NOTHING HAPPENED

You sure you still wanna read about my (lack of) life?

*twiddles fingers*

There’s nothing much about my life, anyway.

I woke up at 1.30pm today after 11 hours of slumber.

Channel surf.

Blog surf.

MSN.

Grow fat.

Channel surf.

Blog surf.

MSN.

Gain weight.

Channel surf.

Blog surf.

MSN.

Brew lard.

At least there’s 45 minutes of American Idol to strike that 3/4 hour off the long day.

Ya.. *yawn* you get the picture. I am pretty lifeless.

*Tears hair out of frustration*

I could hardly sit still at home.

And the fats wouldn’t stop manifesting.

It is frustrating that EVERYONE(I AM NOT EXAGGERATING) I met, starts their paragraph with ‘Eh! You gain SOOOOOOOOOO much weight! So obvious!’

Erm, thanks.

It’s not helping when you realise you can’t fit into most of your pants, shorts and jeans.

*curse curse swear swear*

And there is great reluctance within me to blog cos there’s simply not much to blog.

Well, unless you guys wanna read about me dropping by Ben’s place(!) yesterday.

Oops.

What did I just say?

Tell me you didn’t see that.

And what are you fugly things(quote from Janice) thinking about? Don’t even lead your thoughts THERE.

Tsk tsk. What have you guys been feeding on man?! *roll eyes*

Anyway.

Am so glad to be home.

But the stacked up laundry screaming for my attention, and the dirt-coated floor aren’t too welcoming.

The tub that’s waiting for a scrub, bed sheets yearning to be stripped, and the countless objects scattered across the entire house(!) waiting to be picked up/chunked into the bin.

I didn’t expect to be made a homemaker at such a tender age of 16. Oh, alright, fine, erm, 24.

I shall do them after I finish with my channel surf, blog surf and MSN(x 100) routine.

Well, I mean, I might be returning to Johor again tonight, so, I might as well leave the chores till I return, and enjoy the cosiness and comfort of surrounded by an obscene mess.

Before that, I shall leave for West Mall to get some bed sheets for my naked bed. Hmm, I want something bold to match the concept I have in mind.

I am going to make use of the spare time now to revamp my room. Yippee.

*Cough*

Didn’t I say the same thing before I left for Hong Kong in January?

Tsk.

Yesterday was a pretty great day.

Janice came over to my place to monopolise my computer before noon, while I left the entire place to her, and went to Jurong East to meet up with Adeline.

It feels great now that I have the spare time to meet up with people I had always wanted to catch up with.

The job had left me little time to maintain contact with many of my pals… *guilty*

Adeline looked more youthful and seems like business is getting on track for her. It was really nice catching up with her over a drink, updating her with all the happenings in my life… family, job, so on and so forth.

Catching up has a con though. I will never know what to answer to them where I am heading next.

I have always been a floating vessel.

Came back and arranged to meet up with Raf the birthday babe(28th March).

She was supposed to meet us say, 4.30pm, but Janice’s blog took up too much time, and we met up at 5.30pm instead at Tangs.

My body has an intensive pimple fest due to the heat rash I sustained from work.

And I splurged 50 bucks on a bottle of IPSA body spray. And to think I don’t buy any skincare products or much cosmetics from the 1st floor of Tangs, it goes to show how severe my back condition had evolved.

Verdict?

Only used once after my shower last night. So, how to give verdict?! It’s not a miracle spray, ya know.

Did I mention Raf babe and Janice babe were gorgeous yesterday?

The 3 of us ventured down to Raffles Place, back to the stretch of eateries wedged between Capital Square and Far East Square, for a fulfilling meal of Maggie Goreng.

Somehow, we could never get tired of eating the stuffs there.

We had even craved for it despite not working there anymore.

Cheap and good, what can I say?

And, I just remembered I had forgotten to pay Raf for paying upfront for the 2 broke ones. Oops.

We dropped by Levi’s and I, Ting, hereby declare my hatred for Levi’s jeans.

Size 26 is too small for me, the sales assistant insisted, and took a pair of size 27 for me.

I relented and bawled uncontrollably when size 27 fitted me perfectly.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO….
Raf accompanied me back to the bistro to collect some stuffs(thus, we were back at that stretch, you see), while Janice took cover at Capital Square, cos she had been avoiding the boss’ calls since that fateful Monday.

Didn’t want to speak long to the boss nor did I want to set my eyes on the evil manager.

Apparently, Terence(oh, there are so many Terences that I must state this is the Terence working at the bistro) had a not-so-pleasant episode with the manager too.

The manager had owed him some cash, and when he returned the money to Terence, he threw the money into Terence’s face.

*Utter flabbergastion*

I shall be kind. Mean comments shall be kept to myself.

Such a horrid, horrid, man.

Left with the 2 babes to Clarke Quay, where we leeched ourselves at the nice and cosy Tapas Tree.

I simply adore the place!

It’s something like a Spanish bistro place, which has really nice settings and such.

It was there, where the boss messaged Janice to ask ‘Will you come back if I take Yusoff out?’.

Hurhurhur.

He wanna sack the evil one.

It seems really tempting enough for her to stay on.

We sat around Tapas Tree, and I chatted the waitress, Joey, up.

I was asking her some questions when she suddenly smiled and paused, ‘I don’t really know how to flirt with girls, you know..’

!!!!!!

*gasp in mock horror*

The girls laughed.

What?

Tsk! Did she think I was flirting with her?!

But, anyway, Janice chipped in ‘That’s how she chatted me up when I was working at the bistro and we flirted blatantly.‘

Thanks Janice. You’re so nice.

And Joey is actually 18 too, and she kinda commented we all looked like rich(?!?!?!) girls.

Muahahaha.

I insisted not.

We’re all broke and out of jobs, ya know.

She thought I am 20 years old this year.

Woohoo. What a nice lass.

Letting her know that Raf is still in the education force, I was part of the education force, and Janice is going to be at the receiving end of the fabulous education force(it would be even so with me around, but alas) appalled her.

So, peepz.

The teacher, the ex-teacher, and the soon-to-be student.

Can’t help but feel old.

Oh before I forget, a delayed picture.

Joanne, Meiling and me when we were at Kazbar last Wednesday.

Raf and I at Tapas Tree.

You guys must be so darn jealous of me having such gorgeous pals, with charming characters to boot.

The 3 lunatics brewed a storm last night.

3 eccentric ones started talking about the lengths and such(!!!!!), and *cough* topics like marriage and childbirth.

Man.

What’s wrong with us?

Laughters didn’t cease especially when a topic was linked to a particular Mr Aqua Di Gio 2.. (Mr Z4).

Sorry guys, you don’t know what you’re missing out.

Muahahaha.

*Raf and Janice would nod in unison, I believe*

Anyway, I simply adore the interior design of Tapas Tree.

It’s in Clarke Quay, near Attica, in case you are wondering.

The girls were feeling a wee bit tired, and decided to retreat back home past 10.30pm.

Was a tad reluctant to head home early, a slightly dejected Ben suggested for a meetup.

And we met up for a drink, at, er, should I say?

Wait.

Before I continue, don’t make your thoughts run wild.

Then again, I already mentioned at the initial part of this entry. Duh.

Went to his place for a drink after his game of tennis.

Er, sounds potentially scandalous I know.

YES. PURELY A DRINK.

SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT.

NOTHING HAPPENED.

DRINKS AND CHAT, THAT’S ALL.

Yeap, that’s right.

Phew.

Stop it! Your thoughts are running a little too wild. And your eye brows are a wee bit too high.

Down, boy, down. Your brows, I saying.

It was a short chat. His bachelor pad is neater than my place, definitely.

Nice place.

Chatted about some issues of life, rattled on about Easter weekend, work at the bistro, and even views on going to church. We maintained an arm’s length distance throughout.

Really.

Really la.

Really.

What can I say to convince you guys?

He’s a nice chap.

Well, Raf and Janice weren’t quite convinced when I announced I was heading over for a chat.

Tsk tsk.

I left around midnight cos I was holding up his resting time and boarded a direct bus back to Jurong. Slept through the entire journey cos I was getting a little tipsy from the Apple Juice vodka.

My tolerance sure is getting better. *smirk*

Got back and chatted to Jiali over MSN. How quaint it was when I brought up her to Ben over the chat and she left a tag on my tagboard.

And the precious friend of mine could actually remember seeing Ben at the bistro on my birthday when she dropped by for a visit!

Apparently he was sitting right in front of her when she sat down for a chocolate fondant that day.

Ah.

Okay.

My unexciting day.

Time to head out now.

So, what should I add to my room?

Cable television is a must since MotoGP is kicking off soon. Maybe a large screen television.

Whee.

Lastly.

Nothing happened at his place. Shove it down your throat.

Platonic friendships do exist.

FEAR

I feel afraid today.

Just a pure fear, of nothing, or perhaps, everything.

I feel like an insecure child, easily frightened.

I am finally back to my hermit shell in Singapore.

I could take it no more, and headed back to Singapore at 12 midnight.

On my own, by public, no less.

Suddenly, the house seemed foreign to me, from the moment I stepped in, till this very moment.

Solitude had never been so intimidating.

An empty home is not new to me. 7 years of solo life away from dad and mum made me a little not used to their presence, and I kinda enjoy a separate life from them.

It’s less harsh that way.

Despite being in somewhere familiar, I can’t feel an ounce of joy.

The past 4 days of time alone, perhaps caused some damage.

It had dipped me into the blues, and clammed me up, yet again.

Absolutely horrid.

Many more of such days to come since I am now back to the unemployed status. *dread*

Dad called to check if I was home safely, and told me they were both at the basement of the block.

Apparently, they both felt the 8.5 quake, and had dashed out of bed to the basement.

Somehow, I wish I was with them. I never felt a quake’s tremor before, ya know.

Okay, not funny.

But somehow, I wonder if I actually do feel the tremors now, and am in a state of panic, who can I turn to, other than sob in fear by myself?

Mum must have been really panicky. She’s always over-reacting, and she would have been scared out of her wits by the shakes.

She has always been a rather timid woman.

At least she wasn’t alone when it happened.

Back in Johor with my parents seemed to add on more stress than to divert my minds off the unpleasant episodes last week.

By right, it shouldn’t be.

I had 4 days of quiet time to myself, getting myself a new pair of spectacles, went for a facial, leeched myself at some cybercafe, went shopping.

Sounds dangerously pampered. Perhaps shopping wasn’t quite my thing these days. Or maybe, the 2 days of walking around City Square was too lonesome a chore.

Besides that.

Mum spoke of how Dad downed some hard liquor at a function attended by some MP, and that led to him feeling his chest tightening in the midst of his sleep.

Dad had a by-pass 11 years ago.

How could I not worry?

He’s aging fast. And this thought never fails to moist my eyes.

I started to think if the Malaysia hospital would be well-equipped enough, and if their ambulance would be efficient enough.

Not the right things for me to fuss over, but….. when Mum shared her worries, it got me thinking.

I am supposed to feel recharged and blogging light-heartedly, not this.

Well, I forgot to bring my 24 year-old baby pillow back from Johor today. *pouts*

Ah. Now I know why the jittery feeling. I miss my security blanketpillow. Must be.

I am always their constant worry.

I am always trying to wriggle out of their constant concerns.

Yet, how could they rest their minds with a daughter like me?

My employment matters.

I need a job desperately, but with my limited qualifications, and my *cough* expiry date is fast approaching, I seriously don’t see myself getting anywhere.

I am 6 years older than Janice, and she has choices and youth, I don’t.

I only have dead-ends.

Dad would love to see me venturing on to get a degree.

Chin Yee had been bugging me to go Melbourne.

Alison, and all 28 years of her, suggested I should join her to take up a business degree.

Yeap, she’s hitting the books again, while I, totally shun the idea, and rejected the idea, flat.

My excuse? I am too old.

I am too fearful of books.

The image of how I would cower in fear, sobbing uncontrollably before every major exam due to the stress, put me off.

I am THAT fearful of books.

It would bring back traumatising images of the tyrant at home, brutally showering me with anything she could grab hold of.

95 was never good enough.

