are those who would never message me (*cough* or even the one who removed me from friendster), suddenly became so friendly with me…

WHY?!

Cos want me to put in my blog that their chicken rice stall opening tomorrow.

So yup, people, please take note, their chicken rice stall opens tomorrow.

And Mr Ex-boyfriend of mine even had the audacity to suggest cheekily that I could help them by dressing up in a chicken suit(yes, they already rented the chicken costume).

Tsk tsk.

I did a check on my URL to make sure I didn’t get the wrong address.

No leh, I never see http://jcdecaux.blogspot.com in my address bar.

Talking about J C Decaux, *shudders* that’s another scary story, revealed to me by Janice through MMS yesterday.

Wah piang eh.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *shrills of horror*

As usual, I ain’t disclosing.

Then ah, there are the ones who messaged me on MSN just to say hi, and when I reply, they don’t talk anymore?

Hours later, they would say bye and night, before they went offline, and never even wait for you to say bye lor.

Very fun like that is it?!

Like that, might as well don’t waste my bar’s space.

Wah, say until like this, who still dare to message me on MSN man.

I very nice one, really.

***

I never go anywhere yesterday leh.

Today also don’t know yet.

Maybe shall catch a movie by myself later.

Star Wars, here I come.

Naboo, here I come.

Hayden, here I come.

No, not Nicky that Hayden.

Yoda baby, wait for me. *Ting sends flying smooch smooch*

Maybe I should rewatch Mr and Mrs Smith again, and get a silent orgasm in my seat watching the 2 of them sizzle the screen.

Joke, okay, joke.

***

I need a new layout man.

But I am a html-idiot.

How?

I think I might just opt for some boring templates from blogger.com.

I am lazy la.

I like the colour combination but then apparently some people have problems viewing it.

And my centre alignment is not very oldfolks-friendly.

*Cough*

And I don’t know how to remedy it wor.

Anyone know how to do the swish swish swosh swosh one for me?

So I can put mutilated cropped pictures of myself like those at the side also?

Maybe I will consider putting my face also, untwirl, if nice.

Not my face, the layout.

Face can never be nice lah.

***

I just remember tomorrow got something to attend.

Then hor, something to attend again on Sunday.

I am so broke.

Blardy broke.

I need a rich bloke.

18-50, anything also can.

Of course la, I must like you enough first.

No need rich la, treat me well, can liao.

But good la, with such enriching programs for the next couple of days, I need my 2 battery packs to be fully charged.

Stay tuned for a glorious spread of pictures.

***

Everybody’s changing – Keane

You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can 
You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why 

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same 

You're gone from here
And soon you will disappear
Cause everybody's changing
And I don't feel right 

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same 

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same.

Heard at Balaclava last Friday.

I like.

SCARLETT’S SCANDALS

I can’t think properly.

*&@^$#%@$%#@$^@

Pain.

Ouch.

So pain until I feel nauseous.

Ouch….

Ouch…

Ouch.

Sheesh.

How to blog like that?

*BREATHE* *INHALE*

*EXHALE*

Alright. I will give it another couple of hours before the pain dissipates.

It is time like this I wish I have a boyfriend. *frowns*

And it doesn’t really help after Mr KG was online a couple of days ago.

*Waves irritating thoughts away*

What the hell.

Think about him repeatedly, for what?

***

Come to think of it, when you start hanging out with bloggers, you realise there isn’t much a need for you to keep a blog anymore.

Especially when your blog keeps track of everyday mundane life, like mine.

BLEAH.

Whatever you blog, will become stale news. Cos whoever you went out with, especially those with FF – Fast Fingers(woooo *raise eyebrows* I wonder what they are good for), would have finished blogging by the time you step out the shower.

So, with the meet-up already accounted for, I could just twiddle my fingers, without a need to blog.

So, everyone would have known we went to Esplanade this evening without me telling.

So, I was spotted with Finicky Feline‘s Tightanus Tetanus on the bridge leading from Esplanade to One Fullerton.

For that, she came up to me, gave me a tight slap across the face, before shoving me aside, kneeing Tetanus in the groin.

For the finale, she stabbed me in jealousy, before slitting Tetanus’ throat, ending us Romeo & Juliet style.

Hey wait, Romeo and Juliet didn’t exactly die that way, did they?

But, what the heck.

She then mutilated us, before dumping us into the cold, freezing sea.

Oh, that wasn’t quite her version of the story yuh?

Anyway.

Yah, very right.

Few days ago, words have it that I was all over Tetanus.

Then, it was at Coffee Club some days ago, in which Vamptress (hey dear, I don’t have to tell you how much I reload your page in a single day) joined in for a sensational threesome(Tetanus’ account).

Freeze.

Thanks to Tetanus’ brilliant editing that gives the picture a sense of life. Nice.

A picture that embodied all the erotism of the exchange.

In a non-sexual way.

Halt.

The real truth to the Esplanade liaison is as below:

It was a foursome.

Wooohoo.

Getting more exciting, isn’t it?

Yes, I got the flattest butt, thickest waist amongst them.

*Grumble grumble*

My weak retaliation?

-Tiny voice- Camera angle…… really…

As if you believe.

And we really didn’t mind sharing him(no other choice, thus why).

He favours girl with the shortest hair, thus, the hierachy has it that Janice is furthest away from him, with Finicky Feline in between us.

So, for the next outing, I would expect it to be a 5-persons mass orgy.

***

The evening was pretty interesting with her, Tetanus meeting up at MPH, before walking over to Esplanade for a quick drink.

The idea of the day?

To catch E.I.C. in action.

(Was reminded of a once-friend.)

Cos Finicky Feline had coerced us into thinking that Jack is incredibly cute, and all of us should accompany her down to watch him in action.

Who is this Jack?

Tetanus turned to me, and asked perturbedly, ‘He cute meh?‘

In which I replied, ‘He cute meh?‘ with the same puzzled look.

I have to admit I find Gabriel, of massive mass, adorable though. *giggles*

Janice joined us later, and asked which was the star of the night.

‘The least unattractive one,‘ I quipped.

‘Not very cute what.’

-Cough-

Vamptress, who joined us later, was the only one who shed some hope.

‘Not bad, quite cute.‘

Then again, not once did I affirm that men with talents are ridiculously sexy, and alluring.

Hence, brownie points to that, and looks are instantaneously secondary.

With the brilliant music serenading us, I spanned my vision to the buildings glittering in the background.

Fullerton, UOB buidling, Hitachi, One Fullerton, and the symbolic Merlion.

Nice.

I am still awfully guilty of putting the shy Finicky Feline in a spot when we went up to Jack for a picture.

Janice, Airhole and I last minute backed out, and insisted the duo taking a picture together, without any extras like us.

It was when we were done, that the very nice Jack told Airhole to take a picture of the 4 of us together.

And, unlike what Finicky Feline had suggested, he doesn’t like me. I don’t think he fancies a large lump of lard.

#%^!$#$!#$!@#%^*

He is evil.

Had he not suggested us taking a picture altogether…. argh.

I will NEVER take pictures with people who are wearing black again.

I will NOT be the one standing nearest to the camera next time.

NEVER!!

Okay, I think, karma for pointing to Finicky Feline to him that she wanted a picture to be taken with him.

Karma for looking at Finicky Feline, and saying, ‘Hey, maybe you should get his email so you can send him the picture or something.‘

Cough.

With friends like me, who needs enemies guardian angels.

Karma has it that I look awful on the picture.

Next time don’t dare already.

***

I kinda enjoyed Airhole’s company, when he is not intoxicated.

***
The city is gorgeous, garnished by the sweet sounds of the night.

Such brilliance.

Still, something was amiss.

Something was sorely missed.

***

It was a noisy walk to One Fullerton, where we chilled at BakerzIn.

We breezed past where Embargo used to be.

Only been there once.

After Hillsong’s Festival of Praise, a year ago?

With HIM.

The place we met up, 1st time, after so long.

Now, I see, why I took a glance, a split second longer than I should.

***

The warm chocolate cake perked me up a little.

I can be so easily provoked, and yet so easily appeased.

Thanks to a very generous Sister David, who would never fall for me, concluding the night by footing all our bill.

***

Tired.

Adjourned home with no further plans.

Good move.

Imagine me scrunching up in pain when I am out partying.

Not a very nice sight.

***

*Waves fervently*

Next time, if you see me, please do come up and say hi.

I know, it takes a bit of courage, especially you have to face a makeupless, unglam Ting.

Sigh.

I should remove all photographs to prevent likewise tragedies from happening in the future.

Darn, I am lazy. I would rather do so than to pile on makeup.

