A SUDDEN BOUT OF DEPRESSION
So sudden that I didn’t see it coming.
I walked out of it, didn’t I?
It’s back, apparently.
Creeping onto my back sneakily.
And ‘BAM!’, it caught me by surprise.
Trust me, it could have been a good and fabulous day.
It could have been.
I even thought of the things I wanna blog, the things I wanna laugh about, the things that happened, the many, many things.
But I don’t know why.
I seriously still can’t fathom why.
It came. Just like that.
No reason. No signs. No nothing.
I don’t want to hear you guys preach. Don’t start, please.
DON’T!
I know you guys are concerned. Consolations and words of what I should be doing? I know them darn well too.
My first sobfest in months.
I succumbed to the weakling in me despite the reluctance to bow down to that defense I built up over the past months.
Everything crumbled.
I felt great reluctance to return to home.
I stared into the breeze that brought the warnings of rain. Blankly.
I am not a smoker. But I fagged. Once.
I walked in the drizzle, unable to feel my soul.
Giving Jamail a goodbye hug, I giggled hard to hold back the tears.
But no, I sniffed hard and I cried a little.
I wished the rain could sober me up.
It didn’t.
It only blurred my vision further with the ruined mascara.
I could barely feel the cold as the wet clothes caressed my skin in the cab.
I can’t remember how I showered, washed up nor changed.
It was a blur how Liverpool won the finals.
I plunged, badly.
I wept. I sobbed. I bawled.
Finally.
An exhausted pair of lungs.
Brain didn’t get fresh air.
A tightly squeezed heart that’s hardly beating.
Cold, very cold.
And the 3 fresh wounds that made my day.
Whee.
I fell. Badly.
Hm, am I still alive?
Why do I not feel the pain?
ai yo r u alright
tat was all for a game??
sure u r still alive, u felt cold
erm….get well soon yea?
and yeah…
I wanna clarify something….
In my previous comment, the slap was in no way kinky….
It was a “WHO’S UR DADDY!!!” type of bitch slap….
Just so you understand yar….
Life has its ups and downs.. who can escape from it… Nobody.. no matter how hard we try.. all the efforts are fruitless..
Yes, to start with, are you alright? I assume so, since you were able to get away from your fall, in to your “flat” (or US: Apartment) and able to blog…
I would say if you need anything let me know.. but being over 18 hours away via plane.. I would assume that not a realistic offer….
Getting back to the white guy thing??
hahahah just kidding…
Hey, feel free to email me back if you ever want to… (:::SIGH::: she never returns email.. well.. maybe 2 times..
:::::)
Hey, trying to give you a hard time today… smile oK??
When you wake up, you may feel better. This entry is a bit personal. I usually delete this sort of entry a few hours after I type it out. Just in case.
Either you eat a big tub of Ice-cream or just go & sleep. Sss…:P