Because XXX or YYY still managed to score 97.

Useless? Stupid? Moron? Idiot? Perhaps I really am. Or so, I was made to believe.

I just wanted to run away.

I would just shrimped myself in a dark corner of the room, hugged my textbooks, in a bundle of nerves, and nothing would ever get in.

I never did study for a single exam, cos I simply couldn’t go through that agonising process.

I do not want to go through that again.

I am afraid.

I am overaged too.

So, am I really getting nowhere? And would really never be good enough for anything?

My insecurities and low self-confidence and minimal self-worth seem to be creeping back.

Get me a job, and I would marry you. I want desperately to get my Singaporean PR status too.

‘Wife‘ is not a career, so yup, save that and shove it up somewhere else. Muahaha.

I wonder if there’s too much fear in me after what happened in the family, and what potentially might happen.

I woke up to a bizarre dream today.

I freaked myself out.

My mind was blurred out all of sudden. In the dream.

It went hollow, and I was devoided of thoughts, emotionals and feelings.

Senses too, I supposed.

It was as if I was conquered by a pitch black force. Possessed.

My gaze had no focal points.

I was at a bus stop.

Bare. Totally naked. Stranded

I was bleeding. Heavily.

I did something brutal to myself, and suddenly I snapped out of it.

I came to my senses, tried to make sense of the odd surroundings, and the realisation hit me, hard.

I grew afraid, very afraid.

I sobbed, I hyperventilated, and I whimpered inaudibly for help.

From the passers-by at the void deck.

I cowered, not in shame, but in fear, and I grabbed someone’s hand.

‘I want to go home.. I want to go home… I want to go home..’

I repeated it with much emotional pain. Trembling.

Till I could take the sorrow no more. The chest was tightening with much tension.

*Snap*

I woke up.

Traumatised. Felt the same accelerated pulse pace, as if I was still in the dream.

*shudders*

Went back to sleep.

Had a fulfilling sneeze, and I entertained the jovial thought that someone must be speaking bad about me at the bistro or something.

Time was almost noon then.

I was half right.

The sneeze wasn’t quite induced by someone speaking bad about me.

But someone did involve me in part of his verbal abuse.

*Ting squints her eyes and creased her nose in disgust*

A frantic call from the bistro babe woke me up from my intermittent slumber.

Wait.

Let me correct that.

A frantic call from the crying bistro babe.

Mr Evil Manager was at it again.

The poor girl had a bad day after falling down, hurting her knees, and sat on something which caused a giant black patch on her lovely white skirt.

Yet, when Janice was telling Sharon about her injury, the evil Yusoff hey wait I am not mentioning names here. I shouldn’t be. So yuh, I didn’t mention names and I won’t mention names. So tell me you never see that. manager did his rude thing again.

‘YOU SHUT UP!‘

Whee. I am having deja vu here.

Now, this was exactly not the time to incur the wrath of a lady who had an extremely horrid start to the day.

She sashayed out of the kitchen, feeling a tad offended, and gave a who-are-you-to-tell-me-that-and-I-don’t-care-what-you-think ‘You arsehole‘ in retort.

Good one babe.

Oops.

Wrong response.

Tsk tsk, *wags finger* demure, my dear, demure.

Apparently, the shallow one(the manager that is) could not take it lying down.

He followed(he likes being a follower or something?) behind her, ranting endlessly, and the drama took place.

Manager: *curse curse swear swear* *names calling* *senseless rambling* *personal attacks*
Cool one: *Silence*

The cool one finally spoke. (Erm, can’t remember exact words she told me..)

‘I am not going to stoop to your level and I shan’t argue with someone with low intellect.’

Wise oh wise.

‘Low intellect? You and Huiting are the ones with low intellect!’

*Sneeze*

Wah.

OUCH.

I left the bistro already still kena aim ah!

Oops. How did the Singlish come about?

Ahem.

Let me rephrase that again.

Holly cow! I can’t believe this! I am the co-target of his verbal abuse though I had ceased to be an employee there!

*Gasp in horror*

How did he guess I have low intellect?

How?!?!

*covers mouth in utter disbelief*

You mean it was that obvious?!

Okay, so, if you read this, keep this secret to yourself and tell no one.

I have low intellect. I am a ditzy airhead.

I had been trying to convince all you guys I am not a brainless bimbo, but I can’t keep up with the pretense no more!

What can I do to convince you guys I am not an airhead?

Really, I am not. *looks left and right nervously*

Trust me, I am indeed quite smart, ya know.

Really.

I got A for.. erm.. Arts and Craft.

Yah, try harder, I know.

Anyway.

Oh, I digressed a little too much, didn’t I?

Tsk tsk, I have low intellect, so I can’t really stay focused much, you see.

So, that prompted Miss Had-An-Awful-Day to storm to the locker, hooked her bag onto her arm, strutted to the front of the bistro, and declared, ‘5 days of unpaid leave. I quit.‘

*Holds my breath*

*Applause*

I will be heading down to the bistro tomorrow(or rather, later today).

Liberation.

I know many are gonna club my head for this.

I actually miss working there.

I am not a sadist. I just miss working and meeting different people everyday.

Can someone just come up with some money to pool in a bistro for me?

Ah well I should be hitting the sack right at this moment.

I should.

Without my lovely, smell-so-good baby pillow.

Janice will be heading over here tomorrow morning to blog.

So I better complete my entry before I have to queue a long while for my turn.

Tsk tsk. That girl is an addict.

And once again, she is gonna deprive me of my beauty sleep. *dread*

Oh well. I feel better now.

I don’t feel as blue now. Whee!

I am sorry Eileen dear… I am sorry I put you and my godchild-to-be through the depressing entries.

Ya, see. I didn’t know I had been so downcasted recently until she reminded me how emotionally draining it was to sit through my blog.

Quite alright, right? I mean, there’s juicy gossips about my life to add life to the entries.

Alright.

Enough bull from me for the night.

Getting delirious.

Sleep tight.

I will.

The author would like to make known that she did score As for academic subjects throughout her course of studies(besides Arts and Craft), thus justifying the fact that she is indeed not a ditzy airhead, nor a low-intellect bimbo.

So shove it down your throat and believe it.

GOING AWAY…

I am just too lethargic to be blogging.

I sat in front of my monitor after a day of replying to emails and such, and ended up falling asleep on the bed before I could even start on my blog.

That’s how my Good Friday went by.

Alone. Stoned. Chilling to the soothing jazz, serenading me in the background.

Digressing a little, can anyone bring me to Diana Krall concert on the 6th April?!?!?!! Please?! *pleading beady eyes*

Everyone is not around in town. Janice had left for Redang, and erm.. say, this customer told me he is in Shanghai, Bruce and Terence in Kuala Lumpur, and *small voice* Ben is in Vietnam.

I am gonna jump on the bandwagon too so not to feel left out.

Erm, actually, not really.

As much as I would love to fly somewhere else again for a spontaneous hiatus, I can’t.

I would be leaving for Malaysia for a few days to attend to family matters I mentioned.

I hope its gonna be a short one. I am sure I wouldn’t stand staying there for long, and ended up cutting the trip short, escaping back to my familiar cove(Singapore) again.

Blogging would almost be impossible unless I stop by the internet cafe, so I am now rushing through this entry however lazy and lethargic I am.

Anyway, what a quiet Friday it is, for me.

Monday was a mundane day at work, until when it was almost time to knock off, when the ridiculous episode happened.

The ridiculously stingy Boss had intended to take Derek out of the staff force to fill me into position.

But somehow, he changed his mind(like he always does).

I know the revelation that follows would be a tad unprofessional of me to do so. But, do I care?

On late Monday night, he messaged me over the phone to ask me to stop work till April. I would get a pro-rated pay. Divide my monthly pay by the number of working days, times the number of days I work this month.

Then, the same thing goes for April.

‘Stop helping me tomorrow until April’ — I got this over SMS.

Absurd? You bet.

He had let known to Janice that he wanted to cut the overhead cost.

I decided that I would forgo the empty wait. Though he had not known of that this is what I had decided. He had thought Janice and I would continue for him.

Janice went through similar frustrations with the management and decided she would halt her service on the very last day of March.

Our every move was spied by the spiteful manager(yes, the very one who pointed his finger in my face to ask me to shut up for nothing), and every minute thing of us was being reported.

It got to a ridiculous point.

Janice didn’t want me to leave cos she was having a miserable time with the management, and the evil manager had been making things difficult for her.

So we tried to get away so the news would not be broken to me via the manager, who would stir things in between. I had wanted to talk to the boss personally.

We left around 10.45pm(by right, we should work till 10.30pm), and went off separately. The manager actually tailed Janice in the hope of finding me.

I was at the Mee Goreng stall when I saw him following Janice from a distance.

Drama? You bet.

Janice then stayed over the night at mine, while we tried to plan something else for our lives, and decided this is not the place to stay on anymore with all the tension that’s building a wee bit too much.

On Tuesday, the noisy one booted me out of bed early, and deprived me of the sleep I sorely needed.

She headed to Ngee Ann for her Mass Communications interview, which she excelled in. And I had an early start to the day thanks to her insistence of having breakfast before leaving for the bistro.

We both headed back to work and I had a talk with boss, who forbade Janice’s presence.

He then asked me to show him the corresponding mails to prove I had been keeping contact with the customers as follow-up.

As he is not a very tech-savvy person, he doesn’t even know how emails work.

I went to my web-based email, to show him the mailers I had mailed to some of the patrons. I had been doing my work, which I have a clear conscience for.

His first reaction? ‘You had been using my internet?!‘

He turned to his accountant and nervously said ‘Help me to check if my this month’s internet bill got go up or not.‘

I told him that his computer logs on to the internet automatically upon launching, and he didn’t quite comprehend.

Apparently, he thought the launching the icon of ‘Internet Explorer’ is going to increase his expenses.

Despite my reassurance, he knitted his eyebrows and I thought he was gonna have a heart attack or some sort cos his internet bill is gonna kill him with me using Internet Explorer to send out HIS mails.

So, now you know how stingy he could get.

He is the kind of boss who would not fork out a cent to buy pens for his own staffs to write the order sheets, or for customers to sign their bills.

And perhaps, ask you NOT to bold the fonts to save on the cartridges.

Anyway, since I was already there, I worked on. And in my mind, I already knew it was going to be my last day, though he was expecting me to return in April, as and when I fit into his budget.

Seriously, I feel we were short handed during my stint there, and to scrimp on the manpower had taken a toil on his service quality.

The whole atmosphere was weird throughout the day. Janice faced much hostility from the evil ones. Namely the head chef and the evil manager. The boss wasn’t too kind to her either.

3 incidents on that day set me off.

Despite all that, I was adamant to keep up with the professionalism and not show an ounce of displeasure in front of the customers.

I could only muster a forced smile whenever a regular said ‘I will catch you around tomorrow…’.

Bruce, a very sweet man(a caucasian high up on the corporate ladder), saw a hue of dejection in me, and joked he would come by every noon to cheer me up by telling me a joke.

It was hard to say goodbye to most of them.

I had met some of the most amazing people along the very same stretch. Even the people working in competing bars, or the regulars who come by to say hi ever so often.

They are the most beautiful things that happened during my stay there.

Janice and I went on with positivity, because of them, and we thought we could disregard the unhappiness and hostility from the management by focusing on the goods of the job.

But we decided to venture on.

It was a little sick when boss accused of the people who were nice to us from other eateries of not-so-nice things, and branding them with awful names.

To us, those are friends. To him, we should only smile to customers and no one else.

I believe customers can sense hypocrisy and smell sincerity. What’s the point of being nice to only certain people, and be mean to the others just because the boss think that they are not worth it?

Was serving my last customers on Tuesday when the boss grew impatient and said ‘Tell Ting not to entertain that table for so long. They only spend 30 bucks, talk so long for what?’

That table was a table of regulars from DBS who had dropped by for the past few nights to have drinks. And I feel terribly offended on behalf of the customers.

That’s not the way to do business.

That was the final straw.

I left the workplace at 10.40pm, without an ounce of regret.

This drew a close to the 3 and half weeks I was with them.