***

Quote from ‘P/s I so want a “happy” friend. Any “happy” guys here who need a galpal like me, please email me!‘

I also want a pal like this.

I am rather put off by relationships, and in need of an affectionate pal.

I will smack you if you are thinking of anything linking to the word ‘sex’.

Yes, I am deprived, but not necessary THAT sense.

Male company, maybe.

The kind that would not fall for me, and yet be there like a sister, for me.

I used to have such a pal, whom I could cuddle, hold hands with, without anyone having their imaginations run wild.

I kinda miss that.

***

Now, at 4.55am, I am talking to a man who is slightly intoxicated.

Strangely, this is the first and only time, I feel I could see a different side of him, a more serious side.

I agree with what he spoked of his predicament, indirectly speaking into mine ‘idle hands are the devil’s play ground.’

True, true.

Plenty of space for them to create negative thoughts in.

Gee, nowadays you guys have to read everything twice or thrice eh?

Oh well.

Whee! The pain is there no more. I could sleep well tonight!

Out.

FINICKYMUNCHED/BUBBLEFELINED

First of all.

The saga had a closure.

I feel liberated. I feel good.

If only you can see the mesmerising sweet smile on me right now.

But, the talk had took up most of the time I had wanted to leave for this entry. *pouts*

Anyway.

The 2 gorgeous people I had met, by now you would have known, were *cough* two of my favourite bloggers of all time, Bubblemunche(XXXX), and Finicky Feline(XXXXXX).

Yes, Bubblemunche, or fictitious Eddy Neo to some.

Or, a totally fresh character to others, who had located him elsewhere on the blogosphere.

And sorry to disappoint some of you peepz out there, we, the 2 brilliant ladies, had popped his meet-the-bloggers cherry.

We were his firsts.

It could have been me, and just me, only.

Boohoohoo.

It was last evening, after an eventless, homebound day.

BB: I’m scared of all the blog politics too….
BB: That’s why…..
BB: No meet-ups for me !
Ting: yah..
BB: Anyway..
BB: This is a bad time..
BB: But..
BB: Wanna meet-up for dinner somday?
BB: Haha..
Ting: yes..
Ting: with FF?
BB: I’m curious about how FF’s like
BB: Eh..
BB: I do things on impulse..
BB: I might regret this.. but oh well…
Ting: Tomorrow?
BB: Can also
Ting: Ok set.
Ting: YOU DIE.

Muahaha. I set the date right on the spot so I could leave no room for him to regret.

Hurhurhur.

Jurong Point. 6.30pm. Outside Giordano, the trio agreed.

*Cough* Obviously, someone was blardy late cos she was blogging slightly delayed. And the other two were *gasp* early!

But no, FF didn’t go up to BB to identify herself though she had spotted him with the description he had provided me with – an ugly green jacket.

I shall not blog about how FF and I were so blardy, freaking shy(yes, shove it into your minds that WE GET SHY TOO!) that, we actually walked into the mall, and immediately U-turned out of the entrance cos we didn’t dare to approach him.

We held our hands, and were a bundle of nerves.

Jitters.

Finally, we walked up to him.

My head bowed. Eyes focusing on the floor hoping he would not realise I was without a hint of makeup.

Handshakes were exchanged, and his amicable laughter, framed by the giant pimple on his chin, broke the ice. I giggled nervously.

Dinner was at Fish & Co.

Audible gasps were heard when we sat down, when the man removed his top jacket to reveal the magnificent sight beneath.

Oh.My.God.

*Holds breath*

Lo and behold. The sight before us.

He had plotted this, I am sure.

We swooned. We got slightly moist from the oozing beads of sweat. We were in need of a cold shower.

*ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR*

UNIFORM, YOU KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We didn’t need to order anything. We then had him for dinner.

I wish No, we were too shy. We are prim and proper ladies. Very demure, too.

We were informed soup of the day was ‘lamb chop’.

I was grossly disappointed when clam chowder was served instead.

We had an animated dinner, filled with explicit detailed insights to post-Eddy Neo days, and we even thought of filling ‘Scarlett, Bubblemunche, Finicky Feline’ on the feedback form.

Woooooooooooooooosh. THAT uniform, again.

Bubblemunche has very nice, big eyes, but a very small face.

Finicky Feline has very hairy arms. Does that make her a very horny person?

Even if she is, you would never guess from her demure Japanese Korean porn star look.

In her haughty words, ‘hey it’s not my fault i look so innocent and sweet. I was born with it, baby.’

Bleah.

Scarlett Ting? She is much more cheerful than what they had expected. Or so they said.

Verdict of Bubblemunche?

Mr Sweetheart.

He insisted on getting the bill(next time, bring him to Equinox or something).

We adjourned to Swensen’s, where we had freaking sinful desserts.

Finicky Feline had a swollen eye, and the sweetheart promptly left his seat, rushed down the escalator, ran into the mall, down the escalator again, to get some eyedrops from the pharmacy.

Imagine my utter flabbergastion when he was back with a pack of lozenges as well, cos I was coughing relentlessly for the evening.

He even requested for a glass of warm water for me.

*Ting cues* Everyone, says ‘Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww………….’ with me.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww….

*Smitten*

Were we on earth? Couldn’t be. No such guys still exist!

Over dinner, the duo were pretty curious about Jayaxe, whom I had the *cough* honour to meet up many moons ago.

A call was then made to the other sweetie(yes, in fact, Bubblemunche does remind me very much of Jayaxe’s gentlemanly, sweet-soul ways), and the smart one guessed their identities accurately.

We must all meet up for a game of mahjong, or dinner one day.

Must make them wear uniforms.

*ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR*

The 3 of us took the train, and it was on the platform, where I rolled up Bubblemunche’s sleeve to reveal his hard, stiff, thick…. bicep.

Finicky Feline and I, held on to each other for support.

Thanks Bubblemunche. It was a great pleasure.

Seeing you in uniform Admiring your biceps Meeting you, that is.

WOAH.

I am simply amused by how missiles of words are flying all round.

I had told myself to tie my hands to the chair not to refuke anything, cos there’s simply nothing else for me to say.

I got uncomfortable when I saw people talking to me about ‘this side, or that side.‘

So, this whole thing is getting territorial? *scratch heads*

Everyone told me to ignore, but more names are snowballed into the whole shite that’s going on. They don’t deserve that.

Why huh? Why did it have to escalate to such?

Yet, just 2 more things, and that’s it, from me.

One, I DID NOT use ‘Come on la, you all really believe….’ as my introduction to the question that sparked the entire saga.

The words were animated. ‘Eh, ask you all ah….. you all really believe…’

There is a difference, and could be a significant one.

I believe it was took out of context to spice up the sensational factor.

When 2 persons spoke up, yeah, I was shocked. More shock factor from why the strong over-reaction to a casual question.

It was only when I was home, when one of them MSN me to drive the point to me, then did I think to myself, ‘Eh, I still thought it was over and done with at that point of time, why still harping on it?’.

Then, a minor suspicion of people might have read too much into it crept in, but I brushed it off and didn’t think it would be.

Two. My good friend and I had not spoke much about the bloggers when we are out at Balaclava, and she was not sure of my take of the said person.

She told the said person when was asked why does she think I dislike her, good friend just gave an answer saying ‘I don’t know. Probably because….‘

There. They took it as a confirmation which they need for the case.

Why get everyone involve into it when we don’t want to.

Ask me. Directly. We all know how passing-the-message game always screw things up.

So. Truth is, I do have my reservations about her. I did.

But does reservations equate to dislike? I don’t think so.

I had reservations about Finicky Feline too, when she shot me a cold stare when we first met.

The reservations were there, for quite a while. I spent that night asking people I was close to, whether if she didn’t like me or something.

Until she added me on MSN, and I opened up to her.

I have reservations about Joel too. I still do. That’s because I still don’t know her, but I just might have a chance to, in the future.

Even Jordangoh, Tripleperiod. Are they nice, or are they just, being diplomatic?

I don’t know.

Now, dislike is still too strong a word. But being misquoted does irk me. Being having friends I love and adore pulled into the whole whirlpool makes me feel… affected.

Someone told me to show I am affected might just be what people want.

But truth is, I am, and I can’t hide it.

Truth is, the reservations grew more. I am apprehensive, feel the need to be cautious, and sceptical around a couple of people. The gap just grew bigger. Negativities increase, and it’s just harder to read the people cos everything is clouded.

Or is there a need to?

Is it a cruel episode of mind game? A misunderstanding which could be easily solved, and was fuelled by people with Godknowswhat intention?

I’m curious.

Why is it everyone trying to establish the question is of harmful nature and wrap in hostility?

Why is it that nobody is asking in return HOW did the malicious statement of ‘Ting was throwing herself all over Tetanus over supper, flirting incessantly‘ came about?

Who ignited that?

Over supper, there was only that few of us, or them.

Most present would be able to vouch it was almost ridiculous cos I did not do anything potentially that would remotely suggest that.

If you think I am directing it at the said person, no, I am not. I do not think it was even her. I am genuinely curious with how this came about.

Then what about Mambo night when everyone was all over everyone, in the name of fun, dirty dancing, and nobody said anything?

The intention behind the character assasination proves to be a tad sinister, isn’t it?

What is the agenda behind? I don’t know. Perhaps, it’s better that I don’t.

It was a rumour out of NOTHING.

Maybe it was a joke that was blown out of proportion.

Maybe not.

Why would someone want to do that?

Speculation wouldn’t quite explain that, cos it would be a suspicion, not a solid statement that suggest otherwise.

Teasing wouldn’t be substantial cos I would be at the receiving end, and not going behind my back.

Politics? Conceivably.

Any other reasons?

And, why me?

No, I am not trying to gain sympathy here. I don’t need any.

I don’t want and don’t need anyone to jump in front of me to shield me.

All I take comfort is, at the end of everything, people will silently think to themselves, ‘I know her.’ with that confidence in me.

Even if you’re not my friend.

That was only my 2nd meeting with them. I am awed.

Mind-boggling, isn’t it?

So why nobody is trying to get to the bottom of this when this is a clear indication that the whole thing is getting personal?

I don’t know.

Who are the hypocrites here?

I don’t like mind games.

Take me out.

Great. I shouldn’t blog about all these to feel naked and exposed right?

But yeah, you got me affected, if that’s what whoever you are want to know.

Whoever you are, whatever your intention is, may I know:

What for?

Die. Meeting 2 gorgeous people for dinner and I am still blogging at 6.24pm.

OF SUNDRESS WITH NOTHING UNDERNEATH

HIS HAND, HER HAND, MY HAND.

It took me a while to get the motivation back to blog.

It has been a long, eventful week, which sapped up the last essence of energy within me.

This is gonna be a long, long post.

Springs of emotions.

A little tricky, it could be.

But, I am at peace with it, right now. With no whatsoever doubts within, and a smile of victory.

An upward curve of ease. Sweet.

***

Let me continue on from the previous entry I left dangling.

Balaclava was quite hilarious.

We were sitting at this table meant for 8 people, right in the middle of nowhere.

We managed to exchange seats with this huge group, and the high stools were perfect.

Night proceeded on with Patrick coming over to start a conversation, and later bought us rounds of drinks.

I had a couple of mocktails, and *cough* a cup of Earl Grey.

Yeah, Earl Grey at Balaclava. Hurhurhur.

I think he wanted just a conversationalist. Though he was slightly irritating, but I found he was of good-natured, except when he snatched our phones to dial his own number.

Thief.

Ah. Two of his friends had extremely perky, rounded, firm, cute butts.

Woohoo.

People came and go, when we just couldn’t be bothered with them.

Denise and Janice with one of Patrick’s friends sneaking into the picture.

Just when Denise and I were going to take a picture together, the irritating duo(whom we snubbed cos we had no interest in their conversation of cheesy substances) had to spoil the pictures.

I rolled my eyes to show my displeasure, before I kindly told them I would appreciate if I could have a proper with my friend.

Good riddance.

The sensational trio.

Yummy.

Friend from overseas informed me that he’s here for a short trip. Interesting. It would be nice if we could get to catch up a little or something.

Daddy picked me up, and I ended the night early.

I had wanted to venture to Dbl O for a night of partying, but my throat wasn’t quite smooth, and it would be pretty hazardous with the smoke and everything.

Home.

I really, really had wanted to go Dbl O.

But, it might just be a better idea that I didn’t.

Yah, it’s better that way.

Thanks pal, for the call, that made my PMS so much more bearable.

***

Phantom of the Opera is awesome.

I bet it must be the PMS.

I teared.

I finished Disc 1 on a lonely Friday night.

I was touched beyond words when I finished Disc 2 in the late noon of Saturday.

Sorrowfully beautiful.

Chillingly haunting.

There was only her, in his world.

It took only her, to crumble his world.

A world he thought he had control over, but was never so.

I like.

The film. Not the sorrow.

***

Wheeee. Nice race today.

Results were satisfactory.

1st – Rossi
2nd – Gibernau
3rd – Melandri
4th – Barros

***

I had wanted to blog something patronising in this entry, as usual.

Hence, the original title, which was a private joke earlier this evening.

I reflected the past week.

I thought of the purpose of this blog.

And the emotional evening further egged me on.

Words are powerful tools.

It could make, or break.

However much tact I practise, however much I try to inject sincerity into this, I must be prepared for intentions to be twisted, words to be miscontrued, sentences to be misread.

Such is communications.

Still, brutal honesty may not come across well, however innocent the thoughts, the actions, the speech may be.

Or maybe, certain things weren’t meant to be innocent right from the start.

Still, I decided to be true to myself.

Apologies to those who would be potentially affected, and upset.

Thanks and apologies to those, who had to go through it with me.

I might lose friends, who never belonged to me to begin with.

I might lose support, from people who never understood me anyway.

I may come across as ‘pulling strings’ with some bloggers, but do look at it that I saw sincere friends in them, and not whether they are famous, or not.

Tsk tsk. Bitch, I may be, I may be not. Look at it at different perspectives.

***

I was apprehensive over Mambo night on Wednesday.

I once attended a blogger’s meetup, and was thoroughly uncomfortable.

Misfit, I was.

I am socially inept, I always insist.

People who follow my blog since last year, would know what a big leap I had taken since then.

It was hard for me to relate to anyone, and all I could do was to observe, and talk about the obvious – blog addresses and blog nicks.

Hardly appetising, isn’t it?

First impressions weren’t brilliant, and of course being diplomatic, I didn’t want to paint a perfect picture, thus, refrain from describing my first impressions of most people.

Hence, I generalised, saying all bloggers are hot and gorgeous people.

Truth is, there is no ugly blogger. In terms of looks wise, only.

And it was brief mention, and at then, I thought, our paths would not cross again.

I was wrong.

And I am glad I was wrong.

Vamptress, surprising, sprang back into my life.

It was a shaky start, cos she honestly felt how everyone painted a diplomatic, perfect picture, and didn’t have the balls hypocritically left out the flaws.

It was too much ass-buttering on our parts, back then.

I agree.

Have you read anything potentially lethal about people we had met, that could ruin your fantasies about the people behind the blogs?

All of us have our flaws.

You beautify a picture of us, and the results could be disappointing.

I learnt that.

I could be that disappointment too.

I liked Mambo night.

Not completely, but enough.

I met new people whom I like, whom I thought I like, whom I thought I couldn’t click, whom I thought were different, whom didn’t come across as quite friendly.

It’s just natural for people to click with people they feel more comfortable with.

And the few days from Wednesday proved to be surprising, when you slowly learn new things about people, about people whom you thought you know, but had no idea.

Finicky Feline was shy to begin with.

I was adamant she didn’t like me and had something against me.

I changed my views on her when I saw her put a comforting arm over someone who was in deep thoughts.

Tetanus first words to me were ‘Why cheesebuns?‘.

*Bitch-slap*

Apparently, he mistook me for Miryclay.

Sorry to disappoint ya mate, my body ain’t as hot.

Sandra came across as rather aloof. I don’t know if we had common topics, cos we didn’t talk much except for the sizzling body contact while dirty dancing together.

Vamptress is a hot dancer. I don’t have to add on cos… cos.. cos.. I just don’t have to. Muahaha.

Airhole talked a tad too much, tried a little too hard at times, but is generally a nice guy.

Vincent seemed a little out of place, but I realised his intentions were often misintepreted. But I always remember the encouraging words he had for me.

Sadly, we couldn’t really communicate well in real life.

Perhaps, I didn’t make an effort to, either.

Mandrake seemed like a guardian angel over us, quietly observing.

My only contact with Joel was when she was really wasted, and I didn’t have the chance to know her well.

Miryclay was as usual, daring with an air of straightforwardness. Yet, I wondered, if she truly happy?

I adore that girl, and yet, I don’t know how to show concern in a not-so-intrusive way.

She was as ever, showing care to people around her.

Thanks babe, I will pull through this phase. *smile*

Tripleperiod, I don’t know him well, really. He seemed gentlemanly yet he gives me a sense of uncertainty.

Jordan was friendly, but there wasn’t much exchange, except that he thought he had gotten used to the twirls.

I think the twirls are better, definitely.

Twit was having fun, and I thought of how simple, and pure her definition of happiness was.