Earlier in the day, while chatting about work stuffs, when he suddenly commented that we both are vain, and he likened us to high class P.

As usual, I was pretty slow in picking up the sting in the statement, and innocently asked ‘Eh? What is P?’

He seemed to regret shooting his mouth off and tried to retract that.

I didn’t think he would be that mean, and didn’t link the word P to ‘prostitute’, which in my opinion, is terribly awful.

Who was the one who insisted we wear heels and dress up glamourously in skirts and dresses?

And, the lady boss had once suggested to me and Janice to wear something the shorter the better when it comes to skirts.

*roll eyes*

Later in the evening, when something major happened in the family, I needed my phone around me desperately.

A frantic call sent me into a frenzy, and I was overwhelmed by helplessness.

I even resorted to calling Terence, who flew to Kuala Lumpur that evening. When I got to him, he just landed in Kuala Lumpur. And I don’t even know him that well, yet I was asking him for help over the phone.

I owe you one.

I didn’t want to keep the phone in my hands, and neither did I want to leave early on my last day of work, so I decided to stay on to finish off with whatever I had to, and stuffed the phone at the band of my skirt.

Boss labelled me a ‘call girl’. Not a joke. He frowned and shot it out right from his mouth the way he meant it.

I told him something urgent had happened and it was too personal, and I had to have my phone with me.

He showed a face of displeasure and insisted nothing could be that urgent. The evil manager already knew of it cos I already informed him, and he stood there, pretending not to know. I couldn’t be bothered since it was my last day of work.

I turned, walked out to the guests, with a warm smile plastered on. Work had to go on for the night. Nothing was gonna affect that.

My friends were appalled I did not retaliate when both degratory comments were aimed at me.

Respect, baby, respect.

***************

Despite all the unhappiness, I went back on both Wednesday and Thursday in the noon to have lunch with Janice, who was going through not too smooth a patch either.

I stayed on to wait for her to knock off.

Miguel, the chef from Bisous invited us over for lunch, and the treat was his.

The shepherd’s pie and baked eggplant was fantastic.

We had this really great baked spinach platter, and some drinks which was on the house.

We insisted on paying despite Miguel picking up the tab, and we were only charged for the shepherd’s pie and baked eggplant.

Did I mention before that my (ex)workplace policy is that staffs are given 40% discount, originally.

Boss felt the pinch and then decided the 40% could only be given twice in a month.

The pinch is still there. Hence, it was changed to 20%.

On the meeting we had last Saturday, he tried to tempt us with a 20% discount to bring out friends and family over for meals on our off days.

Wow. What a steal(not). We get better treats at competitors’, ya know.

He found out about us having lunch over at Bisous, and he lectured Janice on that.

Whatever.

I met up with Meiling and Joanne later on in the evening for drinks at *sniggers* Kazbar, which is the direct competitor opposite Savoir.

Aziz, Gary, Fred, Juan, and Angelice were super-duper sweet and made me feel so much at home with their hospitality.

After the drinks, we moved over to the cranky place so to spare some company to Janice.

Meiling and Joanne both saw evidently the differences in treatment, and reckoned that anyone would rather go over to Kazbar.

And the evil manager actually popped over to Kazbar several times to spy on me, suspiciously.

I didn’t know that was what he was paid for.

When we finally moved over to the bistro, he was there peeping out at us, while the 3 of us chatted to Janice.

Eventually, the boss refused to give 20% discount when Janice asked for, and only gave 10% instead.

Oh, I think the meeting last Saturday was pretty redundant then.

Joanne and Meiling told me to STAY AWAY from the bistro, and never to return.

Janice and I then left for Clarke Quay, where we chilled at Asylum, while feeling totally maxed out by the politics that were thrown in our faces these days.

We did some planning, and recce much of Clarke Quay for some ideas what we would want to do in the near future.

We also re-evaluated on our walks with the One above.

I seriously didn’t know the dog-eat-dog world is so real, and so intimidating.

Until now.

***********

It was a long Thursday.

Went down to Capital Square to meet Janice for lunch again, and I finally managed to meet up with Raf!

I miss that babe.

That lucky bitch had a rock as her early birthday present.

Yeah, those kinds you count in carats.

The 3 of us had a laughter-filled, gossip-fuelled lunch at the food court(finance running low for us, you see), and I filled Raf in with all the scandalous episodes in my life, while Janice eagerly showed Ben’s picture to her(the picture was taken by her camera-phone) to spice up the session.

Muahahahahahaha.

Life is a bitch when you met not-so-nice people, but it is a bliss when you are surrounded by such sweet ladies, filling your hearts with joy with their sheer vivaciousness.

We walked Janice to the office, while the evil manager and head chef once again spied on us again.

Raf and I then headed off to CitiLink Mall, as we rattled endlessly about the bad episodes in our drama-mama lives these days.

It was a relief that I finally get to see her well and sound. The conversation took on a more solemn mood when there was only the 2 of us, as we chatted about more intimate issues, closer to the heart.

I rushed back to Raffles Place, where I was supposed to meet Jeremy for dinner.

Was slightly worried about Janice who sounded pretty drained over the phone, and I met up with her before her evening started at the bistro.

Jeremy and I then had dinner over at the bistro, so to keep her company.

Boss wasn’t around and the evil manager started throwing his weight around.

He commanded Janice ‘not to go over to that table anymore.’

That table. Wow. Not said without a hue of disrespect, of course.

Jeremy could sense the hostility coming from the manager, and his constant spying. Even the head chef came to steal a peek.

What’s this man?

In an act of rebellion, I brought Jeremy over to Kazbar for a drink, and to witness the difference in treatment for himself.

He agreed that it was no wonder I would prefer to hang out at Kazbar anytime.

Yes, the boss might argue that they might just be hypocritical. But well, at least they are smiling at me, and doing their job.

And I believe in their genuinity.

Indra saw me leaving, and I believe the smart one guessed something wasn’t quite right.

He promised to ‘take care of me’ when I drop by Oosters the next time round.

I can’t believe the boss branding them awful names when they are all so sweet.

Come to think of it, I only been to Bisous, KazBar. Oosters shall be next on my list. Muahaha.

Left for Serangoon Gardens for Mahjong session with Jeremy and his hall friends.

Muahahahaha.

I won $43.60 when the session ended at 4.30am.

Whee!

I should make this my career or something.

I was rather sedated and was in a semi-daze. When was the last time I stayed up so late?

It was finally a (relatively) quiet evening on a weekend eve for me.

I stayed up till 7am, just for the sake of enjoying the late-night solitude I miss dearly.

I received countless messages from people like Shaun and Chris and some others asking if I was out partying.

And imagine their flabbergastion when I told them I was having a quiet night in(for *cough* mahjong).

Tsk tsk. Do I look like the partying sort to you?

Er, okay, you don’t need to answer to that. Muahaha.

****************

So. BenTingism.

I heard nothing from Ben over the weekend after that night at Velvet Underground.

I seriously thought things would be awkward and he would shun away once the evil alcohol was flushed out of his system.

Was slightly disappointed not seeing him around on Monday evening. Normally he would knock off like, say, 6.30pm?

Was standing around aimlessly on the slow, crawling Monday, when I saw a familiar figure approaching from the far end of the stretch at 9.30pm.

Oh shucks. It couldn’t be.

I panicked and was overwhelmed by the woken butterflies in my tummy.

I scrambled over to Janice who was talking to the same DBS guys(who were there on Tuesday too), and asked ‘Oh my God. Is that who I think he is?!’, refusing to look at the direction where he was coming from.

Before she could say yes, she started smiling in that direction and said hi.

Shucks. Must be him, I thought.

She tapped me and gave me a look, before pushing me slightly in his direction.

I turned up, pretended to be slightly surprised, and walked over.

‘Hi.. how ya doing?‘

‘Ah.. I just finished work.’

‘Aw… today’s pretty late, isn’t it?’

‘Ya.. so how are you doing?’

‘Not so good, am really tired..’

‘Aw.. poor thing, it’s a long night isn’t it? I am really tired too..’

‘Yup, at least you are going home now..’

‘Hang in there, it’s just another hour to go for you..’

Seeing that he was walking down this stretch of road when he could have just ventured home from where he was coming from, I deduced he was meeting his friends.

‘So ya meeting your friends now or something?’

‘Nah, I am heading home to rest early, it has been a tiring day..’

The small talk ended with him leaving for home, and a silly goose beaming to herself like an idiot.

Janice insisted he had stopped in his tracks, waving hi to her, and pointed in my direction to her, signalling that he was dropping by for.. *gasp* me.

Hehehehehehehe. *giggles* *chuckles* *sniggers*

Now, that’s sweet, isn’t it?

And hmm, he didn’t quite have to walk through that path to take a bus home(yeah, he takes bus! How grounded!).. I think. Or maybe, he does have to.

Received a message from him at 6.30am the next morning, which Janice wouldn’t stop teasing me about since she was over at my place.

A typical SMS from Janice these days would be, ‘Hi, I am sorry this is not Ben. Anyway…… blarblarblarblar.’

That girl is sick.

Tuesday was pretty hard to pull through.

The constant flow of messages from Ben asking about my next step in life after knowing our decisions to leave triggered the thoughts button again.

What can I do? What do I want to do?

It got harder when a message came in when I left the bistro for 5 minutes for the loo.

‘Sorry. Must have missed you. Just walked past and didn’t see you. Let’s catch up when you have time ok’

*Inhale deeply*

Stab me.

Janice joked I should never go to the ladies again during work. *nods with a pout*

Then again, it’s not applicable since I ain’t returning.

But seriously, there wasn’t that much of disappointment. More like a good laugh.

But how sweet. He walked past to say hi again!

While having drinks with Meiling on Wednesday, Dad called.

It was then when I saw the petite frame again.

I walked out of KazBar, babbled on the phone, and the sleekly dressed yuppie was right in front of me, jabbering down the phone as well with his crisp accent.

I waved a silent hi to him while still on the phone, and signalled my table to him when he asked where we would be.

He left to join his client, while I headed back to join Meiling after my dad finished his philosophical talk in the wake of the bizarre episode in the family.

The evening progressed, and my phone beeped.

*Holds my breath*

Ben.

Muahahaha. Janice and I joked its the historical moment cos it was the first time he called.

The irony is, he was just, say, a few meters away from me, in KazBar as well.

He was leaving and called to ask if I was still around.

He came over with his client to say hi, and introduced his client, God-knows-what-name-it-was-since-I-didn’t-quite-catch-it, to me.

It was a brief catch up and he left for home.

Didn’t hear from him till I was walking down to Clarke Quay with Janice.

‘Sorry. Didn’t mean to be rude. New client. You looked dangerously cute tonight’

*beams*

I was supposed to go over and say hi to him on Thursday cos I saw him sitting at KazBar with Shaun, but I was feeling a tad lazy and by the time I went over, they already left.

Okay. Enough of Bentingism.

Tsk tsk. This has escalated to a circus. At my expense. No good. No good.

**************

Today(25th) is a rather special day. Good Friday.

I shall spare you guys of the preachy talks of how this day means so much for us.

Besides the significance of Good Friday, this day has another reason to send a twitch to the heart.

Hey Bin, it has been almost 3 years since you left. Just wanna let you know you are still fondly remembered as a friend.

It would have been your 24th. Happy birthday.

**************

David(the skinny latte guy) actually dropped by the bistro to look for me on Wednesday.

When he knew of my departure, he asked for my number from Janice, which she didn’t. Instead, she got his number on my behalf.

He’s a real sweetie. Gorgeous blue eyes and a real gentleman.

Apparently he was at Attica last Friday to look for us. Wow. Keeping true to his promise.

Awwwwwww….

If only he’s a Chinese and a tad younger. Then again, men who hit the big four-zero are rather sexy too, yuh?

***************

Alright, enough of the ditzy guys-talk.

Erm.

Anyway.

How should I put this?

I know I shouldn’t, but yet I did it.

As much as I tried to refrain myself from messaging Mr KG for the past 3 weeks, I finally relented to the yearning, and did it nonetheless.

On Wednesday night.