Even my closest, Janice, was slightly different.

It’s interesting to be an observer.

We could be similar. But when in a crowd, she’s the social butterfly, and I am the social recluse, clinging to people I am more familiar, and comfortable with.

Shy.

Not a brilliant excuse, but yeah, I get social jitters all the time.

What did I truly feel? I feel as if there was a competition for attention, and the guys were trying a tad too hard to impress.

Ouch.

The underlying politics could be felt… somehow.

It is interesting to see how swift things evolved over the next few days.

***

I was tucking myself under the duvet at around 10 pm in the evening.

I snubbed an invitation to Velvet Underground, Attica, and a birthday party of a girlie.

I am just not into socialising for the day.

I drifted in and out of brief sleep, with the discovering channel flicking in the background.

I resolved to sleep at 12, to wake up at 9.30 the next morning for church.

Good girl, I thought.

As I got myself comfortable, with the soft duvet caressing my bare skin, toes curled rubbing against the smooth sheets, I picked up my read.

I readied myself to switch on to anti-social mood, and get myself trapped in a fictional world of literacy, away from reality.

Before I could flip my page, with my freshly shampooed hair still on the pillow, a beep from the phone cut me in my routine.

Tetanus.

He was heading down to meet up with the others at Wala Wala.

I declined the invitation to join.

He then said Finicky Feline would be there.

(I thought she told me she wasn’t going)

So, after some persistent persuasions and assurance that Finicky Feline would be there, I agreed.

I was given 15 minutes to get out of bed, and he would pick me up in a cab to go down together.

I immediately messaged Finicky Feline who told me she wasn’t going, but since that I was going, she might as well join in.

Cool.

Anyone who needs a lesson on how to get out of your comfort zone, pop in the contact lenses, find a combination of fresh clothes(and wonder where you chucked your undergarments), spray the perfume, pile on the makeup, draw the eyeliner, mascara, slip on the heels, lock door, take lift, sashay out of the lobby and make a 5 minutes phone call all in 15 minutes, you know who to call.

Nobody warned me it was a wrong move.

***

Met up with Finicky Feline before we made our way up to Wala Wala together.

Can you believe it, it is my first visit.

I was shot with furrowed brows and sceptical ‘are you sure?‘.

Yup.

I enjoyed the night thoroughly as I got more comfortable with the crowd.

The band was nice.

They were in the midst of Truth or Dare, where we witnessed full tongue actions between the girls.

We missed most of it, I didn’t know what was asked, what was said.

We joined in, and it was just 3 rounds before the band started playing.

Well done. I got my chance. ‘Which male blogger do you want to shag most?‘

Seriously, I have not thought of this before.

In my usual kooky fashion, ‘I would rather die than sleep with any of them.’

Which drew protests from Tetanus that male bloggers aren’t that bad.

I heard someone asked, ‘Kenny Sia?’

*chokes* *shudders*

He’s such a hairy guy such a nice pal that I would never thought such of him.

I gave a patronising answer, and casually pointed to Makanguru, whom I met for the first time, simply because I might give others the wrong idea if I had ‘made use’ of anyone else’s name.

Really cannot think of any lah.

The band was fabulous, and I was immersed in the sweet music of the night.

I like.

***

I was then asked to join my friends at Velvet, which I hesitated, and then decided my tummy needed to be filled.

***

Finicky Feline and Vincent headed home.

MakanGuru, Twit, Janice, and Sandra left in MakanGuru’s car to the destination.

TriplePeriod, Tetanus and I then headed to the ATM, and took a cab instead.

It was while we headed to the ATM, when some private and sensitive topic was brought up, and Tetanus was giving his opinions of the situation.

I laughed at my own silliness, and he jutted his elbow out for an assuring arm to hold on to.

I held on to it, walked right next to him, and nervously spilled my thoughts of my predicament.

Like a brother, he gave very straight to the point(not very pleasant though) answers.

We hopped on a cab, with a slightly wasted TriplePeriod, and headed to meet up with the rest, and the poor guy had to receive some stick from us cos we were trying to tease him while he was intoxicated.

We reached earlier than the rest and it was a fulfilling meal of Bak Kut Teh.

Sandra’s duck noodles were too much a temptation.

Sandra and TriplePeriod left earlier, and my cravings for roasted duck made me stay.

Janice and I then ordered some brilliant duck noodles, AFTER we had our Bak Kut Teh.

I was so famished that I was first to clean out my bowl. I didn’t spare the bowl full of you tiao.

I am so going to hell for gluttony.

I enjoyed the company of those who were there, and it was when I opened up slightly to the group with a more ditzy side to myself over duck noodles.

It was mentioned that someone was suggesting that Tetanus and I were an item.

HUH?!

Pretty absurd in my opinion, but we brushed it off, cos we didn’t have that much interaction at Wala wala, and we were sitting feets apart.

Other topics were then ventured on.

I started talking more, about my past, about my irritating chinese accent…. and we had a great time.

Or so I thought.

It was a question that was asked unintrusively, out of curiosity, which I didn’t even think too much into about when it was just casually mentioned.

With the ditzy tone since it was a spur of the moment thingy. Like an inquisite child, in my opinion. NOT bitchingly nor did I roll my eyes.

‘You all really believe what was said meh?‘

I thought to myself later, and concede that I could have asked it in a different sentence structure.

Yes, it was a tad of disbelief, and ‘sure or not’ that led to the question.

But then again, it was the same disbelief, and ‘sure or not’ I gave MakanGuru earlier on when he answered a question during our session.

Not unlike how Finicky Feline and Tetanus gave a ‘sure or not’ when I said I had never been to Wala wala, and someone asked ‘You really never come here before?’.

I didn’t know how potentially destructive it could be if people meant to add salt and pepper to whatever I had said over supper table.

It didn’t take long, for the person in question get to know about it. Since we are all ‘friends’, anything said would get to her, she said.

If such a question, could be passed on to the person and be a cue for the people to interpret as I am showing dislike, then, *shrug* what can I say?

I would just admit that I don’t know her that well, and I was just curious cos I wasn’t there earlier to join in the game to know more, nor did I read her blog closely enough to know how she really is like, that caused the puzzle within me.

I did ask that question.

I just didn’t expect much were read into it.

I didn’t bother to explain since I thought it was minor and everything would blow over soon.

I didn’t even talk much to Finicky Feline on both occasions, cos we didn’t have the chance to strike up a conversation.

I tend to stick more to people I feel comfortable with, and I usually wait for people to initiate a conversation.

Passive, I am.

I am a *sneer* baby, I need to be babysitted. *blush*

If that amounts to showing dislike, being bitchy, being jealous, being ostracising, then…. hmmm *ponders* er, yah, I am an evil snob trying to be mean then.

The above is not for only one person, but for whoever who had met me, who is going to meet me, and who might meet me in the future.

I don’t pride myself as one of the bloggers, and I did mention yesterday that I would not join the bloggers convention, cos I am not good with crowds, cos I don’t feel exactly that I am a blogger in that sense, and I was afraid it might incur me into more politics.

What I didn’t expect is, politics came early.

***

The amusing *giggles* drama took a, er, dramatic twist.

I woke up, lazily, preparing myself for MotoGP, and was ‘interrogated’ if, in exact words, ‘throwing myself all over Tetanus over supper last night, flirting endlessly‘.

It was very shameless of me to do so, if I did, I was kindly(with good intentions) told.

THE HORRORS!!

HOW ABHORRING!

*GASP IN UTTER FLABBERGASTION*

What makes them think I have such *cough* exquisite taste?!

Don’t they think I would be a lady of great taste and would not condescend……

Oops.

Joke, joke.

So, are we, or are we not?

Did I, or did I not?

Yes yes, my hand on his palm.

*Ting cues X-files music*

But! Did you manage to catch a glimpse of the 3rd party in the picture?

I would say, it is amusing how this came about.

It definitely couldn’t be at Wala wala since we were sitting far apart, and we were facing the stage, in full view of those present.

In fact, he was more chummy with Finicky Feline cos they are good friends.

So, then we left.

It was when I briefly held on to his arm as we chatted.

Point of contact? Only my hand on his arm.

Over supper?

I inched towards him seductively, shoved him to the corner, cuffed his hands to the grills, parted his shirt aggressively, had my hands roaming all over his body, and then straddled him on the Bak Kut Teh’s stall’s table.

*ROLL EYES*

Duh.

I wasn’t even sitting right next to him.

Not even at the duck noodles stall.

Oh I know. They must have caught us playing footsie beneath the table.

Joke, joke.

We DIDN’T, alright.

I was talking to the group in general, except for the personal jibes which Janice also had received from me.