Just a simple greeting to wish everything is well. ‘Send’ button sank in. As diplomatic, and as platonic as I could be.

Why did I crumble every bit of the defense I built up?

Such silliness.

What had I done?

I held my breath and didn’t dare to face up to the consequences.

What if he doesn’t reply? I doubt he would anyway.

I didn’t even bother to set myself up for an expected futile wait.

It was almost instantaneous when the reply buzzed through.

I turned to Janice, who was right beside me, and gasped.

It couldn’t be possible. He wouldn’t possibly reply me, I repeated.

I almost didn’t have the courage to dip down the button to read it.

But yeah, that was him. He was already sleeping when he received the message. Sleep tight, he said.

Ouch. Why did it actually feel slightly painful? Yet, coupled with a tinge of sweetness.

That was enough for me.

Wish everything is well.

I bet everything is, without me.

GIVE THEM A BREAK

Yeap, my life has evolved into a soap opera.

It has always been one, obviously. Perhaps, the constant yearning for a bland, unexciting one.

Sorry that I didn’t update as promised.

Was out the entire day yesterday, and I doubt I would have the time to update today either cos I would be meeting Raf later.

I miss that babe, sorely.

I hope I don’t feel too vulnerable after seeing her later.

I have intentions of closing down this for good.

Not because of the nasty comments, but because I feel a tad vulnerable being too open at times.

Then again, I am not being completely open here most of the time, and I wonder what would happen if I really do allow everyone to read me like an open book.

Ha. This may just be PMS. It’s drawing near. Dangerously so.

Maybe that’s why I feel I lack the courage and strength to confront everything that’s gushing at me right now.

And also, certain laws and clauses are preventing me from revealing a tad too much.

Stop giving me emotional pressure, or else I will break. This is not a threat.

I am tired.

I am PMSing. So, it’s blardy real.

So, the 2 major not-so-good events that happened.

You guys want a piece of gossip right?

You guys want to be ‘concerned’ right?

You guys want to know the next episode of the soap opera right?

But please, respect my friends. Respect me too.

I don’t really let known of my private stuffs to ALL my friends. So stop bugging them.

They don’t know anything.

If they do, why would they tell you if it’s something really private and major?

I would love to release all my pent up emotions here as well, but it’s just not the place to anymore.

I don’t know who are reading me.

So, you saw your friends’ names mentioned here. So, you saw their pictures here.

I might not be as close to them as you deem so. Some of them might just be acquaintances, or passers-by. Some of them might just be people I met up once in a blue moon. I do not account every bit of my life to everyone.

And most probably, they only know that much of my life happenings through my blog, like you do.

I can be a real clam at times. When I don’t like to face the problem, I don’t even want to talk about it.

So why do you think they are the tabloids who have the first hand news to whatever I am going through?

Is that to satisfy the unsatiable urge of curiosity, or the human nature of wanting some form of entertainment, at my expense? Or perhaps, I am a joke to you?

As I typed this, I am not worked up. Read this post in a drained out, monotonous tone. I think I am that exhausted.

I do not want this emotional burden to overflow to my pals. They are not my spokespersons.

And, the last thing I need now is my pals coming up to me telling me they are tired. Why? Cos they are associated with me, and have to answer questions on my behalf.

I know I would offend some pals with this revelation. They already have to lug along my emotional burden, and the inconveniences my blog caused, and the last thing they need from me is such. They are nobody to me, and not obliged to share the scrutiny.

As for my friends, don’t tell me, AND don’t even show/hint to me how much this entry affects you.

Leave it to a later time when I can handle it cos it inevitably will add on to the stress, yet I really want to let this out, at this moment.

As for you guys who meant well, and really curious, please direct your questions and concerns to: joewei.ting@gmail.com (wahahaha, I am using the chance to whore my new email addy!).

I will reply. If you’re not too irritating. Hehehe.

The other person who knows my life happenings, is Janice.

I thank the Lord for her in my life.

She spoke up for me, defended me, and took up the curious questions thrown to her about me with ample understanding.

Oh, so if you are a potential suitor, you can email me at the above address too *points up*. *giggles*

I will give you my full name via email if you wanna send me cheques or something. Muahaha.

Or alternatively, if you wanna chat Janice up ask Janice what’s up with me instead, you could contact her at janice.xuan@gmail.com instead.

I have yet to ask her permission yet. But I am sure she’s not so anal about it. *wink to my princess*

Or if you wanna ask me anything about Janice, please scram far far away, cos I am immensely jealous feel free to email me too. Muahahaha.

Still. You guys think you do not know anything yet?

Okay, fine.

Let me have some privacy and I am just willing to disclose just a little at this moment.

1) I have stopped working. For the account of the whole bizarre incident, I would consider how professional I want to be, and update you guys, soon.

I wasn’t sacked, and the boss still expects me to return to work in April, but I am pretty sure they had seen last of me.

Things were pretty ridiculous, and I was pretty amused with what I had seen there.

2) Something major happened within the family on Tuesday night.

Truly bizarre too. A sense of deja vu overwhelmed me and a traumatising event which happened back when I was 16, had replayed itself again.

Everything was thrown into a chaos.

Frantic phonecalls, emotional stress, theories of conspiracy. Well, drama doesn’t get more drama than this.

Yup. That’s pretty much. Sorry that I am bound by principles, laws, professional ethics and considerations for people around me(OH OH, and also, time, since I am rushing out now)made it almost impossible for me to disclose more.

I seriously am thinking of closing down this blog entirely to cease the mis-speculations, over-scrutiny, and inconveniences to people around.

Not a gimmick or attention seeking statement. But perhaps cos I am PMSing and when I don’t know how to deal with something, I totally avoid.

What’s more devastating?

My jeans button burst open when I was lounging out with Janice after her work ended last night. Muahaha.

Okay, how do I still have the capability of mocking my ownself, I wonder.

Anyway.

The next week shall be a crucial one.

But, as usual, *beams* I am strong. I will definitely pull through and emerge stronger. God is with me.

Email me. That’s how you get answers.

Good day, peepz.

I will be back with more *cough* BenTingism. Muahahaha.

Love,
Cranky Ting

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DAY MAKES

Sorry all.

I didn’t know how much difference just a couple of days would make.

Two major events just happened in my life and I seriously do not have the energy to entertain those bugging thoughts, hence, the reluctance to update.

I am a little overwhelmed by how drama and how fast things evolved.

Perhaps I would try to come up with an entry later in the evening.

Till then, keep me in prayers.

I am so freaking tired with everything that’s happening.

Oh, no worries, nothing to do with Bentingism. Muahahaha.

The worst part?

I couldn’t even pull my jeans past my fat butt.

It was tougher than doing 100 sit-ups, 200 push-ups and 300 burpees. I never knew squeezing into my jeans could be such devastating event.

No, I am not joking nor exaggerating.

Somebody shoot me please.

Nah.

Just pass me any pair of my jeans and ask me to wriggle into them would do enough harm to the frail heart of mine.

There’s a murmur in my heart. I gotta be real careful with that.

DIARY OF A SKINFLINT

Whee! I feel recharged! I feel FAT!

I gotta be! 13 hours of sleep(at the expense of missing church *bows head in guilt*) is indeed a luxury considering how harsh the week has been.

(Well, though I was disturbed in my sleep by some puzzling messages that didn’t quite make sense to me *scratch head*)

Alright. No more procrastinating. Laundry basket is screaming for attention on a lazy Sunday before I could blog properly. I need a husband to tend to this, ya know. Muahaha.

***

Drifted into snoozeland last night with this *cough* self-compiled Michael Buble, given to me by Jamie.

A slow-paced Saturday at work. Bugged by many issues. Even an argument erupted in the afternoon when the management had a meeting.

Stinging comments were targeted at Janice and I for our ‘inabilities’, before the finger-pointer couldn’t hold it anymore and blew his top(cos the boss had intended to give more authority to the 2 of us, thus, stripping his.).

Seriously, I wonder how he could think that we are both fighting for hierachy with him. This is a passing phase in our lives. But, this is what he has been doing all his life. Does he really think we wanna end up like him 18 years down the road?

The power-hungry one was really sour, and unwittingly let known how he felt threatened with our presence.

It’s kinda sick to find such politics existing in an 11-men working environment.

Woof! Woof!

We shall not talk about demoralising stuffs alright.

***

Suddenly, I am not so sure how to start this entry anymore.

I was immensely puzzled by the sudden influx of traffic.

I mean, HOLY MOLLY, HOLY COW, OH GOSH *fill in dramatic expression*, 1330 VS the usual 450(actually, average was 350 last week. This week’s average is slightly higher cos of the scandalous revelations of me falling for an attached guy? Gee! You guys just love gossips, don’t you? Evil.)!

Hi, everybody. *Ting puts her hand in the air and waves for one-thousand, three hundred and thirty times.*

Quick eh! Buy 4-D! It’s a pretty Sunday.

I feel naked, exposed. But of course, not much of this crowd would be consistent readers, so phew, I wouldn’t be under such scrutiny, erm, soon.

So, I am still contemplating if I should blog about what I had wanted to blog about.

A bit show off, you see.

Anyway, you guys know me, I will still end up doing so. *It’s nothing juicy like what some of you -sneer- think so*

Muahahahahaha. I am such a show-off.

And a cheapskate.

Just bear with me. *stiffling the undisguised smirk beneath*

Quoting Miss Janice again,

Blessed are those with beautiful faces

Let me alter that a little.

Blessed are those with beautiful friends.

Say, friends like Janice are a gem to lug around with.

Goodness, I am making her out like the coolest accessory in town, and she may just as well be.

Special privileges come by easily.

We were following our usual Mee Goreng dinper(er, dinner + supper) routine after a long day at work on Friday.

The day stubbornly dragged on till 11.30pm, and the 2 famished ones crawled their way to the stall.

After serving our food and drink orders, we were told our tabs were already picked.

Courtesy of Jimmy, the manager from the Japanese restaurant down the street who was having his supper there as well. I can’t help but feel he fancies Janice. Who doesn’t? *chuckles*

So, another meal *cough* free-of-charge.(FREE!) (Not forgetting Terence’s treat earlier in the week. Oh remember the ice-cream treat too? FREE! FREE!)

Miguel, the chef from Bisous Bar, joined us at the table as we stuffed ourselves silly, and offered to cook lunch for us the next week since we had never tried his cooking before. We just have to give him a call, and he would whip up a storm in the kitchen for us.

Wow. So, we’re looking at another treat in the next few days. (FREE!)

He air-kissed us goodbye(he’s an Ozzy), before we strutted down the usual Capital Square-Boat Quay-Clarke Quay route hand-in-hand, heading for, er, where else? Attica.

Apparently, Janice’s underaged birthdays-not-passed-18-yet friends were rather adventurous for the night.

They had wanted us to bring them into Attica.

Ivan had messaged me that he would be at Velvet, asking me to join him. Though hesitant initially, I gave Velvet some consideration after Ivan told me he was there to celebrate his birthday.

Chin Yee messaged me that she was at Velvet too with Ivan.

And… Ben was at Velvet too.

So, Attica was rather out of the equation for me for the night, and I was reluctant to pay the cover IN CASE I decided to give it a miss, and club-hop to Velvet instead.

I’m a scrooge, remember?

To get into Attica Too, you have to pay a first drink for Attica, before going to Attica Too, paying yet another $18 cover charge.

I am a scrooge. Ouch.

Somehow, she managed to charm her way through, and the bouncer let us in without paying for the 1st drink at Attica.(FREE!)

But, you should have seen the appalled look on his face when we had another 3 fresh-faced ladies in tow as we sashayed into Attica.

He had thought there were only Janice and I.

Woops. Too late.

The 3 of them paid for the cover of Attica Too, but we had wanted to wait for Ivan’s, Chin Yee’s, Terence’s and Ben’s replies before deciding if we should head up to Attica Too, too.

While standing around, we chatted to the bouncers whom we met just a week ago.

He remembered our faces, and he asked ‘Only the 2 of you?’.

The positive answer to his question prompted a whisper from him.

He would get us in, with the $18 cover waived. (FREE!)