Sarcasm war.

Obviously such catty remarks were made to people we are closer to, and Janice and I shared the same quaint sense of humour, and we retaliated to Tetanus’ occasional funny yet bitchy comments.

She knows me. She knows it when I flirt. But I wasn’t even flirting, so I wonder how I had myself all over Tetanus.

There wasn’t even a hint of me flirting.

So yah, it was strange in my opinion such hilarious rumour was spreaded.

I had joked about the potential of me starting a TABLOG(tabloid for bloggers) filled with juicy scandals, but I didn’t think I would make the list so soon.

Some thought it was malicious, but I thought it was, er, funny?

Muahaha.

Though I admit, it could be potentially destructive.

And, it’s scary…

The power of words.

The swords of literature.

***

So what if the magic of bloggers dissipates the moment you meet us?

So what if the fantasies crumble when you realise we have more than the 2 dimensions we displayed here?

We are just normal humans.

There are the goods, and also the bads.

There’s nothing special behind the twirls, and you should never assume there is.

***

I just feel a need to refuke something that totally didn’t happen.

To mark a chapter in my life, a lesson learnt.

To be accused of an act which didn’t take place.

It wasn’t an easy step to step out of my comfort zone to meet up with people.

I thought I might have met some wrong people along the way(not necessary this group, but maybe *cough* others we had met earlier), but yet, all’s not lost.

Thankfully, I had met friends who are meant for keeps.

You guys know who you are.

***

Apparently, the scandalous revelation didn’t stop me from meeting Tetanus and Vamptress for tea and dinner this evening.

I crashed their meetup, actually. *sheepish*

Man! Was it a brilliant session.

We had many ‘creative’ moments.

Much laughters and absurdity were shared.

We *cough* threw ourselves all over him.

Yellow sundress with nothing underneath was one. *chuckles* *chokes back laughter*

Sorry that we are such visual animals elites.

We had many silent moments.

‘Silence is a form of communication.’

We could feel each other’s thoughts drifting, though I felt more of a voyeur, than a participant in the so-called mental-masturbation.

My thoughts drifted, and things they brought up trigger a chain of explosive thoughts.

Masked by my dreamy state, not unlike a bimbo.

A very interesting exchange.

Between them.

As the night dragged on after countless beverages, snacks, desserts, and likes, cryptical gazes were thrown at each other, as we sent each other into a deeper spiral of thoughts.

‘Do you think you changed people’s lives?‘ I was asked.

I don’t know. But I remember some then-stranger told me that I contributed to his decision to marry his girlfriend, and they later on had a lovely baby, who was intended to be aborted.

I was invited to his solemnization despite not knowing him in person prior to that.

Does that count?

Maybe that’s my calling, she suggested.

I don’t know.

But, I remember being asked what is my dream in life by Serene before.

My answer?

To make an impact, and know that I make a difference in people’s lives.

I didn’t mention it cos it may sound a tad deliberate.

But, nobody in my life stays constant. It was always the transition period which they then moved on, and I would be a conductive agent, but not an element they would bring along.

She made very sharp deductions. Spot on for all.

I confirmed her suspicions in a tirade of dramatic details.

The mention of my parents made me smile, made me tear.

Coolly represents the complex sentiments I have for them.

The carpet was lifted, with dust flipped into the air, scattered all around, choking me.

And us.

I don’t like it when I feel vulnerable.

It had been a long time since I narrate all these with tears.

I learnt to cope with them all these years, and could relate them without feeling affected, as if I was speaking of someone else’s story.

Today, I felt it was MY story.

Sorry to make you guys feel affected, I said.

If I didn’t remember wrongly, the touching response I had was, ‘When I feel affected, I carried you with me.‘

How blessed for such pals.

It was past midnight when we bade goodbye to her.

Someone I grew close to, unforseenly so.

I couldn’t help but ask, how did I end up growing closer to her in such a short span of time, over such a bizarre connection of events.

Quaint, oh quaint.

Still, it was a blast.

He sent me to the cab, and I told him to go ahead.

***

The Platinum Amex ad had its top left edge peeled from the wall of the building.

The workers at ground level busied themselves as they tried to strip it off the surface of the building.

I sat there, with an eye closed, I envisioned it was like a sticker right before me, and if only I would just exfoliate the wall in one, swift motion.

It was almost therapeutic to watch.

I didn’t board a cab, until this scene soothed my turbulent emotions for the night.

He was there, immersed in the serenity of the night, observing the interesting chore, too.

Shhh, he hushed.

Yes, silence is a form of communications too.

***

I lifted my vision and looked forward.

The stretch of road leading from the Coffee Club we were at, down past Somerset MRT, and all the way to Plaza Singapura, was inviting.

I wanted to take a walk.

‘You go ahead.‘ I told him.

‘I’ll take a walk first,‘ he replied.

Bah. He stole my answer.

That fuelled a walk that concluded at the Amex banner.

***

It was a conversationless walk.

Except for the joke that how bizarre it would be if someone spotted us outside Mandarin Hotel, where I stopped to take a piss.

Muahahaha.

We walked.

And walked.

Till I finished the stretch that ended at the traffic junction.

The one diagonally across Shaw’s Lido.

I turned back, and stared at the lonely stretch behind me.

Looking back into my past, I was.

Walk on, I said.

Tired, I told myself.

I am tired, I repeated incessantly to myself.

I sat on a bench right in front of the Amex banner, outside Burger King.

I am tired.

Tired.

Tired….

Tired…….

Tired……….

Exhausted.

Burnt out.

As my vision blurred.

***

What a night. Something not words could quite decipher, nor described.

It’s just ridiculously special to have friends like such.

(Her on the left, mine with the bigger rock on the right)

Yeah, we were having a threesome. Intellectually.

If we have, that is.

DON’T FEEL LIKE..

Woo… I just did a quiz.

Muahaha. Albeit a silly one.

This is what I’ve got.

Erm, so, is the results surprising, or what?

Gee.

But why must congratulate people that they are me, when it’s not that much a good thing at all?

Hurhurhur, and geee, *blush* the descriptions put my on the pedestal.

***

What took me so long to update, you ask?

Without the usual exclaimation of excitement over what I did, who I met, and the meticulous descriptions of each event in my day.

Like, how I finally ventured into a theatre for the first time since 23rd November 2004 on Wednesday to get myself hot under the collar with Mr and Mrs Ting Smith. With Meiling.

Like, how I had wanted to stay in for the night, until I struggled with the decision to join the other bloggers at Zouk, Mambo, so I could catch a glimpse of Finicky Feline.

Lots of reluctance.

Insecurity brewed, once again.

The fear of crowd, sept in, again.

Like, how I dragged my tired body for the confidence-daunting portfolio photoshoot early noon on Thursday.

Like, how Raf and I adjourned to Holland Village for a nice lazy afternoon at Crustacean.

Like, how I returned home, with Kaiming around the area, and we both ended up watching television, and caught up a little(though *sheepishly* I was online most of the time while he was in the hall).

Like, how my night at Balaclava with Janice and Denise went.

Yeah.

Much of the details speak for themselves.

Too much details, yet emotionally draining.

Ah well.

I shall try.

Wednesday

Plan was to get my arse out of bed, and make my way to Jurong Point to catch Brad and Angelina in action on my own.

I was adamant that I wanna end my movie draught that very day.

Meiling was online and asked if I was gonna be free that evening, cos she would be heading down to IMM to get some stuffs.

I apologetically said I had a movie to catch, and asked who would she be hanging out with.

Alone, came the answer.

She then said she had been wanting to catch Mr and Mrs Smith too, but had no one to watch a movie with for months.

I made a rearrangement and *tadang* we had an impromptu meet up at IMM, had dinner, before running across to Jurong Entertainment Centre for the show, which we were 5 minutes late for.

Yay!

I made a booboo when we bumped into her eldest brother, and I *cough* unwittingly asked, ‘Is you 2nd brother taller? Is everyone in your family of such *cough* considerable height?’

Apparently the eldest brother heard it.

Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

Thanks babe, for the nice, quiet evening.

***

Was heading home from the movie when Janice messaged me to tell me TriplePeriod had asked her down to Zouk to meet up with the rest of the bloggers.

After being updated on the list of those who would be attending, a couple of names struck my interest.

It was then a quick dial of phone to Vamptress(Stephanie), and when she said she would join in if I was going down.

Very tempting.

I agreed.

As I was dressing up, I had the cold feet again.

I.am.so.not.good.with.strangers.

And I got a little apprehensive after a recent episode of meeting up with a blogger, and my quiet moments were misinterpreted as ‘hostility’.

What if I meet up with them and they assume I am some haughty bitch, snobbish and cold?