*cough*

So, I guess, we’re officially Attica’s regulars even though we have been there like only, 5 times at most?

*laughs*

It was almost 1am when we got in, and the 3 lost sheeps were waiting eagerly for us, and heaved a sigh of relief when we finally joined them upstairs.

Apparently, they didn’t know how to exchange for the drinks with the drink coupons. *gasp*

We helped them with that before leaving them to enjoy the night themselves, and headed down to Velvet, simply because the crowd was dense and pretty boring.

Beaming with joy from the savings for the night, we strutted to the taxi stand, joking how nice it would be if we could get a free cab ride too.

Okay, that would be too ridiculous to ask for yuh?

And we meant it as a joke.

‘Uncle, Zouk please. How much would it roughly cost huh?‘

Ahem. Yeap, only Ting would ask questions in monetary terms. Ok, to be fair, I asked that so we could dig out the cash quick.

‘Less than 4 dollars,’ came the polite, mellow reply.

After like a minute on the cab, I giggled and questioned the driver in mock anger.

‘Uncle! The meter now says $4(the start up fare was 3.60, inclusive of midnight surcharge), and we are not there yet! You bluffed me!‘

‘*apologetically* Oh sorry, sorry. I forgot there’s midnight surcharge. Nevermind, you pay me $4 can already..‘

‘Huh?! Really ah?‘ *flabbergasted*

‘It’s okay, tonight business not bad.. so anything la.‘

Just to be fair, he wasn’t that ‘uncle’. Perhaps in his 30s or something. Really sweet chap who was rather soft-spoken.

So, we had a discounted cab fare which would have set us back around $7. (SAVINGS!)

Before this, I never thought cabs have discounted fare too. Muahahaha.

We ran out of luck at Velvet cos we didn’t have any friends with us.

But, I bumped into Huilin, who is now a personal banker with Citibank.

As gorgeous as always.

She offered to sign me in through Phuture since she’s a member, which entitled me to go into Velvet with an $18 cover instead of the $25. (SAVINGS!)

Alright. What else.

Feeling extremely downcasted after work yesterday, I joined Jamie and Janice for supper.

We headed to Holland Village for a feast. Jamie took our joke a tad too serious, and almost drove us to *inhale* Fullerton for supper instead.

Mad.

The dinner-cum-supper for 3 consisted of: strawberry soda, chocolate milk, chicken soup, a huge bowl of chicken salad, chicken pie, garlic bread with cheese, chicken sandwich, baked pasta, lasagna, mudpie and a piece of ugly cake with a scoop of ice cream.

N.Y.D.C. serves really big portions of food, I deduced.

Jamie ate minimal amount of those above, and he looked at the overcrowded table, and reckoned the meal could feed up to 5 people.

Which totalled up to $110.

I didn’t stop stuffing myself.

We finished almost everything and Jamie couldn’t finish his chicken sandwich, which I even stole bites from.

Janice didn’t finish her horrid baked pasta which tasted awful.

I cleaned out my lasagna.

I need diet pills. Or Xanda tummy tablets will do.

I actually started doing crunches cos of my waist which is growing exponentially.

22 -> 26.

OBSCENE.

Now, self-consciousness corrodes me whenever someone places an arm around my waist.

Paranoia at its peak.

Okay. Digressing a lil too much there, didn’t I?

Jamie picked the tab cos he was staring at two cranky, dejected souls at the table.

So, a heavy meal on him. (FREE!)

He was sending us home with Michael Buble serenading us in the car.

I asked if he had Michael Buble’s first album, and he whipped one copy out of his vast collections of *ahem* self-compiled CDs.

He passed me the burned copy of Michael Buble’s first album, and told me I could keep it cos he had the original at home.(FREE!)

I am such a cheapskate.

All thanks to? Janice. Jamie seemed so smitten by her. Muahaha. And the very imposing Ting just had to tag along everytime.

So, don’t you just hate me. Perks, freebies, discounts, and treats.

Gee, I am like an auntie in the market!

*smirk smirk* Don’t hate me just because you don’t have friends like mine. *giggles* *chuckles* *beaming with pride and joy*

***

Velvet was crazy.

I mean, I had never been to Velvet on a Friday. It was only my 2nd trip there, and man, do they have a gorgeous crowd.

I was stuck in the intimidating flood of people, and I saw Ben, who introduced us to his brother, Ed, and his friends, Willy and Adrain.

Lazy to venture out of the crowd, we sat on the high stools, chatting to the guys, who were sceptical that we had never been to Velvet(prior to Wednesday).

I displayed my clumsy self perfectly when I tripped from the chair, not once, but twice.

It was only slightly later, when the crowd ceased to jam the enclosed area, that I made my way to Chin Yee and Ivan, who were at the far end of Velvet, near the dance floor.

Conversation with Chin Yee was brief.

She asked about me and Mr Aqua Di Gio 2(aka Z4).

She questioned my direction in life.

She felt strongly that I should head to Australia to continue my studies or some sort, while I totally shun the idea of taking up the status of being a student again.

I feel emotional everytime I see her. I don’t know why. Perhaps it is a painful reminder of how aimless and underachieve I am compared to my fellow peers, yet their concern and love for me is ever so evident when I see them.

Ivan was relatively wasted, and didn’t quite talk to him much, before Janice and I returned to the little room in Velvet, where Ben and friends were.

***

A giant share of the night was spent having conversations with Ben while Adrain chatted to Janice.

Making conversations with intelligent people unsettles me.

So, I was pretty jittery.

Muahaha.

But a few sips of tequila sunrise placed me in a relaxed mood, and Ben is really a brilliant companion to have a conversation with.

He’s a tease to the brain, as well as in the game of attraction.

He’s easily a charmer. The exotic look, the relaxed self, and the warm personality. Plus the glib tongue. An eye for details. Give him the title of lady-killer anytime.

I do not deny sparks flew between us(it felt so), but he is definitely not the kind of guys to get involved with. He said so too.

The respect we have for each other kept things no further than they already are as we kept our distance throughout the night.

The sparks did not ignite to a fanciful outburst of mesmerising fireworks.

We started talking about work, and with him asking me what do I really want in life.

The topic triggered off a train of thoughts which led myself in circles and I still have no clue what I really want.

And coming from a successful guy, I was rather surprised when he said he doesn’t know what he really wants either.

An intriguing man. The 31 year-old Australian/Malaysian/Singaporean PR is indeed interesting.

I was not asked once, but many times throughout the night what is it that I would want to do next.

Dead-end.

Was looking to my right to Janice, who had her back to me. Rather bored, and I stared into the thin air, stoning.

I have no clue how the casual conversation took a sudden turn, when he spoke with a frown, nodding as if confirming his observation.

‘You are a very nice girl.’

I looked at him, bewildered.

If only he knew, what kind of person I really am, I thought.

‘Really?’ I replied with a sceptical look on my face, doubting myself.

He looked away, sipped a drink, and nodded.

I gave a ‘ya, right.’ smile. Nice? It’s always a vague word that doesn’t hold much weight, eh?

Some other conversation went on. Until he paused.

He came next to my ear, rattling matter-of-factly in that immaculate ozzy accent, raising his voice a little.

‘You know what? I really like you a lot. You’re a really nice girl.’

I smiled and didn’t read too much into the words since well, ‘like’ is subjective yuh? He could mean that he likes me as an individual, a friend, not in that sense.

‘But nah.. I am not the kind of guy for you.‘

I nodded, smiling knowingly.

There seemed to be this unspoken understanding, and then did I realise, he did mean he like me in that sense, just that, it’s just a liking that should never lead to anything else.

Not an ounce of disappointment. Not a tad of awkwardness.

He frowned a little, as if a tad unsatisfied with himself, continued ‘I really am not the kind of guy for you. I am not a nice guy.’

I nodded with an amused smile as if I am listening to someone relating a story.

‘Why are you not a nice guy then?‘ I asked out of curiosity, like a bemused child.

He creased his brows again, tried to reflect a little.

‘I don’t know. I am just not a nice guy. I am not the kind of guy you should look for.’

‘I ain’t looking, so why should it matter?’

‘Yah, I know. Well, I am just saying.. *paused* I am not a nice guy.’

‘Haha, how many times are you gonna repeat yourself?’

‘Nah.. You just gotta believe me. I am not a nice guy. You trust me on that?’

I giggled. ‘Hmm, so you told me you’re not nice, so why should I trust a person who’s not nice?’

He chuckled and bowed his head concededly.

Seriously, I have no idea what prompted him to say all of the above, and as much as it seems like a weird conversation with touchy subjects, there wasn’t any sense of awkwardness between.

He said things matter-of-factly, and I inquired like a curious child.

‘Why do you say you’re not nice?‘

‘Well, I’m just not nice..‘

‘Hmm, I think you’re nice though.‘

‘Nah, I am not nice.‘

‘You have no tell me why you’re not nice before I can know you’re nice or not, right?‘

He pondered, before finally spilling his thoughts, slowly ‘Well.. I am the kind of guys, who likes a lot of women, not the kind of guy for you.‘

‘So what has it gotta do with you’re nice or not?‘

‘I don’t know.. I believe in morals, but I always fail in that sense.’

‘So you’re attached?‘

‘Well.. er, sort of I guess.‘

‘So where’s your girlfriend?‘

‘Which one?‘

‘What? Hahaha, which one?‘ I repeated what he said.

‘Yah, there’s a few,‘ he replied sheepishly.

Now I see what he was getting at.

‘But if you’re a nice person, I don’t believe that this changes the fact that you’re a nice person. Which I personally still maintain that you’re nice!‘ I rattled my senseless rambling.

‘I think it’s still the heart that matters. If you’re nice to people around you, and is genuine, which I think you are, you’re nice.‘

‘Really? You think so?‘ locking his brows again.

‘Yup! So you’re nice.’ I concluded with a smile.

‘That’s too nice of you. You’re a nice girl.’

‘Nah.. I am not a nice person.’

‘So why are you not a nice person?‘

I let out a defeated laugh at the irony.

‘Well, I am mean. I did not-so-nice stuffs to people around me. I am just not nice.‘

‘Like what?‘

I filled him in the different episodes in my life. It’s pretty amazing that he observed I look like the sort who went through depression before.

How smart.

Despite that, he made a contradicting statement ‘You’re always so bubbly. You must be a happy person.’

‘Am I?’ I asked with a speculative raised brow.

‘Yah, I don’t know, you’re always so full of energy.’

‘Still water runs deep. Look beyond the surface!‘ I laughed at the common misconception of people.

Despite the relentless efforts to convince each other we are not-so-nice people, we still insist that each other is nice.

‘You don’t like me anymore, do you?‘

‘Why not? You’re great.’

‘Nah.. I’m really not a nice person.‘ he gave a wave of dismissal.

‘We can still be friends right?‘

‘Of course we are! What are you talking about?‘ I laughed at the silliness of the conversation.

‘You have been really kind to me.’

King of repetition. I think I found the perfect candidate for the throne.

====

‘What’s that scent you have on ya? You wearing perfume today?‘

(We were at Velvet on Wednesday when he asked what perfume I normally use. But after a long day, it was no longer prominent ‘cept for the stink from a day’s sweat. Had incidentally brought the entire bottle with me to work on Friday.)

‘Me? Now?‘

‘Ya, am I smelling that from ya? You smell really good. Was it the one you mentioned that day?‘

‘Oh, yup. Provocative women, Elizabeth Arden. Ah! Yup, it’s the one I mentioned the other day. So you finally get to smell it!’

‘Yes, you smell really, really good. That’s a really nice scent.’

Thank You, was the word most exploited by me throughout the night.

Moments passed, before he moved closer to get his drink from the bar behind me, inhaled, and repeated, ‘You smell really great.‘

‘I don’t really know how to handle compliments, and you’re really generous with yours.‘

‘Just tell me to get stuffed.’

====

‘Why do you like hanging out with me?‘

‘You’re pretty intelligent, and seems like someone nice to talk to?‘

Someone who is different from my usual clique of friends cos of the background, and would keep the conversation going without I myself making the effort.

Of course, he’s one of the few who are still active out there after our working hours. Grounded, and no airs.

‘I find you are one intelligent one yourself.‘

That’s the nicest compliment from Mr Ben in my opinion.

‘No, seriously, I am an airhead.’ I answered with sceptism, giving one ditzy smile.

====

‘I think you look great in white. You should wear white more often.’

‘I wear white most of the time, actually.’

‘Really? I think this is the first time I have seen you in white.’

Later, as the night proceeded.

‘I think you’re really gorgeous in white.’

Broken record, or something?

In case you’re wondering, this was what I wore:

Fatter now, of course.

====

We chatted about my apparent lack of confidence.

‘You know, where I came from, I have always been a confident person. Well, very laid back, very relaxed, and I expect you to be the same.’

I giggled, which is my usual reaction to cover my lack of confidence, and replied ‘Yup, you’re definitely a man with lotsa confidence. I guess it was just the way I was brought up.‘

‘You have no reason not to be confident.’

‘Why not?‘

‘You have more than what others have.’

No, I don’t. No career, no direction, no life. What do I have?

====

‘Hitting the clubs again tomorrow?’

‘Nah.. I will just have a drink at home, watching soccer and such.‘

‘Ah! Cool. What team do you support then?‘

‘Well.. I know it’s gonna sound boring, but it gotta be Manchester United.‘

‘Man of great taste,’ I gave a nod of approval.

‘You?‘

‘I am a lady of great taste.‘

====

‘You’re gorgeous.‘ He said.

‘What?! Me?‘ I gave a bewildered, unromantic reply.

Gorgeous is too big a word to describe me.

‘I think you’re really gorgeous.‘

What a load of bull.

‘You’re drunk.’

‘I’m not.‘

‘Yes, you are.‘

‘Well I am telling you I’m not.‘

‘That’s what all drunks say. So, tell me, how many times do you repeat these to different girls every day?‘

====

‘I find you really cute.‘

What?! Cute? Me?! Duh?

‘No one ever says that about me!‘ I gave him a weird frown as if he’s a freak or something.

Then again, he had said it before.

‘You really are. You are very pretty.‘

*heart flutters*

‘Fine. You’re cute too.‘

He’s a charmer. I said so, didn’t I?

Apparently their definition of cute is not tainted by the adorable standard we are used to.

Cute:

1. Delightfully pretty or dainty.
2. Obviously contrived to charm; precious: “ [He] mugs so ferociously he kills the humorit’s an insufferably cute performance” (David Ansen).
3. Shrewd; clever.

Word History: Cute is a good example of how a shortened form of a word can take on a life of its own, developing a sense that dissociates it from the longer word from which it was derived. Cute was originally a shortened form of acute in the sense “keenly perceptive or discerning, shrewd.” In this sense cute is first recorded in a dictionary published in 1731. Probably cute came to be used as a term of approbation for things demonstrating acuteness, and so it went on to develop its own sense of “pretty, fetching,” first recorded with reference to “gals” in 1838.

Interesting.

Adrain told Janice she’s cute, too.

====

Went down to the dancefloor, and we grooved to the not so brilliant music.

‘You like jazz?‘

‘How did you guess?!‘ His guessing skills marvelled me.

He let out a laugh, obviously pleased with his gut feeling.

====

Was sitting right at the bar where he ordered yet another drink for me.(*cough* yah, FREE!)

I saw the signature on his Amex, and sniggered.

‘Is THAT your signature?‘ I asked, not without a hue of ridicule.

‘Yeah, what’s wrong?‘

‘It’s UGLY!‘

‘I thought it’s pretty nice!‘

‘No! It obviously is not!‘

‘You’re horrible!‘ he said with mocked offense.

‘What?!‘

‘You’re so not nice!‘

‘Ah, so now you agree.’

‘Yah! I can’t believe you’re so totally horrible.‘

‘See. I told ya.‘ *laughs*

His signature is really horrible. It looks like 2 simple wormy scribbles.

I asked what does it mean and he pointed to the 2 ‘worms’ and went ‘not, nice.’

Makes perfect sense to me.

I decided to give him a lesson on what’s a pretty signature.

I scribbled my signature, and held it up with a smirk.

He gave an awful what-the-hell-is-that expression when he saw mine.

He bowed his head and laughed.

‘WHAT’S THAT?!‘

‘Hello! It’s a piece of art, okay!‘ I defended in between fits of giggles.

Despite him having a dialect name as well, he couldn’t quite understand the difference between hanyu pinyin and dialect name, and he surrendered.

He showed me his blue Identity Card and Australia driving license.

I choked back my laughters and tried hard to be diplomatic as I said ‘You know, you should keep your hair short. And by the way, why do you always look so horrid on pictures?‘

‘You’re horrible to me! You are so, not nice!‘ He shook his head in mocked disgust.

Great. I reversed the impression pretty swiftly, didn’t I?

====

It’s quite amazing that looking every inch of a metrosexual, he’s not into cleansing and moisturising his face.

Janice and I were pretty amazed when he said he doesn’t cleanse, tone nor moisturise his face.

Come to think of it, I don’t tone nor moisturise mine either. *cowers in shame as a lady*

He’s pretty petite for a guy and we laughed at the fact that he was denied entry to a club once, despite the legal age for that club is, 18.

We thought he grooms himself well though he said that most of his colleagues deemed that he is really scruffy.

‘Do you often get mistaken for a gay?‘

‘Ya, a lot.‘

*sniggers*

====

While touching on past-relationship topics, I turned to him and asked ‘So, do you have any religion?‘

‘Yup, what about you?‘

‘What’s yours?‘

‘What’s yours?‘

‘What’s yours?‘

‘What’s yours?‘

………….

‘You first!‘ I shoved him lightly.

He pulled out the necklace hung around his neck(I remember telling Janice on Wednesday that I was curious what the chain is), and he laid a pretty cross on his palm.

‘Catholic or Christian?‘

‘Christian.‘

‘Ah.‘

‘You?‘

‘Too.‘

We started talking about church, and why we haven’t been going back to church.

Somehow, that topic was the most prominent one I remember.

It’s weird that now that now at the mention of Ben, I would remind myself to head back to church.

====

The most repeated sentence from him were:

1) You’re nice. You’re too nice.

2) I’m not nice.

3) You’re gorgeous.

‘You’re a nice girl.‘

‘You’re nice too.‘

‘No, you’re nice.‘

‘No, you’re nice.‘

‘You’re nice.‘

‘Hello?! This could go on the whole night you know.‘

Can someone club him on the head for me or something?

====

‘Guys usually find me intimidating‘

‘Why would they feel so?‘

‘*shrugs* No idea, some commented I look high-maintanence.’

He gave me a once-over.

‘Yeah, you do look a tad on the high-maintanence side.‘

‘WHAT?! No way. I am definitely not. I don’t spend much.‘

‘Now, let’s see what you have on you..‘

‘I mean, I don’t buy expensive stuff for myself.. so..‘ voice trailing off as he suggested taking a look at my watch.

‘Let’s look at your watch. What’s that?‘ He squinted his tiny eyes, holding my wrist and I looked away sheepishly.

It took him a few moments, and again, bowed his head and gave a conceded laugh when he made out the ’5 matchsticks’.. I bet he would have smacked his forehead if he did not spare a thought for my presence.

‘Nah.. It’s a fake.‘

‘I’m not high-maintanence, really.’ I defended weakly, sheepishly. ‘Things that look expensive are from people. This is a gift.‘

‘From?‘

‘Dad and Mum. On my birthday last week.‘

‘So it’s not a fake.’

‘Er, *giggles* no, not a fake.’

‘And what’s this? A diamond?‘ He pointed to the 0.5 sparkler on the same hand.

‘Yup. An accessory from previous boyfriend.’

I didn’t have the chance to explain the Tiffany and Co ring on my right hand was a 21st birthday gift from my MDIS pals.

So, see. I am actually NOT high-maintanence.

==

While we sat around and people-watch with our drinks in hands, he suddenly turned to me and concluded ‘This shall be the last time we have drinks together.‘

We toasted our glasses, and the ‘cling’ seemed to seal the agreement.

I didn’t question why.

Perhaps I am that bad a company.

‘Stay away from me.‘

Now, that sounds oddly familiar.

‘You’re too nice.’

I still couldn’t comprehend. But the answer wasn’t of any importance to me, I guess. Too many people came into my life too swiftly, and the spark would fizzle out in the breeze as promptly too.

‘Stay away from me too, I say. I am not nice. At all.’ I replied with a knowing smile.

‘Why are you not nice?‘

Darn. This is one vicious cycle.

====

The evening ended with this warm and fuzzy feeling which wasn’t too strong, yet, was rather intense.

It was an understanding that nothing will ever come out of this, yet it was a pleasant encounter with one of the most charming, witty men I ever came across.

The slight accidental brushes, or even the casual touches, sent this tingling sensation down my spine.

Electrifying.

The 4 of us went off finally when the lights came on at 4am. Wow.

We were waiting for the cab in the queue, when Janice and Adrain decided to go for supper, while the *ahem* old ones, had only wanted to head for home.

A goodbye kiss from Ben concluded the night before I boarded the cab home.

What a charmer.

Now, it’s back to reality.

P/S: This is to SA who left a private comment for ‘My Walk Thus Far’: Hey, I really hope I can get in touch with ya, if you are willing to, that is. Mail me or something yuh? God’s love will sustain you on, giving you the strength you need to tide this over. I am thankful that in time of your adversity, you’re offering me encouragement instead.

I wanna blog about something.

I shall decide if I should.

Hehehehehe. Be back tomorrow then. I am tired.

MY WALK THUS FAR

I’ve decided to chunk the fanciful words and sensational topics away for this one.

I am a little loss for words today.

Perhaps I should just quieten my heart, and let it lead the way, for once.

It has been an amazing day, thanks to the Great One above.

He is looking after us, He showed.

He is right here with us, He whispered.

He doesn’t detest us, He assured.

He will forgive us, He promised.

He is here to break our fall.

It was a crap day yesterday. So unbelievably so that I could hardly bear with it.

The emotional stress Mr BR was giving me was pushing me off the limits, towards breaking point.

The politics among the management, and the absurd demands from the boss was toppling my sanity.

The inner struggles for Mr KG failed to cease, and more knots were tied, rather than resolved.

The physical strain I placed on myself was evident, as my body went on a riot with several malfunctions.

More things had to screw up along the way, and I felt like a pressure cooker.

It might be just PMS, I told myself.

I refused to bow down to whatever I had within me.

Janice didn’t have too good a day either, and we both had the quietest dinner ever together. Barely a word was spoken.

We hailed a cab, and headed for Woodlands. I needed to make a trip to Malaysia.

The jam was horrendous. The chorus of mind-boggling horns created a tsunami in our cluttered minds, further aggravating the ache.

I don’t know how I survived that 20 minutes in the jam with that much patience within, and cope with the relentless coughs that wouldn’t halt.

I didn’t even have any energy to be impatient. I was feeling so much numbness peace within that I just couldn’t be bothered.

The hardest part?

The tirade of messages that came into my phone which my dwindling spirit could hardly cope.

I didn’t even want to face the confrontation. Tired of explaining, tired of illustrating, tired of mind games, tired of emotional blackmails, tired of my emotions being stirred because of someone else’s.

I can’t battle with my emotions anymore.

How could I even handle with his?

Janice was so overwhelmed by fatigue that she was napping most of the time. I just wanted to indulge in my silent world.

It was an exasperating day.

But, I was then forced out of my hermit shell with some sensitive words. As much as that is the WORST way to force me out(I simply detest such), but it was effective.

Will was weak. Energy was sparse.

I used my exhausted remains to retort.

The emotional battle via SMSes only ceased when an unexpected call came in.

Alison.

And I haven’t heard from her for ages.

I was tired. I would have rejected the call. I wasn’t in the mood to entertain.

But somehow, I felt there was a need for me to answer it.

She asked if I wanna join her for a degree in Business Management. She’s a teacher and her contract is ending soon, and she’s contemplating her next step in life when she felt God had asked her to call me.

Despite the original intention of the call was for academic purposes, topics drifted off course to, well, relationships.