So the time dragged.

It took me an hour to decide ‘WHAT THE HECK’ and sashayed out of my door.

Janice met me at the front door, and made known to me where their table was at.

I went into the club, and headed straight to where they were, only to play the part of quiet observer from a distance.

Most people were not around then.

Janice and I then went on to proceed to the podium, where we had pretty much fun.

And it was time.. for *jitters* meet-the-bloggers.

Since everyone blogged about it, can I just skip this part?

Hurhurhur.

***

Had told myself I would need to sleep early for the photoshoot the next day, but ended up only reaching home at 5am after supper, and I kinda regretted not leaving earlier.

Thanks to a very kind TriplePeriod, whose name I mistyped as Tripletripod over SMS to Kenny, for gave me a lift back home.

The mistake happened cos I was busy looking out for people, and was distracted when I was out of the club, SMSing at the same time.

Dictionary function for SMSes sometimes is like that one. *excuses*

A very witty Kenny asked was it that how Janice, Sandra and Miryclay were gyrating and dirty-dancing to him, had mysteriously caused TriplePeriod to grew a 3rd leg, hence became a tripod.

Muahahahaha.

Conclusion?

There is definitely no ugly bloggers when the females are concerned.

Well, I mean looks-wise, of course.

Anyway.

Photoshoot was pretty daunting.

‘Your eyes very tired huh.’

‘Your arms a tad fat, ‘automatic’ a bit huh, go on diet.’

‘Your face very big.’

‘You very unladylike, can demure a bit, or not?’

‘You legs look quite fat, try angle it a bit…’

‘Don’t smile so big can or not?’

Cannot. My mouth naturally is huge. Just shoot me.

No, not with camera. A gun, please.

***

Crutacean is a really nice place, and the warm baked chocolate fondant wasn’t as sweet as the one at Savoir.

It is more like, some dark and bitter chocolate.

Nice too. I like all sorts of chocolate, so it appeals to me.

I was rather clumsy that day, and there were many times I knocked into the wine rack.

Uh oh.

Not so good eh?

I ate snails, and the babe with me was freaking out.

So I had all half a dozen, to myself.

***

Janice was eager to check out the executives’ butts at Balaclava.

Had actually contemplated to head down to Dbl O instead, but decided I want to have an early night.

Somehow, I don’t know why, I had such a strong urge to go Dbl on a Friday, since I have never been back there for almost a year.

Eventually, messaged Janice to tell her I would be available till 11 plus, and she suggested going to Balaclava, where Denise joined us later on.

Actually, I am quite bored with blogging at this moment.

But let’s just say, throughout the night, there was only one thing that managed to bring a smile to my face.

I will blog about more, later.

Till then, see ya peepz. Sorry for the half-hearted post.

HUMPTY-DUMPTY

FREAK.

I just skidded on a rag, and fell onto the floor on my knees and elbows, twisting my right wrist in the process.

CLUMSY.

I decided not to blog tonight.

Cos I can’t blog what I really feel like blogging, and that makes me feel a tad constipated.

Truth hurts?

Yah, they blardy do.

Plus, my lungs are threatening to eject out of my system too.

Why huh? How many times have I had sore throat and relentless cough just this year alone?

Something is wrong with me.

Yah. That gotta be it.

My boobs are swelling.

My back is aching.

My cravings are setting in.

Hurhurhur.

PMS alert.

That’s 2 short posts(pretty cryptic ones too) from me at one go.

Wow. The cow is going to bark or is the dog going to meow?

Anyway, caught Mr and Mrs Smith on Wednesday.

It’s a freaking sensual movie that everyone should watch.

Freak. No.

Those who are sexually deprived of affections should NOT watch.

It’s almost like soft porn.

No, nothing explicit in the movie.

But when Mr Pitt and Miss Jolie appeared on screen together, everything sizzles and you get wet… water droplets on the forehead from the onscreen chemistry.

That’s how strong the charisma the duo eludes.

A definite must-watch, just to see how magnetic they both are.

They belong together.

Someone even mentioned they should get married, before I reminded her Brad is still Mr Aniston.

She responded with a gasp and commented it’s easy to oversee that fact when you see him and Miss Jolie together.

HOT.

I even fancy Brad cos Angelina Jolie brought out the best of him in this show.

Anyway, it’s not that I want to shag Brad Pitt(oh sorry girls, I just don’t see why. I am a Bloom-er), thus the above picture. But, it’s more of I wish I am Angelina Jolie.

Freaking sexy.

I want her looks, her body, her legs. Her compassion for the less fortunate.

How can any guy NOT fall for her?

I would anytime.

And, I am a female.

I would turn lesbian anytime.

For her, only.

Credits: Kenny for the fulfilling my I-wanna-be-Angelina-Jolie fantasy.

I sound so not a lady now.

Bad throat.

Mambo night was not too bad.

I finally saw Finicky Feline, and many others whom I didn’t expect(but glad) to see.

It was one HOT night.

Those who ignited the night:

Airhole
JordanGoh
VampTreSS
SassyJan
Sandralicious
Joel
Tripleperiod
Onelittletwit
Finickyfeline
Vinceli
Mandrake
Miryclay
Tetanus

Cool, very cool.

Sometimes, it is interesting to see what are the minute details you can derive of when everyone is high and happy, yet something is always amiss to complete the picture.

Rushing out.

Be back with more(alas, no pictures) later.

THE ONE ABOUT LOCAL BREEDS

Rather extensive one.

I FORGOT TO ADD THAT I MISSED SEEING DAVID(oh, the English Skinny Latte guy) AT ATTICA ON SATURDAY. DARN!

I apologise for not keeping true to my promise. Such abhorring blogging etiquette will get me nowhere, no doubt.

Too much things happened, too many people met, and too much a need to rest.

Overwhelmed by fatigue.

10 hours of sleep last night didn’t prove useful. I threw in another couple of hours of nap this late noon, and it didn’t seem enough to fuel me on.

Just when I thought I am gonna hit the sacks cos I could stand it no more, and would procrastinate this long-delayed post, something in me ignited, and I feel awake all of sudden.

Thus, blogging(and ciao to laundry day tomorrow).

Tsk. I truly belong to the night obscene hours, as I always believe so.

It may not be as long as it might have been, cos I am simply too tired to recall all the details. Just wanna get it over and done with. Hurhur.

Well, first and foremost.

Accounting my absence.

No, I didn’t hit the clubs at all for the weekend(yay!), and eyes were shut before 2am for the past 3 nights.

How cool.

And my time were largely took up by the PC Show 2005, that was held over the weekend at Changi Expo.

Ha! Now you ask why I didn’t state so earlier.

I refused to disclose my whereabouts for the fear some would crane their necks to look out for me recognise me in the grossly packed hall.

It didn’t filter out the risk totally, apparently.

Anyway.

Friday was spent at the Costumes House for skirts and boots fitting.

Met up with Stephanie at Bugis, before taking a bus down to Aliwal Street, where the shop is located.

I almost couldn’t recognise her, since it was only our 2nd meeting, and she looks slightly different from the last I remembered her.

I don’t even know if we exchanged much words back when we first met!

Gee, I digress.

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I adore the place.

Yes, yes. I know I should be focused and not let my attention stray.

But… how do you resist looking like a…

BEE?

FLOWER?(Yes yes, I know I am already as pretty as a flower, but still… *coughs*)

CAMEL?

CRANKY MONITOR?

COW? (Yes yes, I know I ALREADY am a cow, sometimes. Moo.)

It was funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!

I wish I had more time to play dress-up, but it was more of serious business at hand.

I now secretly wish someone would hold some grand theme-party, and I would not hesitate to scoot down there to try every single item in there.

It’s a HUGE place, I tell ya.

We left for dinner at El-Sheikh cafe, which was just around the corner from the shop.

Food is nice. And I had a tad too much than I should.

It was a long chat, which lasted hours, from slowly warming up, to extensive animated chats.

Rather unexpected, really.

Was introduced to David, Jeff, Roy.

Yes, another with the dreadful ‘D’ name. But this one is aging, so don’t even start on it.

***

Got home, and was half drifting into slumberland when a call came in.

Kenneth.

Unexpected.

Apparently, Philip and him were outside Attica and asked if I was there for a quick meetup.

‘Since I haven’t seen ya for quite a while’ was Kenneth’s exact words.

I am not trying to be spiteful, but it was indeed queer coming from someone who treats me as a friend no more.

***

It was an early train ride on Saturday. It gotta be. I thought it would be nice to have an internal flight from my place to Changi.

A major surprise to bump into Anderson, my ex-classmate for 4 full years during my River Valley days.