Alison is Philip’s sister’s good pal, and had witnessed Philip’s transformation since young.

She said something that struck a bitter chord.

‘Guys will naturally find you intimidating. Look for a godly man, and things will go on more smoothly in your course of life.’

She should know. She went through the phase before too.

That struck me hard, and the tiring words war with Mr BR came fresh to mind.

I am not sure if Philip is really as godly as he claims to be right now, and I can’t speak for Mr Aqua Di Gio 2 (aka Z4) either, but they were sure disappointing examples(at times).

‘Sometimes, you can have so many people around you, but when you start to look around, you feel there is no one.’

Yes. Exactly.

How many times have you guys tell me that I have an interesting life that’s like an adventure?

How many times have you guys tell me I have such refreshing experiences everyday?

And how many of you feel that I have such a wide social circle that I am never lack of friends and companions?

Truth is, I don’t.

I always maintain and answer to the above that I have a sad social life.

The talks about the different people in my life, are always a self-comforting thought that I am not alone.

But, I was in denial. As much as I spoke about which cute guy and such, it was just for a good laugh and a lame attempt to divert the attention from the core issues.

No one stays around me for long.

Maybe I am really that horrid a person. Ha. *bitter laughs*

Sometimes, I become so defensive that I started driving people out of my life, so that I do not have to go through the painful phase if they walk out themselves.

Alison’s phonecall reminded me that this job is taking up my cell group’s evening, and it’s not healthy.

It prompted me to re-evaluate this, and I am contemplating of bringing it up to the stingy one, despite knowing how freaked out he would be knowing that I would want to take off from his busy Friday evening.

I don’t know why Alison called, cos it was the first time she did.

But the picture became clearer now.

I simmered myself, and dialled the number.

A long talk with Mr BR cleared up some issues. I don’t know how much of hurt, guilt, misunderstandings had gone away, or if it was a chapter closed for good, but I know at least the call was well-placed.

There might be slight fondness to begin with, but it is something that could never brew into anything. Something was lacking.

Communication. That special spark. Missing. We are from 2 different worlds, who would end up fuelling each other’s insecurities more than anything else.

And of course, the timing.

He WAS attached when he knew me. And I was emotionally attached to Mr KG.

Time might not heal. But God will.

I am terribly sorry.

I shall trust everything in His hands.

The same thing goes for Mr KG.

I don’t know if the shadow would go away(again), but.. yah… *loss for words*

I don’t know. I think at this point, I am still slightly reluctant to admit or let go of the constant thoughts of him.

In fact, I guess it’s more of the unanswered questions replaying in my head, bugging and tugging me, pushing me to find out what’s up in his head.

I lack the courage to.

I could never understand him. Nor could he ever understand me. We are afraid of letting each other into our worlds.

Yah, he is attached. Stably so.

Yah, I am shameless.

***

Mr BR decided to vanish from my life.

I find that a little too extreme but I feel it would be best for him if he is unable to cope with my presence.

Emotions can lead people to say and act in the most irrational way.

I can understand that but it doesn’t mean I could deal appropriately with that.

I can’t help but feel pressured.

You guys know me.

When I am pressured, I sink into a world of my own to avoid all stuffs.

Escapist.

I think that’s what they call me.

Losing a good pal this way is just, so, not right.

This is never the way to leave someone’s life.

***

Someone from KazBar commented that I looked gloomy and dejected yesterday.

He was right.

I denied, as usual.

Pushing all the blame to fatigue is good.

***

Was having lunch today when I bumped into Celine.

Suddenly, an overwhelm of emotions flooded me.

Celine is Alison’s friend, a good pal of Serene’s too.

I walked out of the foodcourt, looking for a place for drinks with Janice, when suddenly a collage of images flashed past me.

And it hit me, HARD.

I remembered the image of Pastor Henry strolling past Savoir one afternoon.

The day when I saw him, I was so ecstatic and my tears were at the edge of my eyes, brimming. I miss this father figure of mine.

‘Don’t cry,’ he laughed, ‘or else people are gonna think I bully you.’

The call from Alison.

Bumping into Celine, who reminded me that church beckons.

And visuals of bumping into Jay(Celine’s brother), and Anna… and the message from Selina this morning informing me about tonight’s cell group..

Too much of coincidences.

I sensed a chill, and it was as though I heard God’s intention loud and clear.

My tears welled up, and a couple of tears fell.

God has His timing.

Apparently, something happened to Janice, too. Spiritually.

I spoke of the coincidences.

She turned to me, looking amazed, and stirred.

We shared the private episodes, and we gave a knowing smile to each other.

‘God is here with us, He is telling us He still loves us. He wants us back.’

We evaluated ourselves. We reflected our walks with God.

It was as if the timing was great. We were looking for a place for drinks.

I grabbed her, and we both ran on our heels, skipping down the escalator in the same building we were at.

ACTS bookshop.

We shared, we chatted to the staffs. We talked about some of the amazing things God did for us.

We talked about the predicaments we placed ourselves in these days.

We talked about the days we battled depression with God in our lives.

We felt recharged.

We were brimming with this unspoken joy when we finally left ACTS.

We laughed at God’s sense of humour when the staffs passed us a flyer for a talk that’s coming up soon.

‘He says. She says.’

The Sweet One above is wagging his finger at us, I supposed.

I am not sure if I am gonna continue be a disappointment or not, but I decide to let Him lead the way again.

I know people are often sensitive with this.

They will scrutinise, and see if I would fall harder, or if I would fail my words, and faith.

If I do something wrong, they attribute my talks as hypocrisy.

I admit I am not a perfect being, and I always fall into my realm of emotions, that led me nowhere. Or into the dumps of depression.

That’s precisely why, I need THE salvation, and His mercy.

But my GOD is all important to me.

Whee!~~~~~~~~~~ I feel good today.

***

God’s lesson on punctuality.

Muahahahaha.

I was supposed to head down to the bistro at 6.30pm yesterday.

Well.

But the previous post took up a bit of time.

A message that came in at 6.50pm shook me.

‘Have you gone home? Came by to say hello.’

By the time I went down, he was not there anymore.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Ben.

*hits myself on the head with a giant club*

Oopsie.

SMITTEN SMITTEN

I am so physically emotionally physically emotionally physically emotionally tired that I don’t feel like blogging.

Wait.

I am so demoralised that I don’t feel like blogging.

Whatever.

Just had a talk with the extremely stingy boss and I can’t believe that fill-in-uncouth-names-here *curse curse swear swear* balding twerp could be such a ridiculous joke.

But I shan’t mention what he said/did, cos it would spoil my day further.

The worst thing was, he had to choose this table that was furthest away from the fan, and made us rot in the heat with him.

I was already groggy and drowsy since this morning, and the uncomfortable humidity was adding fuel to the fire.

*ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR*

I so wanted to strangle him.

Apparently I wasn’t the only one with such unrestrainable urge.

Ask Janice.

Argh. Okay, moving on.

I am so lazy.

I shouldn’t be blogging.

So, I shall… rip some recaps from Janice to save myself the trouble.

Sorry babe, I don’t mean to plagarise. I will make the necessary changes myself.

Kaiming came to visit Ting me yesterday on Tuesday.

To pass me 1)

Whee! Look what I have got for my birthday present.

I certainly do hope my trip would be realised.

AND

2) OH GOSH

My advanced diploma and transcript which I had been too lazy to travel to Eunos to collect since.. er, erm, November 2003.

WOW. Almost a year and a half and that piece of junk meant so MUCH to me huh.

I finally *sniff sniff* am an advanced diploma graduate. *touched*

AniwaeAnyway, we had fries, strawberry shortcake, Tanariva, KM’s Choc Kaiming’s chocolate fondant, before heading off to the Mee Goreng store stall to have Maggie Goreng.

Ken came to join us coz he din wan to haf dinner alone cos he didn’t want to have dinner alone.

[aniwae, after the dinner... he told us to remind him to haf dinner alone in future]
hahaha~ we kept making digs at him…

Ken decided he shall not have dinner with us evil ones anymore in the future, cos we couldn’t stop mocking how the staffs at Attica insisted on checking his identity card before allowing the 16 year-old 25 years-old in.

Darn. Wait, we are still nice pals, okay.

I have to say that so that guys wouldn’t find Janice nor I too intimidating, but instead, nice, gentle ladies who are worth your attention. Muahaha.

Kaiming on the left, Ken on the right.

We had Maggie Goreng…

And we later decided to head to Kaz Bar.
I was always enticed by Kaz Bar, but had never had the chance to venture in. And BY RIGHT, the management had imposed a ban on us, and we were NOT supposed to patronise any of the bars along the stretch.

But since it was already offwork hours, we couldn’t quite give a darn.

And man, was I impressed!

The cosy interior, and the staffs weren’t hostile. I got really excited and started browsing the entire place like some country pumpkin or such.

I could rot there the entire day.

Was rather surprised when everyone greeted us like old friends. Apparently, everyone could recognise us and we even got a discount for that.

and later We then went down to Boat Quay for a walk…
After too much drinks, we had to go to the washroom…
and so…

We utilised Fullerton’s facilities…
After which, we had a walk down the bridge nearby…
Kaiming happily posed for my cam Janice’s phone.

“YANG GUANG NAN HAI” – (LOOSELY TRANSLATED AS ‘SUNSHINE BOY’) Quoted from Kaiming who quoted From NoNo. hahaha~

I jumped onto the bandwagon, whoring myself shamelessly in front of the camera, hoping to catch the glory of fullerton, which wasn’t too successful.

denThen, we decided to haf some desserts…. desserts beckoned.

Gosh. With the rate we are stuffing ourselves everyday, Marie France alert is flashing.

Ting & me While waiting for a cab to go down to Swensen’s @ Orchard. Yes, we are traffic-stoppers. Muahaha.
We had 4 big servings of different ice-creams.
And finally headed home.

Quick everyone! Thank Janice on my behalf for her contribution to this mundane post.

*Lazy*

Wednesday was a rather interesting day.

It was a day when compliments poured. Muahaha.

Fred(from Kaz Bar) and Indra(from Oosters) both commented I was, *ahem*, in their context, ‘gorgeous’.

*sneeze* Did someone just curse me or something? Okay, okay, not funny.

Janice and I had planned to paint the town red afterwork. I was unable to co-ordinate my gear as usual, and decided to don a dress for the day instead.

The dress that was given to me on 2003 Christmas.

The business was really good yesterday. Terence, Ben and friends dropped by the bistro for some drinks in the evening.

The lady with them commented that it seems that I have very nice dresses.

‘You’ve been noticing me?’ I joked.

And she pointed to the guys and said it was the guys who told her so(!).

Ben left the group earlier, and I giggled when I saw the message that came into my phone just 10 minutes later.

‘Ahh. Sorry. Forgot to say goodbye…’

*hyperventilating*

After a few rounds of message-exchanging, he asked what’s up for us post work.

‘Zouk. Wanna join?’

After a few unconfirmed messages, he finally relented.

‘Will try just for you pretty lady’

What a charmer.

Scorpios are so sexy.

Anyway, despite the apparent cheeky messages, Ben is actually someone really sweet and gentlemanly.

He is a yuppie(in Janice’s context), and is really cute.

Have small eyes, small ears, and small hands.

Don’t ask me what else, cos I didn’t really notice.

Left work and went into Kaz Bar to say hi to Janice’s cousin’s friend.

A caucasian guy stopped me, and asked why was I leaving early.

He said it was his birthday today and I instinctively reached out my hand to wish him an advanced happy birthday.

He held it, and brought it to his disgusting lips and plant a smacker on my violated hand.

Eek.

It was when we stepped out of Kaz Bar, where we met Jean.

He is a Frenchman who frequents our bistro since his arrival in Singapore some 2 weeks ago.

His wife is tall, pretty, and has the air of Gwyeneth Paltrow. Very, very attractive and sweet lady.

I used to say they are the most handsome couple I have seen around here.

Friendly, no airs, and did I mention those killer pins?

But Jean was alone yesterday. Slightly intoxicated, I supposed.