More surprises were thrown into my way when David was teaching me to put on my makeup, when David came up to me to say hi.

Hurhurhur. I love confusing you guys.

David is Stephanie’s friend who was helping us out with the makeup, whereas the other David was actually my ex-colleague when I was helping Selina out some half a year ago.

So apparently, their agency was having a roadshow at the PC show too, and I would be seeing lotsa familiar faces then.

Nice.

Now, for the silly job we had to do.

Elizabeth, and I.

To be at this booth, for some telco company.

Sadly, I am not one of those Initial D fanatics, and I am most likely to give the sucky show a miss.

Don’t tell me how silly our gears are.

The fickle-minded clients(the events company) couldn’t make up their minds what they want, like how I couldn’t decide if I prefer Cartier or Bulgari.

Uh-oh. Sounds like potential bad experience, huh.

So, our tops and skirts were then changed to give a more ‘wholesome’ image.

Somebody please educate them on fashion sense, thank you.

Stop staring at me, Jielun.

I had wanted to take a picture with Guanxi Edison Chen instead, but they decided to prop up this guy’s poster, and only put up Edison’s on Sunday.

Coming out of the little room where the stocks were kept, and where a little stool was to provide a little resting space.

The job wasn’t an easy one I tell you.

This post would go on forever if I list out the bad episodes.

Then, again, I should.

It was first agreed we could get a 15 minutes break every 2 hours.

Lunch break would then be at 3 plus in the afternoon. An hour, we thought.

We only took one 15 minutes break in between, throughout the day.

Elizabeth was first to go for lunch, and the female in-charge grumbled how long she took, cos she thought we would only have 15-minutes breaks, and we could settle our lunch in those breaks.

Apparently, she didn’t take up Mathematics in school.

She couldn’t quite count that it took 10 minutes to squeeze out of the traffic, and another 10 to squeeze back into the booth.

For the record, Elizabeth took less than half an hour when she went for lunch.

Liz became rather sick, and they had wanted a replacement.

But horror of horrors, when the replacement turned up on Sunday, they actually didn’t want her, and I had to start crooning ‘All by myself’ to tide rest of the day over.

9 hours of standing, for Saturday.

Another 9, on Sunday.

I had worse with Siemen’s.

I didn’t think it would be THAT difficult.

But difficult people would make jobs more difficult.

Sometimes, people don’t have to talk to make things difficult.

Anyway, difficult customers also didn’t make things better.

Sadly, there are quite a handful of ugly Singaporeans which tainted the experience.

What was the ultimate killer?

THESE:

I couldn’t feel my feet after the 3rd hour on the first day.

And I almost couldn’t zip up the boots cos my calves are blardy too fat.

So, that’s how bad it was.

It was almost a miracle I could survive the 2nd day.

Frankly, I couldn’t. I was already feeling nauseated from the aches and pain.

Ankles, knees, calves, toes, balls of the feet, and the arches.

I didn’t know such pain exists.

Ouchy ouch.

Boots are evil.

I shall count the blessings.

And for the first time, I met Filicia.

It was a brief meetup, and before I could get over the initial shock when I turned to my left after someone tapped me, she already scooted away into the crowd.

I was introduced to her beau, and they looked so good together.

Awww…………..

It was all sugar and honey meeting the babe. I mean, after all the naked and raw chats, seeing her in person completed(or is it distorted?) the picture.

All I remember is, someone tapped me, I turned, I gasped ‘OH MY GOD’, I covered my mouth instinctively, and an embrace to round the meeting up.

Pleasure, babe.

It was nice catching up with Adeline when we had the long train ride to the west together on Saturday.

The past few days had been harsh on the lady.

I feel a little helpless cos I am really crap when it comes to cheering people up.

Was looking for some late dinner, and coincidentally Denise was just returning from work, and I did a little catching up with her, though I was in a trance state most of the time.

Hongsheng, Wenlong and their friends were at the fair too, and I met up with them after I wrapped up on Sunday to have dinner together.

Was totally famished.

Conclusion of the entire experience? I am still terribly inept when it comes to handling social situations.

***

Today was spent feeling lethargic and napping my day away before making my way down to Bugis again.

Was feeling too lousy to bother with all the makeup, though I made a mental note to do so NO MATTER WHAT, after being spotted by a blog-reader at Citilink Mall without makeup.

(Can somebody just kill me?)

Laziness is KING.

Anyway.

Waiting for Stephanie proved to be a daunting task.

For my conscience, that is.

Beard papa cream puff, sounds delicious. One wouldn’t harm.

Takopachi. Smells great. A box wouldn’t kill.

You get the picture.

And to think we were supposed to meet up for dinner after returning the gears to Costumes House.

Alright, it shall be crash diet for the next couple of days.

It was yet another extensive dinner. Much were chatted about over dinner too. Very interesting.

I ate a tad too much, in my opinion. *guilt-ridden look*

***

Isn’t it scary that it takes me so long to finally dwell into the subject matter for this post?

My weekend was a stark contrast to my other weekends.

All the guys that crossed my path over last weekend, are local guys.

Hurhurhur.

HURHURHURHURHUR.

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Woops.

***

::Specimen #1::

Mr stalker Richard came across as rather harmless over email.

He’s with a rather established firm, and I would think he’s someone rather decent.

He requested for my number cos I stated I wouldn’t be around much to reply to his email over the weekend.

I may be mistaken, and I might have miscontrued his words.

But I did raise an eyebrow when he messaged me after I replied to his message that I was really tired, and desperately in need of an early rest.

The message?

‘Guess you are tired and need to get up early tomorrow. Good gal if you want i can come over to give you a massage ‘

Sleazeball alert or what?

I declined saying it didn’t sound too nice, and I could depend on my massage chair(it’s a massager, but I didn’t want him to raise his brows by reading too much into it) for that.

He replied something along the line that he hates OSIM for that, and how about a drink instead.

Hurhurhur.

When I got online, I casually mentioned I just got home and showered.

He then wondered how I would look ‘fresh from shower’ before going on how he fancies my eyes and hair.

I might be overly paranoid, but I can’t help but feel his over-the-top praises and pouring compliments are too overwhelming.

***

::Specimen #2::

Some guy managed to get a voucher for free coffees at Coffee Bean from the Initial D game.

Just as he collected the voucher, he asked, ‘Do you like to drink coffee?’.

Sadly, I am more of a tea person.

***

::Specimen #3::

Just when I thought being stared at relentlessly on the train was freaky enough, I wasn’t quite prepared for Saturday.

The booth right opposite us had 3 of their staffs staring at me, trying to hold my gaze for the 9 hours I was there.

No, they weren’t standing together when they were staring. But they were just standing at 3 locations, staring, without being aware that they had 2 other colleagues who were staring blatantly, too.

They still stared when they were talking to customers.

I smiled back politely to one of them(okay, fine, he was acceptably, boyishly cute).

Fine, I did smile back to the other 2 ‘uncles’ too. Albeit a tad nervously.

On Sunday, he was having dinner, and gestured to offer me some from a far distance.

I laughed at the silliness of the entire thing.

He passed me a flyer from his booth when I was going for my lunch break.

As much as I was interested in the products, I never once dared to step into their booth.

Our first words were exchanged when I was finally leaving for home on Sunday, wrapping my stint up.

He was still staring.

He waved, and said ‘bye’, coolly.

I smiled back, and bade farewell.

The glare from the shiny thing on his left hand’s fourth finger blinded me, screaming for my attention.

Ouch.

Hurhurhur, the insurance agency which I once helped out in was just diagonally across to my booth, and right next to theirs, and thus, information was at hand.

A little birdie later told me, he has little juniors, too.

*Gasp*

I am amazed.

***

::Specimen #4::

He is not exceptionally cute, but he is not too bad among the geeky RVians back then.

He saw me from a distance, and I thought he looked rather familiar.

It took me a while before I realised he was my dance partner when we were paired up for a mass dance during one particular Physical Education lesson eons ago.

He was the only one who was shorter than their female counterparts.

The teacher then told us we were not allowed to let go our hands, and we blardy did.

We were then the only ones being punished, and the 2 of us did 20 push-ups with our classes looking on.

Bleah.

The push-ups part was easy peasy since I was with NPCC, and he was a sprinter with well-known mega-well-endowed.. calves.

We chatted as if we were old friends though we barely talked back in school then.

It’s quaint how the guys from school never quite look different from 8 years ago.

He’s still vertically challenged, and looks exactly how I last remembered him to be.

***

::Specimen #5::

The booth of my old company was just diagonally across mine.

An old colleague whom I wasn’t close too, walked over to make conversation on Saturday.

He couldn’t even remember my name. Ben, is his.

He then kept walking over to ask if I was hungry, and if I needed KC(another ex-colleague) to packet lunch for me.

I okay-ed the idea.

He then kept walking over to ask if I was gonna to have my break, and that he would wait for me, and we could have lunch together with rest of the people from the agency.

So, when I finally got a break, he then took a pack of chicken rice for me, and I realised none of the ex-colleagues were joining us.

I didn’t want to have lunch alone with him, and I pleaded with Stephanie to stay around.

Some ex-colleagues saw us, and one joked, ‘Wah, you sure you gonna have lunch with him only? Wait he molest you, you also don’t know..‘

Yup, such is his reputation.

We later were having lunch, when we chanced upon some other friends, to my great relief. They all gasped and asked, ‘Why are you with him??‘ right in front of him.

Stephanie commented he looks kinda sleazy.

Muahahaha.

And to think he tried to get my number when I was leaving on Sunday.

Argh.

KC and Elaine were around, and I was trying to shake off his persistent requests. Eventually, I gave in cos my multiple excuses failed to make him give up.

And he even had the cheeks to say he could call me if he needs someone to talk to. He even said we could come out for lunch or something.

ARGH.

I then told him that I would only meet up with KC for lunch cos he is cuter, and more eligible, and I would not want to meet up with him.

He jokingly said he was jealous.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

He’s DEFINITELY NOT a looker.

And,

This is HIS baby I was holding last Christmas, when obviously, my arms were slimmer, and hair, nicer.

Grr……………

Apparently, his wife and baby visited him at the fair on Saturday.

Go away, irritating people.

At least Specimen 3 is way cuter, and cooler.

***

::Specimen #6::

Oh, first and foremost, this specimen has nothing to do with me, in THAT sense. Not even 0.0001%.

I gasped and instinctively covered my face when I saw this face that seemed rather familiar.

It gave myself away.

Mr Darren, he was. Friend’s friend. Someone who had never met me before, nor seen my pictures before(but he did say my twirls are pretty redundant cos much of my face is already shown).

He came across as a gentlemanly, reserved person.

Brownie points to the lanky one, who came over to say goodbyes when he was leaving.

I mean, it’s not an easy feat to squeeze through the sea of people, and he didn’t need to do so.

A very polite, fine, gentleman. I may be wrong, but he seemed so. Or, he might just be a very good actor.

Aunties’ favourite!

***

::Specimen #7::

A familiar figure lurked in the crowd, and I widened my eyes.

*Gasp*

It was the guy I first kissed when I was a *cough* late teenager.

Actually, nothing too surprising about that, cos we still keep in contact over the years. *blush*

From what I know, he doesn’t seem to have a single girlfriend all these years. No, he is not gay.

What appalled me is, despite the fact that he had never dialed my home number for the past 7 years, he could still rattle out my home number concisely, under 2 seconds.

Credits to him, he was rather good for a first-time kisser.

That was the only time we kissed.

We didn’t work out cos, he was pressuring me to study and nagging incessantly about how qualifications are all important, which was something I loathed the most.

Back then, and still do.

***

::Specimen #8::

Was strutting by Fujitsu’s booth and was stopped by one of the sales person when I was browsing.

I am very into their laptops.

The guy is the kind that’s pretty scary, the very SALESMAN type of salesperson.

Definitely has gift of gab, and smooth talker.

A little over the top.

He rattled lotsa crap and you kinda grasp that not every one of his words is credible.

About himself, that is.

He claimed that he had studied high school in London before.

Anyway, he then commented my watch is a pretty good imitation, and estimated I paid around 150 bucks for it.

I brushed the topic aside, and he went on to explain to me the differences between different models.

Suddenly, he stopped in his tracks and as if having an uncontrollable urge to set something right before he continued.

‘Hmm, by the way, do you work out? I think perhaps you should do a bit of sports and tone up or something..‘

WHILE LOOKING AT MY RIGHT ARM!

STARE, GAWK, SCRUTINISE.

Swine = Winston.

***

::Specimen 9::

Ben is an extremely sweet lad who was working with me, and made my day easier by chatting to me, egging me on when the physical discomfort was eating me up.

A geeky, down-to-earth chap.

It was extremely funny when we started talking about being online almost 24 hours a day, and I was his new-found bummer friend, who could chat with him till late.

He asked what hair colour would suit him well, and I thought pale colour would look nice on him.

He then asked what else I do online, and the word ‘blog’ came out in a tiny whisper.

He then quite enthusiastically asked for my blog address cos he enjoys reading blog and I joked it wouldn’t be healthy for him.

He asked if my blog entries are long.

-Sheepish- Not very, I answered him honestly.

He then told me how his parents are pretty strict with him, and he has strict curfews to follow.

He then let rip that despite being of age, his parents do not allow him to visit billiard centres.

He then asked *cough* how old does it take for him to enter clubs.

He grumbled a little about how his parents sieve the sites his surfs, and blocked some sites.

I gasped in disbelief.

In between fits of giggle, I spoke of my fear of my site being read by his parents, and ends up on the blocked list, and it would be better all 17 years-old of him stays clear of my blog.

***

::Specimen 10::

Was having desserts with Hongsheng and Wenlong when I saw Ben. Not, not Specimen #5 nor #9.

Muahaha, how many Bens and Davids can there be?

Ben was working at a booth in Motherhood Fair, which was right next to the hall I was in.

That afternoon, I even met up with Cat briefly.

Cat, is his wife.

Ben was leaving when I saw him at the foodcourt.

He then offered to give me a lift back to the west.

Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

I am so blessed to have such a nice friend.

I gobbled down my dessert, and rushed off.

::Specimen 11::

A 14 years-old boy asked for my number.

::Specimen 12::

So was there anyone who made my heart skip a beat, at all, you ask.

Yes, there was one.

That sole, precious one.

He has the looks, the brains, the everything.

Who brightened my day, who was so sweet to me, and I was charmed by his enchanting eyes when I first set my sight on him.

My last struggling hours at the fair was made easier by him.

I was almost dead when it was 4 plus in the noon.

When he appeared.

He actually stood by my side, helping me to cheer the crowd on, and chatted to me, for more than an hour.

Never a moment, did his grin left the goodlooking face.

There was this brief moment, when he held my hand, which offered some kind of comfort.

Good-mannered, and energetic. Never once complained from all the waiting and standing.

Ethan, he is.

Gorgeous, gorgeous one.

Alas, things are just not meant to be.

Boohoohoo.

Let me just say that, this picture does not do him justice, AT ALL.

He’s much cuter in person, and a very intelligent boy.

His sister, was so equally beautiful.

I kept offering them sweets that Ben was commenting I was going to be the culprit for causing them tooth decay.

I couldn’t care.

I spent more than an hour playing with the pair of siblings, and the parents even left him in my care when the mum had to bring little sister to the loo.

They are such a nice family.

The mum never once complained about the slow service even though daddy queued for more than an hour.

The kids are so obedient compared to some other kids.

I know I shouldn’t be biased, but I really was displaying favouritism.

I even let them play with the remote control car for a while cos they were so into it, but had to stop cos someone was displaying displeasure.

Which I think the very understanding mum of the kids caught.

When the crowd dispersed, I told Ethan he might want to go over to Peikai, one of the staffs, to play with the car.

He declined, to my amazement.

What he said next, melted my heart.

‘I don’t want to play with the car, cos I don’t want you to get scolded.’

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Such an utter sweetie.

WHY?!

WHY?????

WHY???????

Why am I not 5 years old and why is he not 24?!

He brought so much joy to the booth, and many of the customers were grinning and laughing when they saw him clapping and cheering whenever someone’s car got into the slot.

It was hard to say goodbye to the sweet family.

***

::Specimen 13::

There’s another breed which is totally irritating, scary, and freaky.

I am emotionally and mentally and physically too strain to go through with this last one, and perhaps he deserver a good post of its own.

Soon, just soon.

Sometimes, such people just make you wonder what’s wrong with them huh.

*Shudders*

***

I want a change of image so I would not attract the wrong kind of local guys.

Apparently, most people said the mature guys like my curled hair.

YUCKS.

Some branded it the mistress look.

Bleah.

So.

What do you think?

Well, I guess, there are some references you can get to help you with a decision of how you want Ting to look.

Hurhurhur.

Wheeeeeee… Cool or what? Flaming, red hot tresses!

Wild!

*ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR*

Orange doesn’t sound too bad a deal, eh?

Hot pink isn’t too bad either, huh?

Ah.. perhaps this is just perfect for me.

My personal favourite. Macy Gray style.

Wheee! I could join Raf and Rossi in the Maggie Club with this style too!

Yeay.