He looked at us intensively, and suggested he would go down to Zouk to look for us at around 1am, cos he had to wait for the New York market to open at 11pm.

Errrrrrrrrrr……… UHHHH… HUHH… *stunned look*

We made a move, and prayed that he would not find us.

He bade us goodbye with a peck on each cheek.

I was badly traumatised.

***

It was kiddyland at Zouk.

I couldn’t help but feel a sense of loss when I got there.

I. SO. NOT. FIT. IN. THERE. ANYMORE.

*sob* I am getting really old. I am really getting old.

Bumped into Ziman.

Ben arrived shortly after with Shaun(he’s a nice character, but slightly intimidating with his overwhelmingly kooky nature), and we met them at the entrance.

We decided to give Zouk and Phuture a miss, cos I was badly traumatised by the kiddish crowd.

OH MAN.

And, finally, for once, I finally…………..

Made my virgin trip to Velvet Underground.

Whee! I am a country pumpkin no more!

We sat down and chatted and I was drawn to the cutish Ben more so than ever.

The guys from the other table was constantly looking over, and Janice asked if there’s anything on our face or whatsoever.

I gullibly said ‘Really?’ and went on to touch my face.

Ben said there was something near my eye, and I looked at him, rubbed my right eye countless times, while asking if it was gone.

His lingering gaze then came to a halt with a dramatic ‘Nah, I was just joking!’

Grrr….

Neither Janice nor I wanted to sit beside Shaun, cos his splattering saliva was erm, intimidating. Muahaha.

We chatted, and chatted.

I then went out of velvet to meet MIRYCLAY. Oh no. I feel so exposed now.

She hasn’t been leaving messages on my blog since seeing me, and I can’t help but feel paranoid that I might have scared her away or something. *bites nails nervously*

But it’s such a pleasure to meet the babe! *muack!*

Oh, back to the guys.

Ben seems like a real sensitive guy. Aww…

The 3 of them looked on to me while I giggled a little after half a glass of vodka orange.

I felt butterflies in my tummy when he pat me at the back of my head to ask if I was alright.

*Holds my breath*

So….. brotherly.

Muahahaha.

He had to wake at 6.15am to reach work at 6.45am(wonder how he could look so good in such a short time), so he left for home around 2am.

Janice and I then made our way home too.

It was when heading out when I met Gaohan. An old friend.

My home.

It was a tad hilarious that we were all zonked out from the alcohol/fatigue that we both fell asleep on the cab and we didn’t even realise the cab overshot.

In between slurs and such, we finally directed the cab to the right lobby and got off unsteadily from the nap we indulged in.

Pop a few pills and downed some cough syrup despite still scarlet from the alcohol. Now I know. Mixing alcohol and medications doesn’t kill you.

We shared a bed together, dressed scantily.

My oh my. I am now hers.

So, when will YOU be mine?

Quando? Quando? Quando?

Sometimes, you can’t help but amazed by the wonders of scandals.

My counter soared with 100 more readers per day after the recent revelations.

Just a quick question.

What amounts to a 3rd party?

Oh well. Maybe I don’t have to know.

It was a bad night of rest for me.

I don’t think I could even brand the 6 hours of torture a rest. *deep sigh*

It started out as a slight itch in the throat yesterday morning, and by the time I drifted off to slumberland, it erupted into a painful sting, choking me with every breath I took.

The pain kept me up all night, and I ended up drooling excessively.. *slurp*

What a sight it must have been.

Woke up feeling sickly and a cough developed. I was afraid my pipes were gonna burst or something.

Or maybe, my lungs would be emptied out of my body with the next vigorous cough.

So, it was another trip to the doctor’s in a short span of a week.

How absurd.

It was gastric flu the week before, and now? I am down with a throat infection.

Pills popping are fun! Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!

Fifty-blardy-eight-dollars. The strong course of antibiotics snipped a hole in my pocket.

The cute doctor said I ain’t getting enough rest, and had not fully recovered from my gastric flu yet.

Come to think of it, the last week I was told to keep away from oily, spicy and milky food for a week. Alcohol and caffeine are no-no too.

*Ahem* Apparently, I am not one who takes advices well.

So, I have to keep away from those food for another 3 days. *grumble grumble*

I hope I can adhere to it.

As if I care.

By right, I should be staying put at home today with yet another medical absence, but Janice had *ahem* pleaded me not to leave her alone so she has someone to whine to. Muahaha.

Then again, working is the only thing that keep me sane now.

Coming to work has its bonuses too.

For example, I finally get to see David(the skinny latte guy) again today!

*heart flutters*

He’s such a sweetie. *beams*

***

Talking about perks of this job, my boss is definitely not a contributer.

Neither is the manager.

A finger was pointed right into my face yesterday, and the rude words that followed, appalled me.

‘YOU! SHUT UP!’

Yup, the evil manager, that was.

How rude can that be? To point a finger right into my face, and told me to shut up when I did not offend him at all.

But. Who cares? *Ting gives a dramatic wave*

I have learnt to block out all his comments, and though I felt slightly offended, I JUST gave a little shrug, and sashayed away from his sight.

What a coward I was.

I should have clubbed him on the head or something.

***

The evening crawled.

Janice attended to 2 passers-by, introducing the menu and such.

I saw another couple followed behind, and went up to them, thinking they were waiting to browse the menu too.

Apparently all 4 were friends and I retreated, while Janice’s brilliance enticed them enough to give our bistro a try.

All 4 were casually-dressed and thus, a little out of place amongst the executives in this area.

It was when Janice was showing them to their table while I suddenly found the guy of the couple I went up to a little familiar.

It took me 4 days 7 nights 21 hours 46 minutes and 4 seconds to piece everything together that….

It was HIM.

The American accent was unmistakable.

Okay, so many of you might not know him. But anyway, I would choose him over Jay Chou anytime.

I spoke of ‘David Tao Ze’ to ALL of the staffs of Savoir, and none of them knew who he is. *shrugs*

Not that I am an extreme fan of his, but I thought a man of his talents is rather sexy.

He excused himself to the loo, and when he was on his way back, Miss Ting struck.

‘Hi.’

‘Hello!’

‘Are you David?’

‘Yes, I am David.’ *smiles*

‘Can I take a picture with you?’

*Apologetic look* ‘I’m sorry not today, I am a mess!’

‘No, you’re already gorgeous the way you are.’ *Trust me, I don’t know what made me say that!!!*

‘I can sign for you though..’

‘But I have nothing for you to sign..’ *pouts*

I don’t really believe in getting signatures. That’s why I didn’t even bother to get any from the MotoGP riders!

‘I am really so sorry.. but I really look a mess today.. blarblarblar..’

So too bad, no pictures for you guys.

Perhaps, he’s not the real David Tao, you say.

He had a damaged straw, and I went on to get a new one for him.

The confidence that sparkled in his eyes, the sizzling, intensed gaze when he stared right into your eyes to say ‘Thank you.’

OH MY GOD.

*hyperventilating*

There were times when he was dining, that he would observe the surroundings, and that our eyes would coincidentally meet.

He would give the warmest smile every, single time, and I would be all smitten and such.

Muahahaha.

When I served the bill, he passed me his *cough* Platinum card, with David Z Tao on it.

So it gotta be him right?!

I didn’t take a picture of that cos it wouldn’t be right to do so.

While serving him the credit slip to sign, I thought I would just grab one of the post cards for him to sign.

I mean, he offered to sign, and it would be rather rude if I decided not to give face, and forgo the signature he offered, right?

See, I am nice.

And well, that signature is a different one from his platinum card though. Muahaha.

He made a small conversation, asking my name, and such.

He suddenly switched to Mandarin, asking if I could understand Chinese.

I felt like clubbing him on the head with the pepper grind and declared ‘Hello?! Chinese is my primary interest, okay!’ but decided I couldn’t bear to do so.

He then inquired where did I originate from, and I gave the standard ‘Malaysia, but bred in Singapore.’ answer.

He gave an ‘Ah! Malaysia!‘ before saying he would fly off to Malaysia today for 5 days, before returning to Taipei.

Aw…… he was sooooooo sweet and personable! *swoon*

I remember how his ‘Ai Hen Jian Dan’ was my favourite song eon years ago.

Despite reports on how distant and stern he is, I find that his friendliness was really impressive.

When he and his friends(*cough* I wonder if one of them is his girlfriend) stood up and left, he turned around, smiled and waved bye as if I am an old friend or such.

‘Bye! See ya!’

‘Bye.. have a great trip and take care!’

‘Yup, sure! Thanks!’

I am not his fan nor someone who would go ga-ga over him.. but, I was smittened alright.

***

The night ended with the 2 hungry chicks heading for Maggie Goreng again.

The sweet Terence was there packing supper too, and he ended up paying for our share without us knowing.

He then had to remind me of the night at Attica where he saw me high and tipsy.

*cringe*

So embarrassing.

It was then when *blush* Ben, appeared.

The two tired ones left, and Janice and I continued our supper.

It was moments later when my handphone beeped and I saw the words ‘Nice dress’ beaming at me.

From *giggles* Ben.

***

After supper, was, erm, supper.

At Swensen’s.

Jamie picked us up from work, and we ventured down to Orchard for a fulfilling supper.

Brownie with ice-cream for me. (serving was blardy gigantic)

We shared fries.

We shared fried mushrooms.

A cup of Earl Grey.

And we had an earthquake! Woohoo!

Serve me right for aggravating my gastric flu, and the itch in the throat.

And, it was yet another treat despite our insistence on paying, with a free ride back to the west.

It was a blessing though I feel a little embarrassed by the constant treats these days.

***

I have drawn up a long wish list.

And it comes AFTER my birthday because.. I didn’t want anyone to think I was hinting for gifts and such. I just want to bear in mind what I need to get the next time I go shopping.

Anyway.

1) Biotherm sunscreen!

Standing under the sun for the recent 2 weeks is wrecking my skin and I am already baked and toasted.

2) A sleek namecard holder.

With all the cuties stuffing their namecards into my palm, it’s no surprise why I am desperate for one.

3) A new pair of lungs.

Nothing. Just feeling lame and decided to add this in cos I am coughing like I have some terminal disease and gonna die anytime as I am typing this list.

4) A sleek-looking bag to bring to work.

Well, I need bags, bags and more bags. Maybe I should invest my 1st full pay check into a particular G-brand.

5) Dresses.

I can never have enough of dresses. I don’t need to stress my brain too much every morning to decide what to wear co-ordinate for work.

6) Tummitrim

I will do anything for whoever who buys me Tummitrim. It’s so blardy overpriced and I just couldn’t bear to part with the moolah to buy.

7) IPSA back-pimple spray.

If anyone sees how mutilated the right side of my back is, you will know how desperately I need this to salvage the mess.

A pair of glam shades.

My eyes are hurting from the evil rays. ‘Nuff said.

9) Perfumes, perfumes, perfumes.

I just can’t get enough of these lovelies. *cough cough* Aqua Di Gio, perhaps?

10) Tiffany & Co charmed bracelet.

Well, I need to complete my tai-tai look, somehow, right? Okay, seriously, that is what every lady will swoon over, no?

11) A short wallet. A certain L-brand.

Saw someone lugging one around today, and it sparked the desire for me having one.

But I am not brand-conscious, nor do I have the habit of bringing a wallet around.. so, it’s not practical, no?

12) And finally……..

I AM SO DYING WANTING TO SEE THIS!!!!

OH MY! They are coming to Singapore!

I was awed by watching Michael Flatley on video 6 years back when I was in UK… and I MUST, MUST, MUST get to watch this.

Since I can only get offs on Sundays, I bet the only date I would be available is the 1st May, 8pm show.

Whee.

So before that, I should have an item number 13 on my wishlist.

A beau to watch it with me. *girlish giggles*

Well.

Wish number 14.

Happiness.

Whee.

Okay, nothing much that I wanna blog about today.

I am a blardy sadist these days.

I wish I could overmax myself somehow.

I wish I could be crumbled by fatigue and then heading for a total physical breakdown.

That should be rather cool, isn’t it?

Ha.

Oh well.

I don’t know myself anymore.

Anyway, who ever did?

And, who dares?